ElChup Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Not strickly to do with coping with the break up itself, but I wanted to get folk's opinions on this. We technically split 3 and a half weeks before I could organise a move out. During that time we were very civil to each other and maintained our sex life until I departed. Now, obviously I am having sex withdrawal at the moment.....but I've noticed that recently when I masturbate all the turns my mind on is the thoughts of sex with her, and if I look at pornography to try and get turned on by something else I end up looking for pictures of women who look like her. Now, is this something other people have? I'm not the sort of person to have one night stands, but I'm a bit concerned that when I finally go back to dating I will be comparing all sex to the sex we had over the past three years, and that I won't be able to properly enjoy the new girl. Is this going to go away?
sean1970 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Not strickly to do with coping with the break up itself, but I wanted to get folk's opinions on this. We technically split 3 and a half weeks before I could organise a move out. During that time we were very civil to each other and maintained our sex life until I departed. Now, obviously I am having sex withdrawal at the moment.....but I've noticed that recently when I masturbate all the turns my mind on is the thoughts of sex with her, and if I look at pornography to try and get turned on by something else I end up looking for pictures of women who look like her. Now, is this something other people have? I'm not the sort of person to have one night stands, but I'm a bit concerned that when I finally go back to dating I will be comparing all sex to the sex we had over the past three years, and that I won't be able to properly enjoy the new girl. Is this going to go away? Im not sure many might be inclined to admit such a thing, but I can. Yeah, I have had to stop that as an 'activity' because it just leads to mental images of her. I read this one passage on the subject on a breakup site... "Stop stroking the banana thinking about her. Its wrong and only serves to keeps alive the the emotional connection you had with her." I think that you should work on the emotional connection with women before you worry about sex. When that is there, the rest will fall into place.
Author ElChup Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 So I have to give up any forms of sexuality, even masturbation? Damn, that seems hard (no pun intended). I'm quite a sexual person, if I can't even do that how do I get any sexual satisfaction/relief? I haven't gone a week wuthout sex or masturbation in 20 years.
sean1970 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 So I have to give up any forms of sexuality, even masturbation? Damn, that seems hard (no pun intended). I'm quite a sexual person, if I can't even do that how do I get any sexual satisfaction/relief? I haven't gone a week wuthout sex or masturbation in 20 years. Im no Dr. Ruth bro but this situation fits well into breakup 101: Put things away that remind you of your ex... Pictures, letters, stop reading her old IMs/Texts/eMail... stop listening to songs that remind you of her... and yes, stop tenderizing the zipper steak if you cant stop thinking about her while doing it....
Author ElChup Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 Christ. I'm going to go mental and develop an anxiety problem! Even if I do that, what if I still have sexual thoughts about her and erections?
sean1970 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Christ. I'm going to go mental and develop an anxiety problem! Even if I do that, what if I still have sexual thoughts about her and erections? You have more important things to worry about, trust me... Like the possible avelance of pain you are in store for if you dont get on with moving on... Read these if you have not already... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/
Author ElChup Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 Believe me, I've been feeling the rest of the pain already, this has just proved an unpleasant addition.
nobleguy Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 I found if I looked at porn in the wrong frame of mind I would imagine it was my ex in the video and feel slightly sick. Just went and did something else.... It will pass.
Author ElChup Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 I found if I looked at porn in the wrong frame of mind I would imagine it was my ex in the video and feel slightly sick. Just went and did something else.... It will pass. See, I don't get that. I find that I start looking at the porn ok, but as I reach the, erm, increased point of excitment my mind goes to her in order to, well, you know.
Lamak Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 You have to cut masturbating for awhile. That's the best way to get those thoughts to go away early after the breakup. After awhile (month or two) then those thoughts will not be there as much.
name witheld Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 you guys are joking right? porn ok, just enjoy it. Surely if you are not getting any then you are just practising!? I dunno about ex fantasies, don't see much harm as long as you can seperate the physical from the emotion. ( for example if you are thinking about this time.... where things were really hot... etc) The way I see it, like porn in your head! (plus you were there so even better!)
Author ElChup Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 you guys are joking right? porn ok, just enjoy it. Surely if you are not getting any then you are just practising!? I dunno about ex fantasies, don't see much harm as long as you can seperate the physical from the emotion. ( for example if you are thinking about this time.... where things were really hot... etc) The way I see it, like porn in your head! (plus you were there so even better!) Curiously, while I think about her, the sex I act out on my head is often a little more risky than what we actually had. There were certainly things she didn't like, such as giving oral sex, allowing me to cum on her body, anal sex and so on, so (aside from anal sex) I do find myself including things in my thoughts that didn't actually happen in real life. I suppose it's just that I don't seem to find anyone else's body attractive at the moment that is disturbing me.
Ace09 Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 I broke up with my ex last week, and after not "being with her" for a week and a half, was with another woman. I found that I'm not into sex anywhere as much as usual. I was so into this girl, its hard for me to feel the same attraction with another woman.
USMCHokie Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Effect of the break up on sex...it makes it go away...
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