Dog allergies=relationship demise?

[luxe]

I am 31 years old, never married, never even lived with anyone until recently. It was important to me that I only take that large step with someone I was married to or was going to marry, as I have a history of having a very hard time emotionally with breakups.

 

I became engaged to my fiance 4 months ago after dating for 7 months. It was fast, but I felt clear-minded about it. I have been around long enough to be wary of a 'honeymoon' period, and am normally very cautious. This just felt different to me. I had met my person and I was deeply in love.

 

It was important to him that we live together prior to getting married, and I agreed that as long as we were engaged I would move in, and I did. At first, it was lovely. Then something happened, and I cannot figure out what I should I have done differently, and if there is anything I can do to salvage what is left of our connection.

 

I knew I was severely allergic to cats when we started dating--and I made it clear on our second date that I can't even be in a home with cats for a few minutes, let alone ever be around one long term. I have had to go to the hospital twice for severe reactions. He immediately said that he wanted to continue dating because he felt something very special forming between us--and that he would part with the cats if/when things continued to emerge in our relationship.

 

Well, we emerged . While it was a sad situation for him, he parted with his cats about three months later, and prior to me moving in to his house we scoured the place, cleaning air ducts, buying air filters, painting the walls, etc, to ensure that it would be a safe place for me to live.

 

I moved in to his house never having spent more than 15 minutes there at one time...my doctor told us it would take at least 2-3 months for all the cat dander to fully leave the house once they were physically gone, so I didnt want to take any risks prior. Despite all our efforts to ensure a clean environment for me, I began to get sick almost immediately upon moving in. After having trouble breathing, nose bleeds and 3 sinus infections, I went back to the allergist to see what could be done. The allergist ordered a new run of tests to see if perhaps there was something else in his house I was allergic to that I wasnt aware of (mold, mites, etc) and indeed I was. The results were devastating. I registered as severely allergic to dogs. He has two.

 

These animals are like his children. He had a marriage at 24 that lasted 3 years that was a very unsupportive union, a very dark time for him. These dogs were his lifeline during this period, his only support. To call him a dog lover doesnt even cover it. This man adores his animals. He has a hard time opening up to people--he says I am the first person he has ever done that with.

 

I am sure you can see where this is going. A huge rift arose. He was clear with me that had he known I was allergic to dogs, he never would have dated me. Giving up the cats was one thing, but he said he could not live without the animals. He did not have the empathy for my health that I would want and I started to feel guilty for something that was beyond my control. This lack of empathy and my deteriorating health started to really get to me, and affected our deep connection. I found myself feeling angry all the time. I felt that if someone I loved was sick I would do ANYTHING to ensure they felt better. I ended up telling him that I couldnt live with the dogs. I had wanted him to come to that conclusion on his own, as I didnt want to issue an ultimatim but instead have him do something incredibly difficult in order to keep me healthy. I knew it was a horrible situation, but I thought we were a team, we were engaged, that is what partners do.

 

I explained that if I left the house, we were NOT over. That we could keep dating, that I would find a place nearby, that we could figure out another solution later but lets just take care of one thing at a time--I am sick and I need to not be.

 

All during this time we were wedding planning, our parents were meeting and having weekends away together--it was a lot to deal with while this was boiling. Maybe because of that pressure, he acted in a way he didn't want to. I'll never know. After many tears and shouts and cries, he 'chose' me, as he puts it. He found a lovely home for the dogs. It was bittersweet for me. I missed them but felt better immediately, physically. My fiance on the other hand, was devasted. He has now slipped into a severe depression, the first of his life. I have overcome depressions and the fact that my health issue led to this, I cant even tell you the guilt I feel.

 

I knew he would be sad. But this man cannot get out of bed, has trouble going to work, is starting to drink nightly. He has asked that we stop wedding planning, which we did. We also changed our Thanksgiving plans and will each be traveling home to be with our separate families instead.

 

Sorry for the crazy long background. What I am trying to find out is if we can ever recover from this? If that is possible, what can I do? His sadness seems to deepen with every passing day (it has been a month since they left) and my input on his depression, though sincere, comes from a source he identifies with the painful loss of what he deemed to be his children.

 

He is angry with me. It is apparent in his lack of affection, his temper, etc. Part of me thinks I should have just left the day I got the results back. I didnt mean to be cruel. I love animals, but I dont love them or treat them as though they are people, and I had no idea this could happen to us. We were so connected, so in love.Should I leave now, how does that help the situation? He is so angry with me it seems like he wants me to leave...but if I leave, then it is even worse that the dogs are gone!

 

Any advice would be SO appreciated. And I can take constructive criticism well so please dont be shy. Thank you so much in advance for listening and (hopefully!) commenting.

