guuunot Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Hi all, im new to this site. i've read some posts and you guys seem to give valuable advice. So, my gf for 2yrss and like 2days literally. . . . said she wants a break. Like, we had our ups and downs like any relationship. but she jus brought it up today. through txt msg. . . i've put to much into this relationship i think. she went behind my back twice, cheated on me, and lied both times but i managed to find the truth. I love this girl. shes been my 1st true love . . . but now she wants a break. i should also add that i've been over protective since the 2nd time she cheated. i havnt been able to trust her as much. and ironically she has like a work jam kinda thing tom. and i didnt want her going . so i need some serious help. Don't know what to ask . . . . just anything would be fine right now. thanks in advance guys.
ADF Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Hi all, im new to this site. i've read some posts and you guys seem to give valuable advice. So, my gf for 2yrss and like 2days literally. . . . said she wants a break. Like, we had our ups and downs like any relationship. but she jus brought it up today. through txt msg. . . i've put to much into this relationship i think. she went behind my back twice, cheated on me, and lied both times but i managed to find the truth. I love this girl. shes been my 1st true love . . . but now she wants a break. i should also add that i've been over protective since the 2nd time she cheated. i havnt been able to trust her as much. and ironically she has like a work jam kinda thing tom. and i didnt want her going . so i need some serious help. Don't know what to ask . . . . just anything would be fine right now. thanks in advance guys. Sadly, a "break" almost always means, "I'm dumping you, but don't want to say so." But don't be too sad. She doesn't sound like she had much respect for you anyway.
USMCHokie Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but 99.995% of the time, break = breakup...especially if the girl says she wants a break...
Author guuunot Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 damn, hate the news. but its reality. thanks tho for the quick reply. appriciate it. i just can't beleive i gave her so many chances after she cheated on me TWICE . . . damn man.
northstar1 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 It can mean "I want you to still be around on the backburner while I figure out what I want to do in the meantime, but for now I don't want to be committed to you"
kickintheaz Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 OP think ya know what ya gotta do.. cheating, lying and then 'texts a break(up)' after 2 years??... no point waiting for her to decide what she wants/when she wants.. Respect yourself (since she doesn't) and get out... heres a Q&A I got given the first time I visited site.. done wonders for starting to fix me.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ Best of luck....
Author guuunot Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 thanks for the replys guys. shes still msging me via txt. its odd. i dont know why tho. but if things do end, i know its going to be hard getting over her.
mark982 Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 she wants a break? give her a break----quit answering her texts. go nc(no contact). make her think you've fell of the earth.
D-Lish Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Your best course of action is to tell her you also want a break and drop off the face of the earth. Don't even give her the opportunity to pull this on you. She's able to pull this on you because you let her- you are giving her way too much power over you.
Author guuunot Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 i dont quiet get it. wat the hell does break mean? do we get back together after the break? lol or how long is a break? like really? im gunna tell her i want a break also. and then not be in contact with her. the thing that bothers me the most is she did this before a party that i didnt want here going to. but w.e its life. again thanks guys. and i hope some1 can answer those questions for me.
mark982 Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 she brike up with you BEFORE the party cause there was someone there she wanted to be with. so then you couldn't say she cheated. THEN after she's done playing games with him she'll possible come back to you. so basically what this breaks consists of,is when she's tired of him the breaks over! do you really want to be her plan b,and get sloppy seconds?
Author guuunot Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 lol thanks mark. i was thinking the samething. girls are ***in amazing at playing games. she said in one of her txt after saying she wants a break "and i want to be extra clear that i didnt do it now becuase of the party" she brought it up before i could.
boogieboy Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Yeah a "Break" means "Its over and im too chicken to tell you its over...while Im banging this other guy". So drop off the face of the earth. Dont tell her you want a break, just stop replying to her texts and calls. It will drive her nuts, which she deserves. She wants you as a safety net, but since its her 3rd cheating offence, this most likely will be the last. SO dont talk to her anymore, dont reply to any calls or texts, let her work really hard if she wants to use you for a safety net. But since she was able to walk all over you the first two times, she will never respect you and she hasnt been in love with you since the 1st offence. So besides filling the void of her absense, you have aboslutely nothing to gain from talking to this women. She has probably been seeing this guy for at least 2 weeks. She knows youre desperate and will forgive her. YOu will really mess her head up by taking away the safety net. It will be hard, but if you cut her off without warning, it will make it easier for you in the long run to get over her.
