am I a pig if I don't want a woman who has ever been

[sally4sara]

The mindset defies logic.

 

If a girl has a "high" number of partners (whatever a guy's opinion of "high" might be) the stated concern in this thread is she will be unlikely to be capable of being faithful.

 

But most guys feel having had as high a number of partners as they can possibly get a chance at a good thing. So doesn't that imply men are trashy whores that can't be faithful. Add to that they spread more STDs.

 

I personally don't care if a guy holds to this stupid double standard. It was an easy quality to discredit them as worthy of being my partner. And thankfully these types were loud about their irrational opinions and made it that much easier to recognize them for what they were.

[carhill]

There's being sexually active and then there's 100+ people. I'm sexual active, I've been with 5 women. YOu're trying to expect me to think there's no difference betweeen 5 and 100+ ??? It makes me think you have poor judgment.

Alternatively, to me, the psychology is one of social evolution. Look at the totality. Essentially, she (CarrieT) has described a typical, historical male, with the blatant exception (and I'll accept her submission as fact) that a successful and aggressive male generally trends to desires of polyamory, even when in a committed relationship, rather than fidelity and monogamy.

 

I think, in some ways, when men view women who are 'promiscuous', especially successful women, they see those women as mirrors of themselves, perhaps parts of themselves they are ambivalent about, and project that ambivalence upon the woman.

 

Again, this runs to compatibility. As a man with few life sexual partners, I likely would be uncomfortable with a high numbers woman, simply because of the differences in the psychology of that experience; for me, it would, absent significant mitigative aspects, be a dealbreaker. I would expect her to view the dynamic similarly, that my life experience would be incompatible with her own. If my life experience were different, my perspective would be necessarily different and, hence, perhaps more compatible.

 

It would be interesting to get the perspective of a high numbers guy on this, if we could find one who achieved them as a single man without polyamory. I think boldjack has the numbers but he was an OM for a long time and that would color the dynamic, IMO.

[betamanlet]

The mindset defies logic.

 

If a girl has a "high" number of partners (whatever a guy's opinion of "high" might be) the stated concern in this thread is she will be unlikely to be capable of being faithful.

 

But most guys feel having had as high a number of partners as they can possibly get a chance at a good thing. So doesn't that imply men are trashy whores that can't be faithful. Add to that they spread more STDs.

 

I personally don't care if a guy holds to this stupid double standard. It was an easy quality to discredit them as worthy of being my partner. And thankfully these types were loud about their irrational opinions and made it that much easier to recognize them for what they were.

 

 

I'll play along. The difference is for men, it actually involves effort to get laid. For women, it only requires a pulse and leaving home. So it's much more of an accomplishment for a guy to get laid then it is for a woman. In fact, it takes more work for women to not get laid, given they have so many opportunties to do so. To have such high numbers shows lack of retraint. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

 

If I had the abilility to get laid any time, any place, like most women do, I wouldn't be racking up my numbers even though I have the ability too. i have self control and value my health.

[TheLoneSock]

I think the bottom line to all of this, and answer to your original question OP, is that - no, it doesn't make you a pig, it's just your personal preference.

 

Just like some women will not date a guy under 5'10", it's their preference. You have the right to yours just the same.

 

Personally, my attraction level for a woman on a relationship level would go down significantly if I learned she had been with a ton (meaning the numbers CarrieT is approaching) of men. This doesn't make me better than her as a person, but it is a fact that I would be turned off by it. Regardless of how many women I've been with. It has nothing to do with a double standard that it is ok for men to have a ton of partners, but not for women. If a woman wants to be with a ton of men, fine, it's her choice and non of my business - just don't expect me to not be turned off by it.

[DanielMadr]

It would be interesting to get the perspective of a high numbers guy on this

 

Hookers included??

[carhill]

Hookers included??

Sure. It's all part of the psychology of promiscuity, which I define as sexual activity without significant emotional attachment or connection. My stbx called it 'sport f*cking' and, though was not what I would call promiscuous, did have significantly higher numbers than myself besides being married twice. All part of that 'life experience' and 'compatibility' I speak of

[sally4sara]

I'll play along. The difference is for men, it actually involves effort to get laid. For women, it only requires a pulse and leaving home. So it's much more of an accomplishment for a guy to get laid then it is for a woman. In fact, it takes more work for women to not get laid, given they have so many opportunties to do so. To have such high numbers shows lack of retraint. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

 

If I had the abilility to get laid any time, any place, like most women do, I wouldn't be racking up my numbers even though I have the ability too. i have self control and value my health.