 

Luxe

[Thornton]

I also would never date someone who was allergic to dogs, no matter how great a person they were. I'd be extremely angry and disappointed to get to the point where we were ready to marry and then discover that my partner had a dog allergy. I'm sorry to say that I'd probably choose the dog over my partner in that situation - my dog is my baby, my friend who stands by me through good times and bad, and I couldn't give her away any more than I could give a child away. If I was forced to part with her I'd feel like I'd let her down after everything she had given me, and I'd probably sink into a deep depression. If I were your fiance, the dogs would not have been the ones moving out.

 

I'm not entirely sure if you can get over this, because he sees you as the person who sent his babies away, and he's understandably resentful and angry. I hope for your sake that he can eventually get over it - it's a positive sign that he was prepared to part with his dogs, because for me that would just be a complete no-go - I wouldn't even consider it, I'd choose my dog over a person every time. Are you allergic to all animals? Is there something else you could buy him as a pet, which might help to ease the loss of his dogs?

[Canuck1979]

I had two cats when my bf moved in with me. I also lived in a tiny bachelor(ette) apartment. He wasn't a pet lover but learned that my cats were with me before he met me, and they would still be with me after he met me.

 

You're in a tough situation. However, I will say one thing, seven months of dating is a very short amount of time. You need to decide what's more important, your dog or your partner. Remember, dogs never talk back and they love you unconditionally.

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

I have to say the same thing, I would never date someone who was allergic or did not like dogs. As with your guy, my dogs have been my life-line through death and heartbreaks. I make it clear day one to anyone who wants to be near me, love me, love my pets. That is non-negotionable.

 

I have seen this happen before, with other couples...where one person needs his/her pets and the other person does not like them or can not be around them. The relationship often does not work. I suspect it is because of the resentment caused on one side or the other.

 

If you are not a dog-person you can't really understand. I do know how hard it is for you. It really is deeper than just making a choice. You can't help being allergic. Wish there was something I could offer, but short of him living with his dogs and you getting the place next door I have no idea what it would be. (I actually do know a couple who did that. Same story - allergies to the pets from the husband, but he loved his lady and they made it work - they both had to make big compromises).

 

All I can say is good luck.

Edited November 11, 2009 by Dark_of_the_Moon

[luxe]

I cannot thank you all enough for commenting.

 

I really AM a dog person. I love dogs, have always had one. This allergy was NOT there when I got tested for allergies as a child and discovered my severe cat allergy. And according to my doctor, this is normal in that people can acquire allergies as they age. So while I understand how disappointing this would be for a partner to learn, how can there be any anger? What would the anger be toward? I did not intentionally deceive him, I would never do that, and I was devasted about this decision to part with them. I miss them deeply and more than anything, I hate that I cannot control something that is breaking us apart. I feel so guilty.

 

Are you suggesting that if this happened to you or to you partner, that you would have split with the person? Or would you have yourself/your partner endure sickness, against the doctor's advice and health issues? I am wondering what would have been better? Obviously either of those choices could not have been worse than the path I went down.

 

Thornton-I have thought about another pet. I have also thought about some glorious scene from a movie or something where I get the dogs back for him and save the day. And then I would do what I probably should have done all along. Leave. And despite his anger/depression/lack of enthusiasm for me right now, when I discuss him getting the dogs back, he says that doesnt feel make him feel any better because than he would lose me instead which he couldn't bear either.

 

Dark of the Moon-thank you for your wise words. I actually would love to hear more about this couple and how they made it work? They each have their own home still? Did they have children? This is an option I didn't explore and as extreme as it sounds, I am there and would love to understand more about the situation and their creative solution.

 

Now that this is my reality and we all agree my situation is dire, is it really better for me to leave at this point? I suppose it might be if I can get these babies back for him. In my mind, that didn't seem to be best at first because I value people relationships more than dog ones--but you all raise a good point. For someone who deems dog relationships as deeper and more special than people ones, this seems like the way for me to go? It would be tough to do because I love this man so very much but I guess that is reason enough?

 

Luxe

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

Honestly I have not thought of this situation before. I have always been careful to introduce the dogs early on and everyone who knows me, knows my attachement to my animals. It has never come up that someone could develope an allergy problem later on. I will admit that anger at that point would be illogical, but emotions are not logical are they?

 

If I was married to someone, then that would be a different story, but a man would honestly have had to have won my trust and proven his loyalty before I would trade my dogs for him. No, I would not want my partner to suffer for something beyond their control.

 

I bet your man knows you did not trick him, but if he is this deep in depression it is overriding this knowledge perhaps? Since I have been through depression myself, I know it distorts reality.

 

The couple I know love each other intently, are mature adults and they would do anything for each other. He did not want her to have to give up the dogs, also, it was her career with dogs as well as pets. So they have two houses on the same property. The one they live in and the old house where she works during the day with the dogs and they have full run of. She spends the day with the dogs there while he is working or when he is away. They don't have kids.

