1Angel Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Its up to you...what's more important...your right to "privacy", or keeping that person in your life and rebuilding their trust in you, after you took steps to destroy it and warrant their need to "snoop"? Agreed. If the snopping bothers former WS so much then leave. It's the price to pay for having wronged the spouse if you want to remain in the relationship.
Spark1111 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 That's how Josef Stalin looked at it. I guess some people just don't understand that taking it upon yourself to violate another's privacy is no better than slapping them in the face. Even if they do no major harm, they are affronts to dignity. But....are we talking government, or intimacy in marriage???????? We should be protected from an overzealous government invading our privacy for political exploitation or abuse. But, if you betray my trust in the most profoundly painful way possible during our marriage, how do you expect me to regain it? Trust your word??? HAHAHAHAHA! Not until I can feel you are trustworthy again! As an aside, no one has the right to privacy on the internet. I tell students that all the time!
bentnotbroken Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Marital immunity is a different case, especially if you live in a community property state. And possession of kiddie porn is a crime in itself, therefor privacy laws do not apply. Neither of these examples have anything to do with what I was talking about. I don't think you know what you are talking about. Maybe this would be best addressed in the political forum. Since we are talking about relationships and not governments in this forum.
imagine Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Give me an idea where you need to be private!
road Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 (edited) ADF It sounds as your motivation to rant and use the fourth amendment abuse is so that your right to cheat on your spouse and not allow your BS to gather evidence. “They thinking nothing of snooping through other people's computers, searching their cell phones, reading their journals and diaries, recording their phone calls, or just plain following them around and spying on them. Their attitude is, "if you've got nothing to hide, it shouldn't be a problem." Stalin couldn't have said it better!” If a WS is not having an affair they should have no problem and should allow their BS to prove nothing is going on. “I think a lot of the blame for this disrespectful attitude comes from the so-called War on Drugs.” So nothing should be done about drugs? Athletes, employees, no one has to work where there is a drug testing policy. No one is forcing some one to play sports for ten million a year. So it’s wrong for a boss to keep drugs out of his business? “We've raised a whole generation of young adults on random drug tests,” You have a better way to keep drugs out of the work place? “random locker searches” Students, are a parents concern, they are not adults ( in a sense so are college students in college on their parents dime). the schools are liable and have to provide a drug free environment. “and guilty-until-proven-innocent zero-tolerance polices.” Where is this? In the USA no evidence no charges. So you want pilots, cops, stoned on the job? It would appear you think it would be ok for every one to be stoned on their job and cheating on their spouse. Edited November 17, 2009 by road
Author ADF Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 But in all the cases you mentioned, some superseding concern with public safety overrides one's right to privacy.Let's go back to my original point. I was asking why people in relationships snoop and spy on each other rather than confront each other openly about suspected problems.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Nonsense. Look, people who snoop always have an excuse for doing so. They always claim they are justified, that they have a good reason. And what's a good reason? What they say a good reason is! You do not forfeit your right to privacy by behaving in a way someone else doesn't like. They have a right to confront you about that behavior, to question you about it. But they cannot go through your private things. But don't take my word for it: ask a lawyer. They'll tell you the same thing. something tells me you got caught cheating once as a result of snooping:o
Dexter Morgan Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I wouldn't snoop through stuff at someone elses domicile. But if its in my house, say a live-in girlfriend, and the house is conidered either mine or even both of ours, and she gives me a reason to suspect her, you bet I'll snoop. I'll look at anything that is in my own house. Possession is 9/10 of the law.
Author ADF Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 This topic has gotten totally removed from my original point. Which was this: why would people rather snoop and spy on their significant other than confront them openly when there is a problem? I wasn't talking about government control or even marital intimacy. I was talking about how meant people--especially younger people--have lost all sense of privacy, and think nothing of spying on others, or even being spied on by others. Can we get back to that?
Author ADF Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 something tells me you got caught cheating once as a result of snooping:o Nope. I've never cheated on anyone. But if I ever found out someone snooped through my stuff, that relationship would be OVER.
