floods88 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I feel like I'm half using NC as a strategy and half using it to heal. Its the 3rd day after 2 weeks of being split and I still am looking at my phone constantly wishing it was him. I want to delete him off facebook but it would look immature and pathetic to everyone (we have the same friends). Although I havent actually looked at his profile I keep getting his stupid status updates and its just really setting me back. I cant help but feel his constant "updating" of status is to try and convince himself that hes happy with what hes doing because noone comments on them and they seem really contrived and it kinda makes me feel better if thats the case because i know it wont last long, cos thats what i was doing last week. then again it could just be that he is genuinely happy. i guess my question is, who is actually doing NC to heal and NOT get them back?
EricaH329 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Since it hasn't been that long since the two of you broke up, I believe you using NC as a way to get him back is normal. There's always that thought of 'maybe he will come back if I give him time to realize what he's missing'. If you continue NC though, it'll turn into you doing it for the sole purpose of healing. My ex and I have been broken up for 2 months, contacted eachother on and off during that time. I'm officially NC now, to be honest, I haven't kept track of how long it's been... because i'm no longer trying to do it to get him back. I'm now doing it to heal. It'll change, but it'll only change if you keep it up. Don't give in. 1
USMCHokie Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I want to delete him off facebook but it would look immature and pathetic to everyone (we have the same friends). If I got $100 for every time someone said this...how the heck does that make you look immature and pathetic? Anyone who tells you this probably has some growing up to do...
LuckyYou Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Me. I don't want my ex back at all. I did for the first few weeks after the split. But after being in NC for a while I came to realize I don't want him back. I was just afraid of change at the beginning. (We were together for 3 years and lived together for most of that time, spent every day together.) Now I'm happier to be out of that crazy relationship! Change isn't all that bad, everyday gets easier. I still have my moments, which is why I am liking NC. Makes things a whole lot easier. I don't see a reason to talk to him anymore, I don't think I want a friendship with him down the road, so really there's no point. I can honestly say right now I don't care if I ever talk to him again!
Author floods88 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 If I got $100 for every time someone said this...how the heck does that make you look immature and pathetic? Anyone who tells you this probably has some growing up to do... well i asked my best friend if i should or not, and she said that if i did it might look like im just being childish by not wanting anything to do with him and coming across as ive taken it really badly, cos we are part of a big group of close friends and i will have to see him socially at some point if i want to keep the friends ive already got, which i obviously do...
EricaH329 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 well i asked my best friend if i should or not, and she said that if i did it might look like im just being childish by not wanting anything to do with him and coming across as ive taken it really badly, cos we are part of a big group of close friends and i will have to see him socially at some point if i want to keep the friends ive already got, which i obviously do... In my opinion that's dumb. Friends have a right to their own opinion, and they could vocalize that opinion all they would like... but if they would think any differently of you because you feel as though this is the best for you at this time, maybe you should re-evaluate these friendships. 1
NopeNah Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 well i asked my best friend if i should or not, and she said that if i did it might look like im just being childish by not wanting anything to do with him and coming across as ive taken it really badly, cos we are part of a big group of close friends and i will have to see him socially at some point if i want to keep the friends ive already got, which i obviously do...he wants nothing to do with you..return the favor
EricaH329 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 BTW-- all you are doing is pushing him out of your life. You are pushing your ex out of your life. Everyonnnne does this at some point. It's not like you are deciding to smoke crack, you are simply moving on from a past experience. I do not get people who think that doing something like that is immature or whatever else they may think.
Author floods88 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 yep... you are all right. it's done. phew. facebook is such a pile of sh**/torture device. "Everybodys got a plan till they get hit in the mouth"- Mike Tyson I love that!
USMCHokie Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 well i asked my best friend if i should or not, and she said that if i did it might look like im just being childish by not wanting anything to do with him and coming across as ive taken it really badly, cos we are part of a big group of close friends and i will have to see him socially at some point if i want to keep the friends ive already got, which i obviously do... My ex and I also have a few mutual friends...both in real life and on Facebook...and to be honest, no one even noticed or gave a crap that me and her weren't Facebook friends anymore...unless you plan on annoucing to the world that you un-friended him, I doubt anyone would notice or care...and if they do, then they've got problems of their own...perhaps spending a bit too much time on Facebook... He may notice that you've un-friended him, and if that gets his undies all in a bunch, who cares...? He doesn't want you, so you don't want him. I don't see how that is taking it bad. If he decides to make a big scene out of it, then he's just being a douche...or just terribly immature...
LuckyYou Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 If you don't want to delete him then just block his status updates
WTRanger Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 If you don't want to delete him then just block his status updates Nope, that won't do it. There will always be the lingering thought to check his page. Then you run across a picture of him and his new girl and BAM! you are kicked down to the 8th level of Hell. Think of it as deleting him as your boyfriend. If the two of you get back together in the far future, then you can always re-add him.
adamt Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 please block and delete your ex from facebook. it is not imature it is common sense and is for your own good. the ex wont be bothered as they dumped you. i deleted my ex and after 5 months of nc we bumped into each other and she said she noticed i had removed her but she understood why i did it. it wasnt really a big deal for the ex
lilbelle Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I hate facebook. I blocked him from mine. But then unblocked, blocked again, unblocked, left my page public so he could see I was okay without him. Went private again. It's non stop. I have recently changed back to private and friends only. Sometimes I just wish I didn't even know his name. I wish I would have had a one night stand. I wish he cared enough to say I mattered to him. NC for me is for healing. He doesn't want me, I can't make him want me. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me no matter how much I loved him or it felt right. I have to let go. The sooner the better. I'm sick of feeling like I did something wrong. I'm a awesome chick, cute, smart, funny, loving, successful. I'm not gonna let someone tear all that down, I have worked to damn hard to get this far. If he is feeling it then good, now he will know what he lost and I hope he realizes what a fing fool he is. 1
USMCHokie Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 ...left my page public so he could see I was okay without him... Lesson learned here...stop worrying about what others think of you...especially those that are no longer in your life...and especially on Facebook of all places...you've obviously recognized that you're the cat's pajamas...the bee's knees...you don't need validation from others to know you're awesome... Block. NC. Heal. Move on.
nobleguy Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 yep... you are all right. it's done. phew. facebook is such a pile of sh**/torture device. Good. I mean, do you really want to have your face rubbed in his new life? Or seeing that his family/friends have added themselves to the new partner? I went onto my ex's new boyfriend's wall last week to see my ex talking like a good-time girl with him and his mates and it's just plain torture like you say. Also hurt that my ex's sister and brothers were friends with him already, but they never once asked me how I am... I removed my ex the day she dumped me for the second (and hopefully final...) time. She sent a teary text message asking why I had blocked her so she couldn't find me again on FB. She's unbeliveably naiive...
Confused728 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 i removed my ex after he didnt wanna work things out with me and get back together... he got mad that i removed him..and blocked him. i dont know why he was mad concidering he didnt want to get back together
sean1970 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I removed my ex the day she dumped me for the second (and hopefully final...) time. She sent a teary text message asking why I had blocked her so she couldn't find me again on FB. She's unbeliveably naiive... Same thing happened to me... floods88, don't be surprised if something like this happens as well... Stick with NC and talk to us if something happens that gets you going... I hate to think how much worse it would have been for me without the LS peeps...
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