blondeshannen Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 OMG, I am not sure how to react to this, My housemate just came back from a night out, walked into the bathroom and upon seeing on the scale started to laugh. She was obviously drunk and when I asked why she was laughing her response was she is going to win the bet this year without having to influence me at all. Now I was confused, and a little mad. She then started to talk about my weight pointing out that freshman year I weighed around 115 lbs, the same as her and reminding me we used to share clothes before I gained weight. (We have lived with the same girls since sophomore year either in a suite or a house). She assumed I would lose the weight I gained freshman year (which was around 20 lbs) over the summer and when I came back having noticeably gained more weight she and the other 2 girls we live with took bets on if I would gain weight sophomore year, and if so how much. They have done this every year since then, right now were in our senior year. I was so mad I didn't know what to say. She then went on to say that every year she bets that I would gain the greatest amount of weight and she always won even if she had to help me out a little bit. This is where I lost it and started yelling at her, and she just yelled back saying how easy it was. That when I am drunk I will eat anything she puts in front of me. AAAAAAAAAh Just thought that my friends have been having fun and enjoying my weight gain make me scream. I am not naive enough to blame my weight gain completely on my housemates. Only I am to blame and I guess I was in denial about it until I got that slap in the face last night. I guess all those times my housemate made me breakfast, order take out/ brought home food with out me asking, and constant baking was not out of the goodness of her heart. What shocked me the most was when she said that when I am drunk I eat anything they put in front of me. I have had many drunken nights with my housemates where we have ordered tons of food and I think I did most of the eating. Once again I know I can't completely blame them, especially since freshman year I gained around 20 lbs and then a few more over the summer, which was all before they started placing their wagers. Its not like I don't know where the weight came from. In high school I was active and played sports, in college I stopped the sports, began to party. I was also a big eater in high school and never gained weight, which I guess you can see changed in college. I ate/drank too much, wasn't active and really should not be surprised that I gained weight. Just now being a little over 200 lbs im freaking out a little. I am a little mad at myself that I let them influence me at all. I can’t tell you how many times I complained to them about my weight and they were just overly nice and made me forget about it, saying I was exaggerating things, that they wish they had my curves, they would help me watch what I eat. When I asked my housemate from last night in the past if I could go to the gym with her since I have never been in a gym before and wouldn’t know what to do her response was she liked to work out alone. She would say that I should go there and ask the people working at the gym for help, which she knew I was too embarrassed to do.
Boundary Problem Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Perhaps try a local recreation centre/community gym. They aren't competitive like the private gyms so that will help with your shyness. Then go around 8 at night when it isn't too busy and it is actually peaceful in there. Put the stairmaster on level one and as you are on the stairmaster watch other people use the machines - and that way you learn how to use them without feeling like you are staring. There are no special rules at the gym when it is quiet. Sometimes there is a sign up board for the machines (attached to the front of the machine). Those roommates of yours well....I'll leave that topic alone.
Ronni_W Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 blondeshannen, I'm sorry that happened to you. It really, really sucks and hurts to be let down like that by people who you believe, and count on to, have your back. Perhaps the best "revenge" will be to use your new-found knowledge to motivate you to lose weight and get into really super shape. Many gyms employ fitness coaches, so perhaps you can treat yourself to a one-on-one session to "learn the ropes" -- lawd knows you do deserve a treat after finding out this bit of news. Hugs, and best wishes for outstanding weight loss results!
Baroness67 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Wow, that is no fun at all ... I wish I could tell you to just forget those bishes (!) but the truth is I am sure you will remember this entire situation for forever. The only question is, is this slap in the face going to break you, or make you into a better person? The hard part is that when you are this angry and hurt, you just want to eat and drink more. It is so hard, but one of the other posts was right, if you turn the tables the right way, you can use this as motivation to your advantage. Next time they make cookies, tell them you are taking a walk. Watch how alarmed they get when you don't eat the takeout food they bring back. Join your own gym. Needless to say they are not your friends ... I would like nothing better than to see you lose the weight, meet and marry a great guy, do not invite them to your wedding, and spend 20 years sending them Christmas cards of your lovely family (and nothing else). What horrible people.
Author blondeshannen Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Thank you for all of your nice responces. I joined spark weight loss to try to get me on task with losing weight http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=BLONDESHANNEN
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 This probably isn't a very big deal on the grand scale of life. I know it is a female thing, but the truth is, this roommate helped you to *know yourself* a little bit better, and that is a very attractive trait to those looking at the big picture of you. Whatever your weight at present, just stop for a moment and consider/accept that YOU at your current weight, are just fine. Making a big deal out of this in any way, shape, or form, is only likely to aggravate the situation (and the number on the scale). Just be yourself, and find a way to be more comfortable in your own skin. You don't have to weigh youself every hour/day/week like a girl...
D-Lish Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Man, girls can be so evil. Your roomies aren't helping you to know yourself better- they are using your insecurities for their own amusement. To be struggling with a little weight gain, and have your roomies make a game out of it is cruel. Friends are supposed to be supportive.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 (sigh) OK, the roommates "caused" you to know yourself better. That's the point. This has nothing to do with the roommates. Does the O.P. expect to be rooming with those same people in ten to fifteen years? Of course not. They don't matter a great deal to the story or to how it progresses from here into the great beyond. The O.P. began with "I don't know how to react to this". In reality, "reacting" is what brought her to this point to begin with, and the obvious solution is "don't react to it at all" (especially not outwardly).
