Ran into ex's best friend and regret talking to him

[Orchid8]

So I am going on six weeks of no contact with the ex bf. Well, he would write me nasty emails but I wouldn't respond at all. We broke up because I had just met someone during the last leg of our relationship.

 

Anyway, I dropped out of the party scene for about a month but decided to go out last night to a friend's b-day party at a club that we use to go to together. I ran into the ex's friend but he wasn't there. We started talking about my ex and I told him I still cared about the ex (big mistake, I know) and went on to say that I know the ex hates me but I'm trying to do everything possible to keep the peace and avoid him.

 

So now, I regret talking to his friend because it was awkward. And the friend said he told the ex that I ran into him but he didn't say anything at all (which I find it hard to believe). I'm sure I'll get another nasty email from the ex telling me to stop talking about him and going to places where he goes. Which is retarded since I've been going to the same places even before we got together.

 

So my question is, do you think the ex feels like he's got the upperhand in all this because I'm talking about him to his friend and it sounds like I haven't move on yet?

 

I'm not really over him but I know I will never get back with him for too many reasons. I just don't want him to think that I'm still pining for him.. I just want some peace restored in my life is all.

[TheLoneSock]

So my question is, do you think the ex feels like he's got the upperhand in all this because I'm talking about him to his friend and it sounds like I haven't move on yet?

 

Why the hell do you care?

 

Is it about being able to move on or is it about having power? If you're worried about 'power' then it's because you don't have it. So yes, he has the upper hand because you still care about what he thinks.

[JolliX]

Just keep up NC. He's going to be mad since you broke it off to see someone else (that hurts a lot). Now if he's not a psycho, he will hopefully stop being mad here soon and stop sending you the e-mails (after so long, it's just an issue he has, and not just a normal part of the process).

 

Until he gets over the anger though, the best thing to do is to keep NC going and to not talk to friends of his that would tell him abouthaving talked with you.

 

I really can't blame him for getting mad about the fact that you would say you still care for him, since you're the one that tore his eart apart. Hearing that just sounds like BS, and would make him question all the closure that he has found to this point.

 

Now if the hate e-mails go on for a few more weeks, then the issue might be is. But him being angry is normal (though yes, he could vent the anger better than e-mailing you nasty e-mails, but my guess is he has no one to really vent to). Best thing to do is not to read the e-mails at all.

[Space Ritual]

Basically you should have NEVER said a thing about him. Of course it will get back to him. And yeah you dumped him for someone else so of course he is angry with you. The consequences are that your ex will most likely will never be friendly with you. And by your experience post breakup he will probably continue to be openly hostile towards you. It's the price you pay. Simple as that.

 

By saying you still care about him rings hollow and self righteous to someone who has been dumped.

 

And Lone Sock brought up an EXCELLENT POINT ABOUT CONTROL. What you did was add insult to injury by proxy. To question yourself about having an upper hand or not is pretty indicative of your maturity level. It's also pretty indicative of how our society views interpersonal relationships as "winning and losing". Frankly I find it very sad.

 

I suggest you steer way clear of anywhere that he may be at for the forseeable future. It doesen't matter whether you inhabited these places first. If you want to spare yourself an incident or a very nasty confrontation Id not go there anymore. People who see exes at places like that when drinking is involved tend to not act very nice.

 

And by all means do not have any contact with him or any of his friends. You have to assume they are HIS friends and not yours. Remember you dumped him for somebody else so any news of any contact you have had with anyone or asking about him will get back to him directly and further fuel his distaste of you. His friend was probably calling your ex the second he left your side with all the juicy details and I am sure they both had some choice words for you.

 

I'm not trying to be nasty. Im just providing you with an alternative reality and the consequences of a messy breakup that you may have opened up a can of worms. Just go about your business, for he is no longer in your life and his welfare should be of no concern to you whatsoever.

