McGrupp Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 (edited) so as a lot of you know ive been beating myself up for mistakes made POST breakup where in my mind i think i couldve got her back by staying NC. anywho, thinking back im reminded of this time when we were on "space" and i freaked out and went to her apt. when i knew she wouldnt be there. anyway i was looking for signs of another dude, but i did find all my stuff boxed up and ready to go. as a lot of people keep saying, the girls ACTIONS speak louder then words. so that being said, i was pretty much toast at that point anyway...right? also my actions at the time, well, it was not my finest hour. (I KNOW I NEED TO STOP OVER-ANALYZING BUT I THINK THIS COULD HELP ME STOP BLAMING MYSELF A LITTLE) Edited November 13, 2009 by McGrupp
mickleb Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I think you're on your way, McGr.. See what the mind brings up when you're not clouded by the desperation of trying to save something you have no control over? Yes, we need to acknowledge our demons (doing this a few months on is much healthier than trying to do it whilst you're in crisis) but we MUST recognise what brought them forth. She made you insecure the first time she left you and continued to do that. No wonder you acted irrationally. Anyway: well done. x
BCCA Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Your reacted the way you did because she made you insecure. She made you insecure because she left you before, and didnt do much to reassure you it wouldnt happen again (and actually, it DID happen again). Its a vicious cycle. I went through a similar thing with my ex, and all I can tell you is this: when someone breaks up with you, let them walk. I felt like most of my ex and I's second go around was just me filling a void, but it never felt like I was on 'equal footing'; she had dumped me before, and a lot of the time, I just did what I thought would prevent me from getting dumped again (as opposed to what I wanted or what was good for me). I let stuff slide, I pretended everything was fine as long as we were together, and in a lot of ways, I lost sight of my own hopes and dreams. In the end, all you do is spin your wheels. When someone leaves you, let them go. Who cares about why and who is right or wrong, its over.
Author McGrupp Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 we broke up about 10 days after this. basically it sucks. i called her and she said it was over after another argument. ugh. i miss her
mickleb Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 We all miss what we HAD, to some extent. But it wasn't what we thought it was. That's a painful reality. But it is reality. You actually miss feeling fulfilled. Fill the gap her departure has left. But not with her. With something that has staying power. Been looking for jobs? x
nobleguy Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 (edited) Over analysing is so natural. I doubt that your actions after the break up made any difference. If they did ensure you were finished for good then perhaps in a (very) strange way this was the best thing that could have happened. I am also fairly confident that NC fro the beginning might have got her back, but it would have been a disaster. She left for a reason and her coming back because she is out of her comfort zone is not a reason that I wanted her to come back. Know that doesn't help a lot but... Edited November 14, 2009 by nobleguy
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