floods88 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 how was everyones relationship before the break up? it seems like a lot of the relationships on here were 'on the rocks' before everything came to a halt i just wanted to know if anyone thought things were fine/normal before the other person decided they wanted out. i just dont understand how things can go from happily ever after to completely over in a week. i'm having an okay day today and i'm just questioning if its possible to have a change of heart in such a short time. i understand that nothings ever 100% perfect and we did argue... but it was just petty things that we always sorted out in minutes. blurgh
JolliX Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Me and my ex argued a bit. And we were both stressed from it. What through me off was that she said she wanted to work through it and see how it turned out b/c she wanted me. We even had a great day together and she was all smiles and happy. Then a day later a text message dump... not even a talk after "I want to work through it and see how it works out because I want you."
JaggedRoad Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Things were rocky for us after I fell into depression last September. What confuses me is the way she was behaving just two weeks prior to the break-up. She seemed happy about us being together and kept telling me how much better I am than other guys. She was ignoring her doubt, so I guess it didn't take much to make her end the relationship when it came under the scrutiny of her "new friends." I probably come off as being resentful, and I am. I'm not particularly thrilled about the break-up, but I'm disappointed at what made her end the relationship. If it was for reasons against me as a person, then I may not be as resentful if at all. I honestly did not like the way I was behaving either, so I wouldn't blame her for that.
Author floods88 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 how long were you together? and how long have you been split up? what i think is that they must have felt not into it a long time beforehand and just didnt want to say... its just that things would be so much less painful if they said it from the start rather than letting someone believe that things were okay. either that or their just going through a phase which will be over soon (the less likely and hopeful aspect)
sean1970 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I honestly did not like the way I was behaving either, so I wouldn't blame her for that. Ditto... Its hard to even get in the frame of mind now that I was in then... Odd the things that get you bent when you are in a relationship but would not seem to now. Regret is as bad as the breakup...
sean1970 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 how long were you together? and how long have you been split up? 2 years... 1 year LDR (4 Hours) ... Broke up once shortly (like 2 days)... Last time in early July... A trail of breadcrumbs that end in late Oct... A text I did not answer (lame, hurtful, selfish)...
Ilovecake Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I thought my relationship was good but now in hindsight I see that I was a complete door mat because I didn’t want to go through the pain of a breakup. I was holding on because I was 38 years old and I thought it was my last chance at a lasting relationship so I put up with things I usually wouldn’t. I was very wrong.
Author floods88 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 i understand the regret thing, but at the end of the day, its them that decided they didnt want to be with you, and if they dont love you like they used to, it wasnt your actions before the break up, it was always going to happen.
Author floods88 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 to add to that... no matter how much my ex would annoy me when we were together, i always knew i wanted to work things out because i loved him and he was a part of me and my future. so, i really think its to do with how the other person feels rather than you not being the perfect person
sean1970 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I thought my relationship was good but now in hindsight I see that I was a complete door mat because I didn’t want to go through the pain of a breakup. I was holding on because I was 38 years old and I thought it was my last chance at a lasting relationship so I put up with things I usually wouldn’t. I was very wrong. Right there with you on age (38)... She was 23, however... Probably error number 1... Like you, I just felt like this was my chance to have a lasting relationship and a family...
lilbelle Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 we were great. I mean great. communication was never better. Love making was never better. Overnight it went to ****. Just don't understand.
Ilovecake Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Right there with you on age (38)... She was 23, however... Probably error number 1... Like you, I just felt like this was my chance to have a lasting relationship and a family... Ha! He was younger than me by six years, he did however leave me for a 23 year old. It didn't work out for them, oh bummer.
