She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

[Yukikazi]

Nope. She said she'd call you. You gave your best shot at this point, no need to be pushy or passive-aggressive. If she does call and you want to invite her over, do that; you'll probably have a great evening (though you might want to dial back the candles and violins after all).

 

But if you're already busy (or by then prefer to be "busy"), well, too bad, can't be helped -- the folks saying "don't wait, pining away at the phone" are right, there.

 

No.. don't invite her over.. don't invite her to anything. If she wants to spend time with you then she needs to put forth the effort.. the OP has given her many chances and has proven his value.. its her turn now.

If she asks what he is doing he is meeting up with some friends. Obviously ones outside the circle he shares with her.

 

Its ok to see her at events but don't invite her to anything.. your attention is now focused elsewhere.

[jerseyboy]

He should respond by text and leave it in her hands

 

Not doing so comes across as petulent

[Lost-n-confused]

It's goes without saying. I still want her. I'm going to stop contacting her and if she calls Im just going to ask her what she wants. If she's just calling to chat I'll tell her I'm too busy to talk.

 

One poster said Alot of women will reject me due to my inexperence which will create further problems. Well then what should I do then?

 

I also highly doubt anyone has been it my shoes. I'm 24, Ive never made out with a girl. The girl I dated once kissed me but I didn't kiss her back. By the time I did kiss her back it was too late and she didn't return it. So I've never even shared a kissed. I've never even held a girls hand or cuttled with a girl. I've never in anyway touched or been touched or felt up. For an attractive, muscular and successful 24 I've been given the messge that no one wants me and no one is attracted to me. I feel too highly of myself to get a plain Jane girlfriend yet the attractive girls that I could have due to my good looks I can't have do to my inexperence. It's a catch 22.

[VeveCakes]

And therein lies the problem...get over yourself.

 

Stop dating with a goal in mind too, you're too young and inexperienced to be only dating girls you see a long term future with. You havn't the slightest idea what to even look for at your experience level.

[carhill]

Very few people are as inexperienced as him at 24. I think he said that he hasn't yet kissed a woman or maybe something close.

 

Not exactly a shining reference, but anyone who's read my journals knows I'm probably uniquely qualified to empathize with and advise him. His clear advantage is that he's a good deal better looking so that part of the attraction equation will go easier for him.

 

I'm pretty sure my consistent advice has been to, rather than merely go NC with her, actively seek out other women and continue to stay in contact with her, but not spend all his free time figuring out how to 'get' her. This is how pedestal-building begins. The time and thought beget emotions and, before he knows it, he's investing his emotions in someone who has expressed, at best, lukewarm interest in him with nary an emotion in sight.

 

Many years of experience have taught me that women manage their world of men with tools they learned wrapping daddy around their finger. No man can compete with that. The create, with their sexuality and words, whole worlds of illusion that men buy into because they're attracted sexually. Face it, they are and they want to believe the illusion. Experienced men see the illusion and understand it for what it is and seek to know if anything of value is behind the illusion.

 

I'd like the OP to go out with the lady he doesn't find particularly attractive. Ask her out. Share her company. Understand the dynamic. Be the kind of dating partner you wish this other lady with lukewarm interest would be for you. See how it feels. Learn. If you indeed have no attraction, learn how to communicate that in a sensitive and empathetic way. Expect others to treat you likewise. If they don't, refuse to give them one minute of your valuable time.

 

Don't forget to look up from that iPhone once in awhile lest life passes you by

[dreamergrl]

It's goes without saying. I still want her. I'm going to stop contacting her and if she calls Im just going to ask her what she wants. If she's just calling to chat I'll tell her I'm too busy to talk.

 

One poster said Alot of women will reject me due to my inexperence which will create further problems. Well then what should I do then?

 

I also highly doubt anyone has been it my shoes. I'm 24, Ive never made out with a girl. The girl I dated once kissed me but I didn't kiss her back. By the time I did kiss her back it was too late and she didn't return it. So I've never even shared a kissed. I've never even held a girls hand or cuttled with a girl. I've never in anyway touched or been touched or felt up. For an attractive, muscular and successful 24 I've been given the messge that no one wants me and no one is attracted to me. I feel too highly of myself to get a plain Jane girlfriend yet the attractive girls that I could have due to my good looks I can't have do to my inexperence. It's a catch 22.

 

What I find amazing is that you feel that you should get this or that girl, but this or that girl wont accept you due to your inexperience.

 

I don't think you should lower yourself, but without confidence, and continually pursuing someone who is not interested, you aren't going to get what you want.

