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Ex's birthday should I send her a card?

Jexranger

By Jexranger
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Jexranger Member

Jexranger

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My ex and I broke up 3 months ago and we haven't talked since we had an argument over the phone which was 2 months ago I haven't tried to contact her at all since then and she hasn't contacted me either, I still love and miss her a lot and I'm just wondering if I should send her a card in the post or not her birthday is this Friday, we were together a year, I know she misses me because she said no ones ever made her happier or been there for her like me (She has a lot of family problems)

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sean1970 Established Member

sean1970

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Who broke up and "miss her, love her" mean "I still want to be with her" ?

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Jexranger Member

Jexranger

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She broke up with me, because I had trust issues (been cheated on in past relationships) no that means I still care about her and want her in my life because she still means alot to me

sean1970 Established Member

sean1970

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She broke up with me, because I had trust issues (been cheated on in past relationships) no that means I still care about her and want her in my life because she still means alot to me

 

As friends or to be together again...? I'm on 30 days of NC from a July breakup. I still could not be 'friends' with her. You are 3 months in and NC for 2. It would be hard to imagine you are ready for just friends...

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Jexranger Member

Jexranger

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honestly, id love for us to be together again but i am getting over her,

and if i don't wish her a happy birthday she'll probably think i dont care about her, she's very strong minded and she probably wouldn't contact me first

sean1970 Established Member

sean1970

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honestly, id love for us to be together again but i am getting over her,

first

 

I have to admit, Im battling the same issue, however, it is my birthday the 30th of December that Im wondering about... Her's is 12 days later...

 

My advice is not to send it... If you are 'getting over her', why take steps back (and you know it will feel that way)....

ItsAllGoodAgain Established Member

ItsAllGoodAgain

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I just had this same issue last week. We had been NC for almost a month and then came her birthday. I know we're not right for each other and will probably never be together again but I still care deeply for her and wouldn't rule out a possible reconcilation. However, in order to move on and "get over" the relationship you must heal yourself. And having NC with your ex is the best way.

 

I decided the day before her birthday that I wasn't going to send her anything. She dumped me, she gave up on us, why should I put forth any effort to make her feel better when I was the one stomped on. The morning of I felt the same. It made me feel powerful and in control. I felt I had the upper hand by not giving in.

 

Well I broke down and sent her a simple email saying "Happy Birthday Chica. Thinking about you and Peyton." This little message took all of those feelings of control and power and tossed them out the window. It was nice and showed I still cared but it also sent the message that I was still hanging around. Waiting for her. For days afterward I would check my email waiting and hoping for a simple "thank you" and it never came. This simple, kind, caring gesture set me back in my own healing process.

 

So I suggest that you don't send her anything. Let her know that you aren't going wait for her. You don't need her to feel happy. She will get more out of nothing than if you were to send something.

sean1970 Established Member

sean1970

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Well I broke down and sent her a simple email saying "Happy Birthday Chica. Thinking about you and Peyton." This little message took all of those feelings of control and power and tossed them out the window. It was nice and showed I still cared but it also sent the message that I was still hanging around. Waiting for her. For days afterward I would check my email waiting and hoping for a simple "thank you" and it never came. This simple, kind, caring gesture set me back in my own healing process.

 

I had asked you about this the day after, I believe. Sorry it turned out for you like that...

ItsAllGoodAgain Established Member

ItsAllGoodAgain

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Yeah, I felt miserable there for a while. It was definitely a learning experience. I didn't learn too much though. Just monday I heard from a friend that my ex was going through a really rough time. Not sure why but not happy. So like the fool I am I sent her a "Be Strong" quote that has helped me through out the years. I knew there would be no response but I got that same feeling of hope.

 

I'm telling you man. Don't send her anything. Not for her sake but for yours.

ItsAllGoodAgain Established Member

ItsAllGoodAgain

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Another thing is I found myself going through the same cycle again and again.

 

 

-You feel good for doing something nice

-But then you begin to question yourself and yopur motives

-You wonder if they got your message and if they appreciate it

-She doesn't respond SHE REJECTS YOU AGAIN!!!

-You feel sad

-Guilty

-Mad

-You feel you should attempt to contact again

-If you do as I did

-This cycle starts all over

 

Bottom line is this sets you back from your own healing process. This is another rejection. From the same person who rejected you before. Now I have to start over and really focus on whats important. ME!!

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Jexranger Member

Jexranger

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You're right, I won't be sending her anything. Thank you

sean1970 Established Member

sean1970

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You're right, I won't be sending her anything. Thank you

 

You wrote it; we are going to hold you to it... ;)

trueblue72ny Established Member

trueblue72ny

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you're right, i won't be sending her anything. Thank you

 

good decision.