Pentel Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 we had a lot of fights, but lately we where being better, she was finally telling me what she didn't liked about me, then she exploded and told me she didn't want to be with me anymore, then she said we might get back together then no, then yes, then no, then just friends and maybe later, then no, then maybe friends, then not even that
Taucher Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 It was a complete surprise to me. On Friday night we had planned a nice Sunday for ourselves, which would have been our anniversary. We had a takeaway, my gf told me she loved me etc all that. Saturday morning, I made her breakfast in bed and she said "I'm so happy". I was doing some washing up in the kitchen and singing quite loadly and watching motor racing on the TV. Decided to go into the bedroom. She was looking at me really funny and said she "couldnt do it anymore". She packed some stuff, called her Mum, collapsed in the door, cried loads...and then was gone. I have seen her once since. Maybe it was my singing? Truth is, I had no idea this was going to happen. But it might have seemed that everything was fine, but it was not for her. Hard as it is to get my head around, she didn't just decide at the last minute...she was probably thinking this way for ages. All her "I love you" and looking for rings in jewellery shops were probably her trying to deny how she felt...I dont know. My point: it might SEEM sudden to the dumpee but I dont think there is anything ever sudden about it. She did try to claim that it was a kind of sudden decision though, but on another occassion she told me that she had been thinking this way for about 3 months. 3 months of doubt out of a 5 year relationship? That really angered me. I had a doubtful few months around the beginning of the 4th year but I hid it from her and after a while developed even stronger feelings for her and put it down to the ups and downs of relationships and life. Maybe I should be quicker to bail in the future. Sorry for going on. Nice question. T
jayboy Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 It was a complete surprise to me. On Friday night we had planned a nice Sunday for ourselves, which would have been our anniversary. We had a takeaway, my gf told me she loved me etc all that. Saturday morning, I made her breakfast in bed and she said "I'm so happy". I was doing some washing up in the kitchen and singing quite loadly and watching motor racing on the TV. Decided to go into the bedroom. She was looking at me really funny and said she "couldnt do it anymore". She packed some stuff, called her Mum, collapsed in the door, cried loads...and then was gone. I have seen her once since. Maybe it was my singing? Truth is, I had no idea this was going to happen. But it might have seemed that everything was fine, but it was not for her. Hard as it is to get my head around, she didn't just decide at the last minute...she was probably thinking this way for ages. All her "I love you" and looking for rings in jewellery shops were probably her trying to deny how she felt...I dont know. My point: it might SEEM sudden to the dumpee but I dont think there is anything ever sudden about it. She did try to claim that it was a kind of sudden decision though, but on another occassion she told me that she had been thinking this way for about 3 months. 3 months of doubt out of a 5 year relationship? That really angered me. I had a doubtful few months around the beginning of the 4th year but I hid it from her and after a while developed even stronger feelings for her and put it down to the ups and downs of relationships and life. Maybe I should be quicker to bail in the future. Sorry for going on. Nice question. T I have a very similar story but won't bore you with the details. I am not sayings my story is the same as yours, but 6 months after she left I bluffed her into admitting she had been seeing someone for the last 3 months despite her saying the split involved nobody else. All the signs point to her either having a physical/emotional affair with this guy just before the break up....so looks like she lined him up as a replacement then conveniently dumped me.
106rob Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 yep our realationship had had its better patches but we were not on the rocks or anything she just went to uni and litrally overnight changed (well within a week realy) decided she thaught we needed space anda break.... 3 days later shes telling me she doesnt feel the same now and how its not fair on me etc etc bu we knew it would never be easy when she moved away to uni but had already discussed we were going to at least givethings ago we had always been real close before all this now its like i dont know her anymore etc she doesnt seam to giv a **** though
JaggedRoad Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 (edited) how long were you together? and how long have you been split up? what i think is that they must have felt not into it a long time beforehand and just didnt want to say... its just that things would be so much less painful if they said it from the start rather than letting someone believe that things were okay. either that or their just going through a phase which will be over soon (the less likely and hopeful aspect) We were together for 3 years, 5 months, and 20-or-so days. The break-up was on August 5th, so a little over 3 months now. I felt an awkwardness, but it didn't "make" me want to end the relationship. There were a lot of red flags a few days prior to the break-up, but I didn't think about them too much because that's usually how she behaves anyway. She had a lot of double standards, I'll just say that. Edited November 12, 2009 by JaggedRoad
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 My relationship was always stormy but we had a very intense and passionate time. We developed feelings for each other whilst he was with someone else so it was always difficult. In the beginning it was me messing things up, at the end, him. I think for us there were several factors. The way our relationship started. My panic disorder. Little lies he told at the end. His job. Still..as someone else said, I would have stuck with him through everything because I loved him that much. He gave up...I don't know if that makes him cowardly or brave, smart or stupid, that he lacks tenacity or that he knows when to stop flogging a dead horse.
rickigal Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Our relationship was perfect before the breakup. In fact my birthday was 2 weeks before he broke up with me. He wrote in my card "I can't put into word how happy I am that you came into my life. I am looking forward to spending many more occasions with you." Love Always, R We only had one argument our entire relationship. He invited me to his parent's house the weekend before for a small get together. I really had NO idea. He acted completely normal...lovey dovey, lots of affection, foot rubs, kisses. He had given me a key to his place a month before and invited me to come over whenever I wanted and greet him when he got home from work. I had no idea that anything was wrong until 5 days leading up to the breakup when he wouldn't say I love you after our phone conversations and he was very short with me on IM when we used to talk at work. When I say I was blindsided I was blindsided. We had talked about the future many times and how we saw each other in it.
