Gucci Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 I haven been reading thread addictively for the past few weeks ever since my ex broke up with me almost 2 months ago..and this is my first post~ sorry for the long post...>< I was crying on the phone with him saying how could he let me go after being together for almost 4 yrs (he asked for a break but it sounds like a break up coz no time limit no rules whatsoever so i said lets just break up)but never beg him to get back with me, because we had so many problem.. brief history first he was very into me and said all those want to be with me forever kinda things...then at the end of second yr...he started to have doubts..but still loved and cared for me very much..but i started to feel insecure...esp he is a controlling and self-center kinda person, he always picks on me..what kinda musics i listen to, how i walk, how i seen so unhappy (coz of insecurity and he making me feel bad by picking on me so much) what i said to him...my thinking...my action...if something is not what he would do..he picks.. he also has a real bad temper and lack of patience...whenever we fight he would exaggerate the seriousness of things and try to say really awful things to try to hurt me...he talks to his mother this way too if they argue...sometime he would appologize sometime he doesnt..but weather of not he apologize or not..the hurt remained and build up...so i have alota resentments towards him..when we fight on the phone he would hung up on me which he knows i absolutely hate it when he does that..i never do that~i always think about the words i say or the action i take before i let it out~ he did alota of disrespectul thing to me..(i got angry but i also let him walk all over me (now when i think back i wonder how the hell i didnt stand up for myself ) i feel like im in a emotional abusive relationship..i dont feel like me when im with him..most of the time i feel like i was wearing a mask..oh and he keep trying to change me to his ideal woman so that he could think im the one..he love me and wanted me to be the one..but i guess people cant change..so he think ill never be the his ideal woman he ended it... other factor is he is young 24 (me 25) both each others first serious relationship...he does realize i have many good quality..and people cant be perfect...and the girls he dated before me were all very short like a few weeks...he doesnt know if he could accept my flaws or not..and he feels like he need to more mature to know what he wants.. i love him enough to overlook his flaws anyway..overall i think he is a decent guy, never cheated, very honest with me, just the self-center and temper that i couldnt stand which is a big part...he was very nice when we broke up...i guess he felt guilty..he wanted to be friends which i tried for a few weeks and realized i cant be friends with him while i still have feeling for him (i was like a zombie forthe first couple of weeks couldnt eat, couldnt get out of bed and cry alot) so i told i need NC..after a few days of ignoring his call and most his text..he text me he misses me so much and wish thing could be as simple as before and he didnt let me go, he just wanted some progress between us (but when i told him lets just break up he didnt say anything so i assumed what he really wanted is a break up even though he asked a break)..from all of the msgs i got the feeling that he wanted to get back..but i didnt give in...even tho i really miss him and want to be with him too but i know the issues wont magically disappear and i think he knows it too..so thats why he didnt ask me straight up to get back together..now i heavent heard from him for 2 days now..which is good coz i needed NC to lessen my pain and feelings. im actually very confused..like i wanna be with him and miss him so much..but i know i wont be happy with what he can offer me right now (mainly commitment) and he is unsatisfied with me (big part of the reason i think is becoz for a long time after he told me he is not sure im the one and i feel insecure and he kept picking on my made me depressed and he hate depressed ppl..so of course he doesnt find my depression attractive and start to lose the attraction i think) its like a snow-ball effect..he picks on me...i feel less happy..he is less attracted to me..so he picks on me more then i feel even less happy around him and so on...and we get on each others nerve so much at the end of the relationshop.. i want to end all hope for reconciliation...i know i wont happy even if we do get back (i think i can get back with him if i just ask)..but deep down i still have this tiny hope that maybe a few month down the road he will change his mind and think im the one? or maybe a few years later if we have the chance to...after he become more mature and knows what he wants...he thinks im the wife material...and he is not ready for that yet...i dont want to get married right now..but i just want to know that we are heading down that direction...sorry its kinda complicated... or should i just end all hope and just move on...thats is what im trying to do right now though he is a alpha male kinda person..and very confident donno if that would help in better understand our situation or not. i know i am pretty, feminine and with good personality overall good woman (i think my ex is looking for more like a party girl..some one who is "exciting" all the time which i am not)...but i dont go out alot..not alot chance i can meet new people...and from reading all the threads..there are so many bad bfs out there cheating, commitment-phobes, dishonest etc...so im really scared ill never meet another decent guy who will love me for just being me has anyone have similar situation and have a happy ending? [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Or can anyone shed some lights on me? I don’t know what to think or do[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Opinions please? Thank you![/sIZE][/FONT]
Author Gucci Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 even if he decided to come back and work on the relationship i donno if i could trust him again...the break up he asked kinda destroyed my trust for him.. and i have no faith or hope the situation would change and work out at the end...sigh
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