simplythebest Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for about a month now. We have been having unprotected sex. We both know each others history and are free of STD's so that's not an issue. The problem is I'm worried about getting pregnant. I went to the doctor yesterday and got a pregnancy test which came back negative. I asked to get on birth control. When I told my bf he got upset bc I didn't tell him about it before doing it. He said that if I'm so worried about getting pregnant than maybe we shouldn't be having sex. I really don't know what to think, he's an incredibly awesome guy. I would love to have kids with him, but I would like for us to be married before considering having kids. Am I wrong for this? Shoukd I have told him I was going to the dr? Advice?
Malenfant Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for about a month now. We have been having unprotected sex. We both know each others history and are free of STD's so that's not an issue. The problem is I'm worried about getting pregnant. I went to the doctor yesterday and got a pregnancy test which came back negative. I asked to get on birth control. When I told my bf he got upset bc I didn't tell him about it before doing it. He said that if I'm so worried about getting pregnant than maybe we shouldn't be having sex. I really don't know what to think, he's an incredibly awesome guy. I would love to have kids with him, but I would like for us to be married before considering having kids. Am I wrong for this? Shoukd I have told him I was going to the dr? Advice? what a silly thing for him to say. how old is this guy?
Author simplythebest Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 He's 29, I'm 25. I thought it was silly too!!!
Yukikazi Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Is he one of those conservatives that doesn't believe in birth control? If he does.. you may wanna rethink things or risk a bun in the oven.
boogieboy Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Thats completely ridiculous of him. If YOU dont want to get pregnant, you have every right to put yourself on birth control without telling him first. Dont let him tell you different.
Clep Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I'm not sure why he thinks you should be going to him and letting him know about your trip to the Dr. I am also wondering why you have been going a month without protection in the first place. The next thing that comes to mind is that he hasn't brought it up in the last month.
samspade Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Remind him how much a baby costs to raise (or abort for that matter). A man should WANT to prevent pregnancy - the deck is stacked against him if it happens.
Author simplythebest Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 No, he isn't conservative in that regard. We have been using the withdrawal method so he said we should be fine. I didn'y want to depend on him so that's why I got birth control. I just didn't know what to think. Other than that maybe he did want me to get pregnant.
2sure Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I would tell him that the decision to use birth control is your's alone as is the decision to use any other medication. I would also tell him that his having an issue with either using birth control OR your going on it without his consent indicates that you agree with him when he says "we shouldnt be having sex."
Yukikazi Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 No, he isn't conservative in that regard. We have been using the withdrawal method so he said we should be fine. I didn'y want to depend on him so that's why I got birth control. I just didn't know what to think. Other than that maybe he did want me to get pregnant. The "withdrawl" method is no method.. you DO realize you can still get pregnant before he pops right? There are still swimmers in the pre....
Author simplythebest Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 I threw away my pills last night...
torranceshipman Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Tbh, sounds like he just doesn't want to use condoms, and also has some weird control issues. Or is desperate to have kids....might not be a bad idea to slow this one right down and get to know him a lot better before getting more serious with him...
VeveCakes Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 sexually active for a month...marriage... just don't belong together in my mind! I don't get it...
phineas Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Tbh, sounds like he just doesn't want to use condoms, and also has some weird control issues. Or is desperate to have kids....might not be a bad idea to slow this one right down and get to know him a lot better before getting more serious with him... Perhaps he wants to get her pregnant as a way to control her?
DanielMadr Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Are you aware of the fact, that so called precum can and usually has some percentage of sperm?
16thstreet Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I threw away my pills last night... Nooooooo!!! Go dig them out!!! Seriously, using a backup method does not indicate that you do not "trust" him or anything like that . . . it is just common sense. If you want to continue to see this person, you must look out for yourself. If he cannot understand and accept that basic point, there are going to be a lot of issues for you two.
PinkToes Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I threw away my pills last night... Why would you do this?? I think it's pretty lame when guys refuse to wear condoms, but birth control pills have absolutely nothing to do with him -- unless he really does want you to get pregnant. There are some definite red flags here, in terms of control issues. How's the rest of your relationship? Does he try to tell you what you can & can't do in other areas of your life? Does he discourage you from seeing certain friends?
