mcgeehan83 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Hi, Im new here (actually i just signed up now) and I have been cheated on recently, I'ld like to share what i have and see if anyone has advice or anything really to say about it. I'm going to start from the begining and give as much info of what happened as possible. I have been with my current girlfriend for just about a year now, we have been together off and on for almost three. (I've had issues with wanting to try and save my family. that was a mistake). Anyway this girl has been completely perfect for me, never fight hardly every even disagree, and to top it off she's gorgeous, everything i ever wanted in a woman. The only drawback is she's a senior at penn state, she's been gone for a little while. She comes home pretty often though. This girl says she thinks the world of me, tells me how much she loves me constantly, we talk constantly, as in txt all day everyday. She recently came home for halloween, and we had a great time, we dressed up and went out and we had amazing sex. She stared me in the eyes and proceeded to tell me that I'm the one she wants to be with forever. The rest of the weekend proceeded as normal and everything was great. She had an internship interview on Monday and i was off of work. She got up before me got ready gave me a kiss and told me she would be back when she finished. After i heard the door close, i dragged myself out of bed and went to the computer, i usually check emails and things when i wake up. Apparently she had accidentally left her e-mail open. I know this was crossing boundries but i didnt close it right away. Then i saw a msg. From a guy telling her how round one and two were amazing and that he couldn't wait for round three. It went on to be pretty graphic about having phone sex and sending pictures to each other. The last message from her was the morning after Halloween after i went to work. It went on to describe about how he was going to come to the Ohio game the following weekend and she was going to sneak him into her bedroom. they were both really excited. i didn't know what to do. I waited until after her interview when she would be calling me and told her we needed to talk and i said "I knew". she said she would come right here. She showed up and proceeded to tell me her story. At her apt she has a landlord that rents out her own place then stays at my g/f's apt during game weekends. She had brought with her two friends. (I was aware of this as she had told me) she said one of them was slightly flirting with her, this was the second time he was there, and that they all went to the game and all came back to hangout. She told me that after everyone else had fallen asleep he had kissed her, and that nothing else happened...the emails seem to confirm this. she went on into saying that he gradually started txting her and about a week ago things started to escalate. She told me that they had sent pictures back and forth and that they had phone sex on two occasions. the wend. and thurs. hours before she came home and slept with me. She told me that he was about 31 and that he just had a daughter...days before and he was married. She told me she didnt know why it happened and she didnt know how it got to that point. She obviously cried and told me she was sorry and that she would understand if i never wanted to see her again. I told her after freaking out for a few minutes that i didnt want to break up and that i loved her. She then opened herself up gave me email passwords we put her on my cell phone plan and pretty much said she's willing to do whatever it takes to over come this. She really does seem sincere. Im having trouble though. I am trying to not bring it up, im trying not to be over bearing, She also said she would be home every game (those games mean alot to her and she did come home for ohio state.) I just dont know what to think. I want to trust her but it seemed so easy for her to just do it so easy for her to hide it. She tells me all the time how sorry she is and how she never wants to hurt me ever again. and quite frankly For it being not even two weeks i really think we are getting back into a good thing...things seem great they really do. But i feel like im going to get hit with this again. does anyone have anything to say? any questions you can feel free to ask. btw i looked up the guys address and number and made sure to inform his wife...and forward her a copy of the e-mails.
seibert253 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Your last sentence will insure he never contacts your GF again. Exposure is the key to killing all affairs. Being long distance is difficult to insure she keeps her word. Very easy for her to open a ghost email account, or get another cellphone. If you love her and you want to give it another try, go for it. But be very clear on your boundries and clearer on the consequences if she crosses them.
Author mcgeehan83 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 I have been quite clear with the fact that this will not be tolerated in the future. Also she's finished school in dec. and she's going to be home almost every weekend from now until then. Which helps a lot. The ghost email SCARES THE CRAP out of me it really does. I want so much to believe her.
