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Is it ok to just have oral sex with your boyfriend and not full intercourse?

layercakegal

By layercakegal
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crazy_grl Established Member

crazy_grl

Posted
Posted (edited)

I did go on the pill, but it gave me headaches so i stopped :(

 

There are lots of different kinds of pills, as well as other methods that don't involve hormones. I think you should do a little research and talk to a doctor about other possible methods. Condoms do break. Spermicide helps, but why not have another option. With the increased protection and a discussion with a doctor, you might be able to relax about the risk of pregnancy. (It's pretty low with the proper use of contraceptives -- despite what abstinence only programs want you to believe.)

 

Yeah there are 'Extra-Safe' condoms, they actually say that on the packet, i think theyre perhaps thicker, and have spermicide, and are Durex, a main brand here in the UK, as opposed to cheap flavoured ones or something lol.

 

Thanks for clearing that up. I've never seen any that literally say "extra safe" on them. I just wanted to make sure you weren't misjudging the safeness of the condom based on something weird and invalid, but I see you're not.

 

I know you said your bf is ok with not having sex. But I don't think you're doing yourself any favors by not at least trying it out some more to see if it gets better, especially when you've only ever done it twice and your bf is willing to work with you to make sure it's comfortable.

Edited by crazy_grl
SoulSearch_CO Established Member

SoulSearch_CO

Posted
Posted

The only way to get your vagina acclimated to a penis is to keep introducing them to each other. Avoiding that is just prolonging the issue. I was a virgin with my XH and I'll just say that it took easily a dozen times before there wasn't any pain at all. Of course, the pain lessened each time...and just got to the point where it didn't hurt anymore.

 

But that aside, as long as you're both happy with your sex life, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

SpanksTheMonkey Established Member

SpanksTheMonkey

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The only way to get your vagina acclimated to a penis is to keep introducing them to each other. Avoiding that is just prolonging the issue. I was a virgin with my XH and I'll just say that it took easily a dozen times before there wasn't any pain at all. Of course, the pain lessened each time...and just got to the point where it didn't hurt anymore.

 

But that aside, as long as you're both happy with your sex life, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I think its also the lack of pleasure she gets from it I'm the same way Ive never had a orgasm from vaginal sex. I think I saw some wheres this is normal for a percentage of women tho.

 

I how ever enjoy the intimacy that comes with vaginal if I want a orgasm I have to take other means. But again a relationship must be 50/50 if hes OK with it and she is then like you say soul its all good..

PinkToes Established Member

PinkToes

Posted
Posted

 

Actually I was wondering why no girl gives advice how to repair it and to see a doctor. And I...a guy have to tell her to do so. I suppose girls want to imply that a guy should stick with no matter what or go to hell, eventhough there might be a cure? Ego is such a futile thing.

 

Well, in my case, I didn't offer advice on how to fix the problem for a couple of reasons.

 

For one thing, she didn't ask for such advice.

 

And for another, she didn't say it was a problem that needed fixing, or that she was looking for a "cure."

 

If her boyfriend is fine with it, so am I. And if he's not OK with it and is just lying to her, well, that's his problem, now isn't it?

DanielMadr Established Member

DanielMadr

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Well, in my case, I didn't offer advice on how to fix the problem for a couple of reasons.

 

For one thing, she didn't ask for such advice.

 

And for another, she didn't say it was a problem that needed fixing, or that she was looking for a "cure."

 

If her boyfriend is fine with it, so am I. And if he's not OK with it and is just lying to her, well, that's his problem, now isn't it?

 

He can't be fine with it. He is just a gentleman. And she is not fine with it. And almost every thread here is cry for help. I thought it is obvious.

 

You women have such a complicated social dynamics:rolleyes:

crazy_grl Established Member

crazy_grl

Posted
Posted
I was thinking the same. Actually I was wondering why no girl gives advice how to repair it and to see a doctor. And I...a guy have to tell her to do so. I suppose girls want to imply that a guy should stick with no matter what or go to hell, eventhough there might be a cure? Ego is such a futile thing.

 

I think you were seeing what you wanted to see, because I (a girl) did tell her well before you did how to fix the problem: "just keep trying".

 

This isn't something she needs to see a doctor about. If she'd had sex more times in her life, that would be a different story. Don't waste money on a doctor for something that's normal.

