I am just SICK of it!!

[EricaH329]

My ex's persistence is beginning to get to me!!

 

The closure that I recieved from him was enough for me. I've been NC for roughly 2 or 3 weeks now. I haven't been keeping track, due to the fact that i'm not surrounding my life around him anymore.

 

Every week, I get about 2 e-mails or IMs from him. I do not respond. Yet, he continues to send me messages. The majority are just "How are you doing", but still... I do not respond, so why continue?

 

It's not the 'why' that's bothering me. It's the fact that i've been doing so well in the healing process, and every single time I see his screen name, or his picture on myspace, I feel as though it sets me back.

 

I don't want to break NC just to tell him to leave me alone. I've done that before. The response I get is "I can't leave you alone."

 

I'm on the verge of tears. Not because I miss him, but because I just want all of this to go away.

 

Edited November 13, 2009 by EricaH329

[rp123]

What a cruel and hurtful way for him to behave. Cowardly too....

 

Can you block his attempts to contact you?

 

Stay strong Erica, and rise above him. We are standing right by you, and sharing your distress and pain.

[fofiffs]

Well maybe its time for you to just block his email and IM..If you really want it to all go away then I suggest you just do it without hesitation...

Edited November 13, 2009 by fofiffs

[EricaH329]

The only reason I haven't blocked him yet is because I didn't want to seem bitter.

 

That and the fact that I didn't think that he would continue to try and contact me after I told him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore.

 

I feel guilty. Mostly because he keeps telling me that he loves me. It's hard enough not to respond to someone who tells you that, and it's even harder to block that person.

 

I suppose that's the only option I have left. In order for me to continue the healing process, I need to remove him completely out of my life.

 

I thought breaking up was the hard part, this is even harder.

[rp123]

The only reason I haven't blocked him yet is because I didn't want to seem bitter.

 

That and the fact that I didn't think that he would continue to try and contact me after I told him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore.

 

I feel guilty. Mostly because he keeps telling me that he loves me. It's hard enough not to respond to someone who tells you that, and it's even harder to block that person.

 

I suppose that's the only option I have left. In order for me to continue the healing process, I need to remove him completely out of my life.

 

I thought breaking up was the hard part, this is even harder.

 

His continued and frequent contact with you clearly displays that he has feelings for you. I wish my ex would keep contacting me....!

 

However, why doesn't he go further than this..? Would your blocking him, force him to show his hand further or crystalize his feelings one way or another?

 

What mediums does he use to contact you? Email and IM I know, but does he text you too? Does he write you hand written letters? Ever knock on your door..?

 

This must be causing you so much turmoil!!! So sorry for you.

[EricaH329]

His continued and frequent contact with you clearly displays that he has feelings for you. I wish my ex would keep contacting me....!

 

No, you don't. Trust me. It makes it that much harder!

 

However, why doesn't he go further than this..? Would your blocking him, force him to show his hand further or crystalize his feelings one way or another?

 

What mediums does he use to contact you? Email and IM I know, but does he text you too? Does he write you hand written letters? Ever knock on your door..?

 

This must be causing you so much turmoil!!! So sorry for you.

 

He is in another country right now, so showing up at my door is out of the question. Also, i've changed my phone number since we have broken up, so there's no way for him to contact me that way.

 

If I block him, that's basically it. There would be no other way for him to get ahold of me.

 

I must admit, seeing him struggle the way that I struggled for so long gives me some satisfaction. As terrible as that sounds. But, I would rather him not contact me at all.

 

I'd rather him completely forget about me. What a feeling that would be. To know that everything we have been through is in the past, for the both of us.

 

What he is doing is not right. Especially because it's obvious that he is dating someone else. If not dating her, then most definitely sleeping with her. Which doesn't bother me, considering I am 'seeing' someone myself.

 

I just want this to be put behind us both. What makes it harder is the fact that it's obviously not completely behind him.

[tVII]

any way to stop this, do it! if that means not going on myspace, aim, etc. and what not. seriously the set backs aren't worth it and honestly i don't think theres any getting use to it.

 

trust me, i work with my ex and im just like you trying to get away and all, especially when she ignores me and pretends im not there, and oh get this: brings her new bf there all the time. YA.

 

if you can get away. DO IT.

[Odyssey]

If I block him, that's basically it. There would be no other way for him to get ahold of me.

Seeing/hearing anything that reminds you of the ex just sucks!

 

Can't you just setup a new account or something? Anyway, even if he can't get in touch with you, doesn't mean you can't get hold of him, when you do feel ready to be uh...friends again.

[Odyssey]

...trust me, i work with my ex and im just like you trying to get away and all, especially when she ignores me and pretends im not there, and oh get this: brings her new bf there all the time. YA.