JaneInVegas Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 It sounds like she wants to make things right with you. I seriously doubt she "accidentally" left those emails open. But the thing that I struggle with is the whole "transparency" thing. So what if anyone gives up their email passwords, it's possible to have 5,000 email addresses and keep 4,999 of them a total secret. I have a hard time learning how to trust after someone has shown the least little bit of infidelity. Some people find it a lot easier, and maybe you're one of them. I guess it boils down to whether or not you believe in your heart whether it's really over or not. Good luck
Author mcgeehan83 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 ok you caught my...i mighta doubted myself and kinda maybe had her email password...i know the whole email thing is just a show, that it really doesnt matter. because your right you could have 5000 of them but what exactly concerns you about it. Im sorry for questions i've never had to deal with this before.
JaneInVegas Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 You've really never had to deal with this before? You're very lucky. Have you tried that keylogger on her yet? It's a sure fire way to uncover those other 4,999 email addresses ... that's why I want one!
Bryanp Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Something does not sound right. She engages in phone sex with this guy twice and they talk about how she was going to sneak him into her bedroom? The fact that she said she did not know how it happened is bull. She made a deliberate choice to allow this to happen and betray you. How do you think she would be feeling if the roles had been reversed and you had phone sex a couple of times with a hot girl and talked about how you would sneak her into your bedroom? When you finally get caught you say you just didn't know how it happened? She is not being honest with you. If you buy this argument that she did not know how it happened, then how can you prevent it from happening again? Another huge red flag is that she was doing this behind your back while she was still physical with you by contacting this guy. I think that there is more to this story. It seems pretty clear that she had no intention of ever telling you what she was doing and clearly intended to sneak this guy into her bedroom. Maybe you should ask yourself what is it that you really have by being with someone who would do these things behind your back and then claim she did not know how it happened? It simply does not make sense.
Author mcgeehan83 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 These are the questions i have been asking...she seems so sincere but the points you made are keeping me from fully believing in it. Do i dig...do i drop it. i know she had intentions and i know she never planned on me finding out, but does anyone who cheats every plan on telling the other person...except for maybe afterwards. I'm really in a hard spot here. I dont know how to handle this situation
Bryanp Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I think you need to ask yourself do you really wish to be with a girlfriend that has no problem in engaging in phone sex a couple of times with another guy and clearly having an intention to screw this guy in her bedroom before she was caught? My friend you judge people by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. You currently have a girlfriend who had no problem betraying you by having phone sex with someone else and clearly planning to screw this guy soon. Where does this leave you? You now need to ask yourself has she done this before and/or can I really trust her when I not around her and can I now believe anything she really tells me? I am sorry but she has already poisoned the well now and in the future and I think you already know this. I wish you luck.
Author mcgeehan83 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 I have thought about it, and I don't know of a specific thing that makes me want to work this out, I'm not making excuses for her or anything but, I just want to believe her it wont happen again. Does everyone deserve a second chance? I don't know but i really want to give one this time...
betrayed2 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 It seems to me that she enjoys the thrill of a married man. What more could you possibly see in this lying, cheating woman if all you have to say of her is that she is gorgeous and she never argues with you? Was she worth giving up your family for? Are you even officially divorced? Trust me, I've been cheated on and if they cheat on you once they can do it again. Karma is a bitch and what comes around goes around, better get tested too, my ex gave me herpes from his affair...good job in contacting the guys wife though, did you speak to her? i couldn't stop laughing when i read that...