 

I do agree with you that that sex isn't something she should just decide is okay to live without after having pain only the 2nd time. Her bf has been understanding, and I think she should give a little back and try it a few more times for both his and her own sake. If it doesn't work out after a larger number of attempts, then a doctor may be necessary.

Ody Established Member

Ody

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I think it's kind of funny that the OP was asking whether what she's doing now is OK, and all the guys are trying to solve the problem. ;)

 

I love all you guys, I really do. It just kind of made me laugh. :laugh:

 

LOL. At least my first post directly addressed the OP question's. I blame carhill for bringing sex toys into the discussion!

 

I told a recent partner "listen, if you tell me about a problem I am going to try to fix it. That is what I do. So if you *just* want to blow off steam about work, please make sure I understand that first..."

SoulSearch_CO Established Member

SoulSearch_CO

Posted
Posted
I think its also the lack of pleasure she gets from it I'm the same way Ive never had a orgasm from vaginal sex. I think I saw some wheres this is normal for a percentage of women tho.

 

I how ever enjoy the intimacy that comes with vaginal if I want a orgasm I have to take other means. But again a relationship must be 50/50 if hes OK with it and she is then like you say soul its all good..

I don't O from penetration only, either. Only a really low percentage of women can - like 30%, or so. But that's not to say I don't get pleasure from it. I love intercourse and am perfectly content with just that - no O at all. It feels fantastic to me to be able to join like that with somebody I care so much about (obviously it's more intense when it's someone I actually care about - which is why I can't do casual).

 

I'm a hard case to get to O under any circumstances, so it has become unimportant to me. Even when intercourse was painful at first, though, I still craved it. So I don't know - maybe just a matter of preference.

crazy_grl Established Member

crazy_grl

Posted
Posted
And if he's not OK with it and is just lying to her, well, that's his problem, now isn't it?

 

He may very well be trying not to come off like a pushy jerk. I can't imagine that he really doesn't WANT to have sex (OP implied as much herself). If he's being understanding and willing to give in, she ought to try as well and not make him beg for or demand they have sex and assume it's his problem if he doesn't.

PinkToes Established Member

PinkToes

Posted
Posted
He can't be fine with it. He is just a gentleman. And she is not fine with it. And almost every thread here is cry for help. I thought it is obvious.

 

You women have such a complicated social dynamics:rolleyes:

 

Nothing complicated about taking everything at face value, unless you have reason to believe otherwise. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

 

There's no backstory on these forums, so it's kind of crazy to assume they're both in denial and crying out for help before their relationship dissolves into a pit of dispair.

 

And by the way, a woman who is having pain during sex doesn't need a "cure." It's not an illness.

PinkToes Established Member

PinkToes

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Posted

I told a recent partner "listen, if you tell me about a problem I am going to try to fix it. That is what I do. So if you *just* want to blow off steam about work, please make sure I understand that first..."

 

Will you marry me? :love:

crazy_grl Established Member

crazy_grl

Posted
Posted

And by the way, a woman who is having pain during sex doesn't need a "cure." It's not an illness.

 

Not true even though it is strange wording. There may be physical things that can be "cured" like polyps or cysts that are causing the pain.

 

(Can't believe I'm actually agreeing with DanielMadr on anything.)

DanielMadr Established Member

DanielMadr

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Not true even though it is strange wording. There may be physical things that can be "cured" like polyps or cysts that are causing the pain.

 

(Can't believe I'm actually agreeing with DanielMadr on anything.)

 

:laugh:

 

When you get past the harsh wording you will find the ultimate wisdom ;)

Ody Established Member

Ody

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Will you marry me? :love:

 

LOL. Usually I require dinner and a movie first.

DanielMadr Established Member

DanielMadr

Posted
Posted
I don't O from penetration only, either. Only a really low percentage of women can - like 30%, or so. But that's not to say I don't get pleasure from it. I love intercourse and am perfectly content with just that - no O at all. It feels fantastic to me to be able to join like that with somebody I care so much about (obviously it's more intense when it's someone I actually care about - which is why I can't do casual).

 

I'm a hard case to get to O under any circumstances, so it has become unimportant to me. Even when intercourse was painful at first, though, I still craved it. So I don't know - maybe just a matter of preference.

