if you get offended good than read

[brock9911]

well its gotten to the point where i dont give a f*ck about anyone or anything anymore. the simple joys in life dont even help me shed a smile. i bowl....i cant wait to go home. hockey, same sh*t. i dont even want anything to do with my friends. i can litereraly text a few hundred times a day and im bullsh*tting on facebook all the time...i have no interest in conversing with any of them anymore. same mundane sh*t. i cut all text and calls. i wont accept or make any. i refuse to go on facebook for the mere reason of seeing every f*cking happy person in their perfect little world. their children and marrages. how their off to work than the gym than dinner with the family....f*ck you.

 

i cant stand anyone anymore...and this recent string of threads "i dont want to live anymore" or "i should be on suicide watch" give me a f*cking break. you looking for a reason for pitty. if that was the case you wouldnt be on here, you'd be seeking help through a friend, family or a proffessional. what the f*ck are we going to do for you...call an ambulance when we dont know sh*t about you.

 

if you want to attempt or commit suicide you do it...trust me iv tried and failed twice. overdosing on sleeping pills and xanex...than being found convulsing. that was my one chance to pull it off and i f*cked it wrong...the next time more of a desperate cry for help but nonetheless. i took a syringe and filled it with air 10 plus times and pumped it into my veins...that to no prevale failed also...aparently you need a steady stream of air into your veins in order for the bubble to even make it to the brain before it disipates.

 

oh well take it from me...all these cries for help are going to relate to nothing..their gonna wake up or maybe even sit on the edge of the bed and realize their not going to go through with it...because a f*cking website isnt going to save you.

 

this all said and done...im sick of every post i put up getting ignored or passed over so f*ck all, if i offend any of you...good. im done. this is the last site i will cut ties to.

[lilbelle]

I do have a professional for help. But Thank You for chiming in. Sounds like you might need one too. It helps for some of us to vent ya know. Learn to love yourself and maybe you will start enjoying life again.

[HeavenOrHell]

I admitted I was looking for support on here as my support network IRL is crap, I have tried desperately to get help over the years for my depression but no-one listens, finally I will be getting help soon. I have been paying to see a relationship therapist, but I cant see her as much as I want as it is expensive and I don't have the money.

I have social phobia and don't have many friends, and the friends I have have their own lives, I've tried to make more friends over the years but haven't got very far, lost count of the knock backs. The friends I do have are busy etc which is why I came here in desperation. I don't have family to turn to, apart from an elderly mother, she does ring most days as she has been worried about me after I told her how I feel.

Yes I put a self pitying title on my thread cos no-one really took any notice of my other thread, I was crying out for someone to hear me. Is that a crime?

I have had frequent suicidal thoughts, I did not think I would go through with it as I am too much of a coward, I worried I would screw it up, if it was easy to do I would have done it by now. I thought about how I would do it and wished I had the strength to as I couldn't handle the pain and desperation anymore. I still don't want to live, but I have a bit of hope now that maybe things might improve.

With respect, you don't know me, or how I have felt, you don't know how much I have felt ignored all my life or treated as if I don't exist. So yes I put a self pitying title as I wanted someone to notice me for once.

This site has been really helpful to me, talking to others in the same boat, I felt totally alone with it before, and people have been so supportive and helpful with advice.

I'm not sure I have seen your posts, but if they're anything like this one is, abusive, then why would people want to be supportive?

Why not just say you feel desperate and ask for support, if you did and I saw it (obviously no-one can read ALL the threads here) I for one would have responded.

What support do you have in real life? Are you seeing a therapist?

 

 

 

well its gotten to the point where i dont give a f*ck about anyone or anything anymore. the simple joys in life dont even help me shed a smile. i bowl....i cant wait to go home. hockey, same sh*t. i dont even want anything to do with my friends. i can litereraly text a few hundred times a day and im bullsh*tting on facebook all the time...i have no interest in conversing with any of them anymore. same mundane sh*t. i cut all text and calls. i wont accept or make any. i refuse to go on facebook for the mere reason of seeing every f*cking happy person in their perfect little world. their children and marrages. how their off to work than the gym than dinner with the family....f*ck you.

 

i cant stand anyone anymore...and this recent string of threads "i dont want to live anymore" or "i should be on suicide watch" give me a f*cking break. you looking for a reason for pitty. if that was the case you wouldnt be on here, you'd be seeking help through a friend, family or a proffessional. what the f*ck are we going to do for you...call an ambulance when we dont know sh*t about you.

