Why cant I get a date?

[V.Vixen]

If you're ever in Jersey, I would date you in a heartbeat.

[cognac]

Tips for the OP To lose his virginity or get a girlfriend:

 

1:Put on a shirt that shows off muscles.

 

2: Go to a place where women congregate.

 

3:Sit down and order a drink.

 

4: Wait 5 minutes for a chick to look at you and "fall in love".

 

5: Talk to her about anything, and I mean anything, you can even try and talk via burps.

 

6: Have sexual encounter.

 

7: Choose if you would like to continue with this girl, or bang her friends.

 

8: Rinse and repeat.

 

The end.

[Lost-n-confused]

OP,

I think it's your shyness that's getting you at this point. Are you shy in general or just with woman?

 

You've got the looks and the profile... and overall it sounds like you're okay. There shouldn't be a problem with getting dates, unless your approach is wrong.

 

After you get your approach down, learn how to date a woman. A lot of it is by trial and error. But keep it easy on yourself... have a good time, good conversation, do things you both like or take her someplace new.

 

The next step would be learning how to romance a woman. When you're ready, and you feel it's right, go for that kiss. Take it from there. The woman will lead you along, will stop you when it's going to far and all that.

 

You continue to date her, she has continued interest... bam! You're in a relationship.

 

Which one of these areas are you having trouble with exactly?? Not that there's anything wrong with the trouble you are having, or you, but it might help to break it down and see where you're problem area is at.

 

It all depends on who I’m with and what I am doing. General If I’m with a friend around a bunch of new people I’m kind of shy until I’ve meet everyone and then I slowly warm up. Sometimes at a party ill walk up and introduce myself but my mind goes blank around new people. Once I’m comfortable Ill open up and I won’t shut up. If I’m alone around new people I get real shy.

 

As for my approach I really don’t know any girls to ask out. Generally I have to get to know a girl pretty well in order to even want to ask them out. Lately thou I have been more aggressive with wanting to get a date and have asked out a few girls. I meet one girl at the gym and was instantly attracted. She is first girl I ever seriously asked out and was confident about. Read my other thread about that

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?

[Lost-n-confused]

Tips for the OP To lose his virginity or get a girlfriend:

 

1:Put on a shirt that shows off muscles.

 

2: Go to a place where women congregate.

 

3:Sit down and order a drink.

 

4: Wait 5 minutes for a chick to look at you and "fall in love".

 

5: Talk to her about anything, and I mean anything, you can even try and talk via burps.

 

6: Have sexual encounter.

 

7: Choose if you would like to continue with this girl, or bang her friends.

 

8: Rinse and repeat.

 

The end.

 

Im saving my cherry for that special someone. Ive got this far with my virginity im not wasting it at a bar.

 

Thanks thou.

[The Way I Am]

It all depends on who I’m with and what I am doing. General If I’m with a friend around a bunch of new people I’m kind of shy until I’ve meet everyone and then I slowly warm up. Sometimes at a party ill walk up and introduce myself but my mind goes blank around new people. Once I’m comfortable Ill open up and I won’t shut up. If I’m alone around new people I get real shy.

 

As for my approach I really don’t know any girls to ask out. Generally I have to get to know a girl pretty well in order to even want to ask them out. Lately thou I have been more aggressive with wanting to get a date and have asked out a few girls. I meet one girl at the gym and was instantly attracted. She is first girl I ever seriously asked out and was confident about. Read my other thread about that

 

Sorry, hun. You seem like an awesome guy. You're cute and sweet, but your shyness is going to kill you with women. I'd like to say I'd date you myself if you were nearby, but in honesty, I wouldn't. I'm tired of shy guys. They're generally less adventurous and pretty boring. I'd probably feel the same way about you as the girl from your other thread.

 

There are some girls who would like a shy guy, but most are going to be shy themselves. If you're like most guys, those girls aren't going to get your attention.

 

You're going to have to work on getting over the shyness. Like you, I also get nervous in unfamiliar situations and around big groups of people I don't know. Have you tried practicing talking to new people? Put yourself in the kind of situations where you're uncomfortable so that you can become more comfortable.

 

I hear there's also medication that can help with social anxiety. I've thought about trying it myself, but I've been doing well without it. It's an option for you to consider though.

