Is it ok to just have oral sex with your boyfriend and not full intercourse?

[layercakegal]

Hey everyone

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and a couple of months. We are both 21, and in this time, we have had sex twice, and since I was a virgin before i met him, these are the only 2 times ive had sex ever.

 

And it really hurt Both times he was very understanding that it was painful for me, and was very gentle till i got used to it. I am also very freaked out about getting pregnant, so i didnt want him to come inside me even though we were using extra safe condoms both times.

 

We perform oral sex on each other lots, whenever we see each other if we arent tired (see each other maybe 3 times a week, have oral maybe once a week, as he's a waiter and finishes at 10pm most nights) anyway, we both really really enjoy it, but havent had proper sex in about six months.

 

I find it just doesnt appeal to me, since it hurts, i cant orgasm by it, im too busy freaking out about him coming etc!

 

He says hes not really that bothered about having sex either, and is happy doing what we're doing now, although i think if i said 'hey i really want to have sex right now!' i doubt he'd say no lol.

 

Anyway, i feel weird that we dont have full sex as often as we have oral sex, and wondered if its normal, or if its just a kind of 'every couple is different' thing?

 

Thanks for your replies if there are any

[McGrupp]

**** yeah....

[layercakegal]

Was that a 'yeah its fine to not have full sex' or a 'yeah....thats not normal to just do oral....' im confused lol

[Pizzaman81]

A girl who is good at oral sex can wow a man so much that he would wish your *ahem* was a mouth instead.

 

DO IT!!!!

 

-Pizzaman

[crazy_grl]

If you're both okay with it, that's fine. But the first few times, it's not going to be completely comfortable. Just so you know, there's a small chance that your bodies are not sexually compatible. (The angles and such aren't right together and it hurts with that person, but it wouldn't hurt with another.) But at this point, I don't think you can know if that's the case.

 

If there are no other reasons which you haven't mentioned for why you don't have sex more, then I'd recommend you just keep trying it out.

 

Why don't you get birth control if you're that worried about pregnancy even with a condom? I think they give them out for free at family planning places. Or maybe not, but I've heard they do.

 

we were using extra safe condoms both times.

 

I've never noticed they were labeled "extra safe" or "just kind of safe". I don't know what you mean by this. Are you saying extra safe as in name brand vs ones out of the machine in the gas station bathroom?

[Johnny M]

No, it's most definitely not normal.

[carhill]

Are you and he satisfied with your current sexual activity?

 

BTW, I think you'll find that, with your minimal experience with vaginal intercourse, that it can be uncomfortable. It's one of those 'use it more and it feels better' things, absent any physical issues. I would suggest, as a form of sex play, trying a series of graduated dilator dildos, ending with a size similar to that of your BF. Whilst 'playing', stimulate yourself or have your BF perform cunnilingus. Find your G-spot. Make it fun. Then, after becoming comfortable with the dildos, try doing it 'live' again, using the 'extra-safe' condom for protection. Trust that this condom, used properly, will protect you from pregnancy. You have to believe that in your mind. If you don't have pain issues with the dildos but do with your boyfriend's penis, you'll likely reacting psychologically and tightening your vaginal muscles, which will cause pain.

 

Hope it works out. Remember, in a loving relationship, sex is an expression of that love, one of many. Enjoy

[Ody]

Anyway, i feel weird that we dont have full sex as often as we have oral sex, and wondered if its normal, or if its just a kind of 'every couple is different' thing?

 

Thanks for your replies if there are any

 

It's unusual but fine as long as he's happy with it I guess.

 

Probably should try to stay up on the communication though. This will increase his chances of getting bored/frustrated/whatever sexually, especially if you are just having oral one out of every three visits. That's not "lots" - no matter how tired you are. It sounds like your communication is good though so don't fret too much, hopefully you can nip this in the bud if it starts to happen.

[Ody]

It's one of those 'use it more and it feels better' things, absent any physical issues. I would suggest, as a form of sex play, trying a series of graduated dilator dildos, ending with a size similar to that of your BF.

 

 

Yeah toys are a good idea. Also the discomfort might be worse if you're worried about babies - you'll be tense both mentally and physically. Maybe get hormonal birth control or an IUD in addition to the condom. Trust that it's really really rare to have a baby with proper use of contraceptives.