 

if you want to attempt or commit suicide you do it...trust me iv tried and failed twice. overdosing on sleeping pills and xanex...than being found convulsing. that was my one chance to pull it off and i f*cked it wrong...the next time more of a desperate cry for help but nonetheless. i took a syringe and filled it with air 10 plus times and pumped it into my veins...that to no prevale failed also...aparently you need a steady stream of air into your veins in order for the bubble to even make it to the brain before it disipates.

 

oh well take it from me...all these cries for help are going to relate to nothing..their gonna wake up or maybe even sit on the edge of the bed and realize their not going to go through with it...because a f*cking website isnt going to save you.

 

this all said and done...im sick of every post i put up getting ignored or passed over so f*ck all, if i offend any of you...good. im done. this is the last site i will cut ties to.

[brock9911]

iv had psychiatrists and a theropist and been to anger management since iv been 15...having someone tell you how you should feel isnt how you should feel. you a watch, a timer to them...once your done, the next patient comes in. and its not a matter of having the "wrong" professional...iv been through many. i just think their full of sh*t and there to make a buck like everyone else

[HeavenOrHell]

That sucks. There are some good therapists out there if we're lucky enough to come across them, my ex had a brilliant one for years, who actually cared. The one I'm paying to see is really nice and seems to give a sh*t, but I need to see someone much more often than I can afford.

I guess you haven't got family or good mates to turn to?

 

 

iv had psychiatrists and a theropist and been to anger management since iv been 15...having someone tell you how you should feel isnt how you should feel. you a watch, a timer to them...once your done, the next patient comes in. and its not a matter of having the "wrong" professional...iv been through many. i just think their full of sh*t and there to make a buck like everyone else

[brock9911]

honestly your not a coward for not trying to commit suicide that takes more guts to live through the endeavors and pain lifes thrown at you. not neccessarily that iv been neglected, but family life growing up was ****. i had only my mother to talk to, and for the most part still do.

 

if anyones a coward it would be someone like me for actually making the attempt to commit suicide. thats one reason why hearing people on this site talking about suicide...it doesnt solve your problem or anyone elses, it makes you a coward and hurts the people around you...personally, iv lost all interest in my life around me, but i also lost the thought to kill myself, as odd as that is. i hate who iv become and i hate where im going.

 

but sometimes a little bit of controversy and anger can snap people into gear and also help themselves defend themselves instead of feeling pittied. if i were to rub you on the head and say everything is going to be ok...you and i both know its a crock of sh*t because your not going to turn around and realize life is great...because to most of us it isnt...a little bit of burn and attitude sometimes redirects our emotions and helps us feel better.

 

and to me this morning my vent made me feel better than i have in a while

[HeavenOrHell]

Hey brock, I'm just leaving for one of my rare therapy sessions lol I will reply later.

And PS I care, so there

 

 

honestly your not a coward for not trying to commit suicide that takes more guts to live through the endeavors and pain lifes thrown at you. not neccessarily that iv been neglected, but family life growing up was ****. i had only my mother to talk to, and for the most part still do.

 

if anyones a coward it would be someone like me for actually making the attempt to commit suicide. thats one reason why hearing people on this site talking about suicide...it doesnt solve your problem or anyone elses, it makes you a coward and hurts the people around you...personally, iv lost all interest in my life around me, but i also lost the thought to kill myself, as odd as that is. i hate who iv become and i hate where im going.

 

but sometimes a little bit of controversy and anger can snap people into gear and also help themselves defend themselves instead of feeling pittied. if i were to rub you on the head and say everything is going to be ok...you and i both know its a crock of sh*t because your not going to turn around and realize life is great...because to most of us it isnt...a little bit of burn and attitude sometimes redirects our emotions and helps us feel better.

 

and to me this morning my vent made me feel better than i have in a while

[AliveAndKicking]

honestly your not a coward for not trying to commit suicide that takes more guts to live through the endeavors and pain lifes thrown at you. not neccessarily that iv been neglected, but family life growing up was ****. i had only my mother to talk to, and for the most part still do.

 

if anyones a coward it would be someone like me for actually making the attempt to commit suicide. thats one reason why hearing people on this site talking about suicide...it doesnt solve your problem or anyone elses, it makes you a coward and hurts the people around you...personally, iv lost all interest in my life around me, but i also lost the thought to kill myself, as odd as that is. i hate who iv become and i hate where im going.

