I like this girl, but there is a bit of distance between us

[makani47]

Me and this girl were in a few of the same classes at college. We talked some during this time. She then moved in with her brother an hour and a half away and took some time off college. I transferred to a nearby University (commute from home). We became Facebook friends and really started to talk a lot. After a year or two, she went to a University that is 3 hours away and got an apartment there.

 

For the past 3 years we have talked a ton on Facebook and I have liked her since then. She still visits the town her brother is in which is a 2 hour drive for her and only an hour and a half for me. I hinted subtly about the distance in casual conversation and she said it was a bit of distance and she hasn't been home to visit her parents since the semester started. I have been in a long distance relationship and was fine with it. I really like this girl and am so frustrated because there is a chance of there being something more if it wasn't for the distance thing.

 

She has no clue that I like her. I have struggled for 3 years now on whether I should tell her or not. Not saying anything and living with the "what if" is probably harder than having a long distance relationship. But I also don't want to ruin what I do have with her. I want tell her I like her but that I understand there is a distance but just wanted her to know and I still want to be friends and talk. If I tell her, there will no longer be that "what if", but the worst case scenario is that she quits talking to me. What should I do? Love with the "what if"? Or risk the friendship and tell her? i know if I tell her there will be an awkward moment, but if she quits talking to me, then maybe we weren't as good of friends as I thought we were. I graduate in a month and won't be held down with college. She has 2 years left.

Edited November 14, 2009 by makani47

[boogieboy]

Dont bother..the distance might be an issue for her, you wont see each other enough, and she'll find a new guy in school. Just find someone locally.

[Els]

i know if I tell her there will be an awkward moment, but if she quits talking to me, then maybe we weren't as good of friends as I thought we were. I graduate in a month and won't be held down with college. She has 2 years left.

 

This. I think you should just tell her to put your mind at rest. If she says yes, great - 3 hours is nothing, really, in the scheme of LDRs. I know people who commute 3 hours a day to work anyway. If she says no, you can have your answer and move on.

[boogieboy]

If yshe has no clue you like her, then you know you have no clue if she likes you. If you are trying to read hnts from her, and not getting real words saying she wants to be around you more, you will send her running once you tell her you like her. Dont do it. Abandon her for now, get a girlfriend locally, and look her up when she moves back.

[carvidep]

I'm with Elswyth on this one.

 

I went through the same thing but only for a duration of 4 months before he told me he liked me, and I was elated! It's worth a shot.

[VeveCakes]

You've known her for that long...she would have said something by now. Girls are giddy about crushes and try anything to see them, bump into them etc, even if it means driving 3 hours.

 

she sees you as a friend. Forget it and move on.

[girlwithgreenscarf]

I can tell you from experience, if you dont tell her, you will regret it, whatever her reaction may be. you will drive yourself mad and you will be miserable and this will effect any relatinship you have in the future. be honest with yourself and get your feelings out there. You'll feel better and more confident once you say how you feel.

[makani47]

The only thing holding me back is the possibility of her not talking to me anymore. But that would still probably be easier to deal with than having to live with this what-if for 3 years. We don't know each other extremely well, but about as good as you can with just talking online though.

[makani47]

Well, I did it. I would have rather done it in person, but given the situation, I couldn't. I had to settle with a Facebook message. Shortly after I sent it, she got on and commented on a status of mine I made earlier, but she didn't respond to the message.

[VeveCakes]

What did you say?

[makani47]

Here is what I sent. I know I could have worded this a lot better, but I was so nervous, my mind kept going blank.

 

"I have a confession to make. I'm aware this will probably catch you off guard, but I like you, [NAME]. I have for a while actually. It's strange how it happened since we haven't seen each other since [COLLEGE NAME] and have talked online only. I understand there is a 3 hour distance and you are busy with college and work. I don't expect anything to come of it with everything considered, but wanted you to know regardless. This will probably make things awkward for a bit, but I hope we can still talk and all like we have been doing. I just didn't want to continue not saying anything and live with the "what if". I know we don't know each other extremely well, but you seem like a very smart and decent girl who likes to live life."

[VeveCakes]

Well that took a lot of guts - good for you.

 

Now you will know for sure. I wish you luck.

[makani47]

I'm trying to think positive and that it really did just catch her off guard and she has to process everything. I no longer have the "what-if" to live with, but just waiting for a response is tough as well. Since she did comment on my status update after I sent the message I'm sure she read it. Given how horrible my luck is with women, I'm not getting my hopes up.

