bb66 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 My fiance is currently serving in Iraq. Before leaving he asked me to marry him... I thought I would be able to cope with the separation. We have been together for almost 6 years and our relationship has had some serious challenges. A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling lonely, his e-mails had been very short. I had asked previously to try to be a bit more loving from time to time... I think is important to keep feeding our feelings specially when there is such a long distance. Needless to say, he called me Nov. 2 at 6am because my reply to his last e-mail had been short like his. He knew I was upset, he tried surprising me early morning but my hurt got the best of me. I wanted to reach out to my best him, him, so I forgot for a moment where he is and even brough out something from the past. He is obviously hurt that I brought up the past, he thinks I will never be able to get over it and wants to go our separates ways. He is not calling or e-mailing me at all... I have tried e-mailing about 5 times but no reply. All I wanted was his attention!!! I have forgiven him soooooooooooooooo so many times... I told him that I'm taking full responsibility for the way the conversation went. I apologized so many times, I have been humble enough to ask for forgiveness, I even quoted verses from the Bible letting him know how much I love him and what he means to me. He is my life! He is my best friend! He is the love of my life! and I have had nothing but unconditional love for him. Many times when he was doing stupid things I would bring up the other mistakes he had made and how much he hurt me. However, we worked very hard to make things work and now we are engaged but I don't know for how long... I have not mentioned the past in such a long time that I'm beating myself up for letting my emotions get the best of me. My last e-mail was sent out on Wed. and it was more of a Peace treaty, Bibe verses, and letting him know much I love him and how worried I am not hearing from him. Not knowing about his safety is what is driving me crazy!!! He is in the middle of the war and I can't believe I hurt him knowing what he is going through. This is the longest deployment we had to face together, he is in the AF and his current job is to save soldiers lives... My faith is very strong but I'm still human and my flesh is weak, I am hurting, and I'm worried he is going to call just to tell me its over. If there is anyone out there that can understand my situation and advice how to cope with it... Any service man out that can relate? Any spouse out there that can understand? Thank you and God Bless...
ADF Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 You're asking for advice but, despite your long post, leave out the most critical information. You make these references to "something from the past." What are you talking about? How can people help if you are going to talk around things rather than about them?
Author bb66 Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 What happened in the past is not important. I have forgiven him for it...Let's just say that it took a lot for me to be able to forgive him and to be able to trust him again. I made the mistake to bring up the past when he called because I wanted him to understand how much I've endured... I wasn't upset when I said it since all I wanted was for him to stop and think for a moment what a wonderful woman he has in his life. When I brought this up it made him feel guilty, he feels like he could never be the man I want him to be. I'm not asking him to change, I know he is a very simple man, all I wanted was for him to realized that I'm NOT just another friend, that I'm his fiance and I miss him like crazy. I wanted a sweet e-mail... I wanted to hear him telling me he loved me... that is all. I am NOT a needy person, and somehow I managed to have cause what I hate the most... drama. Now he is not calling or e-mailing me... the advice I'm looking for is to understand if I should continue to e-mail him or just leave him alone. I don't know how men think! specially while in a war zone... I wanted to hear from someone who's gone through separation due to deployment... how to deal with it. It is not easy for me... and I'm definitely having a hard time. I don't need advice on forgiveness, I have forgiven him, reason why I don't think is necessary to explained what happened in the past. Whether he called me a name, or he broke a promise, or cheated, or was dishonest, or whatever it was... why would this be important. The fact of the matter is that he would never do it again, and because I know this, I stuck by his side and want to marry him. I joined this site to seek support... it is not easy for me to open up to people but I felt so helpless and lost. I'm not here to trash the person I love and respect regardless of our history. He is the most wonderful man I've ever known after my father... He may not be perfect but he is a beautiful human being.
Space Ritual Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Well lets see..... you posted on an INFIDELITY FORUM Your Fiance is in IRAQ You are lonely You brought something up to him because he didn't seem loving enough You will not provide details yet you want advice. Young lady, exactly how are we supposed to help you in a seemingly effective manner if you dont provide us some detail?...This is not a Mindreaders forum. But putting my mindreaders hat on I will guess that by the next to last paragraph in your reply that there was some infidelity involved on somebody's part. One thing I will say however is that if your fiance is in a combat unit he may have a little more to worry about at present(like protecting his OWN LIFE and the life of others in his unit). People respond differently to stressful situations and you have to realize that for the sake of himself and those around him that his mental state in performing his overseas duties has to be his top priority right now. I don't mean to sound flippant but I think you cant expect him to come out of the field if he was involved in combat of any type and expect him to be sending you love poetry via email. If his mind is not on his job over there then that puts himself and others around him at risk.
ADF Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 (edited) Again, I don't know how to give support if I don't know what the situation is. Never mind. Someone else does, I am sure. Edited November 15, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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