I love her so much, that I don't know what to do--That's a bad thing.

[dyermaker]

I'm a fifteen year old city boy who moved out to the country for two years. While there, I fell in love with the most incredible girl ever. I don't want to be one of those dicks who toot their own horn, but I'm definitely both good looking, and a good person. I also think that she's extremely attractive, and one of the most amazing and loving persons on the planet. We went out, but I moved back to the city for High School.

 

She writes me letters, we talk on the phone, email, messenger, whatever. Not a day goes by where we don't talk. I can tell how you reading this could roll your eyes as just teenage drama whatever, but we both feel that we are the person that we want to spend the rest of our lives with. We have a plan to go to college together and afterwards get married and such. (1004 days, 6 hours, 1 minutes, and 44 seconds left at time of writing.) I care about more than just her body, her mind, or even her heart, I care about her soul, and I know she cares about mine.

 

I'm usually that guy who people come to for advice, and it's usually good advice. I tend to see a lot about people and their relationships. But up until now, I'ts all been passive vicarious advice, and now that I'm in a relationship (far more meaningful than any other I've ever dreamed of) it's impossible to follow it. If I truly wanted to get out there and get some ass, I could, because I know the tricks of how to get someone attracted to you, what to do and what not to do. But with this girl, I've thrown all the rules out of the window. I've told her I loved her, because I do, and normally you never tell anyone that because of a number of reasons, and I recognize that, but I feel so damn comfortable talking to her. She also puts on a confident face, but with me she'll talk about anything, and I honestly see that as no reason to maintain the deceitful 'rules' of relationships. It's as if we've become one person, that one usually goes through life with a benevolent self-interest, we now live life for each other, and I feel like that's enough to break the rules.

 

So that's quetsion one, am I doing the right thing by doing what I described right above there, not yielding to what's tried and true?

 

And also, this Christmas I'll be seeing her for the first time in a while. We love each other more than anything, but I'm not experienced at all in how to deal with those feelings. Should I kiss her? Please don't say stupid stuff like "go with the flow", things like that don't help me. I feel like I'm the antiflow, that I'll appear to withdrawn. I've invested my soul into this relationship, and I'd just feel like I'm missing something for the rest of my life if I did something wrong. I've told her this, and all she does is assure me that she'll always love me and doesn't care how things go. But I don't know if that's what she means. I want to be that romantic guy who sweeps her off her feet or whatever, but I don't feel that way. I'm not even sure what to say to her when I see her.

 

And there's question two, how do I go about turning our feelings into something tangible when I see her, and if that's even what I should do?

 

After about a week, I'll be going back home 150 miles away from her, keep that in mind.

 

=====

 

Thanks in advance for the help

[DerangedAngel]

You sound like my boyfriend used to, lol. I think its very sweet though, and you seem sincere. I'm not really sure how long you all have spent together... face to face. I am currently in a LD relationship as well, and its tough. You hear their voice, respond to their emails... and then you see them in person. WHAM! The shyness sets in. You get over it after a day or so... and they/you leave again. Its like this always, until you are able to continuously spend time with them. Even if relationships like this can work, they *are* hard to deal with.

 

Now, telling her that you love her: if you feel it, and are comfortable saying it, then do! There should be no rules with that IMO!

 

As far as what you should do physically, I won't tell you to "go with the flow". LOL Although I would have, had you not requested otherwise. I will say that I wouldn't stress about it... because you might make HER feel uneasy. If she feels the same that you say you feel about her, I would say she would enjoy being kissed. Making a woman feel sexy and wanted it a good thing. You just don't need to degrade her and try to "tap that" right away. Just make her feel good you know? I'm rambling... sorry. (trying to imagine what I would want if I were in her shoes)

 

Last thing I can say is that your friendship is more important right now. Don't push it, you'll end up making yourselves miserable. If you have a desire to be with each other long-term, pace it. Ya' hear? Make her fall for you slow and hard! Good luck Romeo!... ****Hope some of this helped at least a lil, tis very late****

 

)(Deranged)(

 

OH! P.S. You will miss her like hell when you leave

[jmargel]

Dyer,

 

You are putting way too much stress on yourself. Its not good to put the weight of what might seem the world on your shoulders. Don't over analyze this either. Once you see her for xmas, all these thoughts of 'what should I do', etc.. Will be thrown out the door.

 

If you want an answer to your question, then to me kissing her would only have postive effects. But you decide when to do it, when you feel comfortable. If she's assuring you things are going to be OK, then trust her. 150 miles isn't too bad, but since you are only 15 I know it can be tough.

 

You made a quote that got me concerned though: "we now live life for each other". Make sure you live life FOR YOURSELF as well. What i'm saying is, you could be feeling that if you don't do things a certain way at a certain time you fear losing her. That's putting way too much stress on yourself. And it scares me in that if you two were not to work out (most chances you will) that you would take it very very hard & might think of doing stupid things to yourself.

 

Love is complicated and its something you are finding out. There is no instruction manual that comes with life or love. So doing things a certain way or at a certain time doesn't guarantee anything. Love can also be the best thing in the world & also the worst. The reason why love hurts so much at times, is because it feels so good when you fall into it.

