Need second honest s...

[JolliX]

Ok, I've been all over these boards complaining, etc. the last week. Another question, and honest opinions would be awesome (to either verify how I feel, or lead me to seeing why how I feel isn't right).

 

Ok, dating someone casually (not serious yet, but exclusive), and she is going out of country to visit a friend for two weeks (one week where the friend is stationed, and one week in another country on vacation with the friend). You find out that the friend is an ex. On top of that, the reason they broke up was because the ex was stationed across seas (that's the only reason for the breakup).

 

Vacation is over, months later, the ex is done being stationed across seas. Want to be the roommate of girl you are dating (now more serious dating). Girl says yes to being roommates with ex. She then wants a dog, so adopts 2 puppies, so that her ex/new roommate can have a dog too and they can raise them together.

 

Ex is now back, and both her and him have a lot of the same friends, so it makes sense that they all hang out together. However, whenever she hangs out with him, and her friends, you are not invited to anything. You go to a wedding with her, and most of her family assumes you are the ex that she dated over a year ago. Her parents are going out of town for Thanksgiving, so I invite her to Thanksgiving with me, and she says "no, it's ok, she can have dinner with her roommate/ex and his family". Final part of the issue, there is an arguement between you and her (regarding the state of the relationship). She stops seeing you as much, and is now hanging out with the ex/roommate more.

 

Break up happens, and now the ex/roommate gives the evil eye to you whenever you happen to cross paths, and he goes with her to the class that you and her share even though it has been agreed that you will not communicate with each other.

 

Now I need opinions here. I talked with her about how I thought this whole situation was odd from when she first went on vacation with him. I trustet her, but looking back, it seems to me that she treated him as more the person she was dating than me. Am I wrong in feeling like this situation was messed up, and that I was getting shafted, or do I need to grow up some? Was I needy in objecting to them rooming together (was it none of my business, we had only been dating 6 months at that time)?

 

Oh, and they had dated for just a little over 2 months before he was stationed across seas. According to her, they didn't know each other before they started dating.

Edited November 11, 2009 by JolliX

[TaraMaiden]

You've broken up?

You are already exes?

 

Forget it.

Move on.

 

Look, she treated you very badly.

VERY badly.

You were the back-burner guy, the soft place to fall in case it didn't work out with her ex.

She was less than honest with you.

In fact, she used you.

Come on!

All these questions, and you can't see that?

 

She's a flake, a user, a cheater and the fact that you ever considered her your GF - or that she thought of you as her BF is frankly, ridiculous.

You never were.

Not in hindsight....

 

So, seethe, be angry and tell everyone you can what a shallow, narrow-minded, cheating little flake she is.

 

But don't expect logic from her, or answers that will satisfy you.

Because she for one, will never give them to you.

[JolliX]

I know I need to forget it and move on. The one thing that always got me too is that she didn't want to use the terms boyfriend and girlfriend, but she wanted me to trust her and be supportive. She also said that if I questioned her 'hanging out' with her ex or anything like that, she would stop caring because it's none of my business.

 

I'm just asking others for their opinions on this as a way to better myself. If I was needy or anything, then I want to fix that.

 

Hmmm, let's see, I should add that I told her I'd like to at least hear a text message or something from her each day (simple ones, 2-4 of them maybe) when I didn't see her b/c it makes me happier to know how she's doing when I don't see her. She said that sometimes that was too much, and she needed space. Also, I did try to break up with her once before her ex was back (after having dated 6 months), b/c I didn't like the whole situation with her ex, her views on "boyfriend/girlfriend", and our conflicting views on the relationship, but she talked me out of it by saying I needed to just trust her more.

 

So, any of that sound like anything I should work on? I think maybe sometimes I'm a bit needy, so I am planning to work on that. But, she complained I was just too much sometimes in regards to the ex thing.