Ronni_W Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 blondeshannen, Congrats for starting your weight loss I do wish you much success with it. Of course, if/when you feel your motivation sagging, you can always recall what got you to SparkPeople and use that to help you achieve your goals. This has nothing to do with the roommates. ...and the obvious solution is "don't react to it at all" (especially not outwardly). That they betrayed blondeshannen's trust and friendship has EVERYTHING to do with the roommates; that part of it is 100% on them. I interpreted that at least part, if not most of her initial dilemma was about the relationships. And it is NOT any type of "solution" to not react at all when one has been betrayed. Imagine saying that to someone whose spouse has screwed around on them. Betrayal is betrayal. The "solution" is to set firm and healthy boundaries around how we want to be treated, and to say it out loud; outwardly. OP has reacted appropriately, by signing up for weight loss. If she chose to end her association with these roommates, that reaction would ALSO be appropriate. Same result if we use some form of the word "respond" (instead of "react".)
Boundary Problem Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 The girls that are most competitive about weight are the most insecure from my experience. They feel they won't get male attention if they don't eliminate every ounce of fat from their bodies. I remember getting myself down to a weight in university where my sister finally said I looked good. Funny thing was, the guy I was seeing at the time didn't like it at all. I lost my curves below. So think about who your true target audience is. It isn't the roommate girls. Make yourself attractive to men, and the rest will sort itself out. Girls are not the best judges of beauty I find. It is something far more ephemeral than a skinny model in a magazine. There is beauty in every woman.
Yukikazi Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Bake some laxative cookies or brownies and leave them out for your roomies. Tell them you made a bet with a friend regarding who would have the worst case of the ****s. Take pics of them in embarrassing situations. They screwed with your mental, physical and emotional well being.. its revenge time.. and time for new friends cause these b__ches are not worth your friendship if they been treating you like a foie gra goose.
Peaceful Guy Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 She then went on to say that every year she bets that I would gain the greatest amount of weight and she always won even if she had to help me out a little bit. This is where I lost it and started yelling at her, and she just yelled back saying how easy it was. That when I am drunk I will eat anything she puts in front of me. AAAAAAAAAh Just thought that my friends have been having fun and enjoying my weight gain make me scream. that is ICE cold.. buuuut, when people are drunk they do this weird thing where they think stuff is funny even though its really just mean.. i think it has to do with their own insecurities, but i dont think they're aware of it. probably, youre in good shape.. or at least, your roommates were jealous of you when you got there.. well, no sense repeating their mistakes. the real issue here, is are you comfortable with your weight? if not, getting in shape feels great! i mean really, its not a punishment, it feels good, and it sounds like you could use some time away from your house.. why not enjoy a little self improvement? your roommates really come across as stinkers in your story, but its entirely possible that they care a whole lot less about your weight than you do. simple psy/soc. says that if your roommate was "betting" that you would gain the most, that you were the one she was most jealous of.. and that doesn't have to be a nasty thing.. anyway, forget n forgive your roommates, and then figure out what you want to do for you.. i really liked the idea someone else had of joining a gym.. a local rec center would be ideal.. they're cheap, and they offer lots of dif. activities with people of every age, shape, and size!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 That they betrayed blondeshannen's trust and friendship has EVERYTHING to do with the roommates; that part of it is 100% on them. I interpreted that at least part, if not most of her initial dilemma was about the relationships. And it is NOT any type of "solution" to not react at all when one has been betrayed. Imagine saying that to someone whose spouse has screwed around on them. Betrayal is betrayal. The "solution" is to set firm and healthy boundaries around how we want to be treated, and to say it out loud; outwardly. Sorry pal, you're just wrong. I challenge you to try that kind of crap next time you get carjacked. In fact, better yet, why don't you train your children to tell the nice carjackers how they want to be treated. And perhaps it is blondeshannen who first "betrayed" the roommates who have now been reduced to betting on her weight.
Ronni_W Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 I challenge you to try that kind of crap next time you get carjacked. People who you consider to be your friends carjack you??? Why are you still hanging around with them? I would STRONGLY encourage you to find new friends faster than I'd encourage OP to do that! Seriously. blondeshannen, how is your weight loss coming along? I hope you're doing extremely well with it.
temple Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Ugh that's horrible. Sorry that you have dreadful roommates, what they did is cruel, heartless and completely inexcusable. I was in a similar situation. Some of my old housemates constantly made fun of me because I had put 10lbs since living with them. Every morning they would look at what I was eating and say "are you sure you want to eat that?" Of course, I'd try to laugh it off but eventually I moved out. I don't know why some people form these gangs, it's such childish behaviour and deeply rooted in their own sad anxieties.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 People who you consider to be your friends carjack you??? Why are you still hanging around with them? I would STRONGLY encourage you to find new friends faster than I'd encourage OP to do that! Seriously. blondeshannen, how is your weight loss coming along? I hope you're doing extremely well with it. Dude, don't change the parameters of the statement just so it suits your wrong attitude: "And it is NOT any type of "solution" to not react at all when one has been betrayed." There yet again, is the statement, still brain-dead thinking at its finest.
Author blondeshannen Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Hey, I just wanted to thank all of those that left nice responses. Im struggling with the situation and so stressed. Between living with my housemate, knowing how much weight I gained and college I have not been doing well with losing it. Plus with thanksgiving and the holidays I was not totally surpsrised when I weighed 243 lbs this morning. Thats up about 10 lbs from when I first posted here. I will be home for college break and hopefully I can change things around there. Thanks again for all the nice support.
D-Lish Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Well Shannon- I wish you luck with the weight loss. If it's something you really want to remedy- you can do it, you just have to find the inspiration. For me, my inspiration would be to spite those beotches you live with for making a cruel game out of your weight.
Author blondeshannen Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 AHHH, why can't I seem to begin to lose weight. A month away from my aweful housemates where I was supossed to lose weight, but instead I gain 9 lbs. With in an hour of being in the house i see the worse housemate and get the comment "thought you were supossed to lose weight over the break and then come back to shove that in my face" Its like I can't win and I need it to be May so I can graduate and move on
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