Take advantage of vacation if you can, even if only to lengthen the weekends to get away. This helped me.

[Ms. Joolie]

Erica -

 

If there is absolutely no way you want him back in your life, not even as friends, then just continue ignoring it. It's only been 2-3 weeks, and that isn't enough time for him to process all this, so yeah he's just reacting that way. But once he gets the message from you - or no message - then he'll stop.

 

It may take 2-3 more weeks, but don't let it get to you. Remember, you are in control of your own reaction.

[brock9911]

i had a similar situation with my ex. but when it came to myspace or facebook i deleted her. i felt bad, but it had to be done for me to move on. and my ex even to this day still has a pic of us as her profile pic, and says shes still in a relationship....she broke up with me!

 

honestly even if you maintain nc but still see his attempts, its still gonna sting, so i would block him even if it hurts him. at this point your whats important so work on you.

[TaraMaiden]

The only reason I haven't blocked him yet is because I didn't want to seem bitter.

Oh stop it.

Who cares how you 'seem'? This is tearing you to bits! care for 'you' not him! This is why it's called breaking up.

Because something breaks. And there's sometimes no gentle way of doing it.

 

That and the fact that I didn't think that he would continue to try and contact me after I told him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore.

yes, well, you can see what effect THAt had!!

He's completely ignored you and ridden roughshod over your wishes. So - he's not being very compliant, is he?

 

I feel guilty. Mostly because he keeps telling me that he loves me. It's hard enough not to respond to someone who tells you that, and it's even harder to block that person.

No it's not.

The problem is, there's a little bit of ego here....

In a way, one of the reasons you haven't blocked him, is because, subconsciously, you like to know he still cares.

Keep him in the loop - even slightly - and you're not being fair to either of you.

 

I suppose that's the only option I have left. In order for me to continue the healing process, I need to remove him completely out of my life.

 

penny's dropped....

 

I thought breaking up was the hard part, this is even harder.

Actually, once it's done, you'll wonder why the hell you didn't do it sooner.

[HeavenOrHell]

If you really want no contact you will have to delete and block on myspace/facebook etc. With IM's you can block people you don't want to talk to, or delete them! Make sure you mark his email address as junk and hopefully it will go straight into your junk folder.

If you really want NC with someone it is easy.

It doesn't matter what they think about you deleting them, the main priority is you wanting NC.

 

 

My ex's persistence is beginning to get to me!!

 

The closure that I recieved from him was enough for me. I've been NC for roughly 2 or 3 weeks now. I haven't been keeping track, due to the fact that i'm not surrounding my life around him anymore.

 

Every week, I get about 2 e-mails or IMs from him. I do not respond. Yet, he continues to send me messages. The majority are just "How are you doing", but still... I do not respond, so why continue?

 

It's not the 'why' that's bothering me. It's the fact that i've been doing so well in the healing process, and every single time I see his screen name, or his picture on myspace, I feel as though it sets me back.

 

I don't want to break NC just to tell him to leave me alone. I've done that before. The response I get is "I can't leave you alone."

 

I'm on the verge of tears. Not because I miss him, but because I just want all of this to go away.

 

[sean1970]

...the main priority is you wanting NC.

 

In most of our cases, it's 'needing NC'.

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes true! I was probably thinking of wanting as in wanting to be free of pain/heartbreak. But yes it's more like needing it.

 

 

In most of our cases, it's 'needing NC'.

[EricaH329]

Thank you all for your responses!! Every single one of you is right.

 

I do want to mention though, that I deleted him from my IM and myspace the minute him and I broke up. My profile page is private, and so was his. He just made it open to the public a few days ago, and has already sent me a 'friend request'. I know what he's doing. This happened the last time we broke up. When I don't answer him, he goes into these intense 'I HAVE to find out what she's doing' modes.

 

I've been through this once before, and I know exactly what's going to come next. More e-mails, becoming more and more frequent, until he breaks down and begs and pleads for me to contact him back.

 

I am going to block him so that it doesn't get to that point.

 

This is going to be extremely hard for me. Not because I want to know that he still cares, but because I do still love him. I am no longer in love with him, but I love him.

 

I feel like this is just added stress, on top of what i'm already going through in the healing process. Why can't he just leave it alone? I don't want to block him. I want this to be civil. I guess there's no choice left.

[nobleguy]

You can block him but still be civil. You are ignoring his messages anyway so why put yourself through reading them in the first place? Being civil doesn't mean going through unnecesary pain.

 

I don't think anyone would fail to understand your need to do it. If it's hurting you, then make it stop even if it feels a little uncomfortable.

[Calendula]

yes, well, you can see what effect THAt had!!