Owl Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 This topic has gotten totally removed from my original point. Which was this: why would people rather snoop and spy on their significant other than confront them openly when there is a problem? I wasn't talking about government control or even marital intimacy. I was talking about how meant people--especially younger people--have lost all sense of privacy, and think nothing of spying on others, or even being spied on by others. Can we get back to that? This is NOT how you stated it in your original post...not even close. As far as why would someone spy rather than ask outright...because we know that in truth, if someone is cheating or something similar...THEY ARE GOING TO LIE ABOUT IT WHEN CONFRONTED. In fact, many of us (myself included) did ask point blank...and were lied to. If you've spent anytime on this site, you'll see that there's a definite pattern here...that WS's will nearly always LIE about it...UNTIL they are confronted with "proof"...that is normally only obtained through snooping. Now if you had posted your views on a site that was NOT centered on infidelity...your views would likely get a lot more agreemant. But you chose to post here...in the context of infidelity...which is a site where the majority of posters were pretty much driven to 'snoop' to get the truth. In a place where the majority of posters here were victims betrayed by someone they loved...typically a betrayal that went hand in hand with deception and destruction of trust by that deception. If you want to talk about how teenagers think its ok to spy on each other...you're probably better served in posting on a forum aimed at teenagers or relationships NOT damaged by infidelity.
BUENG1 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 But in all the cases you mentioned, some superseding concern with public safety overrides one's right to privacy.Let's go back to my original point. I was asking why people in relationships snoop and spy on each other rather than confront each other openly about suspected problems. The answer to that question is obvious because adulterers will lie about their indiscretions. That is the whole point of adultery in the first place.
BUENG1 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 This is NOT how you stated it in your original post...not even close. Yea I know. I'm sure the random comparisons of snooping to Stalin's dictatorship of Eastern Europe didn't do anything to veer this thread off topic.
greengoddess Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 But in all the cases you mentioned, some superseding concern with public safety overrides one's right to privacy.Let's go back to my original point. I was asking why people in relationships snoop and spy on each other rather than confront each other openly about suspected problems. Because CHEATERS LIE. Confronting does nothing. They lie and you need the truth before you can kick them to the curb. They make you believe you are imagining things when they are lying and hiding. You should be able to ask your spouse if there is a problem if they are cheating but unfortunately they are cowards who can't face it. They are cowards who can't tell the truth and lead a double life. BE HONEST. Let your wife kick you to the curb and then you will have your privacy.
greengoddess Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Nope. I've never cheated on anyone. But if I ever found out someone snooped through my stuff, that relationship would be OVER. I agree. This is the infidelity board. The snooping begins AFTER the person has proven to be a LIAR. They should end the relationship but sometimes married with kids is a little too complicated for that and you hope for a fix but you refuse to be lied to again thus the occasional snoop. I think if you are snooping still after a few reassuring times then it's time to end it.You can't love someone you can't trust.
2sure Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Talk about snooping on a cheating spouse violating their privacy. MY privacy was violated. Other people knew more about my private LIFE than I did. My health was compromised without my knowledge. The privacy of our entire family was compromised the moment he invited others into it. Other people he barely knew. Other people he had no idea were safe or trustworthy. He took the risk. In an effort to protect oneself and family from a cheating spouse who otherwise did not protect me and our family....you are damn right he has given up his right to privacy. He doesnt deserve it and he cannot handle it. Until my daughter and I are out the door and no longer associated with him or his name, I have every single right to make sure he doesnt risk MY name, MY life. He clearly is completely unaware that HIS risking everything doesnt mean I will.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 This topic has gotten totally removed from my original point. Which was this: why would people rather snoop and spy on their significant other than confront them openly when there is a problem? because they will just get lied to 98% of the time. its like asking someone who doesn't want to go to prison..."did you kill that man"....their answer isn't gonna be, "why yessiree...I did indeed!"
Dexter Morgan Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Nope. I've never cheated on anyone. But if I ever found out someone snooped through my stuff, that relationship would be OVER. I can agree with that as well. but if someone was hiding something like cheating, and was lying to their SO, I wouldn't blame them for snooping and the cheater would be a downright dumbass to get mad about it
Spark1111 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Couldn't agree more, 2sure. My life, my health, my privacy, my/our reputation, our livelihood, and the health and happiness of our children were risked without my knowledge or consent. Now, if that isn't an invasion of privacy, I do not know what is!