 

I'm 29 yrs old, so I have some years on you and also have an ex-fiancee. So, with that take some advice from me:

 

1. Never take your mate for granted, no matter how long you've been with them. Love them like its the last day you'll see them. You'll never know when they might be gone.

 

2. Communicate! If something bothers you, or worries you then tell them.

 

3. Never assume things! Don't get paranoid about things, don't rely on others for information. If you want to know the truth about something, talk to your mate. Keeping an open line of communication will only bring you two closer.

 

4. Respect. Put yourself #1 in your world along side of your mate. Look up to them for the things they went through, accomplished and trying to get through

 

5. Accept their faults. They are not perfect, just like you aren't. Your mate sometime down the road might say something to you that you may not want to hear, or might take offense to it. When that happens, talk to them. Don't yell, don't storm off. Most of the time its miscommunication

 

6. Enjoy each other. Don't worry about the if's & what-ifs (im going through that now with my situation). Worrying about this is only going to make your mate pick up on this, and cause tension. Again this is where communcation comes in.

 

7. Be romantic, do the little things. That's what matters most. Give your mate the best gift of all, your heart. Do little things like write them little notes when they least expect it, or before they can finish a sentence give them a romantic kiss.

 

8. Listen to what your mate has to say! When they tell you something its because there is a reason. If they mention something you do that bothers them, then correct it!

 

I hope this helps some. Just be yourself and don't get all worried about things. The time you spend with each other is going to go fast, so just enjoy it. I think what you should do though, is when she arrives have a red rose waiting for her. It'll 'show' her how much you care about her.

 

Hope this helps some..

[Arabess]

Dyer,

Age has nothing to do with the deepness or sincerity of your love. As a matter of fact, I think younger people can love more purely because they aren't dragging around so much baggage and bitterness.

 

OFCOURSE you are going to be nervous when you see her again!!! The only helpful part is....she will be MORE nervous than you. a couple of years ago, I finally met someone face to face who I had met on the internet. (I'd met other people for dates and such....but I really cared about this guy and knew I could fall in love with him.) There is now way....you meeting with her....could be more AKWARD than we were the first time...and we were adults! I drank 2 beers in the airport before I even got my luggage.....LOL!

 

It helped with him just looking into my eyes and saying..."It's okay....it's just me." It was simple...yet sweet. You've got to remember the same thing. When you do meet up....it's still the same two people who have talked and bonded for weeks....you and her.

 

You BETTER kiss her!!! You don't have to go there right away....but while you are hugging "Hello" anyway..you might as well! At least on the cheek or something. Here's an idea....ask her NOW how she wants to be greeted when you guys see each other again.

 

I guess the most important thing is to still be the same person face to face as you are when you chat, phone or email now. Do you use a webcam or just send pictures or what?

 

Saying bye after seeing each other wil be VERY HARD! There is no way to make it any less painful...other than already knowing when you will get to see each other again. Giver her a small parting gift to remember you by when you do have to say good-bye and tell her you will call or be online the minute you get home. Her fear, and probably yours, is that once you meet it will change what you have now. It doesn't have to as long as you both agree to act the same in person....as you do in your long distance relationship now.

 

Make sure and let us know how it goes Dryer!!! I love a great love story.

 

Arabess

[dyermaker]

Deranged (If I may be so forward lol),

 

It's an odd situation that we're in. We haven't spent enough time face to face. I understand that you might think we glorify each other because we don't see each other, but it's not that, and if you think it is, I'll always think it's not, so don't even say it, because I'll just ignore it I think I just need to feel comfortable around her, and I sort of don't. I have plenty of female friends, but because there's no emotional attachment I feel I can do whatever. But now that I feel so attached to this girl, I don't know what to say/do, because I'm too afraid of something going wrong.

 

It isn't really a long distance relationship. Okay actually, that's exactly what it is, but I resent the categorization only because I'm so happy with what we have. We both look at our youth (All 1003 days, 14 hours, 6 minutes, and 1 seconds remaining of it) as sort of 'doing time' until we could be together. I feel like I just want things to go so right, that I'm afraid of it going wrong. She's said similar things to me, but she's the girl, and doesn't have to be as assertive as I'm expected to. Thanks by the way, I don't know if I said that.

 

 

===

 

 

jmargel,

 

The only reason when I see her for Christmas the thoughts will be out of the door, is because it'll be to late. You really think I should just wing it like that? It's not like I'm experienced enough to know what to do.

 

And on to what I said about living for each other. I do live for myself, but I live for her as well. If things were to ever not work out, I'd never hurt myself physically or do something stupid. I'd be pretty damn sad though. When I said that we live life for each other, I meant that we no longer think in terms of 'I', but as 'we'--I was saying that it's an unselfish love unlike anything I've ever felt before, not the kind of codependent love that would leave me in a position to hurt myself. I understand your concern, and thanks for saying that.

 

Arabess, I understand that she's nervous too, but I have societal obligations to make the first move. How can I stay myself when I've put so much energy into this moment?

