wondering_girl Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 hi guys, what does "so, let's take some time apart and start over" mean? they both are contradictory statements, to me that is. isn't that mean a break anyway - i mean, i don't speak with him anymore, no desire to break NC either, i miss him and love him, but i don't want to compromise my self-respect to be with him unless he realizes his behavior hurt me so badly and says let's do this again.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Are you still suffering with his lack of communication skills? If I were you, I'd not be afraid of him anymore. It doesn't sound like he's given you the space you've needed, so you haven't even begun to heal. So I'd call him. Call him and get it out of him. Talk to him. Say things that you really want to say, need to say. Hear him talk. If he doesn't talk, if he's not ready, if he's not open..... tell him so. Do him a favor and tell him that his lack of communication skills are unbearable in a relationship. Really. I can't believe he's still putting you through this.... he just doesn't get it, does he? Ah... communication! Communication is key. If he can't do it, or you, then it's over.
sean1970 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 hi guys, "so, let's take some time apart and start over" mean? they both are contradictory statements, to me that is.. It's meant to be confusing...
Author wondering_girl Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 hi ms.joolie, how are you?? thanks for the response. well - this is actually through e-mail he apologized and then told me this and then i agreed with it because you know, i was so hurt by his actions - as far as addressing the communication part, i've addressed that to him too, no response yet, but i noted situations in which he has hurt me terribly when he didn't communicate with me whatsoever, he also told me that if we don't grow together, we'll grow apart and i addressed that communication is a part of growing together, isn't it? unless i'm just not comprehending his theory... but yeah, when he said that those statements contradict themselves.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I'm doing well, much better from those first few days you saw me posting! Thank you for asking. And so where are you in all this? How do you feel about it? You said you love him but is that a love that still wants to be with him now, even after all this?
GrayClouds Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 It means he is trying to let you down easy or wants to keep you hanging on if he does not find anything better. Until he knows what he wants and will to work his butt off to get it (like find the ability or desire to communicate), and that is you, then it will be a long term emotional roller coaster break-up for you. Stick to NC.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 It sounds like let's have space, and then start again with each other after you've had space. Maybe he is confused and doesn't know himself what it means or what he wants. Communication is SO important, I've learnt that to my cost this year hi guys, what does "so, let's take some time apart and start over" mean? they both are contradictory statements, to me that is. isn't that mean a break anyway - i mean, i don't speak with him anymore, no desire to break NC either, i miss him and love him, but i don't want to compromise my self-respect to be with him unless he realizes his behavior hurt me so badly and says let's do this again.
mickleb Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 After the way he left you, wondering, this is beyond breadcrumbs. Time to tell the guy to f*ck off and never darken your door again. (In your head.) Really, he's useless. Good to hear you feeling stronger. x
Author wondering_girl Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 hello everyone.... hi ms.joolie, is it love? i think so.. is that what unconditional love is? because i really really hate it..... i should hate him by now i still miss him... now, as far as where i'm at, after me addressing the communication issues - he hasn't responded, some days i want him back, some days i don't - but this whole time apart deal and starting over, how do we know when to? is this gonna be on his call again? and i don't wanna wait here forever either you know - some days i still want to be with him but i don't want to compromise my self-respect on the way of getting there.......... hi mickleb, how have you been? i know right.... i don't know........
mickleb Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Hi love. I've been really, quite good. I am, certainly, clear that I deserve better. Honey, SO DO YOU. Is this what you picture a loving relationship to be like? Is this what you want? If you ever accept him back, it's what you will have. Love is conditional, btw. You can't love someone without them respecting your boundaries (and vice versa). Love without those (healthy) boundaries, is actually, fear. x
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