Edited November 16, 2009 by The Way I Am

[reservoirdog1]

Dude, gotta say... you're a better looking guy than I am. And 13 years younger. I suffer from classic nice guy, people pleaser syndrome. I'm balding and wear glasses. A bit pudgy around the waist. I have my own self-confidence issues with women in that I don't enjoy just walking up a to a random girl and striking up a conversation. Frankly, I kind of envy guys who can do that. On the flip side, I have a good job and make good money, and have some cool and intriguing interests. I'm well-spoken and articulate. I consider myself to be a pleasant-looking guy, though certainly no George Clooney. Somehow I've slept with 16 women in the last five years or so.

 

I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but to illustrate that if I can do it, you can do it. There -- that's out of the way.

 

So, how do you do it? A couple of comments.

 

Somebody else mentioned that maybe you come off as shallow, or intimidating in some way. To be blunt, I wonder if you come off as a narcissistic douchebag. Don't get me wrong -- I don't even know you, so I'm not basing this on much. But the comments somebody else highlighted previously, in which you referred to your looks -- if, for example, your online dating profile was anything like that, you probably just came off as vain and narcissistic. Keep in mind that an underlying feature of narcissism is the need to draw attention to oneself, to make oneself seem special and deserving of nothing but the best -- in order to mask huge insecurity. You've already indicated that you're insecure in some areas of your life.

 

The key is to come off as cooly self-confident -- so much so that you seem like a guy who doesn't need to flaunt his appearance. That way you're not "hey girls, I'm a good looking guy, adore me", which generally seems douchebaggy. Instead you want to focus on the other interesting things about you, secure in the knowledge that your positive visual appearance is a foregone conclusion and you don't need to showboat it. Women will find that much more attractive.

[Lost-n-confused]

I'm generally very adventurous and not boring. The shyness I speak of is strictly around new people in a group situation and around attractive women. Groups being like a party.

 

As for the girl in the other thread I walked up to her an introduced myself to her. I approached her at the gym and hung around her and asked her out. I took her jetsking and keep the convo interesting. So she cant find me boring or not adventurous. I also told her I want to take her flying to a remote beach to have lunch. If im boring for that then I should just give up.

 

How can you call a person who jetskis, flies airplanes, boxs, takes ballroom dance lesson and more a boring and non adventurous person. Im also very very talkative once you get to know me a bit.

 

Just too shy to approch a girl I think is attractive and flirt. I get all shakey and stutter. Ive been trying hard lately thou.

 

Drugs arnt a solution.

[reservoirdog1]

Here's something for you to try, as a means of getting over your social anxiety.

 

1. Each day for a week or two, consciously make eye contact with five or six women as you pass them on the street, in the mall, etc. Hold the contact for a second or two more than seems comfortable.

 

2. For the next couple of weeks after the eye contact thing, do the same thing -- but this time, smile at all of them. Doesn't matter if they don't smile back. But rest assured, some of them will. Probably quite a few, since you're a good looking guy. That'll feel good, and boost your confidence.

 

3. For a further few weeks after the smiling, do the same thing -- only this time, say "hi" as you pass them. Doesn't really matter if they don't say it back. Some definitely will. And I'll bet you anything that a couple will actually stop, and want to talk. And if they don't, a bunch will have said it back, and that'll feel good too.

 

See what's going on? The object of the above is to get you to put yourself out there in a very minimal way. What have you lost if you smile at a girl and she doesn't smile back? NOTHING. She's gone. Who cares? How much embarassment have you really suffered? Basically none. And in the process you've increased your confidence and become accustomed to flirting, in a minimal way.

 

Armed with that, start joking with girls you meet. Starbucks barristas are perfect examples. Servers in bars or restaurants. You'll find you're a lot more confident after doing the above steps. Keep working it. And don't just get into conversations about important things -- be jokey. Tease them in a non-offensive way. "Bust their balls" a bit. Be a bit cocky. Have fun with it -- don't put any expectation on getting a phone number out of the interaction.

 

Give the above a shot, and let us know how it goes.

[Lost-n-confused]

Dude, gotta say... you're a better looking guy than I am. And 13 years younger. I suffer from classic nice guy, people pleaser syndrome. I'm balding and wear glasses. A bit pudgy around the waist. I have my own self-confidence issues with women in that I don't enjoy just walking up a to a random girl and striking up a conversation. Frankly, I kind of envy guys who can do that. On the flip side, I have a good job and make good money, and have some cool and intriguing interests. I'm well-spoken and articulate. I consider myself to be a pleasant-looking guy, though certainly no George Clooney. Somehow I've slept with 16 women in the last five years or so.

 

I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but to illustrate that if I can do it, you can do it. There -- that's out of the way.

 

So, how do you do it? A couple of comments.