He's completely ignored you and ridden roughshod over your wishes. So - he's not being very compliant, is he?

 

No it's not.

The problem is, there's a little bit of ego here....

In a way, one of the reasons you haven't blocked him, is because, subconsciously, you like to know he still cares.

Keep him in the loop - even slightly - and you're not being fair to either of you.

 

Actually, once it's done, you'll wonder why the hell you didn't do it sooner.

 

I only quoted a few of Tara's comments, but I think she made some good points. ESPECIALLY regarding his respect of your wishes. Your own subsequent post amplifies this issue:

 

I do want to mention though, that I deleted him from my IM and myspace the minute him and I broke up. My profile page is private, and so was his. He just made it open to the public a few days ago, and has already sent me a 'friend request'. I know what he's doing. This happened the last time we broke up. When I don't answer him, he goes into these intense 'I HAVE to find out what she's doing' modes.

 

I've been through this once before, and I know exactly what's going to come next. More e-mails, becoming more and more frequent, until he breaks down and begs and pleads for me to contact him back.

 

I am going to block him so that it doesn't get to that point.

 

This is going to be extremely hard for me. Not because I want to know that he still cares, but because I do still love him. I am no longer in love with him, but I love him.

 

I feel like this is just added stress, on top of what i'm already going through in the healing process. Why can't he just leave it alone? I don't want to block him. I want this to be civil. I guess there's no choice left.

 

Do you remember why you broke up with him in the first place? Didn't it have something to do with him not respecting your wishes and desires in the relationship, and his unwillingness to even try to do what you asked of him? If he didn't respect you then, when you were engaged to him, what makes you think that he is going to respect you now? His behavior should just show you how much of an a$$ he really is and how much he does NOT deserve your time, emotional turmoil, and remaining affection. You've said yourself that he has been acting more like a child now than the man you used to know, but I have to wonder if his behavior hasn't changed as much as your perspective has.

 

The last time he pulled the 'I want you back' stuff it worked, so of course he'll try it again. Thing is, this time you are more aware of what he is doing - i.e. being a self-centered, controlling, manipulative, a$$ - and you shouldn't have to put up with that anymore. You can now see through him, and you can take informed actions, such as blocking him (which you did) to save yourself further trouble.

 

Had he respected your wishes in the first place, by no longer contacting you when you asked it of him, then perhaps you would be justified in feeling slightly guilty, but he hasn't done so. You told him what you wanted, and he ignored you, just as he did throughout the end of your relationship. You ARE being civil, you ARE being respectful, you ARE being mature and direct. HE isn't, and his inability to be so just shows that he no longer deserves your respect - as I know you are fully aware.

 

He has taken enough from you, your time, energy, emotions, by his immaturity and disrespect for you, and he doesn't deserve any more. Perhaps you would feel better about excluding him totally from your life if you were to sit and write out as detailed a list as you can of all the things that you were unhappy with about your relationship with this man. When you start feeling guilty or like it is hard to live without thinking about him, remind yourself of all those reasons you ended it, and try and see how his recent behavior just exemplifies and supports your decision.

 

It may also help to write out a hypothetical list which includes all the traits you would want for an ideal partner (based on all of your past experiences and future desires), just to see how he no longer fits. Such a list may also help you in building any new relationships in a healthy way, by helping you to clearly and directly state your desires and what you feel is important early on. (I have such lists for myself which I am constantly updating, which I would be willing to share by PM if you are interested - let me know). If you stay aware of what you want, you can resolve or avoid problems before they become major issues, just by communicating effectively. Someone who isn't willing to listen to you and RESPECT your desires isn't worth your time or sympathy.

 

I'm glad you blocked him from your e-mails, as you shouldn't have to put up with his s!!t anymore. You made the right choice. You can do much better for a partner, and I hope your new relationship is progressing in a good direction .

[EricaH329]

Calendula, I am so glad you found my thread. I was about to send you a PM asking for you to read it.

 

First, i'd like to say that i'd very much appreciate if you could send me a PM with the list you made.

 

This is going to be very hard for me to say, but I have not yet blocked him. I don't have the heart to do so.

 

I know what everyone is going to say. I'd say it to anyone else if they asked for advice. And i'm not going to b*tch and complain about this anymore, considering i'm not taking any real action towards preventing it.

 

I am not going to respond. I do not care what he has to say to me. I've thought long and hard about this, and I just cannot bring myself to block him. Ignoring him, to me, is hard enough.

 

This is going to sound dumb, immature, whatever else you can think of... but at least I know what he wants to say to me. If I block him, it'll raise questions as to why he is trying to contact me, what he has to say, etc.