 

I would not advise you to leave, but think outside the box and see what options might exist? If your man loves you and you obviously love him, there will be an answer.

 

I will also add, it sounds like he already made his choice, so if nothing can be changed, then just give him time to grieve for his loss. The human relationship is MUCH more important, but it is a hard place he is in.

Edited November 11, 2009 by Dark_of_the_Moon

[D-Lish]

You're in a tough situation. I have two dogs, and I would never give them up, no matter what- It would be like my partner being allergic to me.

 

I'm like your bf- my dogs got me through the dark time of my divorce and I've had them for 9 years. It would hurt like crazy, but I couldn't compromise on that one.

 

It's not your fault, and it's not his fault. Neither of you could forsee this situation.

 

I don't know how you could salvage this situation. He's not able to give up his dogs, and you can't change your condition.

 

If you dated without issue before moving in together- why not continue to date like you did before?

[luxe]

Dark-Once again, very wise words. No emotions are not logical, and it is good to be reminded of that. thank you.

 

He admits he is depressed and that he does not know which end is up right now. He definitely will not admit that he feels anger toward me--I was more responding to Thornton's thoughts about the emotions one could experience in this situation. But we have discussed that his hot temper could definitely be one way that the anger, rational or not, is coming out at me.

 

I wouldn't want my partner to suffer either. But I am not sure if I would feel that way if I was coming from the dogs-are-my-children mindframe, so I appreciate understanding where you would stand on this. He obviously didn't want me to suffer either which is why he parted with them---but, hindsight.....you know.

 

I love what you wrote about trust/loyalty being necessary in order to make that hard choice. Because me leaving right now would do the opposite of that, leaving him even more vulnerable and hopeless. He did trust me, he did believe in me, that is why we are in this situation. Leaving now would be...well, leaving!

 

Creative measures are in order. I love this story about this couple. It definitely gets my brain ticking--it would be fantastic to be able to work something like this out...thanks again for sharing.

 

 

Luxe

[luxe]

It's a thought I have had and I have brought it up many times--why can't we go back to how we were before? I can move out and you can get the dogs back and we can just be. His point is that before we were in the dark about this allergy. We didn't know that this was going to be an issue, and he doesn't feel like we can just ignore it. And now that we know, his concern is that we would be stuck, never able to move 'forward'. And he wants so badly to find peace with his decision to part with them, but he just cannot.

[CLC2008]

Dark-Once again, very wise words. No emotions are not logical, and it is good to be reminded of that. thank you.

 

I tend to disagree in response to what is quoted above, I think emotions are the authentic language of our original self. A different view would be this:

 

http://ezinearticles.com/?Are-Emotions-Logical-Or-Illogical?-Heres-a-Case-For-the-Former&id=1515738

 

So, maybe that ties in to your ex bf's point of view? Though it's generally men rather than women, who are more logical vs. emotional.

[norajane]

My first thought was WTF? He gave up his cats for you? And then his dogs? Wow, he must really, really, really, really, really, really love you. Because there's no way I'd give up my cat for anyone. I wouldn't date anyone seriously with an allergy to my pets.

 

If they didn't know until we were too deep into the relationship, they'd not be moving in, period. I would not care about "moving forward" in the relationship - dating as we were would be fine and dandy - if moving forward meant giving away this little creature I'm responsible for and have loved for years.

 

So, he's depressed, and he's very resentful of your allergies. He may not admit it, but he resents you for first having to give up his cats, and then for having to give up his dogs. It may not be logical, but he resents you for your allergies and being the cause of his loss.

 

It's weird that you used to have a dog, but these dogs make you so sick. That's probably another thing he feels angry about - like you've got some sort of psychosomatic thing against HIS dogs in particular but are fine with all other dogs to the point you didn't even know you had the dog allergy. Yes, again, it's irrational, but he's miserable at how fate has dealt this hand and that's what he's thinking about when he's depressed.

 

I assume you've tried all possible allergy shots, really good industrial air purifiers, special baths for the dogs, that sort of thing?

 

I would definitely not leave him at this point. Dude loves you waaaaaaayyyyyy too much to have given up all his animals for you. It's hard to find a good man who loves you that much.

 

If I were you, I'd be scouring the real estate ads for adjoining townhouses. And, one day, when it's time for the dogs to go their rest, knock down some walls and turn it into one fabulous place for both of you, or sell then and buy a new place without any pets.

[luxe]

I know. Its a ridiculous story. Its almost too much, and combined with the fact that we have only been in each others lives for a year now....

 

But you are right in that there is so much love there. It is the one thing that we have going....or the one thing that got us into the mess, depending on how you look at it.