 

Then your complaint isn't one of wanting a partner who shares the same values you hold. If it were a desire for a compatible partner, then no, your preference would not make you a pig.

It is the fact that YOU wish to make your "accomplishments" in the body of someone who holds to a higher standard of values than yourself that makes you a pig. Your low number is only due to your "lack of opportunities". as you have stated here.

You make statements about what it is like to be a woman when you have no first hand knowledge of what it is like to live in a world where men see you as a potential tool for which to become further "accomplished" while lowering the worth of the female tool they use. This also makes you a pig because without knowing what that is like, you pass judgement.

 

You don't seek an equal in this endeavor. You seek a superior to use up for your own increase. THAT makes you a pig.

[betamanlet]

Then your complaint isn't one of wanting a partner who shares the same values you hold. If it were a desire for a compatible partner, then no, your preference would not make you a pig.

It is the fact that YOU wish to make your "accomplishments" in the body of someone who holds to a higher standard of values than yourself that makes you a pig. Your low number is only due to your "lack of opportunities". as you have stated here.

You make statements about what it is like to be a woman when you have no first hand knowledge of what it is like to live in a world where men see you as a potential tool for which to become further "accomplished" while lowering the worth of the female tool they use. This also makes you a pig because without knowing what that is like, you pass judgement.

 

You don't seek an equal in this endeavor. You seek a superior to use up for your own increase. THAT makes you a pig.

 

 

Think logically, having self control makes me a big, or having self control in a situation would make me a pig, rather than just indulging in whatever I feel like doing?

 

whatever.

[justforfun]

 

Personally, my attraction level for a woman on a relationship level would go down significantly if I learned she had been with a ton (meaning the numbers CarrieT is approaching) of men. This doesn't make me better than her as a person, but it is a fact that I would be turned off by it. Regardless of how many women I've been with. It has nothing to do with a double standard that it is ok for men to have a ton of partners, but not for women. If a woman wants to be with a ton of men, fine, it's her choice and non of my business - just don't expect me to not be turned off by it.

 

Well, that's me out of the running then.

[sally4sara]

Think logically, having self control makes me a big, or having self control in a situation would make me a pig, rather than just indulging in whatever I feel like doing?

 

whatever.

 

You don't have self control. You said it yourself. You only have less opportunities to indulge your lack of control. You envy loose men and women and seek to be more like them, but alas you are a simple betamanlet and can't reap their numbers.

 

This makes you a pig whether you get laid or not.

[betamanlet]

You don't have self control. You said it yourself. You only have less opportunities to indulge your lack of control. You envy loose men and women and seek to be more like them, but alas you are a simple betamanlet and can't reap their numbers.

 

This makes you a pig whether you get laid or not.

 

 

I think you need to read a little more closely. I said even if I had the ability to get laid a ny time, any place, I wouldn't. If that makes me a pig, then you live on bizarro world.

[sally4sara]

I think you need to read a little more closely. I said even if I had the ability to get laid a ny time, any place, I wouldn't. If that makes me a pig, then you live on bizarro world.

 

I don't believe you. Men who believe women lust after taller men to the point of buying lifts seek to reap the lust of those women.

 

I believe the purchase of falsifying measures indicates a lack of integrity and honesty and would not accept such a man as they would not be able to remain faithful. We both know this is you. Read yourself a little more closely.

 

Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go DOOOWWWN, the medicine go DOOOWNNN, the medicine go down! In the most delightful way!

 

Whatever.

[CLC2008]

Hmmm...I'm starting to see a recurring theme...Perfectionism 101.

[DanielMadr]

Sure. It's all part of the psychology of promiscuity, which I define as sexual activity without significant emotional attachment or connection. My stbx called it 'sport f*cking' and, though was not what I would call promiscuous, did have significantly higher numbers than myself besides being married twice. All part of that 'life experience' and 'compatibility' I speak of

 

It was a joke. I can't shed light on the matter of promiscuity. Hell, I'm feeling guilty even when I ask 2 girls out for a first date, just to spin more plates. Exclusivity is implied for me from a start.

 

I tried to change my behaviour and once I dated 7 girls at once .....but my conscience or whatever kicked in before I got the spoils.

 

And reason why I even tried?

1. I was tired of dating a girl for months without sex just to find out she was dud or being dumped and start all over again.

 

2. My brother started to date girls and I didnt want to see him making the same mistakes(not spinning plates). Teaching by example.

 

3. It was an ego stroke too. Playa.

[betamanlet]

I don't believe you. Men who believe women lust after taller men to the point of buying lifts seek to reap the lust of those women.