 

but sometimes a little bit of controversy and anger can snap people into gear and also help themselves defend themselves instead of feeling pittied. if i were to rub you on the head and say everything is going to be ok...you and i both know its a crock of sh*t because your not going to turn around and realize life is great...because to most of us it isnt...a little bit of burn and attitude sometimes redirects our emotions and helps us feel better.

 

and to me this morning my vent made me feel better than i have in a while

 

That is probably the most valuable thing you've said thus far. Don't pretend that your denigration of others on this site is anything other that what is was: Whining over the fact that they got more attention that you. It's sad that this is what it takes for you to feel better. You *might* want to take a closer look at that whole dynamic...

 

That wasn't a rant/vent- that was a pity-party and a misdirection of your anger towards those who have done nothing to you.

 

One of the very people that you mocked in your original post came right in here and offerred you comfort and assistance. How does that grab ya, champ?

 

Man up, do as you're told, take a few suggestions, and for Pete's sake spare us the opus next time you want to take your marbles and go home.

 

If you want help ASK for it. You'll catch far more flies with honey than you will with vinegar.

 

Your anger and self-pity will keep you mired in the muck until YOU change your attitude and your actions.

 

Think about it.

[brock9911]

your sadly mistaken...the past is where i pitied myself. im finally standing up for myself and seeing how pathetic it really is.

 

i am not sorry for offending anyone, whether it is you or anyone else. you know why, because this is an open forum for me to "VENT" and discuss how im feeling. quite honestly, i said in my title i would offend you. so if you take offense its your own fault for reading it.

 

how does that grasp you buddy

[AliveAndKicking]

If you want to keep feeling like you're feeling then keep doing what you're doing. It's up to you.

 

I'll keep loving you until you can love yourself.

 

Take a deep beath, count your blessings, and look forward towards the future.

 

You've got what it takes to make it!

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes you are right, I guess it is cowardly to kill yourself, I used to think it was selfish too, until I wanted to to do it and then I just thought sod everyone, no-one really cares except for my mum! It IS selfish but I understand why people do it. Realistically, if you or I killed ourselves I think plenty of people WOULD actually care. I don't know much about your story with your ex, but I know that my ex would be horribly affected if I took my own life, he is a good person and I could not do it to him.

Ultimately though we have to somehow get together some inner strength (corny but true) and drag ourselves up off the floor, we need to change the negative thoughts around cos no-one can do it for us, and if we feel that no-one cares (in reality they DO though) we need to care about ourselves, our lives are precious and we matter.

You are really hard on yourself, please try and be kind to yourself. If you feel you made mistakes, or even if you DID make mistakes, well we all do, humans are not perfect (EVEN my wonderful ex isn't perfect )

I agree anger can help sometimes but only if it pushes you to sort things out CONstructively and not DEStructively.

Feeling some anger because of the hurt I feel with my ex is helping me to let go a little and to think ok then, well you might not want me but I am going to make the most of my life, no-one is going to make me feel sh*t or worthless, not that he did make me feel worthless, I just assumed I was because he left me, but as some of the people here pointed out; we cannot base our opinions of ourselves on how others treat us, bad things which may happen to us, does NOT make us worthless.

No, I don't want anyone to say it's going to all be ok, it would be patronising for a start, I think all I really needed was people to listen to me, to hear my pain as I felt choked up with it, suffocating. I wanted to hear that other people have come through it, to know that there IS hope even though it WON'T be easy. I wanted to be amongst people who know how crushing and devastating heartbreak can be. I didn't want to feel so alone.

 

You sound angry with yourself.

What sort of person have you become? What sort of person would you like to be?

Where would you like to go?

What is holding you back?

 

One of your first posts was this:

>thanx. this is still relatively new to me so i dont even know where to begin. but as you guys know you forget what its like to be by yourself. the thought is scary and lonely. im curious because i havent been out withnot having to worry about how shes doing or not having to check in. but those kinds of things were also nice to know there was someone who cared. also before i met her i was pretty reckless and destructive. basically a stupid teenager who had to push the limit with everything. it scares me to fall back into those ways because she straigtened me out from all of that.<

 

You say you were pretty reckless and destructive and that she straightened you out, but ultimately it was YOU who changed things, she couldn't force you to.