[carhill]

I think that birth control/STD counseling could help her as well. Knowledge is power and confidence

[SpanksTheMonkey]

 

 

 

I've never noticed they were labeled "extra safe" or "just kind of safe". I don't know what you mean by this. Are you saying extra safe as in name brand vs ones out of the machine in the gas station bathroom?

Um they do have the thicker ones and the ones with spermicide and all I think thats what the Op means here?

 

Ive seen ones that were just short of rapping Mr one eyed worm a rain coat literally vs the supper thin kind anyways no condom is 100% fail safe best to use it with birth control always.

[layercakegal]

Thankyou for your replies

 

Sex just scares me, i dont like that it hurts, and just the in-out motion doesnt excite me so i dont see the point in doing it.

 

We are both satisfied with what we're doing, but as i said if i said i wanted to have sex right this minute, he probably wouldnt say no, but then he'd never pressure me to do it either.

 

I definately satisfy him sexually, so hopefully he wont be feeling bored, we keep things spicy

 

On the 1 out of 3 visits thing its usually like he'll finish work at 10pm, so it'll be about 10.45pm by the time i get round to his, then we'll just fall asleep together, then another day we might meet for lunch in town (no opportunities there), etc etc.

 

I did go on the pill, but it gave me headaches so i stopped

 

Yeah there are 'Extra-Safe' condoms, they actually say that on the packet, i think theyre perhaps thicker, and have spermicide, and are Durex, a main brand here in the UK, as opposed to cheap flavoured ones or something lol.

 

I so wanted you all to say its normal

[aerogurl87]

Thankyou for your replies

 

Sex just scares me, i dont like that it hurts, and just the in-out motion doesnt excite me so i dont see the point in doing it.

 

We are both satisfied with what we're doing, but as i said if i said i wanted to have sex right this minute, he probably wouldnt say no, but then he'd never pressure me to do it either.

 

I definately satisfy him sexually, so hopefully he wont be feeling bored, we keep things spicy

 

On the 1 out of 3 visits thing its usually like he'll finish work at 10pm, so it'll be about 10.45pm by the time i get round to his, then we'll just fall asleep together, then another day we might meet for lunch in town (no opportunities there), etc etc.

 

I did go on the pill, but it gave me headaches so i stopped

 

Yeah there are 'Extra-Safe' condoms, they actually say that on the packet, i think theyre perhaps thicker, and have spermicide, and are Durex, a main brand here in the UK, as opposed to cheap flavoured ones or something lol.

 

I so wanted you all to say its normal

 

First off "there's sex and then there's durex".... lol, I love their slogan.

 

Secondly, no condom is full proof but if using the "extra safe" kind helps you feel more psychologically comfortable with the idea of sex then use those. Also sex is gonna hurt the first few times you do it usually. But like carhill said, the more you do it, the easier it becomes and the more you enjoy it. Also just relax when you have sex or at least try to. The more anxious and uptight you are the more it will hurt.

[carhill]

Sex just scares me, i dont like that it hurts, and just the in-out motion doesnt excite me so i dont see the point in doing it.

 

Work on this part

 

First, get rid of the pain. No one enjoys something that's painful. Then, re-assess.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Thankyou for your replies

 

Sex just scares me, i dont like that it hurts, and just the in-out motion doesnt excite me so i dont see the point in doing it.

 

Yes but it prob excites him and any good long lasting relationship must be a 50/50 situation I'm not saying you 'have to' give it to him or anything but just make sure to consider him as well.

I so wanted you all to say its normal

I think you know its not the norm but if it honestly works for both of you then great after all at the end if the day its only you two who have to be happy in your bed room not us

[carhill]

My instincts are that BF is going along because he's getting sex regularly, but that this will become an area of incompatibility should this progress to a serious LTR. The OP will be fertile for decades to come. If she doesn't resolve the pain issue, intercourse, which is an extremely intimate sexual expression, will be simply some in and out which doesn't interest her (her words).

 

Nip it in the bud right now, IMO.

[layercakegal]

Carhill, How do you mean he's getting sex regularly?