MeErnie Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I can tell you exactly how it is because am going to break up with my boyfriend. All evidences have shown me that I should move on, since he hasn't stopped talking to his ex-girlfriend, holding up and lying to me about the fact that they have caught up while he was overseas for a conference. Been dating him on and off for 2 years, I think it is long enough to solve his lingering feeling towards her. They have known each other since 17 (he's now 30). I can never win. I just pretend that I except his BS, have been so nice to him in these few days. But now am preparing my mind to call things off, and to minimize the damage caused. I would think of everything he said, and convinced that they are all lies. It's just the way to give me strength to action. Tell me what's the consequence to say 'hey let's work things out together, we still have hopes.' Will it be different? I love him more than I can think of, but first, I have to learn to love myself. Not all the dumpers are the bad guys. We have been going through the emotional hell for so long, so long that you can hardly imagine.
nobleguy Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 All the signs point to her either having a physical/emotional affair with this guy just before the break up....so looks like she lined him up as a replacement then conveniently dumped me. Yes I think this is common. Mine insists she didn't do this, but each time she either thought of leaving or did leave (twice) she instantly tried to hook up with the guy lingering in the background at the time (FB, etc...). All three weirdly fell through for one reason and another before she managed to sleep with them, but the fourth guy in her list of admirers finally got lucky. And she had spent 2 years telling me he meant nothing to her... She didn't explicitly cheat on me I don't think, but she definitely had an alternative ready and waiting...
teanoranges Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 This is one of those hard things to decipher. It makes you think about how much in love you were, but gets you wondering if it ever really was love. For me, I fell pretty hard and pretty fast. I loved every moment with him. We connected in a way no one else had with me. When we were together it was romantic. We took a couple breaks. First on my part because I was overwhelmed by the feelings and scared... that lasted two days. I blame my mind because it was my first and I didn't know what I was doing. The other 2 breaks were his. He couldn't give me what I wanted, and he didn't feel in love with me the other time. We'd end up getting back together, but now I wonder if he did really love me or if it was just missing me. It makes so much sense now that he doesn't love me and possibly fallen out of it a long time ago. Here I was thinking maybe he was just scared (he is emotionally vulnerable) and I could show him I was safe. I started getting really comfortable being in love with him and loved that we were reaching that part. Slowly it wasn't as romantic I guess, but I figured relationships die down alittle. I was still happy. I told him I'd like more affection and he told me he couldn't give it and we ended... I guess it does show that the love wasn't really there on his part. Sad, but makes sense. Really makes you wonder about the reality of it all and how hard you fought for something that wasn't really there to begin with? I feel I really did love him.
nobleguy Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Really makes you wonder about the reality of it all and how hard you fought for something that wasn't really there to begin with? I feel I really did love him. Yeah I can see how that might be tough. I think mine did truly love me, but it was lost... Not sure if that's any better LOL!
cdt76 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Things were like a story book for me. 8 Months of pure bliss, no fights, no arguements, good times, great sex.....She found another man. Let me for him. He turned out to be a co-worker of mine and friend. That would be the first place I'd start looking if she left for no reason. She found someone else.
ElChup Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 We had a rocky relationship for nearly half of the time we were together....but we tried desperately to make it work since we both loved each other. Unfortunately though I had to deal with a lot of stress over the years. Difficulties at work, financial difficulties, a job loss, father got cancer and so on. At time I was irratable and other times I would drink more than I normally do (that is to say the occasional binge drinking evening as opposed to all the time). Poor girl though only saw my good, non-stressed side in the early days and I think she convinced herself that the person she first knew would never return. It didn't help though that she was one of these tough love types, and tough love is not something I respond to. Also, our personalities were very similar and both of us were quite stubborn. That meant that everything was a negotiation and that undoubtedly sucked some of the willingness to be affectionate and sexual, on both sides.
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