 

I'll keep y'all updated after Christmas, and btw, it's "Dyer" not "Dryer" lol, like D'Yer Ma'ker, the song. *points to avatar*

[Arabess]

I'm sorry DYER....I'm notorious for typos.

 

What I meant by being yourself....is to be the same person you are when you talk to her on the net. I've met guys on line who were all fun and witty....then met them in person and they were all shy and quiet. If it's a love relationship where you use words of endearment....make sure to use those words when you are face to face as well.

 

In other words, when you meet her again, don't act as though you are strangers. Continue in the same relationship as you currently have....or you'll both end up second guessing if what you discussed on the net was for real.

[dyermaker]

*sigh*

 

I only hope I can, I have no experience to draw from, and I'm anxious about it.

[dyermaker]

Does anyone have any advice for keeping things the same when I see her? I've never been in a serious relationship before, and this has sort of the unique issue of us progressing extremely far emotionally but not neccessarily physically, or any other adverb. Just to reiterate, me = no experience.

[moimeme]

It's almost inevitable that it will be a little odd at the beginning. Probably the best thing to do about that would be to discuss it with her in advance. You don't need to be 'cool' and pretend that it's not happening because you will both feel that way. If you are that close and bonded and all that, then you should be able to discuss it easily and plan how to deal with it together.

[dyermaker]

She says

 

We will both be nervous, but I don't think that is a problem. I love you so much, and I haven't seen you in so long...of course it will be...awkward is NOT the word...unnerving? But it's something that happens...and I don't want anything to be any different than it will be.

 

I'm not so sure that even words will be necessary. (entiendes?)

 

*dances*

 

edit: si, entiendo, finalmente

[DerangedAngel]

Are you feeling better about spending time with her for Christmas now? (Hope so) Just thought I'd mention this ((although it might not be important now)): When T and I started our long-distance relationship, we had never met! We first started talking on Yahoo!, lol, I'm a sad case. Anyway, he's great... so most of the comfort issues I have when I haven't been around him for a bit are because of that I think. Like he'll forget who I really am, and imagine me to be what he wants... keeping just my voice. However, this is silly and I'm sure it isn't that way. For the most part, we are extremely good together. And I do have some loving "nagging" sometimes, btw! That's usually the only reason we argue. heh Anyways... I'm sure things will go well.

[dyermaker]

Thanks, your blessings are truly appreciated.

[moimeme]

*dances*

 

See? Communication. Honesty. Being open. GREAT stuff Way better than second-guessing

[jenny]

you are lovely. i love how you feel about your girl. i'm a cynical girl by nature, but what you have is beautiful and rare.

 

i think you should honour the escalating state of your relationship by kissing her, hard, when you see her. there is nothing like it to remove awkwardness.

 

here is my suggestion: rent 'a room with a view' or read it. wait for the kissing scene. the way he treats the girl - curious, unpredictable, respectful, academic, is right up your alley and is more than any girl could ask for. once i had a guy like that and i've never been able to settle for anything less since.

 

o! i am so touched by your feelings for her. she sounds as cool, smart, and open as you, as well. i'm pretty sure your feelings will progress naturally, but *do* plan to 'room with a view' kiss her.

[DerangedAngel]

Hehe. 'room with a view' kiss her. You need to give advice to my boy, Jenny. And to you, Dyer, I would try that.

[dyermaker]

Dammit, now you've got me nervous again. The way you describe it seems so foreign and difficult

[moimeme]

Isn't Room with a View 18+?

[moimeme]

Dyer, Jenny's into gourmet fare. Your lass is not expecting you to romance her as though you had perfected the art on numerous women since she won't have been sampling many exotic treats herself. She'll be plenty happy to have you however you are.

[dyermaker]

Isn't Room with a View 18+?

 

*rolls eyes*

 

[jenny]

lol - it is totally not. the guy just has an impulse to kiss her while she is standing in a field, and then he does. because he wants to.

 

it's really very easy, sorry if i made it seem difficult. it just provides a model of a guy who acts on his emotions directly; and contrasts him to a guy who represses his expressiveness.

 

lol. ps. it's true - i am a connoisseur. take my advice with a grain of refined salt.

[dyermaker]

Now we're back to "go with the flow", yes? I just wish I had some way of interpreting the flow, that I was a little more confident in what's okay to do. Do you think that there's anything bad that could come of kissing her?

[jenny]

hmm..no, i don't think so. unless you count her falling rapidly into limerant love as a consequence.

 

if you wait for a moment where you most want to kiss her, it's better. i do think you should plan to kiss her; it's a mission;but deciding on the moment is in the flow.

 

mine kissed me after i cuddled a freezing dog outside a 7-11 - though he may have been simply aroused by the dog in heaving bosom combination. and mine kissed me when i was in the middle of some stupid diatribe about erasmus; it still rocked.

[moimeme]

Don't do it unless she looks like she wants it. And whatever you do, don't go in tongue first. I can't imagine you would. But I have heard of it being done.

[DerangedAngel]

I, personally, don't think so. I mean, if its just a kiss and you're not groping her and the like. Well wait. I know you said you met her, and then you moved again because of school. Have you ever kissed her before?

[dyermaker]

No, I've never kissed anyone before. But it wasn't then what it is now.