 

I get that he is resentful, I get that he is angry, I get that it doesnt matter if it is illogical or not. And you are right--he cannot believe this is the hand he got dealt.

 

But I can tell you that he definitely is not in any doubt of my genuine love for his dogs, the difficulty of this decision for me, the validity of my 'allergies' or anything like that. I was their main caretaker as I work from home and they were my little loves. And I spent literally thousands of my own dollars trying to fix the situation---shots, purifiers, all new carpet, all new paint, etc. My devastation was real and he knows that. Even in his depression, with distorted reality and all, he knows because he saw my love and he saw my pain.

 

The doctor was clear in that it wasn't that I didn't know that I had a dog allergy--that makes it sound as though I wasn't responsible with knowing my body and its limits before involving him in my life. But instead that I have actually acquired this allergy as I have aged--and I haven't ever lived with a non-hypoallergenic dog before so there was never a chance for me to realize or discover this when it started. There were other new allergies that popped up too--every type of tree, grass and also mold came up on this test. And apparently, I could gain even more allergies as life goes on. We all could I guess, it is a possibility.

 

As far as the psychosomatic thing goes, the dogs I own have always been hypoallergenic. Again, not because I chose that on purpose knowing, but because that was the breed (yorkie) I was raised around and so I leaned that way from all my happy memories growing up.

 

The townhouse idea is a great one, I want to act on all of this! But unfortunately, my first feat would be getting the dogs back for him. These are some special ladies, and I cannot imagine that the new owner is going to want to part with them.

 

What a mess I have created...

 

Luxe

[JamesM]

What a mess I have created...

 

Luxe

 

Stop this kind of talking. If you did it to deceive him, then yes. But you did not.

 

Personally, I would be like your BF. I am a huge dog lover, and let's say that something horrible (and it would be) happened to my wife, and now two years later you and I are dating. You find out as you did that you have an allergy and now my dog who would be six years or seven years old...is the culprit. This dog would have helped me get through the loss of my wife, and in my case, she would have been a huge support for my children.

 

I guarantee that the love I had for you would not get me to let my dog go. It may be that you and I put our relationship on hold as far as cohabitating (which I would not do anyhow), and our marriage would be delayed. Seven months is not that long. But getting rid of my dog would be difficult.

 

That would NOT mean that There was no love for you. That would not mean that the animals are more important than you. If they were, then you would have been history no question.

 

Your BF is depressed and angry because he needs to make a big decision. He is angry because you (in his mind) have forced him to choose. And he does not want to.

 

Put all plans on hold and keep dating. Tell him that no dogs need to leave. Give this relationship time. You may be amazed at how things develop, and probably for the best. Forcing a decision and placing any sort of deadline on it will not bring good results.

[luxe]

That kind of talking isn't going to get me anywhere, thank you. I am trying to be more positive about this situation. That kind of talking isn't reflecting any feelings of deceipt though, but was in reaction to the 20/20 hindsight we all as analytical humans seem to be blessed with. I wish I had left the house instead of them leaving. But the dogs are already gone.

 

I didn't want to cohabitate ever...in fact I have had two other significant relationships end because I wouldn't take that step until marriage. But this was a very important step to my fiance....and actually in many ways I am glad we took it. If I hadn't moved in, we might not have determined this allergy yet...and I would prefer to know now than to continue to ever lead him, or anyone else ever again, astray, even if it isn't intentional.

 

I do know in my heart that this isnt about his lack of love for me or that they come first. If anything, I am overwhelmed with the love that he has/had for me.

 

I was a dog lover too, and I guess that is where it is hard for me to see where everyone is coming from. I mean, I LOVE dogs. That I am being painted as someone who doesn't is an adjustment for me. I love them but I love feeling healthy more and taking care of myself and those I love so I/we can live a longer and healthier life. If the dogs didn't have a good, loving home to go to too, I also would understand more where you all are coming from. But they do. Granted, it is NOT the home that we want them to have--but they are deeply loved there, and both my fiance and I know that.

 

I don't mean to be defensive so I hope it doesnt come across that way. And I realize that not only am I in the minority for having this different attitude about dog-loving, but I am actually standing alone here on this thread . So I realize I need to really shift my thinking here and try to walk in your/his shoes.

 

The relationship cannot just be put on hold unfortunately, because we are somewhere we cannot just BE. This man is clinically depressed, unable to function, the pain is just tangible. A 'hold' here wouldn't work because the dogs are already gone. It's more that I need to make an actual move than stand still.

 

I agree that just dating would have been the ideal thing to do and we cannot force this and if it works out it works out....but I need to do major things to get us back to that place. To get him back to a balanced place, to see him smile again. Moving out, that is the easy part. Trying to win back these dogs from their new owners is the harder thing to do. And I need to be sure before I contact them that that is the right next step.

 

Is that where you would go from here?