My ex helped boost my confidence and I helped boost his. I think anyone in a loving relationship is going to thrive on love and affection, same as kids do with loving parents (lucky them!), but what about people who have abusive partners (or parents) their self esteem is unlikely to be great, and some people don't have a partner full stop and have to rely on themselves to care for themselves.

What I'm trying to say in a cack handed way, cos I'm not good at explaining things is we need to learn to care for ourselves and learn to like/love ourselves because others might not do it, we can't rely on others for this.

Imagine how strong we would feel if we truly cared about ourselves and didn't need anyone else to do this for us. And then love from other people is just like an added bonus

I feel recently I am getting a bit stronger and that I don't need a partner to make me feel good about myself, I am going to do that instead.

This doesn't mean I am over my ex, far far from it, it is going to take a hell of a long time to move on from an 18 year relationship, but I am tying to praise myself for little breakthroughs. I am still in love with him, and think he is the love of my life, so it's not easy.

I still have days where I think I'm back at square one, but I'm not because this is 4 months down the line for me, so even if he met someone new now and I crashed right down again it would not mean I am back at square one.

 

Try not to chase people away with your anger. I say this because I care

 

honestly your not a coward for not trying to commit suicide that takes more guts to live through the endeavors and pain lifes thrown at you. not neccessarily that iv been neglected, but family life growing up was ****. i had only my mother to talk to, and for the most part still do.

 

if anyones a coward it would be someone like me for actually making the attempt to commit suicide. thats one reason why hearing people on this site talking about suicide...it doesnt solve your problem or anyone elses, it makes you a coward and hurts the people around you...personally, iv lost all interest in my life around me, but i also lost the thought to kill myself, as odd as that is. i hate who iv become and i hate where im going.

 

but sometimes a little bit of controversy and anger can snap people into gear and also help themselves defend themselves instead of feeling pittied. if i were to rub you on the head and say everything is going to be ok...you and i both know its a crock of sh*t because your not going to turn around and realize life is great...because to most of us it isnt...a little bit of burn and attitude sometimes redirects our emotions and helps us feel better.

 

and to me this morning my vent made me feel better than i have in a while

[GrayClouds]

your sadly mistaken...the past is where i pitied myself. im finally standing up for myself and seeing how pathetic it really is.

 

Brock I wish that was true. I hope it is true. How are you standing up for yourself? What different actions have you done to reflect this? Any thing new or novel or just intensifying the same old behavior that is not working for you.

 

Your anger is your strength, I suspect it has helped you get through bad situations growing up. So how about using the anger to help yourself. Direct it towards the things that are bringing your down: Get mad at the drugs and alcohol by going to AA, get mad at worthless friends by making better ones and give those ones up, get mad at drama queens by keep away from relationship until your in a better place. Other words why not get mad at the thing that is holding back for growing?

 

Here is a question in 5 year from today if your life become great how would it look?

[brock9911]

heavinorhell, ultimately all my friends and family were hurt and upset, and i can deff tell they were pissed at the suicide attempt. it was scary, and a cry for help...even though i didnt intend on failing. i really wanted to succeed.

 

but i look back on it now and its really not the way to go. my grandfather hung himself when my mother was only 5 years old. and my father, died of a drug overdose. that was only a year ago...around the same time my ex cheated on me. now they say the overdose was accidental, but i talked to him all the time, and its hard to say whether it was or wasnt. he was unhappy with life and himself. i dont know if he took drugs to numb the pain or to stop it all together.

 

iv noticed in recent months iv developed similar habits. my was extremely bad. i was popping xanex 2 a day, sleeping meds, so i can sleep. and iv also been doing coke and sh*t.

 

not too long ago i was on a 2 night bing of no sleep. just drinking, a $100 bag of coke, and when the second night was done, and i was dry, i popped 3 seroquel to and a xanex...i literally broke down that night and tried suicide a second time...i than ran to the bathroom and stuck a toothbrush as far down my throat as physically possible before puking. i had eaten nothing in 2 days so i pretty much puked up 4 tablets surrounded by mucus.

 

i fell back and broke down realizing what i had just done. 3 seroquels and a xanex can stop a heart, mix that with and upper like coke and and downer like alcohol, you looking for trouble...

 

long story short, i dont know where im headed or what i expect of myself or people around me, but iv become a mess, but with all that im going through, i realized that dying isnt what i want...

