b52s Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I was wondering, after reading a few of these Cyber/Online Dati_ing threads, I have to ask , has it spoiled us? And also in regards to the thread about the women being approached in public, and few other complaints from women who just do NOT want to be approached in public. Apparently they're in a store to do a task, and get the heck out, and not have idle chit-chat with an eligible bachelor at the grocery store check-out line. Then, she runs home and logs into Match.com and *sighs* deeply whilst in the safety of her own home behind the warm glow of the computer screen. Recently, I have heard some women that PREFER ONLINE dating OVER real-life encounters. So, remember when people used to tell you the BEST place to meet other singles is at Bookstores, Laundrymats, church, etc etc. Well, not anymore, women who get approached (esp. cold turkey) in such venues almost have their feet facing towards the door with a "gotta go" posture. Funny, I actually used to attend a church singles group, a couple of years back.....one time when I was a member of Yahoo personals (and when their messaging system was actually tied into the website so you can IM anyone that was online) I saw this rather attractive, and tall female, very nice-looking "Christian girl seeks Christian guy" profile. I got to talking to her, and asked her if she ever heard of the <name of church singles ministries>...and she said she had been a part of that group for a few months, but didn't like the men who approached her for whatever reason. She claimed they were kind of socially awkward (of course the real answer was she probably wasn't physically attracted....I was there, I would say there were mostly average looking people in that group....I think a really "hot" woman would make an appearance, and sometimes would jet out of there early because she didn't like the selection of men. Typically after the meeting, we would all have the option to eat out....some of them would not join us. That being said, i asked her, "so you ever thought about going back there again?" and she said, "No, she said she prefers the online dating route, because you can actually pick and choose and control who contacts you" I mean, you can't hit the "delete' button or "block" button if some guy tries to introduce themselves at the refreshment table, right? You're basically stuck, gosh forbid, "getting to KNOW the guy for who he is" This is just an example, but I am noticing a pattern here, ...I know I gave a one-sided gender situation, but I'm sure it's true with both sides of the table. That I'm trying to say is, the online venue is really probably messing things up for is, and perhaps allows us to judge people before even meeting them. I think I read a post on here, that a guy said that a woman, who would have otherwise had a strict 6 foot height criteria online.....if she had met him in person and taken out the online thing altogether, she actually went out with him, probably didn't "see" his height, because the website didn't Point it out" to her. Heck, the probably both sat on bar stools talking and she actually got to know his charm and great personality,and didn't even NOTICE his height. But, it's a dating sites job to POINT these things out, and that can hinder the whole REAL dating experience, right?
Krytie TV Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Yes. For the people involved in it, on-line dating is more of a statistical analysis than it is dating. It's natural for the person doing it to develop the attitude that they are at a grocery store browsing through mates. On-line you have a VERY high chance of passing over someone you would be intrigued by in real life because all emotion and interpersonal aspects have been removed and reduced to data.
Stung Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 It's just anecdotal evidence, but most of the women I know who have tried online dating were still perfectly open to meeting men in person the old-fashioned way. I know for me, I used to meet a TON of men through school and clubs when I was in my late teens and early 20s, and as I got a bit older and stopped hanging out in bars and clubs and no longer attended college, the volume dropped, meaning I had fewer to choose from. I didn't like dating men from my office, and it seemed like at least half of the guys who approached me IRL turned out to be married, which pissed me off. For me, online dating was a supplement. And actually when I moved out of state it turned out to be a fantastic tool, I made some good friends that way because I joined a free site that does a lot of personality analysis. Maybe I'm a fluke but I found that when I went out with someone who was my match at least by 80%, I really did get along quite well with them...and I really was interested in the personality compatibility the site came up with, more than in setting my height or income preference parameters. Two of those guys are my good friends to this day. I still went out and met a few people in public but I definitely felt more confident knowing I had other means at my disposal. The volume of guys online who want to send you a woo or an icebreaker is kind of stupefying (and of course half those guys turned out to be married too, go figure). For me, that aspect got a bit tiresome, there was so much chaff to sift through it became laborious. I can see how for some women it would become like a 'man store', though. I got to where I only took notice if there was a really thought-out, interesting letter...and that's where guys IRL tend to have an advantage, as it's harder for most people to be interesting and quirky and charismatic on paper than in person. It's a lot easier IMO to make a good impression on someone when she can hear the timbre of your voice, see the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, and catch a whiff of your pheromones. That being said, I confess I did meet my husband online first. But he was a 96% personality match for me, I still have his great letter, and I didn't fall in love with him until I met him in person and heard his real laugh.