 

 

Luxe

[norajane]

I wouldn't do anything on my own. I'd make it a team effort. Talk to your fiance and tell him your thoughts and ideas and ask him to help you make this work. See if he thinks this is a good idea and enlist his help in finding somewhere you both can live nearby, but separately, as well as in helping get the dogs back.

 

Don't cut him out of the loop in an effort to surprise him. Let him participate and get him involved as a team. That may help him on a couple of fronts - feeling less out of control, getting him engaged might lift some of his depression, helping him see that you want to do everything possible to make this work, and, if you fail, you will have both gone through this together.

[JamesM]

That kind of talking isn't going to get me anywhere, thank you. I am trying to be more positive about this situation.

 

I am sorry if I came off as too critical. It was not my intentions. I also did not realize and missed that the dogs were gone, too.

 

I do know in my heart that this isnt about his lack of love for me or that they come first. If anything, I am overwhelmed with the love that he has/had for me.

 

I agree. And TBH, if I made the decision to get rid of the dogs, then I cannot see how I would remain in such a depression. I have had to give away two cats which I was close to...one because he couldn't handle children and bit ours, the other because she had a UTI and probably would never quit urinating in our house. Both were difficult, but when I knew they went to better homes, I was able to let them go. Sure I missed them, but by knowing that they would be happy, I was fine with it.

 

I was a dog lover too, and I guess that is where it is hard for me to see where everyone is coming from. I mean, I LOVE dogs. That I am being painted as someone who doesn't is an adjustment for me.

 

That is not my intention. But I do know how hard it is to feel as attached to someone else's animals. I love dogs, too, but I do not have that same feeling to a dog or cat that is not my own. Sitting here typing this, I can look at your bf and say, "Get over it. Move on. Your dogs will be happy if you gave them a good home. And in time, it is highly possible that you can get another dog who is not a problem with your wife's allergies." Telling myself that if I had to give up the dogs who seemingly helped me through rough times is not so easy.

 

What we humans tend to forget is that animals can move on if placed in a happy home.

 

If the dogs didn't have a good, loving home to go to too, I also would understand more where you all are coming from. But they do. Granted, it is NOT the home that we want them to have--but they are deeply loved there, and both my fiance and I know that.

 

Honestly, as I said, for me this would be enough. Having actually placed three cats (forgot one earlier) in new homes, I know that in his situation, I could move on.

 

But I totally understand how he feels as if he is letting his two best friends down. He feels that after all they have done for him (at least in his mind), he repays them by getting rid of them. Yet he needs to remember that this is not how they feel.

 

I am actually standing alone here on this thread . So I realize I need to really shift my thinking here and try to walk in your/his shoes.

 

I think that many of us (at least me ) felt that you could not relate at all to his feelings of loss and anger. I can. Now that I reread your first post and see that he already gave the dogs away to a good home, I can say that his feelings of loss should go away. If he cannot let them go, then it is also possible that he is struggling with other issues that in his mind he is lumping with the loss of his dogs. Perhaps he has an inward fear of marriage? Perhaps the giving away of his dogs symbolizes the big change that this marriage will bring to his life?

 

Might be worth talking about.

 

 

To get him back to a balanced place, to see him smile again. Moving out, that is the easy part. Trying to win back these dogs from their new owners is the harder thing to do. And I need to be sure before I contact them that that is the right next step.

 

Is that where you would go from here?

 

 

Luxe

 

Odd that I am going to say this now, but getting the dogs back is probably not the move that I would suggest.

 

I think finding out why the loss of the dogs is so great to him when he has placed them in a good home is an issue. And odd again that I say this but as I stated earlier, losing the dogs may not be the real issue.

 

If I were you (since before I was him), then I would suggest going back to dating and kinda stepping back. And tell him that he can choose again. He can have the dogs and not you in the house, or he can have you in the house and not the dogs, or he can have the dogs in the house and date you...but you won't be in the house.

 

Those are really the only options. Being certain that HE is in control of his future is important.

 

I feel your frustration. I feel his pain. I cannot give an answer that will make both of you happy. I can say that losing animals that I did not want to let go...yet having moved on, time does heal the pain. Honestly, when I lost my dog from illness and death, I had a tougher time than when I had animals that were placed alive in new homes.

 

Keep the communication lines open. I think you have done a great job of conveying how sorry you feel and how bad you feel that you were the cause of it. Many people in your position would show much less compassion and empathy. I know that without a doubt if it were my wife, her position would have been totally different. She would have had no patience with me and taken it as if I did not love her. She would have left me. Now she feels differently, but then so do I.

 

Communication. Time. Empathy. Counseling. Love. All vague words and "tools" that if used may be the difference.