 

You are sending the message to yourself. If you don't believe in you, why should us girls?

[thegreatmoose]

It's goes without saying. I still want her. I'm going to stop contacting her and if she calls Im just going to ask her what she wants. If she's just calling to chat I'll tell her I'm too busy to talk.

 

One poster said Alot of women will reject me due to my inexperence which will create further problems. Well then what should I do then?

 

I also highly doubt anyone has been it my shoes. I'm 24, Ive never made out with a girl. The girl I dated once kissed me but I didn't kiss her back. By the time I did kiss her back it was too late and she didn't return it. So I've never even shared a kissed. I've never even held a girls hand or cuttled with a girl. I've never in anyway touched or been touched or felt up. For an attractive, muscular and successful 24 I've been given the messge that no one wants me and no one is attracted to me. I feel too highly of myself to get a plain Jane girlfriend yet the attractive girls that I could have due to my good looks I can't have do to my inexperence. It's a catch 22.

Here is where you seem to be going wrong.

 

You not only can get dating experience with a "plain Jane" girlfriend, but you might fall in love with her. Even if you don't fall in love with her, it is likely you'll get your first kisses. Now you'll have more experience.

[jerbear]

It's goes without saying. I still want her. I'm going to stop contacting her and if she calls Im just going to ask her what she wants. If she's just calling to chat I'll tell her I'm too busy to talk.

 

One poster said Alot of women will reject me due to my inexperence which will create further problems. Well then what should I do then?

Pay for it?

 

I also highly doubt anyone has been it my shoes. I'm 24, Ive never made out with a girl. The girl I dated once kissed me but I didn't kiss her back. By the time I did kiss her back it was too late and she didn't return it. So I've never even shared a kissed. I've never even held a girls hand or cuttled with a girl. I've never in anyway touched or been touched or felt up. For an attractive, muscular and successful 24 I've been given the messge that no one wants me and no one is attracted to me. I feel too highly of myself to get a plain Jane girlfriend yet the attractive girls that I could have due to my good looks I can't have do to my inexperence. It's a catch 22.

The plain Jane girlfriend are some of the best!

 

I have to say and follow upon DG's following post on "you feel that you should get this or that girl"

 

I will say my first kiss was not from the woman I got BJ from and not the same woman who took my virginity. You'll be surprised at how life experiences happen.

 

What I find amazing is that you feel that you should get this or that girl, but this or that girl wont accept you due to your inexperience.

 

I don't think you should lower yourself, but without confidence, and continually pursuing someone who is not interested, you aren't going to get what you want.

 

You are sending the message to yourself. If you don't believe in you, why should us girls?

 

I think the OP needs more confidence and come down a few notches and consider plain Janes.

[thegreatmoose]

I'd like the OP to go out with the lady he doesn't find particularly attractive. Ask her out. Share her company. Understand the dynamic. Be the kind of dating partner you wish this other lady with lukewarm interest would be for you. See how it feels. Learn. If you indeed have no attraction, learn how to communicate that in a sensitive and empathetic way. Expect others to treat you likewise. If they don't, refuse to give them one minute of your valuable time.

The OP has nothing to lose, but much to gain by doing this.

[Lost-n-confused]

Not exactly a shining reference, but anyone who's read my journals knows I'm probably uniquely qualified to empathize with and advise him. His clear advantage is that he's a good deal better looking so that part of the attraction equation will go easier for him.

 

I'm pretty sure my consistent advice has been to, rather than merely go NC with her, actively seek out other women and continue to stay in contact with her, but not spend all his free time figuring out how to 'get' her. This is how pedestal-building begins. The time and thought beget emotions and, before he knows it, he's investing his emotions in someone who has expressed, at best, lukewarm interest in him with nary an emotion in sight.

 

Many years of experience have taught me that women manage their world of men with tools they learned wrapping daddy around their finger. No man can compete with that. The create, with their sexuality and words, whole worlds of illusion that men buy into because they're attracted sexually. Face it, they are and they want to believe the illusion. Experienced men see the illusion and understand it for what it is and seek to know if anything of value is behind the illusion.

 

I'd like the OP to go out with the lady he doesn't find particularly attractive. Ask her out. Share her company. Understand the dynamic. Be the kind of dating partner you wish this other lady with lukewarm interest would be for you. See how it feels. Learn. If you indeed have no attraction, learn how to communicate that in a sensitive and empathetic way. Expect others to treat you likewise. If they don't, refuse to give them one minute of your valuable time.

