lilbelle Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I'm seriously considering it today. Every ounce of me is telling me to do it. I don't know what I'll say. I don't know how to say it. I just know I need to say something. I feel like if I don't do it then all really is lost.
ann09 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I'm seriously considering it today. Every ounce of me is telling me to do it. I don't know what I'll say. I don't know how to say it. I just know I need to say something. I feel like if I don't do it then all really is lost. I know everyone here is going to tell you not to do it - and honestly, I don't know enough about the benefits of No Contact to really give a good opinion. But I am one to follow my heart. Even if it's for the best to have NC, if you feel there are things you need to say - whether it's on the phone, in person, or in an email.....then say them. But my hope is that you're not back to square one when you do.
sean1970 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I'm seriously considering it today. Every ounce of me is telling me to do it. I don't know what I'll say. I don't know how to say it. I just know I need to say something. I feel like if I don't do it then all really is lost. First, read this if you have not already. Then ask yourself why you want to. Ill be here for you and your answer... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/
stace79 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 My instinct was to say not to contact him, too. but reading another reply, I thought you know, sometimes people just have to screw up to learn in life. Maybe you will contact him and feel like crap again; maybe it will help you learn something. Just think it through carefully and then make the best decision you can for yourself. Try not to go totally back in the hole if you do contact him and it doesn't end well though. Best luck!
McGrupp Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 search my threads. then reconsider... ::slaps forehead::
groedy Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I can tell you that this past weekend was the first where I went home (where she lives) and the temptation was so great that I had the text all typed out. I then re-read what I had typed and realized, what is the point? I did my part during the breakup to let her know where I stand. In my case doing anymore would insult her intelligence that she can't understand what I am saying or be indicative of the relationship going forward, i.e., no trust or compassion and me continually justifying myself. So maybe, type something up, and if it is something new to be said, then maybe. But if you are just repeating yourself, what's the point? I think definitely typing it up and then reading it again a bit later will help put some clarity on how much you really do want to reach out.
ecm Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I'm seriously considering it today. Every ounce of me is telling me to do it. I don't know what I'll say. I don't know how to say it. I just know I need to say something. I feel like if I don't do it then all really is lost. If you get a good response, it sucks... becasue it's YOU who initiated it. If you get a bad response, it sucks... because you'll be sad for the loss, sad at the lack of response, and MAD at yourself for giving in. It's like cheating on a diet, or trying to quit something. Just DON'T...you'll feel WORSE afterwards. I don't really know your situation. If it's YOU who ended it, then it's a whole different set of rules. Good luck. Just trust me. I never listened to people. Now that I am good a the NC thing, it's so much easier to get over it. It still takes time, and I'm still not completely over my ex! But, it is soooo much less painful without the moments of "Ahhhhh, why did I do that?!". pinky swear.
sean1970 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 "Ahhhhh, why did I do that?!". I swore a lot after mine
adamt Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Please dont break NC for any reason. I bumped into my ex at the weekend after 5 months of NC. i had been working hard to get over her. We chatted for 15 minutes just catching up. I handled it fine but it is the days after that becomes hard. The feelings come back and your brain goes through the conversation and the relationship. you start wondering if you should have said more to here..etc nothing will change apart from your feelings return for your ex.
nobleguy Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 For me breaking NC is like breaking a drug withdrawal. Made me feel awful whatever the response was. I managed about a month of it while my ex continually tried to do the friends thing and kept texting everyday nonsense but after about 3 weeks she finally realised I was not going to respond (except in cases where it needed a response for certain child related issues). I felt so much better for that. But the last month or so has seen me break NC so often you wouldn't believe. I was literally suicidal last week...terrible If it can be achieved NC is a great tool. But it's like being an alcoholic....
sean1970 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 If it can be achieved NC is a great tool. But it's like being an alcoholic.... Great, now I have two problems...
JL911 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Dont do it...Coming from experience its just not worth the mental anguish. How you are feeling is 100% normal and you need to realize that it is normal to want to try to talk to this person. You cant though! This person has simply put you through enough mental trama and there is no reason to drag it out any longer than needed. The only way to move on is to simply stay in NC. In saying you need to say something, its just like trying to get in the last word. You cant win and its not worth trying to win, when someone better is out there for you. What you need to do instead of contacting this person is to call a good friend who will listen, talk to friends, get out, go do things, take a walk, enjoy yourself, push yourself to have fun and enjoy yourself. Once you are able to find love and self worth in yourself again, you will have truly moved on and will find something much better. I went from wondering how I would ever move on to finding a whole new wonderful relationship, with someone even more amazing, that would have never been possible or happened had I not found a way to love myself.
anne1 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I nearly broke NC last week and before i did i emailed a friend i met on LS. Her response was a resounding NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. She said exactly what i know when my hormones are not raging. I know that if i contact him, send him something and he responds ( best case senario) then its all on his terms. If i contact him and he ignores me, then i am rejected again If I contact him and he is seeing someone else, they may have a laugh at the fact that i am so stupid. If i contact him and he really doesnt want me to he may think i am becoming a stalker and should have got over it by now. In each case i am rejected/ dejected and unhappy. I am so grateful to you ed:p
Author lilbelle Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 I guess problem is that I originally did the breakup. then he implemented nc. so I'm stuck wondering wtf? I'm not gonna contact. If he wants me he knows how to reach me. oh will power sucks. Thanks so much for the responses. You guys are right I have come so far and I can't go back to square one. Week 1 done. Week 2 started. I'm gonna make it through this.
LovelyDaze Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Hey lilbelle. I haven't been on here in a couple of weeks so I am seeing all these posts that fit where I used to be at. DON'T...BREAK....NC....EVER! I had a louse of an ex that dumped me for a girl who lives 1500 miles away. As of late, he has been coming around my job, texting and calling "just to say hi" I NEVER contact him first and it feels great! Even with him trying to stay in my life, I realize that he will ALWAYS be a cheater and I don't need to take him back no matter what kind of feelings I still have. Please let your integrity keep you from not calling. Just think of how proud you will be when your ex calls you FIRST to grovel.
shadyp Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 But my hope is that you're not back to square one when you do. I agree, your not back to square one.At times you do feel angry, sad, lost and do need to tell someone. Its all well moaning to your family/mates/us but it doesn't satisfy that want. It has to be the X that hears it. Me and me X-bf have been on and off for 3 years. 3 days ago he told me again he doesn't want to be with me. Overall I have given up on him but if I feel I have to tell him something I will, I just can't help it. Sometimes email is better coz words are more powerful and it helps you get it out your head too. Try writing how you feel down in a diary, it helps declutter.
shadyp Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 For me breaking NC is like breaking a drug withdrawal. I felt so much better for that. But the last month or so has seen me break NC so often you wouldn't believe. Noble guy, why did you break N/C? was it you who ended it first?
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