[luxe]

Thank you norajane, that makes a lot of sense. This whole thing has felt a lot like a see saw--I was so full of resentment when I was sick, and now the resentment has totally shifted over to his side . Trying to find a balance here is key, and it really makes sense that doing it together as a team would be our best bet.

[luxe]

You didn't come off as critical at all! I understood what you were saying, I just wanted to clarify my position as I believe my initial post was entirely too long and didn't emphasize the exact problem I was experiencing.

 

You really hit the nail on the head here. Its pretty uncanny how you were able to express feelings that he has expressed, and then do the exact same for me. Additionally, we have been speaking the last few days about the possibility that this depression is symptomatic of a much bigger problem than then the physical absence of the dogs. I believe he might be carrying around a lot ofpersonal pain that has been shoved down and that his extreme reaction here could be a focal point to allow that pain to emerge.

 

We have our next counseling session in two days. Will keep you posted on how things progress.

 

Thanks again, so much.

[Double]

It looks like you got some really good advice from others; better than I can offer.

 

However, I'm still going to weigh in.

 

On the one hand, I understand how difficult it was for your fiance to part with his dogs. I have had dogs my entire life. I loved them all to pieces, although I wouldn't have compared any of them to children. (I have seen how my sister's and her bf's dogs are like their children, though.) As much as I loved my dogs, I would definitely be willing to compromise in regards to that for the man I was going to marry, and I would not be depressed over it (tempted to roll my eyes there, sorry ) - I think there has to be some other reason your fiance is so down about this, but what do I know. Sure, being sad is a normal reaction, but there has to be more going on there, IMO. Maybe some people just get ridiculously attached to their pets for some reason - again, my sister's dogs are her babies.

 

On the other hand, I have similar allergies to cats (although not life threatening as yours appear to be), which my bf has known since he met me. He happens to have a cat (and one with long hair, which is the worst!!). I've been staying with him recently, and it got so bad that AT HIS SUGGESTION he took his cat to his parents' house for the time being. We were vacuuming every day, changing the sheets, etc., and I was taking allergy medicine every day, which was bringing my allergies down to a more bearable level, though not completely eradicating them. I was also lethargic and fatigued (probably allergies), and bf didn't like me taking medicine every day - as he said it can't be good for me, just like trying to live with the allergies can't be good for me.

 

Yeah he loves his cat, but it's just a pet, and I'm more important - he said it was an easy choice. Why would he let something like that get in the way of a relationship with a real person he wants to spend his life with?

 

I do think dogs are a little different than cats, but still very similar idea...

 

Good luck to you.

[luxe]

Double-it helps to hear what you wrote thank you.

 

Kally-can you explain a bit more what you are saying?

[The Collector]

10 Things That Piss Me Off About Dogs And Their Owners

 

First of all, I don't hate dogs. I love my brother's dog, and I'll make friends with any canine in my immediate vicinity. They're mostly cute and loving and blah blah blah. But.

 

1. A dog's unconditional love is not a beautiful thing. They have no choice. What are they going to do, pack their bags one day and 'screw you, I'm getting my own place?' They love you, or whoever the hell buys them, because you give them food and shelter and they are pack animals forced to hang around with a human. They 'love' a junkie who beats them, or a drunk old racist crank. They are the sluts of the animal world.

 

2. Dog owners generally couldn't give a monkeys if their little 'babies' make other people sick with allergies, or have to step in their disgusting poop. Sure the law says scoop it up or you'll get a fine, but before that how many dog owners took any responsibility for filling the streets and parks with potentially child-blinding sh*t? Maybe three?

 

3. Dogs aren't babies.

 

4. Most kids are scared of dogs, especially strange ones. Most of us can probably remember being chased by some barking animal bigger than us while the owner laughed and said 'Don't worry he won't bite you.' How would they like it if I came round to their house and wielding an axe shouting at their kids 'I'm going to chop you up hahaha!', then said 'Don't worry, I won't really.'

 

5. And sometimes they do bite.

 

6. 'My dogs got me through my divorce, they were always there for me, etc.' I could say the same about cigarettes, but that doesn't make them sacred or noble, just dumb animals that would eat you if you had a heart attack and there was no other food in the house.

 

7. I'm a vegetarian. If you love animals so much, I hope you have a good reason why some are like children and some are like a sandwich. Oh, because they are yours. So not like children, because you wouldn't eat someone else's child. I hope.

 

8. Like spinsters and their cats, don't you notice how in general it's the people who aren't good with people that anthropomorphousize their pets to a ridiculous degree? Fluffy does not want to wear a little Prada coat, and he doesn't have a favourite TV show. He just wants to sniff stuff and eat.

 

9. And f*ck, which you dog 'lovers' generally make sure he can never do.

 

10.And raise a family, which you dog owner's make sure they can never do. Humans take away all their babies and sell them, to other people who will keep them in an infantilized, unnatural state, just to feed their egos and their need to feel needed. If it's love dogs get, it's an abusive type.