 

Don't forget to look up from that iPhone once in awhile lest life passes you by

 

Actually the girl I dated for a month I wasn't very attracted to and had lukewarm feelings for. She tried to makeout with me but I couldn't bring myself to it as I wasn't attracted to her. Eventually I warmed up to her and kissed her and that's when she dumped me. My ego took a hit there. So dating someone I'm not into doesn't work. Tried it.

[thegreatmoose]

Actually the girl I dated for a month I wasn't very attracted to and had lukewarm feelings for. She tried to makeout with me but I couldn't bring myself to it as I wasn't attracted to her. Eventually I warmed up to her and kissed her and that's when she dumped me. My ego took a hit there. So dating someone I'm not into doesn't work. Tried it.

I don't think he means that. Most women probably find you physically attractive. I think what he may be saying is don't restrict yourself only to the most physically attractive women, especially now with your inexperience.

 

Also, don't let one bad expereince ruin it. Every woman is different. It seems perfectly reasonable to date just to get experience with talking to women and kissing. Once you have that expereince, your confidence will go up. With the experience and the new confidence, there will be many more women willing to date you. Give yourslef plenty of time to get this experience.

[dreamergrl]

Actually the girl I dated for a month I wasn't very attracted to and had lukewarm feelings for. She tried to makeout with me but I couldn't bring myself to it as I wasn't attracted to her. Eventually I warmed up to her and kissed her and that's when she dumped me. My ego took a hit there. So dating someone I'm not into doesn't work. Tried it.

 

Why was your ego hit if you didn't like her?

[Lost-n-confused]

If she call tomarrow and say hey I'm availble Friday what do I do?

 

If she calls in the future what do I do?

[jerbear]

If she call tomarrow and say hey I'm availble Friday what do I do?

 

If she calls in the future what do I do?

Here is an answer to both tomorrow and the future. tell her no and you're busy.

[dreamergrl]

If she call tomarrow and say hey I'm availble Friday what do I do?

 

If she calls in the future what do I do?

 

Seriously, what do you think making yourself available to her whenever will do?

[Yukikazi]

If she call tomarrow and say hey I'm availble Friday what do I do?

Oh.. I didn't hear from you so I made other plans. DO NOT APOLOGIZE for this.. unless you think you deserve her sympathy for having a life outside her.

 

She had her chance.. you can't just wait for 2 days w/o word about it one way or another.. the longer it takes the more likely she is shopping around for something else to do.

So you find something else to do.

 

You either think you got plans or you do.. unless she tries to make plans very specific. If she actually suggests a date.. depending on how anxious for it she may seem, go for it.

Otherwise.. you're pretty booked till the holidays with stuff. If you really wanna push it and you can get away with it w/o your friends giving you the 3rd degree for info.. casually tell her you got a date with someone. Don't give her any specifics cause you "don't wanna advertise it just yet". She will stew over this a bit.. if she brings it up with your friends.. she is curious and possibly getting jealous. If she dosen't.. she'll still be stewing in her own private hell.

 

She knows how to escape from it.. either leave you alone or jump you.

Edited December 3, 2009 by Yukikazi

[Lost-n-confused]

Lets say she calls tomarrow and says. I'm sorry about being so stand offish I was very tired. I really want to see you this weekend. When can I see you?

 

Now I know it's a long shot but what if she starts to show or act interested? She is a smart girl she is realizing that she very well could loose my interest and may already have.

 

We will see what happends. I was suprised she even texted me.

 

I just want to be one step ahead. This could all very well be a game and she could just be playing hard to get. I'm 100% no longer trying it's her turn to gain my attention.

[Yukikazi]

Lets say she calls tomarrow and says. I'm sorry about being so stand offish I was very tired. I really want to see you this weekend. When can I see you?

 

Now I know it's a long shot but what if she starts to show or act interested? She is a smart girl she is realizing that she very well could loose my interest and may already have.

 

We will see what happends. I was suprised she even texted me.

 

I just want to be one step ahead. This could all very well be a game and she could just be playing hard to get. I'm 100% no longer trying it's her turn to gain my attention.

 

Well your weekend is booked.. you got a date. Maybe get together for a drink for an hour or 2 but then you gotta go cause you got somewhere to be. Be friendly but uninterested, unless you are absolutly ready to burn that bridge and give her the "f__k me fork" *a kewpie doll to anyone who recognizes that reference* You are having lunch with a friend.. nothing more.

 

BTW this also means you severly restrict how much you tell her about your life.. if she wants to know.. she can ask.. would show she is interested. If she just wants to whine and complain about things.. then txt an emergency escape code to a friend and have them call you with a reason to leave suddenly. The last thing you want to do is be associated with the bad feelings she gets when she whines.