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 The 4th Amendment of the US Constitution reads, in part, as follows: [italics]The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated.[/italics] The 4th Amendment acts specifically to limit government power. However, its main idea--that having one's privacy violated is an insult to human dignity--is more broadly applicable. Once, this was well understood and respected. But not now. As I read through these threads, I am amazed at how many people--especially young people--have lost all respect for privacy. Theirs or anyone else's. They thinking nothing of snooping through other people's computers, searching their cell phones, reading their journals and diaries, recording their phone calls, or just plain following them around and spying on them. Their attitude is, "if you've got nothing to hide, it shouldn't be a problem." Stalin couldn't have said it better! I think a lot of the blame for this disrespectful attitude comes from the so-called War on Drugs. We've raised a whole generation of young adults on random drug tests, random locker searches, and guilty-until-proven-innocent zero-tolerance polices. Needless to say, these have done nothing to reduce drug use. All they've done is create a generation more socialized to be prisoners (or prison guards) than citizens. How sad. Oddly enough I also blame the government, although I think the culprit is the public school system. How else to explain your apalling inability to discern the rather simple distinction between Constitutional restrictions on government powers when it comes to criminal prosection and citizen monitoring, and what goes on between two partners inside a relationship. You likely also imagine that a party cannot charge a partner with infidelity without first obtaining a jury indictment, followed by a trial decided by their peers. Followed by a final appeal to the Supreme Court and reversible by Executive Pardon. But Im also conflicted. Because then I reread your last paragraph, and thought it may not be the schools at all, and just further evidence of why "Drugs are bad."
road Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 ADF "Let's go back to my original point. I was asking why people in relationships snoop and spy on each other rather than confront each other openly about suspected problems." You mean your new second point. Because WS's never admit that their banging an OP. WS's will deny, call the BS dellusional, paroniod, etc....
threebyfate Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I don't know and don't care about the 4th Amendment and other people's privacy. I do know that I not only snooped but hired a PI to do the vast majority of my dirty work. Worked great. Caught him in the act with reams of hard evidence so when he lied and lied and lied, he was busted each and every time. Without all this, I would still be married to a man who loved himself, far more than he could ever love anyone else. Without all this, I wouldn't currently be married to a man with integrity, one who loves me, as much as I love him. That's my practical perspective of this thread. The last thing I'm going to do, is to divorce someone without hard proof. I take my vows seriously, far more seriously than worrying about or having remorse over a little violation of privacy.
showmethemoney Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Personally I think you have selective interpretation of what you read in the many posts here. The vast majority of people who snoop do so after asking their spouses or live-ins about their odd behavior and end up with a tirade of hostility and/or lies. So much for your just asking! There are very few WS's I seen on this board who have told the truth to the BS without being confronted with damning physical evidence.
Maggotface Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I do not snoop anymore, I use too.. a lot for no reason really, I never found anything. I dont anymore, I have matured and there is no need too, my boyfriend does not act strang although we do share a computer so sites hes been to will pop up but I cannot help that. I dont want to act crazy and grab his phone everytime he turns his back, I would hate it if someone did that to me.
HUFI Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Somedays ... there are things that make you go hmmmm. I can't imagine anything more twisty than the logic that says ""if I cheat on my wife with some OW and end up giving her the gift that keeps on giving (STD) or perhaps end up fathering some OC and she busts me by violating "my privacy", then at the end of the day, I could justifiably be angry at her for reading my emails on "our" computer in "our house" which was purchased with "our money" and she then would become the bad person? WTF! To paraphrase the very old Red Rose Tea commercial ... Only in the USA? Pity. IMHO, when you get married, then you agree to share your lifes, your feelings, your thoughts .. and except for some very strange Hollywood marriages that need a team of lawyers to draft pre-nups, most of us still follow the old fashioned wedding vows that do not quote chapter and verse from the constitution about privacy rights. Hell, considering that most husbands and wifes share bathrooms and towels, how much more privacy do you want in a marriage? If it has to be kept a secret, then there is something wrong. Don't blame the victim for your mis-deeds. I might be the cheater in my marriage and I might have tried to keep it a secret but never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought to defend myself by attacking her becasue she violated my privacy. Using this silly logic, maybe, she can sue me for violating her right to "lfe, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" cause my actions have reduced her ability to enjoy the standard of living that she is accustomed to? you know whats worse than a two timing cheater? A two timing, low down, good for nothing cheating wanabe lawyer!
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