 

 

There, now half the forum hates me. But your dog would 'love' me just as much as you, because it's a cute but dumb animal.

 

Now don't get me started on cats...

Edited November 25, 2009 by The Collector

[Thornton]

1. A dog's unconditional love is not a beautiful thing. They have no choice. What are they going to do, pack their bags one day and 'screw you, I'm getting my own place?' They love you, or whoever the hell buys them, because you give them food and shelter and they are pack animals forced to hang around with a human. They 'love' a junkie who beats them, or a drunk old racist crank. They are the sluts of the animal world.

Dogs don't love just anyone. I've seen dogs run away from cruel and nasty people, or bite them, and I've seen my dog refuse to be petted by visitors if she didn't like them. Plus once a dog is attached to a particular person they generally remain attached to them specifically. What is true is that dogs aren't as judgemental as people are - they don't care how you look or what your job is, they love you as long as you're kind to them.

 

2. Dog owners generally couldn't give a monkeys if their little 'babies' make other people sick with allergies, or have to step in their disgusting poop. Sure the law says scoop it up or you'll get a fine, but before that how many dog owners took any responsibility for filling the streets and parks with potentially child-blinding sh*t? Maybe three?

Mothers don't care if their "little darlings" are rude or noisy or sneeze germs all over me on the bus, thereby making me sick, but I don't expect them to keep their offspring at home and out of sight just because I don't like them.

 

4. Most kids are scared of dogs, especially strange ones.

If children are properly socialised with dogs they won't be afraid, and if dogs are properly socialised with people they won't bark and chase kids.

 

 

5. And sometimes they do bite.

The majority of dogs don't bite, and those that do bite generally have some sort of problem caused by the owner's treatment. Some people are violent and commit crimes, but that doesn't make me hate all people... you can't blame the majority for a bad thing sometimes done by the minority.

 

6. 'My dogs got me through my divorce, they were always there for me, etc.' I could say the same about cigarettes.

I very much doubt if your cigarettes would get you out of bed in the morning when you're so depressed you don't want to get up, or love you and keep you entertained when you have nothing or nobody else. Probably the most stupid comparison I have ever heard.

 

7. I'm a vegetarian. If you love animals so much, I hope you have a good reason why some are like children and some are like a sandwich. Oh, because they are yours. So not like children, because you wouldn't eat someone else's child. I hope.

I wouldn't eat someone else's dog either... all dogs are like children, and human beings tend not to eat higher mammals... at least not in civilised countries. In other countries they don't treat dogs like pets and they do eat them.

 

8. Like spinsters and their cats, don't you notice how in general it's the people who aren't good with people that anthropomorphousize their pets to a ridiculous degree?

So people who have nobody can have a pet instead to keep them company. I fail to see why this is a bad thing.

 

9. And f*ck, which you dog 'lovers' generally make sure he can never do.

Dogs don't need to do it any more than people do. A dog which is allowed to have sex becomes rather aggressive and territorial anyway, and urinates everywhere; not desirable characteristics.

 

10.And raise a family, which you dog owner's make sure they can never do. Humans take away all their babies and sell them.

Dogs don't feel a need to raise a family like humans do. Even in the wild they don't stay together as a family for any great length of time. By the time the puppies are three or four months old, the mother is already starting to push them away and get snappy with them.

 

Your dog would 'love' me just as much as you, because it's a cute but dumb animal.

Dogs are generally attached to one or two specific people, so someone else's dog wouldn't necessarily love you, it would love its owner. If you'd bought the dog first, perhaps it would have formed an attachment to you instead... but that unconditional love is one of the reasons why we keep dogs as pets in the first place.

[The Collector]

Dogs don't love just anyone. I've seen dogs run away from cruel and nasty people, or bite them, and I've seen my dog refuse to be petted by visitors if she didn't like them. Plus once a dog is attached to a particular person they generally remain attached to them specifically. What is true is that dogs aren't as judgmental as people are - they don't care how you look or what your job is, they love you as long as you're kind to them.

 

Big deal, they have little choice if they want to eat. And cruel and nasty people - as judged by you or the dog? - deserve to be bitten by an animal? What you call unconditional or nonjudgmental, I call undiscerning. I value human approval because you have to earn it.

 

 

Mothers don't care if their "little darlings" are rude or noisy or sneeze germs all over me on the bus, thereby making me sick, but I don't expect them to keep their offspring at home and out of sight just because I don't like them.

Often true. But the park opposite my house is not covered with baby-sh*t.

 

 

If children are properly socialised with dogs they won't be afraid, and if dogs are properly socialised with people they won't bark and chase kids.

If my granny had balls she'd be my grandpa...