 

As for her being a smart girl.. you may be right.. so be more careful.. she could be realizing she is loosing you and starting to come around.. or just testing to see how far you can stray before her tug on the leash brings you scurrying back.

 

Remember.. you are looking at other girls now.. tell her LJBF if you have to or you just need some space.

[dreamergrl]

Lets say she calls tomarrow and says. I'm sorry about being so stand offish I was very tired. I really want to see you this weekend. When can I see you?

 

Now I know it's a long shot but what if she starts to show or act interested? She is a smart girl she is realizing that she very well could loose my interest and may already have.

 

We will see what happends. I was suprised she even texted me.

 

I just want to be one step ahead. This could all very well be a game and she could just be playing hard to get. I'm 100% no longer trying it's her turn to gain my attention.

 

:laugh: You are so still trying because you are inventing situations in your head to figure out what to do and how to keep her if she gets interested.

 

If you weren't trying, you'd be asking where to meet, how to meet, what to do with some new chicks that are interested. Which is sad, because I'm sure there are some other girls that are interested.

[The Way I Am]

Basically, I just want to echo what Yukikazi just said.

 

I missed the last day or so of posts. As I read through, I was in the "don't give up totally" camp until it came to her not accepting the date for this weekend. I don't think she's very interested. There's a very good chance her text is of the "pulling the chain back" variety. Don't respond to it. There's nothing about it to respond to.

 

Don't go out with this girl this weekend if she happens to call and ask. Tell her you already made plans, because you didn't have anything finalized with her. One thing you could do (assuming she calls to ask) is tell her you're free next Fri (or Sat - you pick). If she says yes to that, go out, but don't do anything special or have much expectation (cooking her dinner should be off the table now). If she says no, just forget about her. Likewise if she doesn't call in the next few days.

 

Repeat: Don't go out with this girl this weekend if she happens to call and ask. (Because I think you will if she calls, and you'll just show her you're willing to be at her doormat.)

 

Also, stop asking your mom for dating advice...

Edited December 3, 2009 by The Way I Am

[Lost-n-confused]

Ok if she calls and asks me out I'll tell her I made plans for Friday and Saturday. If she calls next week and asks me out what do you all think about me saying "so where are you taking me?" implying that she's taking me out and footing the bill. She could take me to the park for all I care atleast I'd know she interested.

[thegreatmoose]

Ok if she calls and asks me out I'll tell her I made plans for Friday and Saturday. If she calls next week and asks me out what do you all think about me saying "so where are you taking me?" implying that she's taking me out and footing the bill. She could take me to the park for all I care atleast I'd know she interested.

I would not talk to her unless it's for a date and I'd insist that the games end immediately. If she won't make the date or won't stop the games, is this really what you want?

 

I'd take an average looking woman who doesn't play these silly games over her, but that's just me.

[Yukikazi]

Ok if she calls and asks me out I'll tell her I made plans for Friday and Saturday. If she calls next week and asks me out what do you all think about me saying "so where are you taking me?" implying that she's taking me out and footing the bill. She could take me to the park for all I care atleast I'd know she interested.

 

Be sure you can tell the difference between her asking you out and asking you to hang out.. I'm sure they would sound very similar.

But yea you are busy this weekend.. not sure about next weekend yet.. so you can't give her a definite answer just yet. Try to leave this open ended and w/o explanation.. remember if you use the "I got a date this weekend" idea.. then you are keeping an option open for next weekend to go out with the same imaginary girl hence your delay in deciding for next weekend.

 

Its a toss up as to wether you say you'll let her know.. or just leaving it so if she wants you.. she will have to take it upon herself to contact you early next week.

 

Remember ppl.. he is in the same social circle as this girl.. we don't wanna bruise her too much so total NC may not be the best option.

[Lost-n-confused]

At this point I have shown my interest. Ive taken her out a few time showed her a great time. She has shown me that she thinks im funny and she seems to have a great time with me and for the most part we are compatible. Ive been the putting in all the effort while she for the most part has been going along for the ride and made minimal effort.

 

I just want her to want me and show some interest. Its basicly going to be a NC situation. We may endup at the same party saturday and if so im not going to follow her around like a puppy. Im just going to be like hi and thats it. If she engadges in further conversation I by all means wont be rude but im not going to treat it as if I would if she acted interested or if we had a date the day before.

[Yukikazi]

If all goes well.. we shouldn't hear from you till after she calls next week...

 

Or you break down this weekend and see her then return for the debrief.