 

I, once again, feel lost within myself. I started 'seeing' this new guy, and I am not able to feel anything with him. He is the perfect guy (in my eyes). Everything i've always wanted. But I am unable to emotionally connect with him. It has nothing to do with him, under any other circumstance I would be head over heels for him, but I am emotionally unavailable.

 

I need to get away from everything. I did that the first time him and I broke up, and it worked wonders. I think in a few days I am going to go away for a little bit. Away from this area, phones, computers, everything. I am back to the way I was in the beginning.

 

I'm lost.

 

But as I said before, I am no longer going to sit here and complain about this situation since I am not doing anything to prevent it. I appreciate ALL of the advice given, I am an idiot for not blocking him, I know. I just literally cannot bring myself to do it.

 

I feel pathetic.

[EricaH329]

Stranded in this spooky town

Stoplights are swaying and the phone lines are down

This floor is crackling cold

She took my heart, I think she took my soul

With the moon I run

Far from the carnage of the fiery sun

 

Driven by the strangled vein

Showing no mercy I do it again

Open up your eye

You keep on crying, baby

I’ll bleed you dry

The skies are blinking at me

I see a storm bubbling up from the sea

 

And it's coming closer

And it's coming closer

 

You, shimmy shook my bone

Leaving me stranded all in love on my own

What do you think of me

Where am I now? Baby where do I sleep

Feel so good but I'm old,

2000 years of chasing taking its toll

 

And it’s coming closer

 

That is the current song that he has on his profile, one that he is professing to be his absolute favorite song.

 

This hurts so much.

[HeavenOrHell]

You're not pathetic hun, this isn't an easy situation (tell me about it!!), you just CARE

 

 

 

Calendula, I am so glad you found my thread. I was about to send you a PM asking for you to read it.

 

First, i'd like to say that i'd very much appreciate if you could send me a PM with the list you made.

 

This is going to be very hard for me to say, but I have not yet blocked him. I don't have the heart to do so.

 

I know what everyone is going to say. I'd say it to anyone else if they asked for advice. And i'm not going to b*tch and complain about this anymore, considering i'm not taking any real action towards preventing it.

 

I am not going to respond. I do not care what he has to say to me. I've thought long and hard about this, and I just cannot bring myself to block him. Ignoring him, to me, is hard enough.

 

This is going to sound dumb, immature, whatever else you can think of... but at least I know what he wants to say to me. If I block him, it'll raise questions as to why he is trying to contact me, what he has to say, etc.

 

I, once again, feel lost within myself. I started 'seeing' this new guy, and I am not able to feel anything with him. He is the perfect guy (in my eyes). Everything i've always wanted. But I am unable to emotionally connect with him. It has nothing to do with him, under any other circumstance I would be head over heels for him, but I am emotionally unavailable.

 

I need to get away from everything. I did that the first time him and I broke up, and it worked wonders. I think in a few days I am going to go away for a little bit. Away from this area, phones, computers, everything. I am back to the way I was in the beginning.

 

I'm lost.

 

But as I said before, I am no longer going to sit here and complain about this situation since I am not doing anything to prevent it. I appreciate ALL of the advice given, I am an idiot for not blocking him, I know. I just literally cannot bring myself to do it.

 

I feel pathetic.

[EricaH329]

You're not pathetic hun, this isn't an easy situation (tell me about it!!), you just CARE

 

But I shouldn't care! I shouldn't give a damn about any of this!! I keep seeing all of these pictures with him and this girl (that looks EXACTLY like me btw) and i'm wondering why the hell he is still bothering with me!

 

I want to cry. I haven't felt this low since we broke up. Every bone in my body is telling me to cry, not just cry though... to sob. I want to get it all out but I have nothing left.

 

I want to yell at him to leave me the hell alone! To enjoy this new life he has made for himself, and to let me live mine.

 

I am fighting with myself. I hate this!

[Calendula]

I'm in the process of writing you a PM but it may take me a little while. Check back in a bit

[Calendula]

I'm sending you my hugs, hon. Sometimes you just have to let it out and sob. You'll feel better for it though. If you are at all like me, you can't ever stop yourself from caring, but you can come to terms with it and find a way of accepting things.

 

Let yourself cry.

[rp123]

Erica, stop being so hard on yourself!! Everything WILL be fine. Time Will take care of this, and you will come through it. You have provided so much support for others on this forum, and I always find wisdom and insights in the things you write. It IS inevitable that you will come through this, and the sun will shine again for.

 

I can totally relate to your comment that you are 'emotionally unavaialble'. I recently had a wonderful lady bestow attention upon me, but I was just unable to give of myself....

 

Its no wonder that your Ex continues to make contact with you. He wants to have you in his life in some capacity. Your postings demonstrate that your a special girl..........