 

and 5 years from now, im hoping to be alive

[mickleb]

I'm ok with brock venting. It's true he warned us it wasn't going to be tame.

 

Glad it made you feel better. Whatever helps.

 

I'm going to whine at you now, though and ask if you looked at the book, at all? (Just cos I can.)

[brock9911]

haha unfortunately no... in all my time i should, but i havent. but now that you reminded me and now that i promised myself i was going to distance myself from a lot of the people iv been friends with, i think i will give it a go.

 

and now that the steam is off my shoulders i do apologize to anyone i offended, i was in a bitter angry mood. but some of my more loyal friends actually got to me and gave me a talking too...which helped.

 

and i never got an answer from you niether mickleb...do you use a facebook?

[mickleb]

I know: I am a swine. HONESTLY, I was just thinking - I've got to reply to brock! And then you began posting again..

 

I am. I'll give you t'details via email.

 

Glad to hear you're more upbeat. x

[brock9911]

haha its ok...i havent really been on here very much lately. mainly because i was preoccupied with a female, but that didnt go very well. and honestly she was a nut anyway. not that im the most sane person in the world but at least im able to admit that

 

well yeah get back to me on that, as for now im going for a run.

 

i need fresh air

[HeavenOrHell]

Bloody hell man, I'm not surprised you haven't felt exactly great after all that, I mean who the hell wouldn't struggle BIG TIME. Can I just say WELL DONE for getting this far, sounds patronising but I mean it. And I think it is a breakthrough that you know that you DO want to live and not give up, see you do have that strength inside of you really

I think the thing which has helped me most with my depression and major anxiety all my life has been helping others, doing worthwhile voluntary jobs. My ex has paid work helping adults with learning disabilities and it's really helped him with his depression. It's a nice feeling knowing you're helping others, I care for injured wild birds, it's nice to feel needed, I also work for Oxfam and another animal charity. It helps me to think about other peoples' (or birds!) problems and knowing I'm doing a little bit of good in what often seems a cold uncaring world.

Glad to see you're feeling a bit better and hope going out running helped a bit

 

heavinorhell, ultimately all my friends and family were hurt and upset, and i can deff tell they were pissed at the suicide attempt. it was scary, and a cry for help...even though i didnt intend on failing. i really wanted to succeed.

 

but i look back on it now and its really not the way to go. my grandfather hung himself when my mother was only 5 years old. and my father, died of a drug overdose. that was only a year ago...around the same time my ex cheated on me. now they say the overdose was accidental, but i talked to him all the time, and its hard to say whether it was or wasnt. he was unhappy with life and himself. i dont know if he took drugs to numb the pain or to stop it all together.

 

iv noticed in recent months iv developed similar habits. my was extremely bad. i was popping xanex 2 a day, sleeping meds, so i can sleep. and iv also been doing coke and sh*t.

 

not too long ago i was on a 2 night bing of no sleep. just drinking, a $100 bag of coke, and when the second night was done, and i was dry, i popped 3 seroquel to and a xanex...i literally broke down that night and tried suicide a second time...i than ran to the bathroom and stuck a toothbrush as far down my throat as physically possible before puking. i had eaten nothing in 2 days so i pretty much puked up 4 tablets surrounded by mucus.

 

i fell back and broke down realizing what i had just done. 3 seroquels and a xanex can stop a heart, mix that with and upper like coke and and downer like alcohol, you looking for trouble...

 

long story short, i dont know where im headed or what i expect of myself or people around me, but iv become a mess, but with all that im going through, i realized that dying isnt what i want...

 

and 5 years from now, im hoping to be alive

[TaraMaiden]

brock, would it make any difference to you, how you feel, how you react, how you perceive others, if I told you that as I read your first post, tears streamed down my cheeks and my heart ached for you?

 

I felt so bad, suddenly, that someone who posts on here, whose posts I've read, could feel so low, so alienated, so distant and so despondent, that it made him send a message from such a low, dark place, that he couldn't even see daylight any more?

 

I'm a tough nut. I tend to b1txch, shoot my mouth off, give tough love, tell it like it is, and beat folks round the head with their own angst, most times.

I am Xena, warrior princess, and I don't take cr*ap.

 

But you got me, buddy.

That hurt.

And not for me, for you.

 

So I'm relieved to read on and catch you in a lighter mood.

I feel better now.

Glad you do too.....

[nobleguy]

I admitted I was looking for support on here as my support network IRL is crap...

