Making friends with girls

[crazy_grl]

I'm female. I have a few female friends, but mostly they've drifted away for one reason or another. I'm 27. I don't work with any women my age. My interests aren't really the same as most women, I don't think: beer, scifi, sports. I'd rather watch documentaries than reality shows. And I don't want to talk about getting manis and pedis.

 

I'm trying to make new female friends. I'm tired of having to hang out with guys, and I know friendships with them are going to become more difficult as we get older and they get into relationships. I'd love to have a few girl friends to take a trip with (none of my few female friends make enough money to travel).

 

So as stupid as this question seems, how do women make friends with other women? And where in socal do you meet women who aren't either binge drinkers or depressed slugs who don't want to leave their room?

Edited November 11, 2009 by crazy_grl

[Boundary Problem]

I have a few female friends, but mostly they've drifted away for one reason or another.

 

My interests aren't really the same as most women, I don't think: beer, scifi, sports. I'd rather watch documentaries than reality shows. And I don't want to talk about getting manis and pedis.

 

 

And where in socal do you meet women who aren't either binge drinkers or depressed slugs who don't want to leave their room?

 

Well making friends is just like dating. You want someone hot, you have to be hot.

 

Make sure you look good, have some interests, and be energetic and take a significant interest in people (follow up if they have an event etc).

 

We talk about our interests, our families, our hobbies etc. We don't talk mani/pedi/beer/sports/sci fi.

 

Make yourself fascinating and people will be clamouring for your time.

 

Maybe do some charity work where you might meet people? Practise listening. My experience is that people LOVE to talk, so if you are willing to listen, then you can have as many good friends as you want.

 

Good for you for wanting a change in your life. Now that you have made the decision - the rest will go well I'm sure. You can make your life into whatever you want.

[The Way I Am]

Well making friends is just like dating. You want someone hot, you have to be hot.

 

Hun, I've got that part down.

 

We talk about our interests, our families, our hobbies etc. We don't talk mani/pedi/beer/sports/sci fi.

I don't think I share hobbies or interests with many women. And I don't want to talk about families, especially if you're talking about the husband and kids. That's not interesting to me.

 

Maybe do some charity work where you might meet people?

That's a decent suggestion. I do charity work. I only meet kids and their parents doing that though, occasionally a few other volunteers. I wouldn't do any just for the sake of meeting people. If I'm going to do charity work, it's because I believe in and support the charity.

 

Make yourself fascinating and people will be clamouring for your time.

PEOPLE are. Problem is they're all MEN.

 

I do appreciate you talking the time to post your advice, but you're talking to me like I'm a social outcast loser who doesn't groom herself or know how to speak to another person.

 

I guess I was hoping there was some secret way of acting that helped women bond. That we could go on trips and have girls nights (that don't include getting hammered), but I wouldn't have to pretend to be interested in stuff I think is mind numbing just for the sake of having women around. No offense intended, but the conversations I hear from most women are boring (Yes, they do talk about mani and pedis. I've heard them. -- But mostly about marriage and kids. -- Lots about astrology. I would never tell them I think it's boring though, that would just be rude.) Oh well. Maybe that's what it'll come down to. I found a group that seems promising for having some fairly intelligent ladies. Maybe they'll have similar interests.

 

(PS - changed my username in case that wasn't obvious.)

Edited November 18, 2009 by The Way I Am

[A O]

So as stupid as this question seems, how do women make friends with other women?

Usually through participating in similar interests or hobbies or failing that, go to an evening/night class and learn a new skill. Y'all bond around the shared interest, yadda, yadda,

 

,

[The Way I Am]

Usually through participating in similar interests or hobbies or failing that, go to an evening/night class and learn a new skill. Y'all bond around the shared interest, yadda, yadda,

 

Yeah, that's what I figured, but I was irrationally hoping there was something else to it.

 

The majority of women I meet who are near my age are much too interested in getting a man (or getting him to marry them or getting him to have kids with them, depending on what stage they're at) and/or their idea of having fun is going to a club and getting hammered. I'd have more fun staring at an empty wall.