 

 

 

Yeah i seriously can't see myself wanting sex 3/4 times a week anytime soon, it just doesn't interest me, id rather perform oral sex on each other which we both enjoy, both orgasm, then lie together worn out afterwards

 

Also we both see this as a serious long term relationship, he says he honestly doesnt mind not having sex and is completely happy doing what we're doing now

[DanielMadr]

If you play with his balls...it should be sufficient.

 

Go to see a doctor...it shouldnt be so painful.

 

Stop freaking out.....relax. worst thing can happen you get pregnant....so what, you wont be the first and it is the best thing you will do in your life anyway...at least mothers agree on that.

 

If your doctor tells you you are OK, buy some toys and "stretch" a little or buy lubricant

 

Any chance your pain is in your head mostly? Relax. It is only a vagina not a crystal chandelier - but be sure to see your doctor first, just to be sure.

[PinkToes]

If you're both happy with the way things are, I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like you've got an awesome guy!

 

And also, you are having sex. Even though it's kind of becoming the new goodnight kiss among some people, oral sex is still sex.

 

Trust your boyfriend when he says he's fine with the way things are, and ask him to promise that he will tell you if his feelings change, in that regard. Then you can figure something out together. Meanwhile, enjoy!

[PinkToes]

I think it's kind of funny that the OP was asking whether what she's doing now is OK, and all the guys are trying to solve the problem.

 

I love all you guys, I really do. It just kind of made me laugh.

[kissez]

omg I used to be the same way!!!!!! I didn't get all the hype about sex because I have never had an orgasm from it either! And it hurt so bad I always had to tell the guy to stop!

 

I would rarely have sex with a guy! So when I did it was all tight - which made it hurt again but felt great to the guy - so he would cum all fast and then apologize and I would be thinking...**** that was perfect for me b/c I didn't want to do it anyways LMAO

 

But it definitely depends on the guy!!! And how into him u are!!!! Trust me if you are super attracted to the guy, and he is all about pleasing u it will be so much better! I went from basically having no sex to where I was just being used for sex a couple weeks ago! But I really enjoyed it with this guy so it made all the difference!

 

If you don't want to do it though, definitely don't. U can't help it if it hurts! Maybe try different things and communicate with him more so u guys can be more nsync (sp?) with each other. Also, if u start to have sex, and it starts to hurt, just ask him to stop and then give him oral. I'm not sure if u swallow but u could do that maybe too.

[mbeewood]

Wow is this for serious? It always hurts the first few times for every single person. Just do it some more and it will be fine.

[kissez]

Oh yea I would also recommend the doctor visit. I'm sure everything is fine, but just to be sure! And the pregnancy thing yea get on B.C., but if u don't want to do that, then just use condoms, and if it breaks, Walgreens pharmacy is open 24 hours...if u get Plan B and take it esp within the first 12 hours, it is highly unlikely u will get pregnant. But u even have up to 72 hours really.

 

I know some girls who don't want to take B.C. because of the side effects - so that's an option. I wasn't on it until a couple months ago b/c I had sex about twice a year lmao!

[carhill]

Carhill, How do you mean he's getting sex regularly?

A quote from your OP:

 

We perform oral sex on each other lots, whenever we see each other if we arent tired (see each other maybe 3 times a week, have oral maybe once a week

Oral sex is sex. Mutual masturbation is sex. Anything involving your sexual organs is sex. For some people, even some non-sexual activities can provide sexual release.

 

As to the rest, you'll likely get a different message as time passes. I'm not the world's horniest dog but I would never say to a woman I loved that I didn't care if we didn't have sex. No way, no how, not gonna happen.

 

What I'm sensing here is that sex is something pleasurable to do and get 'worn out' by, rather than an expression of love and intimacy. If that is the case, be sure you're both on the same page about that as an incompatibility in that area can be a dealbreaker in the future.

[DanielMadr]

I think it's kind of funny that the OP was asking whether what she's doing now is OK, and all the guys are trying to solve the problem.

I love all you guys, I really do. It just kind of made me laugh.

 

Actually I wrote it is OK if she plays with his balls too:o

 

I was thinking the same. Actually I was wondering why no girl gives advice how to repair it and to see a doctor. And I...a guy have to tell her to do so. I suppose girls want to imply that a guy should stick with no matter what or go to hell, eventhough there might be a cure? Ego is such a futile thing.