Letter for my love

[stace79]

[This has not and will not be sent to my ex-fiance that I can foresee right now. I posted it to my blog and just wanted to share it with someone, since he has yet to see it.]

 

Dear M,

 

It’s the most odd thing — just about six months ago, you wrote a blog about me with this exact same title. Thankfully, I had the ability to openly read yours; you don’t even know this one exists right now. I want to tell you about it so badly, so that hopefully you would come here and read all the things I’m dying to say to you. But I’m afraid it would come across as pushy or as not respecting your wishes of us learning to be friends. And I want to do whatever I can to give you what you need. Yes, part of that is selfishly hoping we will have the chance to reconcile, but at the same time it’s selfless because I’m breaking my own heart to do what you’re asking.

 

I’m so sorry for manipulating or “blackmailing” you. No matter the circumstances or justification I thought in my head, it was wrong.

 

I’m so sorry for being mean, hateful and hostile. I let my emotions and temper get the better of me, and I turned on the one person outside my immediate family that I’ve always known I could count on. I’m so sorry for using hurtful names and cursing at you. No matter how angry I am, I should never talk to the love of my life in that way.

 

I’m so sorry for not trusting you to be the man you always wanted to be for me. I misjudged your abilities, even when I know in my soul that you can do whatever you put your mind to. I have seen your passion and your drive when you want something, and as your partner and someone who loves you 100%, I should have known that in a situation so important, that you would never let me down.

 

I’m so sorry for not returning the 100% effort you’ve given me since our engagement in May. I justified this in my mind because of how things were in the past, and because I was afraid to be hurt again. I told myself it was okay to sit back and let you do all the work for awhile, and that was wrong. If you love someone, you must love them fully and completely, with no holds barred and no regrets. Because, as I know and you know, it’s impossible to tell when you might lose a person for good and never get another chance to show them.

 

M, I have never regretted any actions or words more than I do now. The tables are turned, and I’m now the one wishing “I could just have your mind enter mine for an afternoon so you could see how happy we would be together.” Those are your words, M. And now they’ve become mine.

 

I want another chance for us. I’m trying to have as many positive thoughts as I can. I keep saying “when” you realize how much in love we are instead of “if”; keep thinking about how we can have our beautiful, intimate beach wedding; picturing how it will be when we live together again and wondering where we might end up in the world; I wear your ring and remain committed and faithful to you despite our situation.

 

If you decide you just can’t love me in the same way anymore, I will understand, and I will even eventually move on. But I cannot and will not just sit back and let you go without doing everything in my power to try. That is the one inaction I could possibly regret more than anything that’s transpired over the past three months.

 

I know in my heart and soul that I’m doing the right thing, because the last time I saw you, it was nearly impossible to tear myself from your arms at the airport. Do you remember, M? Neither of us could stand to let go, or stop crying, even after we separated. I’ve never felt that way about anyone. Never. And I don’t want to ever feel that way about anyone else but you.

 

My heart, my soul and my life belong to you, if you’ll have them again. If you’ll have me again, I pledge to do whatever it takes to make you happy. I know — and I believe you know deep down — that there’s nothing we couldn’t overcome together. I know I’m in no position to ask you for anything based on the past two months, but please, consider another chance for us.

 

I love you. With all my heart. Love, K

[kickintheaz]

nice one Stace....

 

hopefully ya won't need to ever send it!