McGrupp Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 im so ****ing obsessed with my ex. im so ****ing obsessed with my mistakes and I cant get out of my head. its been over 2 months and yet i still talked to her last week. i miss her so much and just want to apologize for all the **** i did to her but i know there is no point as it only pushes her back and makes me look weak. ugh!!!! NC 6 days now...but whats the point? she aint coming back... i need her back but i cant get her. i am consumed. i fool around with a new girl and i cant get my ex out of my head. im probably the only guy on her whose ex left him for nothing. no other dude or anything. only because i became super duper clingy and became super paranoid...**** is LS getting tired of me yet? at least im off suicide watch....
Kamille Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 The point of healing is to do what will help you move on. As such, if you feel you need to apologize, then write out your thoughts, the things for which you would like to apologize. Then sit on the letter for awhile. Tell yourself you will send it when you truly mean it as an apology and not as a tactic to get your ex back. You will move on. It's only been two months, so give yourself a break. Also, work on forgiving yourself for the mistakes that you made.
Author McGrupp Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 its hard though. i cursed her out. then apologized. she said she accepted my apologies. went 25 days NC and called her up. we had a good convo. then the next weekend i get drunk and curse her out again!!! then i try to apologize for that and she like, just stop. ive been talking to a therapist about the impulse and lack of self control i have. working on forgiving myself is difficult. i do like to regret or something. im trying to talk about it less...
sean1970 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 im so ****ing obsessed with my ex. im so ****ing obsessed with my mistakes and I cant get out of my head. its been over 2 months and yet i still talked to her last week. i miss her so much and just want to apologize for all the **** i did to her but i know there is no point as it only pushes her back and makes me look weak. ugh!!!! NC 6 days now...but whats the point? she aint coming back... i need her back but i cant get her. i am consumed. i fool around with a new girl and i cant get my ex out of my head. im probably the only guy on her whose ex left him for nothing. no other dude or anything. only because i became super duper clingy and became super paranoid...**** is LS getting tired of me yet? at least im off suicide watch.... Yours sounds almost exactly like mine... No other guy, fighting too much, and I was getting close to being a "yes dear" guy... Think that is why we fought more at the end... Guys cant be in that place in their head for long before they lash out a bit... If you cant focus on her negatives at least try to realize she does not deserve to be deified. I feel for you man... I have 30 days of NC now with a break up that happened in early July... It gets better... You measure it in nanobytes early on but it does get better... Blast us before you do something you will regret...
AliveAndKicking Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I think Kamille offered you a great suggestion: Write it all out and let it sit for a while. It might sound silly to you but that REALLY helps! Cut yourself some slack, man, as we ALL make mistakes and do things we regret. We can't undo the past. All we can do it to not repeat those same mistakes. Sometimes the only ammends one can make is to learn from it and change for the better. I know you are frustrated and you desperately want to make it right by her. Now is not the time for that. Now is the time to patch yourself up, move through the pain, become the best man that you can be, and carry yourself with dignity. You've been working real hard and that is commendable. Rome wasn't built in a day so relax, slow down, and don't think that everything must be resolved NOW. You're doing GREAT- keep it up!
Author McGrupp Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 appreciate it. i just cant stop imigining that if i went NC at the beginning i would have her back. or at least my dignity. but i know myself so well that there is now way that wouldve happened.
GrayClouds Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 i need her back but i cant get her. i am consumed. /QUOTE] So what are you doing about it? What 5 things are you going to do today to help it?
Author McGrupp Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 hmmm...not sure. maybe go to the gym later. talk to my new lady friend. edit a sketch or 2...but **** i miss her i miss what we had. and my life is so borrrrring now!!!
sean1970 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 appreciate it. i just cant stop imigining that if i went NC at the beginning i would have her back. or at least my dignity. but i know myself so well that there is now way that wouldve happened. I did the same thing... over... and over... and over again... To be honest, it was the hardest part of the breakup... The problem is, you were not ready then... For the relationship to work again that is... I know I wasn't... Dignity is restored over time with forgiving yourself and the improvements you make for you. Just don't miss this opportunity to use it as a learning experience... That is two fold; what you may have done better and what she did that you did not care for (and there is always something). Use it to think about who you want to be and what type of person you want to be with.
Author McGrupp Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 argh...i feel so helpless...iwish i could do or say something but there is nothing left...nothing left but to move on...
sean1970 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 argh...i feel so helpless...iwish i could do or say something but there is nothing left...nothing left but to move on... You said you were going to the gym... Lost any weight?
Author McGrupp Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 ive actually lost 30 lbs. throughout this whole thing. trying not to put it back on as i feel like im eating my boredom away now.
