twinklecat Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 So, it's been a pretty tough but productive week. If anyone is interested in my story, you can check my threads, "Awful Situation" and "Messy Living Arangements" After finding out about the sordid affair between the ex and my ex best mate, the house has been full of tention and bad feeling, which is an understatement to be honest. At first, it made me very angry and gave me a kick up the a** to move on, stop going after false hope, I was making real progress. I spent Tuesday and Wednesday pampering myself, just generally looking after myself, doing stuff I wanted to do, avoiding them two at all costs. Thursday was spent with a good friend shopping, picked up an amazing dress and pair of shoes, ready for the Christmas party. Then to his for food and films, stayed the night, as he has a spare room. It was really good to get out the house, away from him and her. Went to work today, had a really good day, performance is getting a bit better. But as it got closer to home time, got more down. Then got in the house, and she's away visiting family for the week, he looks really relaxed and happy, and I am just SO angry, he's done this to me, making me feel like this, rubbing my nose in it, how dare he be like this. People were here talking, and I just wanted to scream at them all to shut the f*** up!!! I don't know why I feel like this, I've had a realization of the person he is, and it's awful, the relationship we had was not healthy, I've been supressed, controlled for 5 years, the past year and half of my life feels a complete lie, so why am I crying?? Why am I upset over this monster?? Just so down tonight, it actually hurts like real pain.
Lamak Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 5 years is a long time. You don't get over someone you were with 5 years in 5 days, weeks or months. Who knows it may take a year to get over him. The thing you have to realize is he may have cheated on you and may be real snug, but that will catch up to him at a later point. He's living an unhealthy life that will only hinder his long-term happiness. As for you, you need to keep doing you. Don't let that bananahead get you down. But remember, there will be days where you will feel crappy.
mickleb Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 I'm so sorry, twinkle. I didn't read of the lastest developments until just now. I think you have remained REMARKABLY composed, considering your circumstances. You have every right in the world to let that anger out and scream that sh*tty house down but, I suspect, you value your dignity more. (Good for you.) You're journaling, aren't you? Is there some physical activity you could do to release these pent-up feelings? It is a horrible feeling, that 'everything was a lie'. People (family, friends) tell me that it wasn't, and not to think like that. They say not to negate the good times and, I suppose, one day I will remember the good times in a 'pure way' but right now? That doesn't help! It's a very sad and uncomfortable part of the healing process. He certainly never loved me like I loved him. (Those three words - how are we ever to know what they mean for the other person?! They're useless, to some extent!) And your guy openly lied. The gall! How did we 'fall' for it? What is SO wrong with us that we believed them?! Nothing. We have the ability to take someone's word as it it given and to trust. Despite what he has done, you will regain the ability to do this. He is unable to love honestly. I feel for you wanting to tear their stupid heads off. You are being asked to process a whole heap of sewage whilst they saunter on. It is not fair. But you have your eyes open. It stings like b*ggery. But with your eyes closed, how can you see where to go? They fumble in the dark for pleasure. You seek real happiness. And you'll get yours. x
Author twinklecat Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 Thanks guys You are really right, he is never going to be happy, but I know one day I will be, it's like I just wanna fast forward the next few months, so I don't feel this way. What is also upsetting is just the way he is with me at times, so cold and looking at me as if I were the one who cheated!! I've also heard things from people that him and her may have been going on as far back as oct/nov 2006, it just keeps getting bigger, uh. I just don't know why he stayed with me all this time, when that was going on. Moving to another country together, new jobs together etc. I also guess I am journaling, kinda helps to get my feelings out, instead of bottling them up!
Recommended Posts