 

Somebody else mentioned that maybe you come off as shallow, or intimidating in some way. To be blunt, I wonder if you come off as a narcissistic douchebag. Don't get me wrong -- I don't even know you, so I'm not basing this on much. But the comments somebody else highlighted previously, in which you referred to your looks -- if, for example, your online dating profile was anything like that, you probably just came off as vain and narcissistic. Keep in mind that an underlying feature of narcissism is the need to draw attention to oneself, to make oneself seem special and deserving of nothing but the best -- in order to mask huge insecurity. You've already indicated that you're insecure in some areas of your life.

 

The key is to come off as cooly self-confident -- so much so that you seem like a guy who doesn't need to flaunt his appearance. That way you're not "hey girls, I'm a good looking guy, adore me", which generally seems douchebaggy. Instead you want to focus on the other interesting things about you, secure in the knowledge that your positive visual appearance is a foregone conclusion and you don't need to showboat it. Women will find that much more attractive.

 

I don't brag about my looks. I just said it here to show that I'm confident in that department. Trust me I don't walk around acting like I'm some hot shot model. I know I'm not. I do talk positively about my aviation skills and ability but no way do I act like Im better then anyone.

[The Way I Am]

I'm generally very adventurous and not boring. The shyness I speak of is strictly around new people in a group situation and around attractive women. Groups being like a party.

 

Sorry, but even with all the stuff you describe, you still seem boring to me. Not trying to pick on you or hurt your feelings, but there's something that seems much more exciting about somebody who can strike up conversations with a stranger. I HATE going to parties with a guy who won't talk to anybody else. It feels like babysitting or dragging a puppy around, because I feel bad leaving him all alone talking to no one.

 

As for the girl in the other thread I walked up to her an introduced myself to her. I approached her at the gym and hung around her and asked her out. I took her jetsking and keep the convo interesting. So she cant find me boring or not adventurous. I also told her I want to take her flying to a remote beach to have lunch. If im boring for that then I should just give up.

How were you acting when you were doing these things? Confident, carefree, and flirty or were you nervous and afraid you were going to screw up? If it was the later, you could have still come off as boring even while jetskiing. Or there may have been a different reason why this girl was turned off to you that's different from the reason I am. But I'm willing to bet a lot of girls would feel the same way. You can either take the honest feedback you're getting from an attractive female who's approximately your age or you can deny that it's a problem and continue on business as usual.

 

Ive been trying hard lately thou.

That's good. Then to some extent, you already know this is an issue. Practice talking to people more so that you're more comfortable.

 

Drugs arnt a solution.

That's fine. I don't like to take medications myself, which is why I haven't done so to this point. I was just telling you of an available option should you want to do that.

 

Lastly, we've been assuming that she doesn't want to date based on what your friend told you, right? How trustworthy is your friend on this? He wouldn't just make it up to mess with you would he?

[Lost-n-confused]

Sorry, but even with all the stuff you describe, you still seem boring to me. Not trying to pick on you or hurt your feelings, but there's something that seems much more exciting about somebody who can strike up conversations with a stranger. I HATE going to parties with a guy who won't talk to anybody else. It feels like babysitting or dragging a puppy around, because I feel bad leaving him all alone talking to no one.

 

Ill mingle with people. By no means do I sit in the corner alone and I'm deff not the life of the party. I can count on my fingers and toes how many parties Ive been too.

 

How were you acting when you were doing these things? Confident, carefree, and flirty or were you nervous and afraid you were going to screw up? If it was the later, you could have still come off as boring even while jetskiing. Or there may have been a different reason why this girl was turned off to you that's different from the reason I am. But I'm willing to bet a lot of girls would feel the same way. You can either take the honest feedback you're getting from an attractive female who's approximately your age or you can deny that it's a problem and continue on business as usual.

I was somewhat carefree, somewhat confident and a bit nervous. I wasn't afraid of failure. While jetsking we had alot of laughs and smiles. I let her drive the ski as she was afraid to get thrown off. I showed her some trick and cautioned her that if I fly off im take her with me. It happened and we got back on the ski and laughed for like 5 mins. She deff had a great time she told me when I dropped her off and called her later.

 

I accept your feedback that's is why I am here.

 

Lastly, we've been assuming that she doesn't want to date based on what your friend told you, right? How trustworthy is your friend on this? He wouldn't just make it up to mess with you would he?

I don't know if he would... His girlfriend used to always talked to me when I was dating her other firend, she hasn't mentioned one thing about this girl to me and she talks to her everyday.