Pentel Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 omg we're going tru the same experiences like reeaallyy, i would have gotten back with her if i had done the NC, she told me that, i still talk to her and its making it all worse, i too want to apologize for everything i've done to her, every curse, everything, i did apologize, she said she forgives me, but then again she gets mad because i do something wrong again, im too going to a therapist
Pentel Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 oh but the diference is that i've been with her all the time, trying to make her happy, and she keeps offending me, and telling me stuff, and being SOOO bad to me, i've done her homework, ive helped her at school, but she's soo bad to me, she keeps hanging ALL day with this guy, and they're both in my classroom (all day), so fml
HeavenOrHell Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Have you much going on in your life to keep you focussed? If I didn't have my voluntary jobs I would go insane stuck at home thinking about him. I'd say working for Oxfam has pretty much kept me sane, I haven't FELT sane a lot of the time but I have just about kept sane. I would highly recommend it if you are not already working. I also care for injured wild animals. It also helps me to help others, doing something worthwhile. I still miss him like hell 4 months on and I will miss him and cry over him for a long time to come, I imagine. I am trying to build my life up, to create a life worth living, not easy when I have social phobia, mild agoraphobia, ongoing bouts of long term depression, major anxiety. I would not go into any sort of relationship until you have moved on from your ex, it will be on the rebound and will not help. Personally it would make me feel much lonelier and more empty. Are you seeing a therapist? It would be helpful if you could work through why you became so clingy and paranoid, do you do that in all your relationships? I think it would be difficult for a relationship to work unless these problems have been worked through. im so ****ing obsessed with my ex. im so ****ing obsessed with my mistakes and I cant get out of my head. its been over 2 months and yet i still talked to her last week. i miss her so much and just want to apologize for all the **** i did to her but i know there is no point as it only pushes her back and makes me look weak. ugh!!!! NC 6 days now...but whats the point? she aint coming back... i need her back but i cant get her. i am consumed. i fool around with a new girl and i cant get my ex out of my head. im probably the only guy on her whose ex left him for nothing. no other dude or anything. only because i became super duper clingy and became super paranoid...**** is LS getting tired of me yet? at least im off suicide watch....
Author McGrupp Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 well i always wasnt so clingy or paranoid. she cheated last year and created that thread of doubt. also with work i wasnt able to see her for 3 weeks so my head wandered. my job also is me sitting in an office alone all day form 10-9. so i have lost my mind. its also gives me 3 days off a week, 2 of which (mon,tues) nobody is around. i used to enjoy my job somewhat and my days off. now i lose it and havent found anything to fill that time.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Just read that you are seeing a therapist, good for you Can you make a list of things you could do to keep you occupied?
HeavenOrHell Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Why do you want her back if she cheated? Did she cheat because you and her had problems? (not that that's an excuse, but it's a reason). You weren't clingy and paranoid before she cheated?
Author McGrupp Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 well i got paranoid last year the week that lead up to the cheating. she was hanging out with this guy a lot. when i found out (she told me, and it was just making out, although on her bday) i freaked and left. she came running back. but we never dealt with it more then im sorries and she stopped hanging out with him. so this year kinda unfounded, i started freaking out. i completely blame myself. but she should hvae communicated better. eventually it ended because i demanded to see her and other things. then after the breakup i made a fool of myself....
Pentel Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 then after the breakup i made a fool of myself.... i know how you feel, im going tru the same stuff, atleast she's not at your classroom, atleast you dont have to see her everyday, almost all day, atleast you dont have to see her hanging all day with another guy
tVII Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 don't beat yourself up for being clingy. I, too was clingy. All you need to know now: LESSON LEARNED just take it as a learning experience. You're not the only one that was clingy... "experience is what you get, when you don't get what you want."
Sysyphus28 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 1. Roll a phat L and listen to some notorious BIG. 2. Plan a trip and go somewhere cool. Stop being a hopeless,weak, insecure, needy, sucker. This one chick isn't the world!! End this self-indulgent grovelling by being a MAN. Shed your tears and MAN-UP. Talk to some people who have healthy perspectives on life, and get out this emotional cement you have sat in until it has dried! Tell this girl to F off! staright up.....if she wants you, let her beg. Imagine if you got back together with her....you would feel like a perma-b*t** for the whole relationship.....You would never forget what a lame-a** you were. do better, live better, try harder, think more, grow up through this experience, become stronger by using your rationale mind, repeat this mantra! im so ****ing obsessed with my ex. im so ****ing obsessed with my mistakes and I cant get out of my head. its been over 2 months and yet i still talked to her last week. i miss her so much and just want to apologize for all the **** i did to her but i know there is no point as it only pushes her back and makes me look weak. ugh!!!! NC 6 days now...but whats the point? she aint coming back... i need her back but i cant get her. i am consumed. i fool around with a new girl and i cant get my ex out of my head. im probably the only guy on her whose ex left him for nothing. no other dude or anything. only because i became super duper clingy and became super paranoid...**** is LS getting tired of me yet? at least im off suicide watch....
Author McGrupp Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 i like it. im already feeling a lot better. like something clicked halfway through my day (probably new girl texting me nudes) anywho...
NopeNah Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 (probably new girl texting me nudes). Sharing is caring!!haha
lilbelle Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 See you got a new girl. So this is gonna help out. Remember your mistakes, learn from them. Move on. I know it's tough and we are all in the same boat but you have come really far. Last week you were thinking of ending it. Now look. You are expressing the inner feelings that weren't coming out before. Your progressing and thankfully you are helping me as well. I know you miss her, miss everything you had, but the only way to move forward is to better yourself and one day she will look at you and think, damn. By then you will be strong enough to walk away.
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