Author guuunot Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 so you guys believe this is just her game? shes lying to me all along? and the txt about her saying shes not doing this cuz of the party is a lie?
TaraMaiden Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Does it matter? Does it really matter? She's cheated on you before, what the hell makes you think she wouldn't - or hasn't again? She's a flake, a user and a cheater. She's let other guys go in where only you should go in. Think of that. You've been sharing her. Nice. Break off ALL contact and don't ever rise to her bait, ever again. If she wants a break - give it to her. Big Time.
fofiffs Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 All I could say is, run as fast as you can like forest gump and never look back. She seems like bad news to me. When she says she wants a break it literally means I'm dumping you. Take it from someone who has been in your shoes before.
nobleguy Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 so you guys believe this is just her game? shes lying to me all along? and the txt about her saying shes not doing this cuz of the party is a lie? I understand where you are coming from here I think. You are asking these questions in the hope that someone will pop up with a response to give you hope. I did exactly the same. A friend on FB gave it to me straight one day and hit hurt like hell, but it was what I needed. You're better than needing somone like her in your life. Really you are. Listen to TaraMaiden.
Author guuunot Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 Geez thanks guys. i really thought i'd be hearing some other answers. i but guess u guys are all right. i let her run all over me. its hard to take in right now. but i guess reality is always hard to take in.
nobleguy Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Geez thanks guys. i really thought i'd be hearing some other answers. i but guess u guys are all right. i let her run all over me. its hard to take in right now. but i guess reality is always hard to take in. It is hard. Very. And you'll still find yourself desperately wanting to hear alternative answers in the near future. Sorry we couldn't be more positive for you
Author guuunot Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 so heres some updates...i called her today. i wanted to see her and talk to her. cuz we havnt since she txted me. i asked her if she wanted to come out for a coffee or something she said no. and then i just really told her what was on my mind. i said that i thought it felt like she had given up on me on our relationship. also that i thought it was about working things out when times are tough, and enjoying the goodtimes. and really growing up with the person. i also said that i thought it was some1 else who she might be talking to...(which i regret saying now) and that i didnt wanna be her back up plan. all she had to say about it was that what i said was harsh, and that there was no1 else. then she said she still wants to hang out. and be friends and see if things can be better again. so, what do i do now? i know you guys said try NC, but that didnt work for me. . . . . do i still hang out with her? try to see if things work out? or what? =( this rreallly sucks
mark982 Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 first off i really like how she brought up the fact about the party,and there wasn't no one there she wanted to see. you don't really believe that do you? but gotta ask what part of nc don't you understand? your texting/calling her you're coming off as whinning, begging ----no woman likes that. do you think nc is going to work in a couple of days? put the darn phone down or block her calls. Reach WAY down and grap a pair,gonna hurt? you bet--- for alittle bit,this will also give you time to work on you.
Bulldozed Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Dude - I'd give anything to be in your shoes now, so early in the game. Bottom line is, our stories are somewhat similar. Cheating, mistrust....blahblahblah... Unfortunately I didn't find LS until it was too late. Despite being given some of the very same advice you've been told, I did the same things you've beren doing and screwed up any possibility of a reconciliation....in the end, i'm better off. read the attached, MULTIPLE times.... [COLOR=#990000]The No Contact Guide[/COLOR] [COLOR=#990000]So you want a second chance?[/COLOR]
fofiffs Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Alright i'm gonna tell it to you how it is. Go hang out with her and be her friend. Do all the things friends do. Let her lean on your shoulder when she is in need. Be there for her when she is with someone new. Be there for her when she tells you she still loves you and misses you even though she doesn't want to get back together. Seriously I highly advice that you go for. Then in maybe a few days, months, or maybe a year let us know how its going. Sometimes it takes experience or to go through the fire to actually learn something than just being told what to do or not to do. I'm not trying to be mean or anything because that's exactly what it took for me to open my eyes and see that most of the advice I got on here were really for the best. Oh how I wish I listened to everyone from the beginning. But hey, at least i'm all better now. And for the first time in almost 9 months I feel like me again.
Author guuunot Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 so you guys think i should just dig deep. and completely block her out starting now?. no 2nd chances or anything?
Bulldozed Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 did you read those two forums? Follow them religiously....if you want her back then learn them, know them and live them....otherwise you'll make the same mistake most on here have made, myself included.
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