hitman111 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 (edited) My ex and I had a relationship for around a year which ended in jan. The reason for this was she had a child with someone else before she met me and the father wanted to get back with her. This made her feel guilty and she kept on thinking maybe it's best she gave him another chance for the babies sake. We ended up going round in circles as she was very confused, on one had she had a kid with him but was in love with me. I then told her to go back to him and give it another go she got angry and did, after a week she wanted to get back with me but didn't have the strength to break up with him. We went round in circles for a long time until we kept hurting each other, I said some nasty things to her and when i tried apologing she cut me of and changed her number. I haven't spoke to her for almost a year when out the blue she called me on monday, she said she's not angry anymore and wanted to see how i was but didn't want to meet. She's still with the guy but says it's not great but she's giving it a go and if it wern't for the kid she would be with me. She then called me on tuesday to wish me luck for my fight (i'm a boxer) and wanted to know if i wanted to go for a drink as friends, i said i wasn't sure. she invited me on facebook again and put on a pic of herself "smiling on the outside - crying on the inside" She is the love of my life and I think I may be hers but i don't want to get hurt again, Why do you think she wants to meet after so long, do you think there's a chance we could start again? Edited November 11, 2009 by hitman111
mark982 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 i think she's playing with your head. she's already told you that if it wasn't for the baby,she'd be with you. that's why she's with him. end the agravation,don't answer her calls.
whichwayisup Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 She's still with the guy but says it's not great but she's giving it a go and if it wern't for the kid she would be with me. She's still with this guy and contacting you...She's fishing. Fishing to see if a "friendship" can happen, fishing to see if maybe an affair will happen, at best an EA (emotional affair) to keep her needs happy so she can continue life with her boyfriend. I say, tell her you two can't be friends, she's with someone else now and that's it. If/when the day comes and they break up, that maybe one day you'd consider dating her casually but until then, it would be best to say goodbye. Having her as your friend is going to mess you up.
Ody Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Why do you think she wants to meet after so long, do you think there's a chance we could start again? You are being prepped as rebound material. Something she can keep in reserve until she needs it. Normally I don't see that as a bad thing, but judging from: I said some nasty things to her and when i tried apologing she cut me of and changed her number. ... She is the love of my life and I think I may be hers but i don't want to get hurt again I don't think this is a healthy thing for you. Obviously you don't just want to be rebound/bored/whatever sex/casual dating. She's already chosen someone else over you in the past and that's nearly impossible to surmount in the long run in a serious relationship going forward, for both parties. I suggest cold turkey, no contact.
Author hitman111 Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 I was the one who told her to go back to him and broke up with her which is why she got so angry, when she did i realized i made a mistake and so did she shortly after.
Ody Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I was the one who told her to go back to him and broke up with her which is why she got so angry, when she did i realized i made a mistake and so did she shortly after. Sounds like you've got it all figured out then. So why are you asking for advice?
Author hitman111 Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 I need advice because I got hurt last time. I don't know why she wants to meet and thought someone else may have been in a similar situation. Maybe i'm just trying to convince myself we got a chance. I don't want to meet her if she actually really means be friends cos I can't deal with that.
Ody Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Maybe i'm just trying to convince myself we got a chance. Hit it on the head there. Not trying to be harsh but you'll be happier if you move on. Honestly, will you really ever be OK with the notion that, whatever the reasoning or conversations leading up to it, she left you behind for another man for almost an entire year? PS Use the quote feature please. It's neat.
Calendula Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I need advice because I got hurt last time. I don't know why she wants to meet and thought someone else may have been in a similar situation. Maybe i'm just trying to convince myself we got a chance. I don't want to meet her if she actually really means be friends cos I can't deal with that. If you haven't already met up with her, and even if you have, why don't you just flat out ask her what she is looking for long term. Pin her down and don't let her give you the 'I'm still so confused but I think I like you' run around. She is the one who decided to re-establish contact with you after all this time, so she must have something in mind as her reason. If she tells you 'just friends' is all she wants, then I agree with the poster who said she is looking for 'emotional affair.' Tell her what you just put above - you are absolutely NOT INTERESTED if that is all you are going to get out of it. She is with another man, she either wants to stay with him and fool around with you (emotionally or sexually) as 'just friends' or she is looking to end it with him and be with you in spite of having a child with him. If she hasn't got her issues straightened out to know enough about what she wants, she isn't worth your time and emotional turmoil because you will again get hurt.
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