 

Mine too.

 

I have had frequent suicidal thoughts, I did not think I would go through with it as I am too much of a coward, I worried I would screw it up, if it was easy to do I would have done it by now. I thought about how I would do it and wished I had the strength to as I couldn't handle the pain and desperation anymore. I still don't want to live, but I have a bit of hope now that maybe things might improve.

 

I'm the same. Every single day I have at least an hour or two where I think about going home and just doing it. I've got my method ready and I've planned it. After 2 months I had grown sick of not being able to sleep, the constant crying, pain (and it is real pain we feel, not just mental anguish), the loneliness and the fact K was moving on with loads of 'our' friends round her constantly while they all ignored me...oh plus the male attention she was getting...

 

I've also come to the conclusion that I'm too cowardly to do it, it scares me and know even my ex would be devastated (although this in itself for me is not a bad thing...sad isn't it?) and worst of all my children would never understand. I've always found a reason not to. Every day for probably 2 months. I'm scared that one day I'll not care enough about anything to stop me.

 

I was crying out for someone to hear me. Is that a crime?

 

No, I think that's understandable.

[brock9911]

i dont understand why people consider themselves cowardly for "NOT" attempting suicide...its silly. your not a coward, you value your life and the peoples feelings around you... like i said i attempted it and i was inconsiderate. i still am. sh*t i wrote a post insulting everyone. because of my own insecurities and misconstrued feelings. you care about the people around you and yourself, and this goes for everyone on this page, thread, site, whatever the f*ck you want to call it...if your here you and your crying out and talking about wanting to commit suicide...you dont want to do it. you want help.

 

i didnt turn to anyone...i litereally looked around my room, house what have you and looked for different ways to end it. my mother is a diabetic. i took her syringe and thought of different ways to use it. i had bleach, draino, cleaning solutions...what ever did the job. but i figured that would be painful and i didnt want that...once again looking out for myself.

 

if you want help, its easy to find, you just got to reach out, and if your on here talking about it, im sure you do.

 

once again my earlier posts were a fit of anger and self hate, i apologize for those i insulted, but thats who i am, im bipolar and i cant apologize for that.

[nobleguy]

i dont understand why people consider themselves cowardly for "NOT" attempting suicide...its silly. your not a coward, you value your life and the peoples feelings around you...

 

Suppose that's true.

 

I have two reasons for wanting to:

1. The obvious - make the pain go away. This is an existence, not a life right now.

2. The petty - I know it would leave my ex in fits of guilt for the rest of her life. She heaps guilt on herself for everything. The ultimate way to get back at her. Silly but true...

 

I have two reasons for NOT wanting to:

1. My children.

2. My mum/dad/brothers.

 

i didnt turn to anyone...i litereally looked around my room, house what have you and looked for different ways to end it. my mother is a diabetic. i took her syringe and thought of different ways to use it. i had bleach, draino, cleaning solutions...what ever did the job. but i figured that would be painful and i didnt want that...once again looking out for myself.

 

I've planned it for what seems like ages, but I want it to be so that I barely notice. Like you, I don't like the idea of pain even if it doesn't last that long

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

Suicide is not an answer. You are hurting now, but you will heal if you give it time. And while you would cause guilt to your ex, you would also heap guilt and pain on your family and kids and friends, more than you know. Those scars would not go away. I know.

 

My father commited suicide 12 years ago and my brother followed his lead 5 years ago. Destroying our family, destroying me and countless others. I can assure you when someone near you commits suicide, that is a pain that will not end. It makes a temperary problem a perminant one. For everyone.

[nobleguy]

My father commited suicide 12 years ago and my brother followed his lead 5 years ago. Destroying our family, destroying me and countless others. I can assure you when someone near you commits suicide, that is a pain that will not end. It makes a temperary problem a perminant one. For everyone.

 

Man... That's sobering. Can I ask how you felt after your Dad did that, longer term I mean? Do you remember him fondly or resent him? Do you think your brother would still be around if your Dad hadn't done it? Sorry if that's a bit personal to ask...

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

My father....honestly I resent it. I did hate him for it, until recently I would never speak of him. We were very close, had great times, I am very like him. But, it is all colored by what he did and the things that it caused. Yes, I think my brother killed himself at least in part because of it. I naturally can not be sure, but statistics do seems to bare it out.

 

Suicides often lead to more suicides.