 

I tried getting my roommate to come out and do things with me, but she's a walking pity party and only wants to sit on the computer trying to find dates online (ignoring the fact that it would help find a man if she actually went out and DID something -- which I've pointed out to her many times). One of my friends that used to be fun has become more concerned with trying to get married than anything else. And the other one ended up spending most of her time with her boyfriend and then moved away. She might move back soon, but she'll probably still spend most of her time with the bf. (Not that there's anything wrong with spending time on relationships. I'm dating someone myself, but there's I don't think it's healthy to spend all your time with them and not have other friends.)

Edited November 18, 2009 by The Way I Am

[A O]

I'm dating someone myself, but there's I don't think it's healthy to spend all your time with them and not have other friends.)

Well, I wouldn't be surprised if you've thought of this too, but you don't need friends to counter balance your romantic interest. You can simply have your own interests to keep you busy.

 

.

[artchick88]

this is a question ive struggled with my whole life.

i find good female friends through work usually.

If you meet a girl who seems cool just be confident and act like acting her to hang out is something you do all the time. If you give her this impression she would probably be down to make a new cool friend too, rather than if you act unsure about it she may seem like.. why is this random girl wanting to hang out? So yes confidence and keep an open mind. Some girls may act stupid when talking to you because many of us have been trained that this is the way to make people like you so you may be surprised by the secret depth many women actually possess.

good luck! i know its hard.

[The Way I Am]

Well, I wouldn't be surprised if you've thought of this too, but you don't need friends to counter balance your romantic interest. You can simply have your own interests to keep you busy.

 

Yeah, I realize that. I have plenty of stuff to do on my own. But it's nice to do things with friends sometimes, and there are things I could do with girl friends that I can't with guy friends. Like would any guy be comfortable with his gf taking a trip with just her guy friend(s) and no girl friends? Doubt it. And even when I've been single, I didn't want to travel with just my guy friends, because I didn't want them to get any wrong ideas. Unfortunately, I don't feel very safe traveling to unfamiliar countries alone.

 

this is a question ive struggled with my whole life.

 

Thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

 

i find good female friends through work usually.

There's only one girl at my company that I'd hang out with. But she works all the wrong hours. Basically way too late in the evening to hang out, and she lives like an hour's drive away. So we haven't really hung out much.

 

If you meet a girl who seems cool just be confident and act like acting her to hang out is something you do all the time. If you give her this impression she would probably be down to make a new cool friend too, rather than if you act unsure about it she may seem like.. why is this random girl wanting to hang out? So yes confidence and keep an open mind. Some girls may act stupid when talking to you because many of us have been trained that this is the way to make people like you so you may be surprised by the secret depth many women actually possess.

good luck! i know its hard.

One thing I'm worried about (which you may think is absurd) in asking girls to hang out is if they think I'm asking them on a date. Maybe that's just paranoia as a result of having met too many lesbians (finding out some of them had crushes on me -- and dealing with one of them constantly, tactlessly hitting on me) and seeing too many movies with that scenario. -- Not that there's anything wrong with lesbians. They can do as they like. I just don't want to date them.

 

I guess it'd really be no different than having to let down a guy who thought we were on a date. But I don't like having to do that with guys either.

 

Is that usually a problem for other women when asking women to hang out? Or is that something that's stupid to worry about?

[The Way I Am]

So I searched plenty of fish for women looking for friends, and if it's any indication, my concerns about women thinking we're on a date aren't completely ridiculous. I'm sure it's a much lower ratio in real life, but it seems bi-curiosity is pretty big with the under 30 crowd.

 

I found and messaged 2 girls on there that seemed cool and interested in only making friends. I'll see how it goes.

[Boundary Problem]

You are looking for platonic friends on an online dating site, and are confused because you are getting responses from bi-sexual girls.

 

 

okay.

 

 

Good luck.