hpnutter Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 My boyfriend broke up with me on Monday (check out my other threads...) and I have to stay over at his on Sunday and Monday... I know what you're gonna say about that, but it's unavoidable. I was just wondering if you had any advice for me on how to be, what to say etc? I want to talk to him about the break up because he did it by text and I had to call him back and I have some questions about it. He said it's fine for me to stay over and had assumed I would, but doesn't want to talk about the situation while I'm there. I really feel I need to though, I need some answers to questions... Also, I have another question for you - we're long distance and he claims we've drifted too far and thinks the spark has gone, but I was only up there the other week and he was very happy to have sex, so surely there is some spark? I know men don't always put sex and emotion together... But when we started talking about these probs and drifting, he said he thought we might be moving towards being very close friends, so isn't that basically saying he cares the same about me but doesn't want to have sex with me anymore? Because that doesn't tally with my visit! He did say he loved me as much but in a slightly different way. But he said that kissing and sex had never been about 'going through the motions', but if the spark had gone and he saw me as a friend only and so didn't fancy me, it would have become 'going through the motions' surely? I'm just trying to figure him out, it's very sudden and confusing and I think he has felt confused too. We've been together for 4 years and I think we have reached the comfortable, very close, companionship stage of love, maybe he doesn't realise that's what it is and has confused it for lack of spark... Most of his previous relationships haven't lasted very long, though he is a lot older than me. I just don't know, I have so many questions. I just want answers so I know from him that it is definitely over and I can stop wondering and hoping and get on with forgetting about him. I am justified in asking for these answers arn't I? I don't want to make him unhappy or uncomfortable and I don't want to push him further away, but I feel that I have a right to sit him down and ask him about it so that I really know what he thinks and feels and can get some closure.
Author hpnutter Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 Basically, we live quite far apart and I've been looking for a job in his area, the day after he dumped me I got an interview. I don't know anyone else much up there cos it's a university town so most people I used to know have passed through and moved elsewhere, and as I'm unemployed I don't really have funds for a hotel. Staying with him is free... I'm so nervous. I think that while I've been trying not to hope, I haven't been successful and want him to realise when he sees me that he's made a mistake. I know that's v unlikely though and while I need my questions answered and need to KNOW there's no hope, I'm really scared of seeing him and hearing him say he really doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and its 100% over... :-( I just want to shake him and make him see sense! But maybe its just me overanalysing things and wanting to read other things into what's happened and maybe he has already told me everything I need to know :-( This is my first break up and I'm just finding it really hard, can't stop thinking about him, don't like sleeping cos every night I dream about him... :-( I have no idea if he is thinking about me constantly like this. Poo.
Author hpnutter Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 I haven't texted my ex in a few days except to inform him what time my trains are since I'm staying at his. He hasn't texted me either until now when he's just told me he's at a karate competition, which I already knew as he told me when I told him about the trains, and he doesn't know when he'll be back - and then he finished off by saying to text him to let him know that I've arrived safely - WHAT?? I feel like he's giving off such mixed signals, I don't know what to make of it all. He's the one who dumped me! Yet he wants to make sure I'm safe, he's told me I mean the world to him, and he told me he loves me, just in a slightly different way due to drifting and an apparent lack of spark - though he was happy to have sex with me a couple of weeks ago when I was last there... Is it me or does he sound confused? Or maybe he does just love me a lot just as a friend... Maybe I am reading too much into it. I wont reply to his text just yet anyway.
Author hpnutter Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 Anyone got any advice at all? :-(
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