oxfordsocks Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 would you mind if i asked how old his child is--I am in a long distance affair and it is his daughter(obviously--I am not a cruel person) that is the biggest stumbling block to us being together. We live in different countries.
Fallen Angel Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 would you mind if i asked how old his child is--I am in a long distance affair and it is his daughter(obviously--I am not a cruel person) that is the biggest stumbling block to us being together. We live in different countries. His youngest is 15. The others are grown and have started families of their own. I understand his sense of "duty" to maintain the appearance that 'all is well' until his children have all grown up and moved into a life outside of the 'family home'. He grew up without his father (his father passed away when he was very young.) And it is in his nature to "do the right thing". While I personally don't agree with his choice, it is not mine to make. I think that children often see the problems no matter how hard the parents try to hide them. His child sees him sleeping on the couch. (Yes, he DOES, and YES, I know it because I can call him any hour of any day even when he is home and he will answer *not something he could/would do if his wife was laying next to him) His child sees him leaving frequently to "just get out of the house", code for calling me. His child sees the tension between My MM and his W every month when the new phone bill arrives, or when she scrutinizes his paystubs and the hours spent 'overnight' do not add up correctly. I think this has more of a negative impact on his child than a divorce would. I think his child is old enough to understand that sometimes marriages just don't work out, and when people are unhappy sometimes it is best to let go. But he feels he owes it to his child to maintain the appearance of "the perfect family". But, I think he gets closer to my way of seeing it daily. He sees that his child and even his grown children see a big difference since I have been in his life. Before me there were many OWs, they were all strictly PAs that were brief at best. This time is different, he never intended on making me an OW we were just friends who fell in love, and it is changing his perception. He struggles with doing his "duty" and being unable to be with me. He struggles with living two such intertwined yet seperate lives. Parenting and husband roles in two households. One where he seems to WANT to be, and one where it seems he feels he HAS to be. I do not envy him his role in this mess. How much easier his life must have been when he tried filling his empty feelings with sex as opposed to love. What a difficult place to be.
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