 

I believe the purchase of falsifying measures indicates a lack of integrity and honesty and would not accept such a man as they would not be able to remain faithful. We both know this is you. Read yourself a little more closely.

 

Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go DOOOWWWN, the medicine go DOOOWNNN, the medicine go down! In the most delightful way!

 

Whatever.

 

Care to explain your double standard? Have you ever worn makeup? If so, can you explain how that's not being dishonest without just saying "because!" and stomping your feet?

[sally4sara]

Care to explain your double standard? Have you ever worn makeup? If so, can you explain how that's not being dishonest without just saying "because!" and stomping your feet?

 

Now now, you make an entire thread full of generalizations, insults, assumptions - no sense in getting butt hurt over a little back.

Try being the bigger person - oh wait, it probably hasn't been shipped to you yet so you CAN'T!

 

I don't pad or silicone, or wig or lipo. Hell I can't even remember the last time I wore heels or lipstick. My eyelashes hit the lens of my glasses even without mascara so there is no point in that either.

Pipe down stretch. You've got a skewed opinion on people and I'm doubtful you will allow yourself to hear the truth.

[betamanlet]

Now now, you make an entire thread full of generalizations, insults, assumptions - no sense in getting butt hurt over a little back.

Try being the bigger person - oh wait, it probably hasn't been shipped to you yet so you CAN'T!

 

I don't pad or silicone, or wig or lipo. Hell I can't even remember the last time I wore heels or lipstick. My eyelashes hit the lens of my glasses even without mascara so there is no point in that either.

Pipe down stretch. You've got a skewed opinion on people and I'm doubtful you will allow yourself to hear the truth.

 

Excuse me? I'm not promiscuous, it's asking to much to ask the same for a woman that I would want a serious relationship with? Promiscuity is a massive red flag to me. If you want to date men that are fine with you having sex with 200 guys, then more power to you. It's just not my preferance.

[sally4sara]

Excuse me? I'm not promiscuous, it's asking to much to ask the same for a woman that I would want a serious relationship with? Promiscuity is a massive red flag to me. If you want to date men that are fine with you having sex with 200 guys, then more power to you. It's just not my preferance.

 

As I said, wanting a person of the same values is not wrong.

 

Wanting a person of higher values to use for your conquest is.

 

It is not my fault you are who you are.

[carhill]

Care to explain your double standard? Have you ever worn makeup? If so, can you explain how that's not being dishonest without just saying "because!" and stomping your feet?

You kinda know you're not going to be a notch on her bedpost, eh?

[sally4sara]

If you want to date men that are fine with you having sex with 200 guys, then more power to you. It's just not my preferance.

 

Why on earth would you think I've had sex with so many men? Is this how you arrived at the numbers you described of the women you claim to know?

 

Exaggeration again? LYING again? Yeah, oh yeah, you're soooo much better than others.......

[betamanlet]

Why on earth would you think I've had sex with so many men? Is this how you arrived at the numbers you described of the women you claim to know?

 

Exaggeration again? LYING again? Yeah, oh yeah, you're soooo much better than others.......

 

 

It's called an example. Jezus. Calm down... You're the one making all sorts of accusations, insulting me, judging me, then when I say something back to you, you go nuts. Grow up.

[espec10001]

This thread just proves how infantile men and women are even though they consider themselves "grown up".

[Lizzie60]

Beta... it's no big deal.. you don't have to date women who had several partners.. it's YOUR right...

 

but how will you ever know for sure how many they had... they can (and probably will if they had many) lie about it..

 

I probably beat anyone on this forum... over 300+ partners (mostly in the last 7 years)...

 

What difference does it make.. I'm clean.. getting tested annually.

 

What difference does it make if you go out (you not knowing how many partners she had) with someone who had 1000 partners if she's clean... you can go out with someone from your church and get infected with AIDS...

 

I would rather go out with someone who has experience with sex and is clean than with an infected 'prude'.

 

Just sayin..

[CarrieT]

Excuse me? I'm not promiscuous, it's asking to much to ask the same for a woman that I would want a serious relationship with? Promiscuity is a massive red flag to me. If you want to date men that are fine with you having sex with 200 guys, then more power to you. It's just not my preferance.

 

And that is fine to have that preference. But don't inflict your values on others by stating generalizations that because someone has more sexual partners than you, that they are "exercising poor judgment."

 

You don't have to have a serious relationship with someone YOU define as promiscuous, but do not assume that promiscuity precludes loyalty and faithfulness.

[TheLoneSock]

Lizzie, when are you going to put up an album full of all those nice pictures you keep changing around in your avatar?