Space Ritual Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I have thought about it, and I don't know of a specific thing that makes me want to work this out, I'm not making excuses for her or anything but, I just want to believe her it wont happen again. Does everyone deserve a second chance? I don't know but i really want to give one this time... Im sorry this happened to you, but Bryan P brings up a huge point about how a kiss escalates into Phone sex and promises of sneaking him into a bedroom. I am afraid that she really has no respect for you. Cheaters will continute to do their thing when your guard is down. remember actions speak louder than words. So she shared a few passwords with you. whats to say that there isnt even more accounts she doesent let you be privy to at this point. The point is this.... Long distance relationships are hard enough to maintain when there is complete honesty involved. I am afraid that there is always much much more to these stories. What you are getting is called "Trickle Down Truth". She will wait until your guard is down. Soon it will be protestations that she is doing everything she can and that you should "just get over it". Then when you dont, it will give her justification in her mind to do it again. see when she said to you she would understand if you left her she was hoping that you would so she could now continue this without the inconvenient person in her life (YOU). And also remember that if the emails were as torrid as you claim, then she just cant turn this off. And what proof do you have from this guys wife that she even believes you? Remember if you are going the full route of exposure you need to make sure you have fully convinced the OM's wife of the infidelity or its all for naught. He can easily explain this away to his wife unless you follow up. I understand how you feel. You want to hold onto something...ANYTHING that she is capable of changing and this will soon be a thing of the past. However I hope the scales fall from your eyes. If they havent slept together(which I think they have but make your own conclusions) they soon will the moment they have a chance. Unless you stand by the phone and listen to her tell him to never contact her again and you get full confirmation of this you are going to be as miserable as you were when you found out. I'm sorry but Id rather be single and looking than have somebody who pulls this act on me without complete transparency. You taking her back tells her that you will settle and that she can take you for granted. You may want to give her a second chance. You do so at your own peril. because it will happen again, if not with this guy, then with somebody else.
mybrowneyedgirl Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 in my affair we had multiple ghost email accounts. we used our real email accounts that our spouses had access to to sort of plant conversations that we knew they would see. after dday i showed my H the ghost accounts. his W (as of the last time we discussed this) still has no idea that the ghost accounts ever existed. she thinks we just deleted all the emails from our main accounts.
jnj express Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 unfortunately, you are missing one very major point. Your cheating GF, was willing to have phone, and eventually physical sex, with a man who your GF, knew had a wife and kids. Your Cheating GF, was very, very willing to wreck those innocent lives, and you did the right thing in telling the wife, basically all of their lives have been ruined, and changed forever. Your cheating Gf, was a very willing participant in all of that. She has already become a master of deceit, in that she can look you in the eyes, tell you everything is fine, and cheat on you at the same time. THOSE WHO ARE TRULY IN LOVE, DO NOT DO SUCH THINGS TO THEIR PARTNERS. Her telling you she didn't know why, is BS, she way down deep knows why. Every second and minute she was performing her cheating actions, she knew what she was doing. It certainly didn't bother her that she changed the lives of 3 innocents, forever, and ruined her trust, and relationship with you. DO NOT BE SO QUICK TO BECOME LOVEY--DOVEY WITH THIS PERSON. She has cheated on you, and more than likely if the opportunity arises, she will do it again----ACTIONS SPEAK MUCH, MUCH LOUDER THAN WORDS.
Blindsidedagainalive Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 She stared me in the eyes and proceeded to tell me that I'm the one she wants to be with forever. She got up before me got ready gave me a kiss and told me she would be back when she finished. Then i saw a msg. From a guy telling her how round one and two were amazing and that he couldn't wait for round three. It went on to be pretty graphic about having phone sex and sending pictures to each other. The last message from her was the morning after Halloween after i went to work. It went on to describe about how he was going to come to the Ohio game the following weekend and she was going to sneak him into her bedroom. So, shortly after writing about sneaking this man into her room, she stares at you in the eyes and told you she wants to be with you forever!!! Something wrong with this picture. The fact that she can compartamentalize, with no remorse is indicative of a cheater. Would you do that? Plan a sexcapade with someone and then quickly tell your girl how much you want to be with them forever? I sure wouldn't. I'd be second guessing my primary relationship and thinking about splitting up if I was wanting sex with someone else. Her behaviour is immature, wreckless, uncaring, deceiptful. And....furthermore....planning to **** a man who just had a baby? Would you respect even a single woman who would be willing to do that! What kind of morals does she have? I also agree that this is not her first time. She has likely had sex with this man and others. "I don't know why" is the oldest line in the cheating world. We know why though don't we. She wants to have sex with other men.
Church Bells Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Dating is really just a "test drive" for a potential marriage, and your current GF has failed to live up to expectations. Please learn from this lesson and move on to someone more compatible with your own beliefs/values/personality. Seriously, if she has cheated PRIOR to marriage, she will cheat AFTER marriage. This message was brought to you by the "Voice of Experience" ... disregard it at your own risk.
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