You'reasian Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I was wondering, after reading a few of these Cyber/Online Dati_ing threads, I have to ask , has it spoiled us? And also in regards to the thread about the women being approached in public, and few other complaints from women who just do NOT want to be approached in public. Apparently they're in a store to do a task, and get the heck out, and not have idle chit-chat with an eligible bachelor at the grocery store check-out line. Then, she runs home and logs into Match.com and *sighs* deeply whilst in the safety of her own home behind the warm glow of the computer screen. Recently, I have heard some women that PREFER ONLINE dating OVER real-life encounters. So, remember when people used to tell you the BEST place to meet other singles is at Bookstores, Laundrymats, church, etc etc. Well, not anymore, women who get approached (esp. cold turkey) in such venues almost have their feet facing towards the door with a "gotta go" posture. Funny, I actually used to attend a church singles group, a couple of years back.....one time when I was a member of Yahoo personals (and when their messaging system was actually tied into the website so you can IM anyone that was online) I saw this rather attractive, and tall female, very nice-looking "Christian girl seeks Christian guy" profile. I got to talking to her, and asked her if she ever heard of the <name of church singles ministries>...and she said she had been a part of that group for a few months, but didn't like the men who approached her for whatever reason. She claimed they were kind of socially awkward (of course the real answer was she probably wasn't physically attracted....I was there, I would say there were mostly average looking people in that group....I think a really "hot" woman would make an appearance, and sometimes would jet out of there early because she didn't like the selection of men. Typically after the meeting, we would all have the option to eat out....some of them would not join us. That being said, i asked her, "so you ever thought about going back there again?" and she said, "No, she said she prefers the online dating route, because you can actually pick and choose and control who contacts you" I mean, you can't hit the "delete' button or "block" button if some guy tries to introduce themselves at the refreshment table, right? You're basically stuck, gosh forbid, "getting to KNOW the guy for who he is" This is just an example, but I am noticing a pattern here, ...I know I gave a one-sided gender situation, but I'm sure it's true with both sides of the table. That I'm trying to say is, the online venue is really probably messing things up for is, and perhaps allows us to judge people before even meeting them. I think I read a post on here, that a guy said that a woman, who would have otherwise had a strict 6 foot height criteria online.....if she had met him in person and taken out the online thing altogether, she actually went out with him, probably didn't "see" his height, because the website didn't Point it out" to her. Heck, the probably both sat on bar stools talking and she actually got to know his charm and great personality,and didn't even NOTICE his height. But, it's a dating sites job to POINT these things out, and that can hinder the whole REAL dating experience, right? Reasons not to cyber-dates: 1. Hoax profiles - designed to get you to re-subscribe, remain active. The moment you decide to go inactive/close the account you get "WAIT! Here's Jane...and she's ready to meet you!" lol 2. Cyber dating profiles are 2-dimensional and digital. We live in a 3-dimensional world, that includes human behaviors, issues and interactions. 3. Saturation - I'm not interested in chasing after 11 different women who clicked 'maybe' or 'interested' on my profile whom are each getting 100s of interests from other guys; I'm not a serial dater; I'm interested in the one woman I meet face to face, the big picture, seeing her, meeting her friends, finding out what she's all about etc.
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