kairi and sora Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Im in DESPERATE need of getting over my ONLY EX-GF!!! *a bit of a long read, thank you ahead of time for reading* okay so i dont knwo if anyone has read my previous posts, but i just got out of my first relationship, this girl was my first love, we'd known each other since 1st grade, were freshmen in college now, been best friends for 4 years, but went out a year ago, she was my first kiss, first time making love, first time doing everything. she told me i was perfect for her, and she was for me, that no guy has ever treated her as good as i have, that no one made her feel safe, loved, and wanted like i did to her. BUT then she cheated on me she blames it on me because we fought too much, and even though i never had the heart so say it to her, almost every fight was started by her because of her insecurities. she cried all the time, and when her mom and dad saw this, they blamed it on me, and grew to hate me so much i wasnt allowed to come over to their house anymore. im not trying to say im perfect, i know i messed up a lot of times, said things and did things i shouldnt have, but always took them back and apologized for the mean words i said. i did everything possible for this girl to make her happy, i dedicated every second of my life when we were together to making her happy and seeing her smile. shes with this other guy now, and AFTER everything that she said to me, and then she cheated on me, i feel like i can never trust another girl again :'( im afraid that ill never find someoen to share everything that i love doing with them, i love going to disneyland, i love just sitting back on the couch and watching a few movies with them, going to the beach, going anywhere in public together. im afraid taht the feeling of love will never be replaced in my heart, the feeling of love, and security, and warmth will never be given to me by anyone else. i thought we were perfect together. im not asking for a perfect girlfriend, i never have been or ever will consider just hookups or friends with benefits, i would much rather be in a mature relationship, i want to be able to trust someone again, but im afraid that if i ever give someoen else my heart that they will just nuture it for a few months and then rip it out and stomp on it. we were together for 10 months, but it felt more like 2 years, and thats what we always told everyone. i was so comfortable with this girl, even before we were going out, i liked her for THREE years before i asked her out. im afraid that no girl will be quite like her, share the same interests as me, or replace her in my heart :'( its been almost a month, but im still in love with her, and no matter how much my head tells me to let go, and find someone that i can trust and wont hurt me, my heart still believes taht shes the only one for me and the only one that i will ever fall head over heels for, the only one i will ever want to kiss or do anything with, and no matter what i do, how many friends i go out with, i CAN NOT GET HER OUT OF MY HEAD OR MY HEART!!!!! ANYONE out ther with some kind words, or some advice or words of wisdom, i really need it right now, ive jsut been deperssed for 3 weeks straight, stopped eating, stopped doing anything that reminded me of her, which is everything i used to love. PLEASE, someone with advice reply to this, im afraid ill either go mad or just keep getting more and more depressed if i dont talk to her, or get her out of my head, even though shes with someoen else and cheated on me, i want her back, even though i know that i shouldnt
Pentel Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 im happening tru something similar, i broke up with my gf of 8 months (almost 9) but it seemed like we were longer for 10 years, but then she said to me she was sick of me, she left me, i got all crazy, and tried to talk to her, she's now mad at me, she's getting real close to a guy on my classroom (yea, me and her are on the same classroom, ALL 8 HOURS LONG), and she's getting real close to these guy, that really looks like a perv, but she keeps telling me he's just a friend, that she will never see him as something more, but it still makes me uncomfortable, so im trying my best to get over her, a thing that i did was everytime i thought of her, i would say to myself, "she doesn't deserve you, you don't love her" and stuff like that, i told them firmly, now im way better than a week ago, i still care for her, i still want to be with her, but i wont let her stop me, i will do the NC, and maybe in some months try to talk to her again, then maybe get back with her, if not, there still a lot of girls, you can do the same, you can still try to be with her, but give it time, so that you can change, be more mature, so she can change, be more mature, remember, everything happens for a reason,
tVII Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 just work through your phases, try to stay busy, itll be hard but it will be EASIER if you stay busy. Furthermore, you need to RESPECT yourself, you do not right now if you are letting a girl WALK ALL OVER YOU. NOBODY DESERVES THAT. good luck my friend.
AliveAndKicking Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Easy does it... Breath...... There ya go! You sound like you're really wound up. It is sometimes hard NOT to be, huh? I hear ya... All those worries and fears about not finding someone that is a good match for you are unfounded- they simply are not true! You've been cheated on and that really kicks your self-esteen into the gutter. That is where those feelings of forever being alone come from. Pile on the fact that she's moved on ahead of you just compounds all of those negative felings. I'm here to tell you, though, that they are just that: Negative feelings and thoughts and they are not at all true! By the way I know each and everyone of those feeling intimately. I have a feeling, and it is just that, that the day after my ex and I last spoke, she was with some other guy. Just a feeling I have. I could be all wrong. It doesn't matter, though, as she is free to do whatever and whom ever she wishes. Apparantly she felt that same way while supposedly with me as well so big deal *shrugs* Once you've been cheated on it's pretty hard for anything else to get under your skin as that is a pain that cuts so damn deep. So she's with some other guy? Big deal. My best advice to you here and now is to unplug from her. You're still VERY attached to her and you really need to face facts- she's gone. Splitsville. Outtie. Like a ghost: she's toast. Face it, grieve the loss, and move on. You are worth SO MUCH MORE than wasting your time, your energy, your fun, your love on a cheater! She might think she is special but she's not. And there is no such thing as "the one". That is ridiculous. There are millions of potentially amazing partners for each and every one of us including YOU! Understand that a cheater is, in essensse, a liar. Her word means nothing. Her opinions mean nothing. That crap she smeared on you about it being your fault that she cheated? Laugh it off, pal, as those are the words of a gal who is too cowardly to own her actions and instead makes excuses, blame-shifts, and does not care what effect it has on anyone. All she is interested in is herself. Don't waste another minute of your precious life pining over a lying cheating coward. You deserve so much better than that. Start taking care of yourself. She is someone else's problem now- work on the one person you can control, the one person that matters right now: you! Cut ties with her. Don't talk to her. What do you want? Want to hear some more excuses, more of her blaming you for her actions? Pffffft! NOT! No contact, read and post here as needed, follow the suggestions given to you here, take some downtime for yourself, think positive, work through the pain, and rebuild yourself and your life. Your new life begins right now. So get on with it!
Author kairi and sora Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 i know its always just so hard to get over your first though you know? and when you compile that with what happened, it just turned my life into a train wreck. but i am doing my best to move on, ive already made plans this weekend, im going with a friend *guy* to an 18 year old club by where we live. no drinkin or stupid stuff like that, just dancing. but should be lots of fun from what i hear. i just try to keep my mind occupied on anything but her.
AliveAndKicking Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Well good for you! Now THAT is the way to do it! Go, have fun, dance til you drop, and treat yourself great! It's hard, you know that, and you are being brave and strong (and very smart!) by making plans to have some fun. Your life didn't end- it is just beginning! Woo hoo! Great job.
Author kairi and sora Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 thanks and definatly one good thing about all this is i became a lot closer friends with someoen i know. He is going through almost the EXACT same thing that i have, ex's parents hate him, gf didnt cheat on him, but everything else is identical, and we been talking a lot lately and are gonna be hanging out a lot more.
McGrupp Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 im still having a very tough time 2 months later. i will blame it on breaking NC. so stay strong as it only gets better...(i hope)
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