 

Aw. I dont know why but I want to hug you.

 

Fixing...what is wrong on using his hand or yours on the right places during intercourse?

SoulSearch_CO Established Member

SoulSearch_CO

Posted
Posted
Aw. I dont know why but I want to hug you.

:laugh: Great - I'm a charity case.

 

Fixing...what is wrong on using his hand or yours on the right places during intercourse?

For some odd reason, that's more distracting than helpful. I've tried it.

PinkToes Established Member

PinkToes

Posted
Posted
He may very well be trying not to come off like a pushy jerk. If he's being understanding and willing to give in, she ought to try as well and not make him beg for or demand they have sex and assume it's his problem if he doesn't.

 

Fair enough; I'm sure he's a really nice guy, and trying to be understanding. And that's awesome. But there's a lot of room between being a pushy jerk who demands sex and someone who says, "I really love you and I think we might both enjoy sex if we could find a way to make it more comfortable for you..."

 

If someone said that to me, I'd knock myself out trying to make him happy. I'm just suggesting that he has some responsibilty for speaking up about ways to improve the situation, if that's what he really wants.

DanielMadr Established Member

DanielMadr

Posted
Posted
:laugh: Great - I'm a charity case.

 

 

For some odd reason, that's more distracting than helpful. I've tried it.

 

If you can O when alone, I suggest you just work on being able to relax more when you are with a guy and to concentrate more on the pleasure, just like when you are alone.

 

Charity? Nonsense. Just very sweet and hugable. Based on your avatar...even kissable;)

PinkToes Established Member

PinkToes

Posted
Posted

So OP is probably off having sex with her man, and we're all here discussing it. How pathetic is that? Just speaking for myself, of course. Everyone else is probably just checking in on the way out the door....

Ody Established Member

Ody

Posted
Posted
So OP is probably off having sex with her man, and we're all here discussing it. How pathetic is that? Just speaking for myself, of course. Everyone else is probably just checking in on the way out the door....

 

Shhhhh, until I read this I was flying high. You see I had this marriage proposal today, and it made me feel completely not at all like some lamer-on-the-interwebz-on-a-friday-night. Now it's ruined.

DanielMadr Established Member

DanielMadr

Posted
Posted
So OP is probably off having sex with her man, and we're all here discussing it. How pathetic is that? Just speaking for myself, of course. Everyone else is probably just checking in on the way out the door....

 

Dont panic. You can have cybersex, afterall. I will click on your avatar if you click on mine;)

PinkToes Established Member

PinkToes

Posted
Posted
Dont panic. You can have cybersex, afterall. I will click on your avatar if you click on mine;)

 

OK, all is forgiven. :p

 

Guess we'd better take this to the back room, before I get this whole thread posted as a textbook example of "how to derail the topic at hand and ruin the process for everyone..."

crazy_grl Established Member

crazy_grl

Posted
Posted (edited)
Fair enough; I'm sure he's a really nice guy, and trying to be understanding. And that's awesome. But there's a lot of room between being a pushy jerk who demands sex and someone who says, "I really love you and I think we might both enjoy sex if we could find a way to make it more comfortable for you..."

 

If someone said that to me, I'd knock myself out trying to make him happy. I'm just suggesting that he has some responsibilty for speaking up about ways to improve the situation, if that's what he really wants.

 

You're right, but I don't expect a 21 year old guy to be able to figure out that wording. I think he deserves some leeway because of his age. It's an easy thing to screw up and come off like an *sshole. If he were 30, different story.

Edited by crazy_grl
PinkToes Established Member

PinkToes

Posted
Posted
You're right, but I don't expect a 21 year old guy to be able to figure out that wording. I think he deserves some leeway because of his age. It's an easy thing to screw up and come off like an *sshole. If he were 30, different story.

 

That makes sense. It's just been soooooo long since I was 21....

SoulSearch_CO Established Member

SoulSearch_CO

Posted
Posted
If you can O when alone, I suggest you just work on being able to relax more when you are with a guy and to concentrate more on the pleasure, just like when you are alone.

Please explain - how does one work on relaxing more? LOL I'd love to learn that.

 

Charity? Nonsense. Just very sweet and hugable. Based on your avatar...even kissable;)

I'm not sure how I feel about kissing plastic. But the compliment is flattering nonetheless.

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