DanielMadr Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 You dont take pills. He does not wear condom. It means he is OK to have child with you (based on his later reaction and the fact he knew you dont take pills and he is not an idiot thinking that pulling it out is safe). And you are OK to have child with him (based on assumption you are not completely confused bordering stupid - as your mother would put it knowing that) You start to take pills. It means something changed and you are NOT OK to have a child with him anymore. It is sort of a rejection isn't it? I want to have kids. Would I marry a girl first just to find out she can't have kids with me?
Ody Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 When I told my bf he got upset bc I didn't tell him about it before doing it. I thought this sentence was going to end "bc he got upset bc he assumed I was on the pill already." Bail out immediately unless you want kids right now and an illogical, bizarre man with a little bit of charm and a lot of issues. Best case, he had an ex-GF who had bad hormonal reactions to the pill. Even in this case he has a severe amount of neanderthalism for not exploring the many other alternatives. Worst cases he's got a weird case of baby crazy. What were you thinking using the pulling out method anyway? DM nailed it when he mentioned the sperm in precum. If I were you I'd dig out a good health textbook after I dump this guy. Did you leave out any pertinent details of this story?
DanielMadr Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I thought this sentence was going to end "bc he got upset bc he assumed I was on the pill already." Bail out immediately unless you want kids right now and an illogical, bizarre man with a little bit of charm and a lot of issues. Best case, he had an ex-GF who had bad hormonal reactions to the pill. Even in this case he has a severe amount of neanderthalism for not exploring the many other alternatives. Worst cases he's got a weird case of baby crazy. What were you thinking using the pulling out method anyway? DM nailed it when he mentioned the sperm in precum. If I were you I'd dig out a good health textbook after I dump this guy. Did you leave out any pertinent details of this story? Maybe he was not opposed to having a child. If God blesses us(with more sperms in my precum) attitude.
Ody Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Maybe he was not opposed to having a child. If God blesses us(with more sperms in my precum) attitude. Yeah good point. If so the OP's report that "No, he isn't conservative in that regard. We have been using the withdrawal method so he said we should be fine" is troublesome because he has some truth issues (with himself and/or the OP). Bad situation all around.
Yukikazi Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Lets try Reverse psychology.. Go trash your pills.. poke holes in any possible condoms cause its obvious you want to be pregnant very soon. We here at loveshack wish you all the best during your near future pregnancy. We hope the guy currently attempting to impregnate you will be worth it as you obviously don't know him well but are quite willing to put your needs and physical choices aside for his happiness. Just out of curiosity.. what does yo momma say about this? I bet she would be thrilled cause I'm almost 99% sure you haven't told her any of this yet.. I dunno if your daddy is a physical person but I would imagine that when he gets wind of this.. your gonna get smacked upside the head.. no telling what he may do to your babydaddy So again.. premature congratulations... (pun intended) on your new baby something or other.. kiss the next 18 years of life goodbye.
Author simplythebest Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 My family is ultra-conservative. My parents would die if I were to get pregnant. I was suppossed to have gotten on the pill this weekend (if my period comes before then, of course). Call me crazy, immature or whatever you want. I was disappointed when my pregnancy test came back negative. I guess I'm afraid of getting pregnant because I am afraid of my family's reaction. Deep down, I am sad to know that I am not pregnant. I think I want a baby too.
Ody Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Deep down, I am sad to know that I am not pregnant. I think I want a baby too. This was the pertinent detail you left out. I suggest you slow down, and go about this a better way. This guy won't start shooting blanks for another 40 years or so.
DanielMadr Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 My family is ultra-conservative. My parents would die if I were to get pregnant. I was suppossed to have gotten on the pill this weekend (if my period comes before then, of course). Call me crazy, immature or whatever you want. I was disappointed when my pregnancy test came back negative. I guess I'm afraid of getting pregnant because I am afraid of my family's reaction. Deep down, I am sad to know that I am not pregnant. I think I want a baby too. Your family will be happy. If not...screw them. So what is it? You want baby. He wants baby? What is the REAL problem here? You dont love him eh?
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