[VeveCakes]

Try and stay positive. If it doesn't work out there is a reason, if it does then it was meant to be. Sounds cliche but its true.

[makani47]

Thanks. I just wish I would get some sort of response, whether good or bad.

[Confusedalways]

I know it's easier said than done- but don't worry for another day or two. When I get messages of that magnitude, I like to make sure I respond to it properly and usually the 5-10 minute periods I'm on wouldn't do a response justice.

[makani47]

I sent it yesterday(Sunday). If I haven't heard anything by Wednesday, what should I do? I can't help but fear the worst-case scenario in the back of my mind.

[makani47]

She replied last night. She apologized for it taking so long. She said it did catch her really off guard and all. That she doesn't know what to say. She never really thought about it. She said it wouldn't make things awkward between us. Said she was still processing it.

 

So basically, I think it just shocked her so bad, she still hasn't registered the fact that I said I like her.

 

I then responded telling her to take all the time she needs, that I'm still shocked I did it. And that we don't have to immediately start dating or anything. I just wanted her to know I like her and we can see where it goes from there.

[VeveCakes]

She replied last night. She apologized for it taking so long. She said it did catch her really off guard and all. That she doesn't know what to say. She never really thought about it. She said it wouldn't make things awkward between us. Said she was still processing it.

 

So basically, I think it just shocked her so bad, she still hasn't registered the fact that I said I like her.

 

I then responded telling her to take all the time she needs, that I'm still shocked I did it. And that we don't have to immediately start dating or anything. I just wanted her to know I like her and we can see where it goes from there.

 

 

That's a problem though. You need a YES I like you and am interested or a NO I don't like you we are ONLY friends answer. Otherwise, you are right back where you started. If she can't tell you yes or no after a few days then I say this girl is totally stringing you along.

[AnnPod]

Why don't you just ask her if you could meet for a weekend or sth? I mean come on, don't make it more complicated than it is. And you don't have anything to lose anyway

[makani47]

So, we've been talking a lot and from what I gather, she is open to the idea. She just wants to go slow and get to know each other better. Our conversations have been deeper and more personal then they used to be. The main reason for taking it slow is that she is the type that is afraid of risk and has been hurt in the past. I agree with her in taking it slow. So, as long as everything goes fine, it appears to be a yes. I mean, she didn't come out and say "Yes, I'll date you" or anything, but she really didn't have to. We're not dating yet, but there's a good chance it'll lead to that know that she knows my feelings and all.Time will tell, and she's worth it.

 

I asked a couple of my friends and they said the same thing.

[VeveCakes]

Well, it sounds promising. I personally need to know things for certain...but it seems to be working out for you.

 

Wish you luck and keep us updated!

[makani47]

I am extremely confused now.

 

When I first told her I liked her I mentioned the 3 hours distance. The only things she told me was that she had been hurt in the past and wanted to get to know each other better. Well, we've been talking A LOT. Her last message was like a page and a half. We got to talking about our past relationships. She said her last one a few months ago ended suddenly when she moved to where she is now. She said the guy didn't want to try the long distance thing. She said she couldn't blame him because it was kinda ridiculous if you will only see them a few times a month. Do I even have a chance? Am I just setting myself up for a major hurt? I figured if she didn't want to try it or wasn't interested she would have said something in the beginning like: "I'm really flattered and all, but I think the distance is just too far for us to try it." or something similar.

 

So basically, she agreed with her last guy that LDR's weren;t worth it, but didn;t tell me that.

[makani47]

Can't seem to find an edit button

 

Well, in my last message I just flat out asked her if I had a chance if we got to know each other and seemed compatible since she said that about LDR's. So her response (or lack thereof) should give me my answer.

 

 

 

EDIT: The edit button literally just now showed up after making this post, haha.

[VeveCakes]

Can't seem to find an edit button

 

Well, in my last message I just flat out asked her if I had a chance if we got to know each other and seemed compatible since she said that about LDR's. So her response (or lack thereof) should give me my answer.

 

 

 

EDIT: The edit button literally just now showed up after making this post, haha.

 

 

Well I'm glad you did it before I came on here and told you to just ask. Good on you. Now you just have to wait and see!

 

If she doesn't give you a straight answer then she is definitly playing games....hopefully you will know soon.