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Jexranger Member

Jexranger

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I ripped the card up already, felt pretty good lol

sean1970 Established Member

sean1970

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I ripped the card up already, felt pretty good lol

 

I gave the one I got for her to someone else ;)

LuckyYou Member

LuckyYou

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My ex's birthday was 2 weeks after we broke up. I sent a text saying "Happy birthday" he responded saying thank you and such and we had a little bit of small talk over texting. He told me he wanted a home made card for his birthday :rolleyes:. I said "ok" But ended up never even making one. After thinking it through I figured whats the point... and I have to tell you I am SOOOOOO happy I never sent a card!

ItsAllGoodAgain Established Member

ItsAllGoodAgain

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Step one complete. Now the hardest part will be remaining strong though out tomorrow. Get your mind off things. Stay busy. If you feel the urge to call, send, fax, etc...Just jump on here and write it in this forum.

 

I was weak and regret it. I shall live vicariously through you. Feel the power and remain strong!!!

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Jexranger Member

Jexranger

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it'll be hard tho because i dont wanna come across as like i dont care about her anymore :/ tricky situation

ItsAllGoodAgain Established Member

ItsAllGoodAgain

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And thats exactly what I thought. She knows that you remember her birthday bro. She is expecting you to say something. If you say anything then she'll know that you are still there for her to do as she pleases until shes ready to come back (if she ever does). By you not saying anything will put in her head that you aren't wating around for her and you are moving on without her.

 

Thats just my thoughts. I don't know the circumstances of the relationship. Its pretty much damned if you do and damned if you don't. But if you want to get her attention then don't say anything.

 

You've been NC for a while now. Has she tried to contact you? She left you man. If she wants to talk to you on her birthday then she will contact you. Don't do as I did and give them the satisfaction of knowing you're still there. You will look desperate and needy. Believe me, I've been there.

 

You know my ex told me the same thing. I was the best thing thats ever happened to her and she wanted to be with me. This was during our "break". She said she was sorry for hurting me and wanted me back in the worst way. 2 days later she sends me a text saying she can't be with me. She left me high and dry. I went from on top of the world to the depths of hell it seemed. I thought it would help my circumstance in winning her back if I showed her I cared by wishing her a happy birthday. I got nothing in return other than more heart ache and a shot to my self-esteem. You don't want that. I promise you you will feel better about yourself in the long run if you stay strong and say nothing. You will start to gain the upper hand. This is key IF there is any chance in reconciling your relationship.

 

Women want what they can't have. Show her that she can't have you while she is doing whatever it is in the mean time. You're nobodys door mat. STAY STRONG!!!

Taucher Established Member

Taucher

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I had the same dilemma. I didnt send anything or say anything. We were in limited contact before that and since I havent heard from her. Good. Her birthday has nothing to do with me anymore.

 

And anyway, why would I wish her a HAPPY birthday? Cos that is what I would be doing. It sounds harsh, but I didnt WANT her to have a happy birthday. I wanted her to have a slightly miserable birthday without me wondering why she had done what she had done.

 

I might have sent a card if I could have found one which said "Have a (slightly) miserable birthday".

 

I like the fact that, as far as she is concerned, I have dissapeared.

 

Well done for not sending it.

 

T

boogieboy Established Member

boogieboy

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it'll be hard tho because i dont wanna come across as like i dont care about her anymore :/ tricky situation

 

Believe it or not, you WANT to come across like you dont care. When you break up, you do exactly the opposite of what you THINK you should do.So whatever you do, DO NOT send her a card, no text, NOTHING.

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Jexranger Member

Jexranger

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You guys are so amazing and supportive thank you so much seriously thanks a lot, I'll report back and let you know how it goes :) but I CAN promise you that I will NOT contact her. Thanks again!

adamt Established Member

adamt

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Don't send a card. you will be waiting for a response. if you don't get one then you wil feel depressed if you do get one it will give you false hope.

 

I bumnped into my ex at the weekend after 5 months of NC. We had a "catch up" chat. i've no idea if she will send me a xmas card or text best wishes but i wont be responding because in the bigger picture it won't change the situation.

Pentel Established Member

Pentel

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i might send her a text on christmas, or on new year, and a card on her birthday but i won't expect a reply,i will do it cause im a gentleman, i won't do it cause i will hope that if she reads it she will find love for me again, i will do it cause i think it would be a nice touch to do it, to be a gentleman

NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

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i might send her a text on christmas, or on new year, and a card on her birthday but i won't expect a reply,i will do it cause im a gentleman, i won't do it cause i will hope that if she reads it she will find love for me again, i will do it cause i think it would be a nice touch to do it, to be a gentleman
Being a "gentleman" would be giving her exactly what she asked for...That is a life without you in it any longer in any form or fashion. ;)
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