lavender09 Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Does anyone out there feel that your affair actually made your marriage last? What if you were on the verge of separating or divorcing? Imagine that someone was lacking intimacy at home and when discussed with the spouse, no resolution occurred. Or if they felt their spouse wasn't pulling their weight anymore and everyday was met with frustration and angst. To the point where you dread coming home in the evenings. Now, enter your affair. No false promises made to the AP, and none received. But by having your unmet needs finally met, you can now better deal with / tolerate the problems at home. If you are getting the affection you're missing at home from AP, and everything else at home is Ok, now you feel more fulfilled and are an overall happier person. Also, if you were frustrated by your spouses lack of follow through and you carry marjority of the marriage burdens (sole breadwinner, primary caretaker of the kids and aging parent, housework etc.) now you finally have some outlet that if weren't there, you would probrably blow your top. I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes this type of arrangement works for some people. Your thoughts . . .
bentnotbroken Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Sounds like something either a WS or AP would tell themselves to be able to look in the mirror. Show lack of maturity, class, respect, integrity and dignity.
schewter Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Wife's EA shook me out of my reverie. Had it not happened I hate to admit but I truly believe we'd be done now.
OWoman Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Does anyone out there feel that your affair actually made your marriage last? What if you were on the verge of separating or divorcing? Imagine that someone was lacking intimacy at home and when discussed with the spouse, no resolution occurred. Or if they felt their spouse wasn't pulling their weight anymore and everyday was met with frustration and angst. To the point where you dread coming home in the evenings. Now, enter your affair. No false promises made to the AP, and none received. But by having your unmet needs finally met, you can now better deal with / tolerate the problems at home. If you are getting the affection you're missing at home from AP, and everything else at home is Ok, now you feel more fulfilled and are an overall happier person. Also, if you were frustrated by your spouses lack of follow through and you carry marjority of the marriage burdens (sole breadwinner, primary caretaker of the kids and aging parent, housework etc.) now you finally have some outlet that if weren't there, you would probrably blow your top. I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes this type of arrangement works for some people. Your thoughts . . . I've come across this many times... or at least, that is what was claimed (by WS, BS or OW) at the time. Since most of those Ms are still ongoing, there may have been some truth in it.
Spark1111 Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 I certainly can understand how this could "bandaid" a bad marriage temporarily, but it only delays the inevitable in that the core relationship remains intolerable. And it seems to me, your life would be lived in a "limbo" state: happiness found one place, duties and responsibilities and drudgery lived in another. So why continue to be in it? would be my thought. If it is broken to the point of no repair....end it and seek what you truly need.
PhoenixRise Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 I don't think an affair in and of itself can rescue a marriage. I do think if the core issues in the marriage are addressed or if the issues within the WS are addressed and corrected.....the marriage has a CHANCE of being better in the long term.
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