Maybeitsjustme Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Hi all Same old story or so its seems, me and my girlfriend went through a bad patch to the point where we were going to sell our house and live seperately, since then we've made it up and are trying to make a go of it. During that time and more recently she flicks screens on the computer when i walk into the room and when I mention this she says its just coincidence, she has also done the long long shopping trip thing and I regret to day I have look through some of her stuff and founf what was either a password or email address (it was very well hiddden~) when I mentioned this at first she claimed it was a passowrd for work but then admitted it was a yahoo email address and proved this (why didnt she mention this when I first asked?). She has also had calls on her cell that are unidentified and she doesnt answer them yet when I called her and withheld my number she answered and I could definitely tell she was in a private office (at work) and i even heard a door close as though she wanted privacy. She has also admitted to being a member of a social networking site for 18months before I found out and only had cropped pics of her on there none of me or the children Other small things have happened like during the bad spell bringing home chocolates and flowers from "her boss" or a friend that didn't like them (chocs). I was also going to arrange a surprise for her b/d and asked if I could call one of her friends in work to get some ideas but she said she wasn't comfortable with me contacting her co-workers? She is so convincing and extremely loveable to me but does get very defensive when i ask questions about things that seem totally bizarre to me and the sort of thing that I wouldnt do. Thers other stuff to but his is sounding like the ramblings of a mad man! but it does make you question your own sanity Thanks everone in advance
JaneDoe35 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Well, this is really hard for you. It is very difficult when you just 'know' something is not right but they seem to have an excuse for everything. You are not losing your sanity. Your instincts are being told they are wrong and that does not sit right with you. Maybe you could back off from her for a bit, make her think you are over your suspicions. Then seek evidence that she will not be able to deny. Are you able to go to her work Christmas Party? Would you want to stay married to her if she was cheating on you?
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Hi Jane Thank you for the reply It does all sound daft when I read it back but its all true. She very convincing but does seem to be a little too defensive and is very good at Nurolinguistics ie changing the conversation round. Also when i asked her somehing last week she stormed off to the bathroom and begain sobbing really loundly I was so distressed at this i opended the door and she was making sounds like she was crying and had a tissue to tears! not one!. I think she did meet someone during our "bad time" but she is extremely secretive by nature her arguement is don't see them as secrets we are individuals and I do have to have my own life too "re email accounts and long long shopping trips etc etc etc" but I DO seem them as secrets when in a relationship with someone. In answer to your question yes I'd be fine with it if I knew the truth and if it has now stopped, it was a bad time for both of us it really was. Thanks once again Jane
JaneDoe35 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I think she is behaving very suspiciously. But I am not sure why. Something is eating her up - that is definite. If you said to her something along the lines of that you love her very much, you know that times have been hard, you feel that you both have some problems communicating etc - and then ask if she would attend some relationship counselling....do you think she would try it? I just don't know how else you will get to the bottom of this.
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 No I don't think wn that route she is a very private person and indepenadant person. I think she has at the least dabbled or had a fling emotional or physical but she wantsw this to work i truely believd this but I just want to know the truth I just seem to be uncovering more surprises all the time!. When I about dating sites she admitted to looking but when I said her yahoo addy sounded more like a user name that an email addy she looked uncomfortable. I think something has happend but she won't let on becuase she thinks i will never let go of it but trust me this feels worse! i think its the feeling of constant deception that hurting me
JaneDoe35 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Makes it difficult. You either have to let it go, or if you cant, give her one last chance to come completely clean. You will go crazy with all this worry & stress. I would not be able to 'let it go' but I know from my own experience that the truth can sometimes be almost unbearable. Does she only get defensive if you question her? Or is she behaving suspiciously all the time?
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 I'd really like to let it go but I can't i really just want to know the truth what ever it is. There just seems like far too many coincidences/secrets/things that she forgot to mention
mark982 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 maybeitsjustme,have one of your friends follow her,she's up to no good i can tell you that. her being just a girl friend i'd just kick to the curb. i could see tring to work things out if married/or kids involved, but being omly a gf why subject yourself to this crap.
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Thanks folks all good advice Shes a long standing live together G/F and house etc all involved so it could will get messy but that can all be sorted. She out of the blue actually said to me if you (i.e. me) are seeing someone then make sure you take precautions?! where did that come from?! My main concern is that she has been using dating sites and I think if anything its more likely to be emotion rather than physical but who know?!. When quizzed re dating sites she says she has looked as we were going to sell up but it didnt sound convincing I think she did chat and may be meet but its all guess work, but she has confessed that she was further down the splitting up road than me so I may be right. I'd just like to know and put a stop to all the deception/suspicion
Bryanp Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would put up with such crap from you? It is sounds pretty clear what happened. Either you have trust and honesty in your relationship or lies and deceit. I think you are being too accommodating. Sorry my friend but her actions past and present indicate that she has very little respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
turnstone Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 With her saying that you should use protection, she's admitting to an affair. I really hope she's taken her own advice, but either way don't take the chance that she has. At some point you may have to accept that you'll never know all the facts. But that in itself should help you decide your course of action.
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 No she wouldnt I don't agree with the respect comment we were on the point of splitting up I'm just very surprised that she had strated looking at dating sites while we were still together (no matter how bad it was for either of us) and when discuss this with her theres something very unconvincing about it, gut feel is normally spott on isnt it?!. I really want to believe that IF anything did happen then its over but you can't tell can you?
JumpinJimmy Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Maybe, sorry to hear about your troubles. On another note, what more do you need to see to convince you she is involved with somebody else? It's a fact. If you need to, then do the "get smart" survellience,ie keylogger, GPS in car, but you probably don't need too.
lostsunsets Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Key logger, GPS and Var. She is obviously having an affair (to secretive by far). A key logger will tell you everything.
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Laptop is a works once so thats a no go. Have considered gps, gps listening and even online phone bill ! Never uses home pc or Laptops IF I could get near the phone Ive even thought about flexispy. Trouble is when all this was going on it didn't bother me we were to all intense purposes going to be living apart, but since talking to her she was further down that route than me and was forward planning i guess
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 What have other people done to gather proof of their spouses affair?
JaneInVegas Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Key logger, GPS and Var. She is obviously having an affair (to secretive by far). A key logger will tell you everything. Speaking of keyloggers, anyone know how to get ahold of one for free? I've tried downloading a couple with keygens, but neither of them worked.
JaneInVegas Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 What have other people done to gather proof of their spouses affair? My proof of choice is cell phone bills. Have you tried looking at her online bill?
seibert253 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Key logger, GPS and Var. She is obviously having an affair (to secretive by far). A key logger will tell you everything. ^^^^^^^ This right here. I guarrentee within a week of installing a keylogger, you'll know everything. Make sure you have your evidence when you confront, cause if you don't she'll lie, lie, then lie some more. That's what mine did. For a fleeting moment I actually believed her. Keylogger, had my evidence in 3 days. 2nd confrontation, more lies. After I laid the print out of her emails and IM's, deer in the headlights.
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 See thats the problem its a works laptop and when she brings it home from the office and I can't access the damn thing!, I'm thinking of buying her a funky netbook she won't be able to resist her new toy?! thats the only way I can think of installing a keylogger and perhaps go down the flexispy route (boy this sounds terrible when you see it written down!)
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