he told me he still loves me.

[fooled once]

It's interesting isn't it...Now that MBEG cleared that up. You and others assumed wrong. I found the comment about her H kicking her out to be an insult, which is a violation of guidelines. So everyone that jumped down her thraot...I guess you'll all be apologizing, right?

 

How is anyone saying her husband should kick her out a violation of guidelines? That is one person's opinion *shrug* That is what the entire site is - people's opinions.

 

MBEG - I guess from re-reading your first post on this site, I would like to ask ...... if there had never been a DDay, would the affair still be continuing?

 

IF your H had never found out, would you still be in the affair?

 

Is the only reason the affair is over is because the MM's wife found out?

 

You had said you wanted both at the time, and if you had to pick, you would have picked the MM.

 

What has changed IN YOU to make you want the marriage?

 

This isn't said snarky or anything -- I am just curious as to what has changed IN YOU to make you want to continue your marriage. I have found with talking to others who have had affairs that if they didn't figure out what was going on inside themselves, they are apt to just develop another relationship outside of the marriage.

 

Kinda like in my Affair, I had to figure out what *I* was doing in order for me to realize that just because someone comes onto me, someone seeks me out, whatever, and they are married, doesn't mean that *I* should engage. I had to figure out what *I* wanted and needed. I had to work on ME so that I didn't get myself involved with another married person. Granted, I wasn't married so like so many OW on here like to say "I wasn't breaking any vows with the BS as I wasn't married to her", I realized that I didn't want half a man. I wanted a whole man who could focus on ME. So I had to work on ME so that I knew I deserved more than I was getting. Not sure if I am saying this all coherently

[mybrowneyedgirl]

whichway - interstingly enough H is sort of all for me "sticking" it to the xMM. very weird because my H isnt at all agressive or nasty normally. but when i told him about this he told me that i should have laughed in his face and told him i hoped he was happy with his wife.

 

fooled - these are some tough questions. i think a lot has changed in me. remember, i never wanted to leave and be with this man. he never had the "husband" potential for me. in fact i always felt that my H was a much better H than this man was. but in the affair emotional side of things my "view" of my marriage and my priorities became clouded. i always still adored my husband and how he was to me, but didnt necessarily focus on how i felt about him and how he made me feel. i guess that whats changed is since the xMM is gone im able to focus my attention on my husband and "remember" all of the little things that i love so much.

 

ok so the tougher questions. had there not been a dday would we still be together? as shameful as i feel about this. yes. we had been going for years with no signs of slowing down. and in the beginning when i first felt the intense pain of "losing" him i did say i would consider picking him. but that was just the emotions of it all. i never once wanted to pick the xMM during my affair. but i do think we'd still be going strong if it wasnt for dday. we just had that sort of connection.

[anne1707]

whichway - interstingly enough H is sort of all for me "sticking" it to the xMM. very weird because my H isnt at all agressive or nasty normally. but when i told him about this he told me that i should have laughed in his face and told him i hoped he was happy with his wife.

 

Not at all weird when you consider that the ex-MM is probably the first person your H has truly hated with every fibre of his body

 

 

i never once wanted to pick the xMM during my affair. but i do think we'd still be going strong if it wasnt for dday. we just had that sort of connection.

 

 

But when you consider how this has all ended, that connection really was not that strong. On the other hand, your H is the one who is showing you how much you really do mean to him. Yes, he is all over the place but the fact that he is still with you shows how good a man he is and how strong the connection is for him.

 

You do seem to be making progress MBEG but there is still a long way for you to go. Stay focussed on your H and you might just get through this together.

[NowhereToHide]

BEG... I'm so proud of you. I know what you just experienced wasn't easy. But from one MOW to another, take what he said to you, tuck it away in your heart as some sort of closure and move on. Even though our connections were strong to our xAPs, the A's were never going to go further with them. So move forward knowing that you were loved by him.

 

My xAP, not too long ago, also told me he still loves me. I don't want him. But it helps with moving on.

 

Good job. Keep posting on how things are going with your H.

[eeyore1981]

It's interesting isn't it...Now that MBEG cleared that up. You and others assumed wrong. I found the comment about her H kicking her out to be an insult, which is a violation of guidelines. So everyone that jumped down her thraot...I guess you'll all be apologizing, right?

 

Not at all, at least I won't. I've spent 2 years being told something and then having it taken back. I'm sure there is an LS technical term for it, but I'm not familiar with it.

 

so i saw xmm. we talked. he told me he still loves me.

 

but we also talked about how this doesnt change anything. we both want our respective marriages, dont want to resume contact or the affair, but he wanted to let me know his feelings about me hadnt changed.

 

so this caught me off guard. i still have no intentions of changing my priorities or how i think about my marriage and my husband. and i think i will tell H about this conversation.

 

should i really be concerned about this? afterall, i know i still love him even though my feelings for him have faded and i have other "goals" in life now. should i be surprised that hes vocalizing the same thing?

 

thoughts?

 

The above does not read in any way, shape or form as 'he walked up, told me he still loved me, I told him I was focusing on my marriage, end of discussion'.

 

I stand by what I said.