BW007 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 OK, this is more of a scream at the universe than a plea for help. I don't think I could ever cheat in a relationship after feeling the consequences of it when it happened to me. My self esteem had to be very fragile to get ruined as bad as mine was, that is on me but let me also say that even after 7 months NC I am still shocked that this woman who I trusted so much was so full of it and cheating like crazy. That has been the hardest part for me, that all of my positive and good feelings and trust was so misinformed and everything was the gesture of a fool. One song I really like about that is that old R&B song " Everybody plays the fool sometimes, no exception to the rule" But just let me say this, if you are thinking of cheating on someone, imagine you are screwing over someone as bad as possible. Cheaters suck and I never want to end up with another one.
Midnight Rider Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I totally agree. I know how you feel as it happened to me as well. Your ex will experience it one day, and will suffer in guilt and emotional pain knowing what she lost (you) and what she put you through. Hang in there bro, you will be alright.
GrayClouds Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 OK, this is more of a scream at the universe than a plea for help. I don't think I could ever cheat in a relationship after feeling the consequences of it when it happened to me. My self esteem had to be very fragile to get ruined as bad as mine was, that is on me but let me also say that even after 7 months NC I am still shocked that this woman who I trusted so much was so full of it and cheating like crazy. That has been the hardest part for me, that all of my positive and good feelings and trust was so misinformed and everything was the gesture of a fool. One song I really like about that is that old R&B song " Everybody plays the fool sometimes, no exception to the rule" But just let me say this, if you are thinking of cheating on someone, imagine you are screwing over someone as bad as possible. Cheaters suck and I never want to end up with another one. I feel for you. Though no matter how high your esteem is, a cheating partner does a number on you, that is why it is so destructive. Why it is difficult to get there for it is very hard to not to personalize, you have to understand that their behavior is about them. In fact it is likely you offered her something so alien to her, a partner who had the capability to give genuine true love and real intimacy, because of her issues she was unable to accept it.
Author BW007 Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Thanks you for the thought out replies. I have to admit GC at times our relationship WAS for real and solid and it is so very hard not to personalize it as you said and wonder what I did. Gray Clouds, I always imagine you as a wise Native American medicine man who got cheated on by some dumb white pain in the ass. Am I wrong? I just get that from your advice and your screen name.
GrayClouds Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Gray Clouds, I always imagine you as a wise Native American medicine man who got cheated on by some dumb white pain in the ass. Am I wrong? I just get that from your advice and your screen name. LOL. only half correct, scout. Possibly a writing style that shows general disregards to conventional rules of grammar. Thanks you for the thought out replies. I have to admit GC at times our relationship WAS for real and solid and it is so very hard not to personalize it as you said and wonder what I did. Must likely what you did was give her love. Many people have a difficult time dealing with it. They didn't ever get it when they were young and still holds on to something less, but more familiar. So in some ways it you should personalize it through the fact you have shown the capability to offer deep meaningful love. While not discounting the hurt, her cheating reflects something positive within you.
AliveAndKicking Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I concur. Cheaters DO suck. The betrayal of trust is a deep cut indeed. When further injury is added by blaming their actions on you it takes the damage to a new level. While intellectually I know better than to accept the blame for the actions of another it still hurts terribly and so deeply. I hope my ex never experiences the pain that she inflicted on me each time she betrayed me through her infidelity. While it might seem fair and just for her to get a taste of her own medicine I can't wish revenge upon anyone let alone someone whom I loved so deeply. Although I'm healing up and doing really well I don't know that the pain I feel when I think about the cheating will ever subside. Everything else is getting better but that one hurts just as badly now as it did when it happened. Maybe that is because there are so many things all rolled up inside the cheating from the lies to the blaming to the unfounded accusations towards me to the minimalising of my pain later on. Ugh. I don't know. As I said it just cuts so damn deep. Just writing this post has brought it to the surface once again. Damn it.
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