Mini-Me Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I just need to know, it is driving me crazy. What in the world goes through your mind when you enter into a relationship outside of your marriage WHEN you arent at least "exiting" the marriage???? I mean, especially with a single man, leading him on, giving yourself to him, telling him that you love him, more than you have ever loved anyone else, etc, BUT in reality, you have no intentions on being with him.. this is crazy
blinded Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I can only speak for myself. I was involved with a MM and neither of us had any intentions of leaving our M. I never expected things to go as far as it did. I was always cautious of what I said to him because I never wanted to 'lead him on' nor betray my M in that way. Silly considering I was betraying my H in every other way. There is the guilt. I was always trying to act as normal as possible. At the same time I was so anxious about lying and meeting up w/MM that I would have physical symptoms of a nervous stomach. On the flip side, when I looked into MM's eyes, I would magically forget everything and just want to enjoy my time with him. I don't want to minimize my feelings for him because they are very strong, more than I can explain. When either of us would get a call it would be the wake up call we needed and we would separate. It's not as easy being the married person. Everything must be kept secret, from everyone. As for being single, I imagine you have friends to talk it over with and the ability to date around and forget the AP
Author Mini-Me Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 It's not as easy being the married person. Everything must be kept secret, from everyone. As for being single, I imagine you have friends to talk it over with and the ability to date around and forget the AP yep, aint it great? I can just "move on", leaving her with the mess... pretty cool.... NOT I hear what you are saying though. She was the one married and made choices and now has the consequences to deal with... I just was hoping someone could explain to me WHY one like her would make those choices in the first place
blinded Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Why? I don't know. Everyone has their own reasons as to why they choose an A. It could be anything from her being a serial cheater to just feeling that connection with you. Only that connection, however much she may treasure it, isn't strong enough for her to leave her M. I don't know. I guess the question could be turned around in saying why would a single guy choose to pursue a married woman? You have a whole sea of single women to choose from, why her? You don't have to really answer. I'm just saying.
Author Mini-Me Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 I guess the question could be turned around in saying why would a single guy choose to pursue a married woman? You have a whole sea of single women to choose from, why her? You don't have to really answer. I'm just saying. fair enough.. Like I posted, this came out of nowhere.. we were friends, REALLY good, close friends for a few years, living across the street from each other and involved in each others life daily... Somebody else posted the term "it just happened", and well, this just happened.. and then when she told me that day out of the blue that she was in love with me, the friendship took on a whole new meaning. I wouldnt call it "pursuing", just a different friendship, which grew and grew. The "personal" side of things were immense. She then started IC ad talking and trying to figure things out for herself. She DID talk to H (which most dont do) and then H put all of the "blame eggs" in MY basket, hence the NC email I got yesterday. They have ALOT to work through, but they are doing it and it is NOT for me to worry about, and I wont. anyway, it's all done with now.
confusedinkansas Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I guess the question could be turned around in saying why would a single guy choose to pursue a married woman? You have a whole sea of single women to choose from, why her? You don't have to really answer. I'm just saying. anyway, it's all done with now. But you don't seem to want it to be done. I know - you have several WHY's to be answered. Like Blinded - when my MM & I began seeing each other there was never an intention on leaving our spouses to be together. After his wife left him for someone else - we started seeing each other again & he NEVER once asked me to leave my husband - even though he knew the situation I was in. (hind-site is a beautiful thing & for my situation I have a LOT OF HIND SITE - A-HA moments) I think that for a lot of us that are married to other people (can't speak for either side of an affair that is single) the affair is a way to escape the every day CRAP that we deal with- Instead of facing it. Your MW may very well have NEVER planned to leave her husband for you. Was there talk of that? Did you plan a "Happily Ever After"..... As for her husband tossing all the blame eggs your way - My husband did the same thing - I think that's pretty common. They put on blinders & think NOT MY WIFE......She was LURED by the big bad wolf. Husbands I think, sometimes underestimate their wives & their wives needs. (Just my theory/opinion on that one)
blinded Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 It's really just begun for you- the healing that is. I understand exactly when you say that it 'just happened'. But those convos, stolen moments, and friendship will be missed and will be hard to get over. I am sure that as much as you're hurting she's feeling it the same. It sounds like she was emotionally torn and turned to IC for help. Remember, it takes two to do this and the blame shouldn't fall completely on your shoulders. Good luck to you.
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