 

http://www.dogbitelaw.com/PAGES/statistics.html

 

The most recent official survey, conducted more than a decade ago, determined there were 4.7 million dog bite victims annually in the USA. A more recent study showed that 1,000 Americans per day are treated in emergency rooms as a result of dog bites. In 2007 there were 33 fatal dog attacks in the USA. Most of the victims who receive medical attention are children, half of whom are bitten in the face. An American has a one in 50 chance of being bitten by a dog each year

Also, the part of my post you didn't quote pertained to dog-owners disregard for the fact that their pets often scare children, though we are all supposed to feel sorry for them when they can't handle a few fireworks. Taste of your own medicine Rover?

 

 

The majority of dogs don't bite, and those that do bite generally have some sort of problem caused by the owner's treatment. Some people are violent and commit crimes, but that doesn't make me hate all people... you can't blame the majority for a bad thing sometimes done by the minority.

 

Like I say, I don't hate dogs. They can't help acting like animals, and I never claimed all dogs bite. What my super-fun-list was mostly inspired by is dog-owners sense of entitlement and lack of perspective. If you think the only dogs that bite are mistreated, put your hand in the way of any dog's food-bowl and see what happens. Dogs generally have to be trained to be 'nice' - their natural instincts are forced out by discipline which includes fear, choke-chains, and rubbing their noses in their own crap. And those are the ones lucky to have owners that don't seriously mistreat them, or are put down because nobody wants them.

 

 

I very much doubt if your cigarettes would get you out of bed in the morning when you're so depressed you don't want to get up, or love you and keep you entertained when you have nothing or nobody else.

 

Well you'd be wrong.

 

 

I wouldn't eat someone else's dog either... all dogs are like children, and human beings tend not to eat higher mammals... at least not in civilised countries. In other countries they don't treat dogs like pets and they do eat them.

 

All dogs are not like children, they are like dogs who are treated like children. Children grow into adults, dogs are artificially stunted from developing as nature intended. Pigs are smarter than dogs, and humans eat them. I guess they are not cute enough. Also why are countries that eat dogs not civilised? Sounds a bit racist...

 

So people who have nobody can have a pet instead to keep them company. I fail to see why this is a bad thing.

 

Maybe they should have developed better social skills. But you agree that dog-lovers tend to be those who can't cut it with humans?

 

 

Dogs don't need to do it any more than people do. A dog which is allowed to have sex becomes rather aggressive and territorial anyway, and urinates everywhere; not desirable characteristics.

 

Not desirable for the dog-owner! But you are right in a way, dogs do want and need sex as much as humans do - we just chop their balls off and keep them mostly separated from their own kind so they can't.

 

Dogs don't feel a need to raise a family like humans do. Even in the wild they don't stay together as a family for any great length of time. By the time the puppies are three or four months old, the mother is already starting to push them away and get snappy with them.

 

Dogs are pack animals. They are the family. And they mature much faster than humans, as you know. But like all animals they do have an instinct to procreate and the females are probably not happy with their pups being taken from them before they fulfill their natural role to raise them, even if it's for a few months. But hey, cute little puppies are worth more, so screw the pooch, as it were.

 

 

Dogs are generally attached to one or two specific people, so someone else's dog wouldn't necessarily love you, it would love its owner. If you'd bought the dog first, perhaps it would have formed an attachment to you instead... but that unconditional love is one of the reasons why we keep dogs as pets in the first place.

 

Yes, I meant if I was the owner.

 

I am not saying dogs are desperately unhappy with living with humans, they just don't know what they are missing. Unconditional 'love' is easy when the animal has no options. But take them for a walk in the park and let them see another dog and you see who they really want to interact with.

[VeveCakes]

Yorkies are not hypo allergenic.

 

There are injections you can get for this type of allergy that work no matter how severe your allergy.

 

Something is not right in this story.

[luxe]

You know, I said I was open to criticism, which I am in all situations in my life, mostly because someone just telling me what I want to hear isn't going to get me very far. However, I am NOT open to remarks that imply that I am not being honest. That is just rude. Why would I waste my own time, and yours, and write things that aren't 'right'? I value my own time and energy and the forum folks' opinions too much to ever do that.

 

Veve I did receive allergy shots, spent about 3k on the testing and the 3x weekly shots before my allergist recommended that because of the severity of my allergies as well as the increasing frequency of the sinus infections I was acquiring, that I move out or we part with the dogs.

 

Additionally, I know many people who have received shots and they have NOT worked for them---even the doctors will tell you that it isn't a guarantee--so I am not sure where you are getting your information that the injections work no matter how severe your allergy. The shots also can take months/years to actually have an effect, fyi.

 

Yorkies are included on the lists of hypo allergenic dogs, so again I am not sure where you are getting your information. Here is just one link but there are many to see the complete listing of dogs:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypoallergenic_dog_breed