DumbassHubby Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 So as my username states, I am a dumbass when it comes to certain things with my wife, and I am not sure how to fix this... A friend of mine is cheating on his, and wanted me to reach ot to a girl for him, and I did, and my wife goot suspicious and saw a recent flurry of text messages that had nothing to do with me, but she feels they were mine, and I don't know how to get past this... Ultimately, I have no problem telling herr it was him - or for him - for which yes, I understand I am a dubmass. That said, I have never cheated on my wife, but I am guilty of telling many white lies, and that is putting us in jeoopardy right now... I am worried...
Snowflower Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 If I was your wife, I would be just as concerned about the fact that my husband WAS HELPING SOMEONE CHEAT on his wife. In my mind, helping someone cheat is almost as bad as doing the cheating yourself. That would be just as disturbing as finding the exchange of text messages on your phone. Why would you put your marriage and your wife's trust in jeopardy this way? I would really like to understand.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 You are stupid, and will reap your just reward. You want to prove your faithfulness to your wife? Bust your 'friend'. Out him. Forward these tests to her, you and your wife tell her.
hopeful1980 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I don't even know you and I don't believe you. I doubt your wife will.
confusedinkansas Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I agree with hopeful. Nice try though - at a "Story" to tell her, but I doubt she buys it. I've never seen an excuse like this one for texting / contacting someone of the opposite sex - Let us know how well this one flies!!
No first names Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I know what it would take for me to believe my dumbass hubby if I was in your wife's shoes...total disclosure. Meaning, my H and I would go to the BS together and tell her what's going on. Either way, a marriage will be in crisis. Its up to you whether it will be your friend's, or yours.
2sure Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Just deny it. Delete the texts and then tell her they were never there. Tell her she is nuts. That seems to be the typical course of action.
No first names Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Just deny it. Delete the texts and then tell her they were never there. Tell her she is nuts. That seems to be the typical course of action. LMAO! I don't know if it was 2sure's intent, but that's hilarious! Only because it's sooo true...about the typical course of action.
quankanne Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 LOL – 2sure, you're terrible. DAH, hate to tell you, but there's no way you're going to gracefully extricate yourself from this mess, so the best thing to do is to be honest and tell her what you told us: That your friend asked you to contact his love interest on his behalf, and like a dumb*ss you agreed without realizing how it would affect others. she'll be mad, but not because you lied. And I'm pretty sure that I'm like other wives when it comes to the issue of husbands lying: it pisses us off to no end that you don't respect us enough to tell the truth no matter how much hot water it got you into. some food for thought
pappabear Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Ah yes, often a cheater will say that the other spouse is crazy for thinking there's anything going on. It seems they do this to discredit the spouse to him/herself and to anyone else who might be involved. The excuse of the original post does sound a bit shady. We might not be getting the whole story. Who knows. It's certainly possible he was just reaching out to someone for a buddy. But if he's actually helping his buddy cheat then I can see where that would alarm and frustrate a wife (or husband if it were reversed). At this point, I think you need to commit to your wife that you won't help your friend communicate with his lover.
flsurfkarma Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Honesty is the cornerstone of any marriage. If you lie to her about this... when will it stop? It always best to be open and honest with your spouse.
1Angel Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Just deny it. Delete the texts and then tell her they were never there. Tell her she is nuts. That seems to be the typical course of action. This original poster sounds like being caught with a bag of pot in high school and the student's excuse was that he was "holding for a friend."
JaneInVegas Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Just deny it. Delete the texts and then tell her they were never there. Tell her she is nuts. Buwhah ha ha ha! OMG I laughed so hard when I read this I spit soda on my monitor! Yep, I'm with the others, it seems as though you came here to take the alibi for a test spin. It didn't work here, it won't work with her either.
Ronni_W Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I have never cheated on my wife, but I am guilty of telling many white lies, Okay. Here's my guy's suggestion: tell your buddy to confirm your story to your wife. Now yeah...it's possible that your wife won't believe him, either. In which case, yes, you get to choose between your marriage or his. And it's possible that, even if your wife does believe him, she will then talk to his wife. She could not be faulted for that. Of course, your history of "many white lies" is not helping your case. It also depends on whether you were/are able to rationalize really big whoppers as mere "white lies". Given that your wife is not believing you, maybe it's not so much that you're a "dumbass" as you are not trustworthy? Good luck getting out of this one! It really sounds like one of those "you made your own bed"-type of situations.
OneTwo Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 So, let me guess: you were hoping you would get a whole bunch of replies supporting your position and then use these posts to back up your story that everyone else thinks this is normal, blah, blah blah. and you wanted to be able to have your wife read the answers here, right? But instead, you got a bunch of people reprimanding you for trying to pull such BS. I guess you won't be showing this thread to your wife.... Best of luck to you.
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