johncc1 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Ok, so I will condense this to the best of my ability, and at the same time be as descriptive as possible. This is my dilemma, and it goes as follows: Me and my girlfriend, she is 17 and I am 19, we have been dating for about a year and two months. Our relationship started out great; we fell in love pretty quickly. She is a very pretty girl, blonde, blue eyes – simply beautiful. I hadn’t really dated any girls seriously before we started dating, she had dated 1 guy seriously, but it was brief (4 months). We both were virgins when we started dating, and we both lost our virginity together after having dated for about…4 months. She got veryy attached afterwards, and I can honestly say I was at my happiest point during our 5-7 months of dating. After awhile we had some small fights between us, which led to bigger fights – like a snowball effect. Around 8 months I noticed her start to distance herself from me, so I did the instinctive thing and I distanced myself. We stopped hangin out as much, and I noticed she took an intrest in other guys more. Low-and-behold, around our 9 months she called me up one night to tell me she had made out with another guy on the roof of some building during some school dance rehersal. She called me crying and such, and things were dry and rough for about a week. I couldn’t take it anymore so I broke up with her, and we remained broken up for about 3 days (very brief). When we got back together things were great, amazing – better than they ever were. She became a million times better girlfriend and we had a wonderful summer together. I told myself though, if she ever put me in emotional distress like she had before… I would just break up with her and be done with it. I told myself that back then, and now here is where my new dilemma is. I was to attend a school out-of-state, making our relationship long distant. Our summer winded down and she was veryyyy emotional when I left to college. It was about 3 hours away from home…so I could still go see her if I wanted on the weekends. So during the month of September, this year, I noticed her starting to distance herself and such, like she had before. I knew she would never cheat on me again physically, so I wasn’t too worried. After much drama and tears I found the cause of her distancing herself. This guy at her school she had been getting close to. He apparently kissed her on the cheek, they texted often, she texted him a good bit (being the initator), she asked him to come over, she told me that she had thought about hooking up with him before (but she said she would never do it b/c she would be mortified), she sent a picture to him (not-nude according to her). To take the cake, she hid all this from me, ALL of it. It is now November, I put an end to it and she doesn’t talk to him anymore or anything, but I have to say, she cheated on me emotionally this time. So with the combination of cheating physically in the past, and now emotionally, I am bewildered. My brain seems to tell me to just break up with her, she is obviously an attention-whore (as she actually even admittedto being). However, my heart loves her. Like I do love her dearly, but this would be the second time I have watched some of my love fade because of her actions. So I am left with the decision – stick it out and let her try to fix this, or just break up with her? I love her, so it’s very hard, or it will be hard to break up with her. I find myself wondering now if she is worth it all or not? We have a lot in common and really don’t get sick of eachother, but we have a hard time being apart. My question is, should I stick it out? Thanks so much for any responses. I truly appreciate it. Emotions are so destabilizing haha.
Miad's Princess Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Logically it would be best to break up with her.. Emotionally I can see why your finding it hard to seperate the two. If/When someone cheats once in a relationship, depending on the other person you can forgive if they are willing to never do it again...I agree with second chances. But she has had her second chance and she has blown it, if you let her get away with it and stay with her you are telling her indirectly it's okay to cheat on me. I won't leave you. She seems very emotionally immature and in constant need for attention, and since you are not physically there she thinks it is fine to find it elsewhere. How would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Personally I don't think it will get any better and if you stay it will only cause you more heartache in the long run. If I was you I would eliminate myself from the relationship and free yourself to find someone who won't cheat on you once never mind twice. Good Luck!
Lucky_One Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 She's emotionally immature because she IS only 17. A big part of high school is having BFs and GFs and dating and hanging out and going to parties and school activities and learning how to negotiate through adult relationships when you are still a child. I mean, it sounds all great and mature and cool to have a college BF, but actually that can lead to a lot of loneliness for her with her peer group. I think that you both need some freedom to see other people, to learn about other folks and about yourselves, and to be able to explore how healthy relationships work.
loadofhoopla Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 LDR's suck. A lot. I am in law school now three hours away from home and I was dating this guy for 3 and a half years, 1 and a half of which we lived together. I couldn't handle it, I was acting like your girlfriend is now, and it ended up ruining the relationship. Honestly maybe you need to break up with her. The time I spent after my breakup was the hardest time of my life, hands down, but it was also the time in which I grew the most as a person. I loved my ex with my entire heart, I still do, but I was not being fair to him and I needed him to break up with me to see it. If you do choose to break up with her you will probably be devastated and there is going to be a lot of heartbreak on both sides. But I think you owe it to her to help her mature a little, and to yourself so you can stop being disrespected. Best of luck:)
tryagaintoday Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Just let go. You'll feel sad and destroyed initially but trust me. You'll both grow up and become much better in future. At least I'm sure you will.
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