 

The girl hasn't told me she didn't want to go out to dinner when I asked her the other day. She also said she would go on the flight with me as well. Its the friend who got me all worried. She did call me yesterday and I didn't ask her out again but she didn't mention anything about going out to dinner or the flight or when we are going to see each other again. It was just straight talking like two friends. My friend did a great job of making me feel uncomfortable talking to her.

[Enema]

You've got all the superficial requirements, though living with the parents and working retail at 24 is a bit weak.

 

It's just your personality and insecurity holding you back really.

[Juno123]

Is this for real? Or are you trying to pick up chicks here? lol.

 

Maybe it's the area you live in. Do you live in a very conservative area? Or maybe you don't put yourself out there enough. Hold functions with your friends so it's not awkward. People are usually more open and less defensive if they are in a social event with people who are friends or friends of friends. If I met you through one of my friend's social function, I would definitely talk to you.

[Lost-n-confused]

You've got all the superficial requirements, though living with the parents and working retail at 24 is a bit weak.

 

It's just your personality and insecurity holding you back really.

 

I'm starting on my certified flight instructor so I can train ppl to fly. I cant afford to move out and its fairly common to live at home in this economy.

 

Being insecure can change but changing my personality will be mostly impossible. I thought I am supposed to be myself. If no one like my personality then I am screwed. I am not going to be fake around ppl.

 

As I see it becoming less insecure will happen as I gain experience with the opposite sex.

[AD1980]

I kinda have the same problem in that i have no problem socialiizng with women who arent available like my friends girlfriends/wives but whenver i talk to a single girl i seem to get stage fright

 

I have even more current problems then you though because none of my friends are single and are all married or getitng marired so im never around single girls and to boot iam not good looking at all

 

Your young and seem to be pretty good looking according to these girls,all you have to do if your attractive is put yourself out there and hell even if your an ahole if your attratcive enough women will flock..

 

Just put yourself out there dude and women will come..If i looked like you id have no problems approaching women..

[The Way I Am]

Ill mingle with people. By no means do I sit in the corner alone and I'm deff not the life of the party.

Then maybe you're not too bad. Maybe you're dating material after all. The way you were talking about parties and groups of people, I got a different picture.

 

You seem to be doing better off than some people I've met, but maybe still need to work on your general shyness and gaining confidence. I've gone out with a few guys who were attractive, good guys but didn't have much confidence. Hard to describe, but I guess the best way is that it felt like they were too afraid of making a wrong move. I just didn't find it fun to be around them. One was really, really cute and one (for those who think everything is about height) was 6' 2" and had gorgeous eyes.

[Lost-n-confused]

Is this for real? Or are you trying to pick up chicks here? lol.

 

Maybe it's the area you live in. Do you live in a very conservative area? Or maybe you don't put yourself out there enough. Hold functions with your friends so it's not awkward. People are usually more open and less defensive if they are in a social event with people who are friends or friends of friends. If I met you through one of my friend's social function, I would definitely talk to you.

 

I have like 4 friends. One lives at home with his gf and works on his 4x4. The other is my gym partner who is practically married and his gf wont let him have female firends and she doesnt have any because of him. My other two firends are losers who I dont hang out with because all they do is sit an play xbox and I want to go out and do things.

 

All my college friends live 3-4 hours away and everyone else moved away.

 

I already mentioned were I live. Location shouldn't be an issue.

[Lost-n-confused]

Going to sign up for plentyofFish.com. Match.com isnt working out. What username should I use? I like Lost-N-Confused. Think that will do more damage then good?

[Enema]

That depends, do you want to sound bi-curious?

[Lost-n-confused]

That depends, do you want to sound bi-curious?

 

No way!

 

Any suggestions?

[Enema]

I'd avoid the following words in a username for a dating site:

 

- Dude / Guy / Man / Boy

- Sexy / Hot / Stud / Muscle

- Ford / Bike / Jetski

- Rich / Poor / Lawyer

- Lost / Virgin / Desperate

- Sensitive / Love / Cute

 

 

You get the drift. (i hope!)

Edited November 18, 2009 by Enema

[jerseyboy]

That depends, do you want to sound bi-curious?

 

 

lmao

 

 

classic

[Lost-n-confused]

How about

 

Single-n-available?

Lookingforlove

 

I dont know im lost and I dont want to be tacky

 

My username on match.com is JetPilot85 and I have had no contact with match.com so maybe that name is bad.

[AD1980]

As i said dude just put yourself out there,if your attractivewomen will put up with almost anything you say or do on first meeting as long as your not socially retarded

 

Being attractive a huge advantage in this society use it to your advantage

[jerseyboy]

I smell bs

 

I think hes just f'ing with everyone now