Is she in denial??? !

[Princess1985]

To make a long story as short as possible,...I'm 24 years old. I was friends with this girl name Ashley when I was 12, and the reason we stopped being friends is because she told a huge lie to our entire jr. high school that her mom died. I believed her, and later found out she lied when my dad and her dad were talking about the situation. ...SO years go by and she finds me on myspace. She gave me her phone number, and she picked me up at my house to talk and catch up. (my driving liscense is suspended). From that point on everything is perfect, and then I met her husband. From the moment I met him I felt a weird vibe, like he was attracted to me. (the same vibe most women get when they know someone is attracted to them). I would feel uncomfortable when he would see me and give me a hug, and also hug me when I leave. I told my friend Ashley about the hugging, and she said it was nothing, and he does that to everyone. So I asked her to keep that I felt uncomfortable between us, and she did. ...Everything continued. He would always hug me hello and goodbye.

Later on, Ashley got extremely upset with me for bringing up the lie she told in jr. high to the entire school. I brought it up because she was calling one of my friends a liar. Ashley was so upset, that she didnt call me for days. ...Then all of a sudden her husband calls me from his work. Her husband asked me why I havent been at his house, and I should just be the bigger person and call Ashley. He also told me that he likes it when I am at his house, and he said he doesnt understand why im single because i'm so beautiful,(he says that all the time) and then he ended it with "Dont tell Ashley I called you, and you can call me whenever you want to talk, but dont call me when I'm at the house with Ashley. There was a time when I called him and talked about Ashley. (I admit I shouldnt have called him)

Eventually Ashley called me and we became happy friends again. One day Ashleys husband called asking how I was, and said he was glad me and Ashley were friends again, and told me how Ashley was at her mothers house. I told him that it was good that she was with her mom, and felt REALLY weird and said I have to go, and he said ok, he would call me later. I told my brothers and got other guys point of views on what they thought about everything, and they told me Ashleys husband was trying to creep with me. I told Ashley EVERYTHING. The whole story of what happend, and she said I took it the wrong way. She said she knows her husband and I'm not his type. Then she insulted me and said "ewww, your not his type, your dirty". (which is NOT true) Ashley and her husband called me on speaker phone, and her husband denied everything except for calling me. He said he called me to make me and Ashley friends again, and he said I'm not "All That" to be talking the way I was talking. Ashley and I are not friends anymore. She wrote me crazy text messages, and e-mails, saying I'm broke and a jealous loser. AND turned my friend against me.(she wasnt a real friend) PLEASE HELP! What do you guys think about ALL This??? Is she just in denial??? Thank You

[Boundary Problem]

Is she in denial? No Princess - you are.

 

How did you add any value to her life? That is what friends do. They are supportive and add value to each other's lives. How have you been a friend to her?

 

Princess' conduct:

1. Your drivers licence is suspended - why is that?

2. You spend your time talking about stuff that happened in high school (move on).

3. She did something embarassing in high school and you made sure to tell her new husband about it

4. You think it is OK to call her new husband on the phone and gossip about her

5. You are fascinated with whether or not her husband is attracted to you. Even if he is - who cares? He's a man, just because he finds someone attractive doesn't mean he is at ALL interested in sleeping with them.

 

 

The friend Ashley's conduct:

1. Yes she did something embarassing in high school - big deal.

2. She called a mutual friend a liar - you didn't deny that this mutual friend was a liar. So I will assume she was stating a fact.

3. She looked for you on MySpace and reached out to say 'hi'.

4. She came and picked you up and did the driving because of your licensing problems

5. She kept having to run interference between you and her new husband.

6. She was embarassed that you told her new husband the high school story.

 

 

The husband:

1. bored. Flirted with you. Big deal.

[Princess1985]

I admit I shouldnt have said anything,... I Regret that because she wasnt a close friend. ...But to my defense I thought I was doing the Right thing. If my husband called my friend and flirted with her and then told her not to tell me, I would appreciate my friend telling me everythig. He has cheated a few times in the past, and Ashley was suspecting he was doing it again. So I figured the Right thing to do was to be a friend (not a shady friend) and tell her what her husband was doing.

[Boundary Problem]

Hi Princess,

I hear what you are saying.

 

Other people's husbands flirting with us is a fact of life. Sometimes the men are stupid enough to call us, and say they haven't had sex with their wife in ages. Who knows.

 

I just ignore those husbands. If he won't get the hint, I unfortunately have to put the friendship on ice, because the wife (as you found out) will always take her wandering husband's side.

 

It just isn't worth the hassle, so if you are an attractive woman and this happens - my advice is to walk away. Let them have each other.

 

When circumstances change - then you can resume a friendship with the female friend - if you choose.

[Princess1985]

Thats what my guy friend told me. ...To just walk away. Its just the way it has to be. ...By the way, you give really good advice, Very straight forward. I like it!

[Boundary Problem]

Thanks. My job is cognitive and it is nice to take a break.

[Princess1985]

Really? Thats Awesome!

[Tayla]

Duplicate post, but none the less, I disagree that any one person is entirely at fault in this matter.

 

Each played a role in setting up the clash that transpired.

 

Granted to be fair, we are only getting one perspective of the entire set of events. And sometimes information is left out. With that said, I perceive the matter to be handled poorly by the husband. He really crossed a line by interfering. The wife brushing off the comments despite the poster making it clear that she was uncomfortable with hugs is a red flag. Sorry but if someone is Uncomfortable it needn't be brushed off lightly.

 

I can say that my endearing friends and I have often brought up past goof ups to remind us we aren't saints, real adults accept the past mistakes and learn from them no matter how often they are brought up. I seriously laugh at my mistakes because I accepted them as the past and no longer allow it to be wallowed in. I wholeheartedly say Yup that was a real humdinger of a goof up wasnt it? Who can argue when you admit

 

Acceptance in persons comes with trials and tribulations, just because someone from my past comes along doesn't mean I have to let them in my life without cleaning up the past issues...it goes both ways.

Edited November 14, 2009 by Tayla
grammar,spelling

[Devil Inside]

IMO the husband was trying to hook up with you. If the conversations went how yo udescribed them...yeah..he was grooming you. He then later was trying to cover his ass.

 

If I were you I would spend more time with friends that are less drama.

[Princess1985]

Thanks everyone. You helped a lot.