[Orchid8]

Just keep up NC. He's going to be mad since you broke it off to see someone else (that hurts a lot). Now if he's not a psycho, he will hopefully stop being mad here soon and stop sending you the e-mails (after so long, it's just an issue he has, and not just a normal part of the process).

 

Until he gets over the anger though, the best thing to do is to keep NC going and to not talk to friends of his that would tell him abouthaving talked with you.

 

I really can't blame him for getting mad about the fact that you would say you still care for him, since you're the one that tore his eart apart. Hearing that just sounds like BS, and would make him question all the closure that he has found to this point.

 

Now if the hate e-mails go on for a few more weeks, then the issue might be is. But him being angry is normal (though yes, he could vent the anger better than e-mailing you nasty e-mails, but my guess is he has no one to really vent to). Best thing to do is not to read the e-mails at all.

 

Thanks for your post, JolliX. Yah, I don't blame him for being upset that I said I still care. I was half near hammered when I ran into the ex's friend and basically told him what I was feeling at the moment. I am never doing that again.

 

Surprisingly, I haven't received anymore hate emails from him (thank gawd!). I can only hope that he continues to leave me alone.

[Orchid8]

Basically you should have NEVER said a thing about him. Of course it will get back to him. And yeah you dumped him for someone else so of course he is angry with you. The consequences are that your ex will most likely will never be friendly with you. And by your experience post breakup he will probably continue to be openly hostile towards you. It's the price you pay. Simple as that.

 

By saying you still care about him rings hollow and self righteous to someone who has been dumped.

 

And Lone Sock brought up an EXCELLENT POINT ABOUT CONTROL. What you did was add insult to injury by proxy. To question yourself about having an upper hand or not is pretty indicative of your maturity level. It's also pretty indicative of how our society views interpersonal relationships as "winning and losing". Frankly I find it very sad.

 

I suggest you steer way clear of anywhere that he may be at for the forseeable future. It doesen't matter whether you inhabited these places first. If you want to spare yourself an incident or a very nasty confrontation Id not go there anymore. People who see exes at places like that when drinking is involved tend to not act very nice.

 

And by all means do not have any contact with him or any of his friends. You have to assume they are HIS friends and not yours. Remember you dumped him for somebody else so any news of any contact you have had with anyone or asking about him will get back to him directly and further fuel his distaste of you. His friend was probably calling your ex the second he left your side with all the juicy details and I am sure they both had some choice words for you.

 

I'm not trying to be nasty. Im just providing you with an alternative reality and the consequences of a messy breakup that you may have opened up a can of worms. Just go about your business, for he is no longer in your life and his welfare should be of no concern to you whatsoever.

 

Thanks for your feedback, Space Ritual. Your comment is appreciated. As I have mentioned in my response to JolliX, I did have one too many drinks that night and basically spoke freely about what I was feeling at the time. 99% of the time, I am in control of my feelings and do keep myself in check by avoiding all communication with him and his friends. But anyway, it happened so lesson learned.

 

Where I live, it's a small county so it's hard to avoid him and his friends anywhere I go. I would have to lock myself up to avoid being in the same places. So instead of dropping off the face of the earth I will go out but just make sure not to hit up the same places he goes to on certain nights.

 

Speaking of running into his friends, I ran into them (girl and guy) last night at the gym. The girl came up, said hi and asked me how things were going. I told her straight up "sorry, I don't feel it would be appropriate to talk about my personal life to you but it was nice seeing you" and walked off. I guess that was curt but being nice to them only makes them pretend to be nice back so that they can get the scoop on me and run back and tell him. So from now on, if I run into any of his friends, I will not make eye contact and pretend I didn't see them. It's the best way to deal with run ins when you least expect it and avoid all possible awkwardness.

 

Anyway, the fact that he is still very bitter till this day is beyond me. I recently found out that we was shagging several girls while we were still together! Anyway, it's all heresay but I believe it knowing his history. Oh well, it doesn't matter, none of this does as I have closed this chapter of my life.