kittenmittens23 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Hi Everyone, I have been reading posts for a long time. This is my first one. I am compelled to write about my dilemma in hopes thta someone can tell me what I already know deep inside. I met my bf Dave last March after the end of a 5 year relationship with someone I loved eeply, but whose addiction issues tore us apart. Dave and I met on Match. I was on for about 10 minutes and I got his message. He was 45 years old, divorced, 3 kids and I am 30 years old, no kids, no marriages. I thought it was a long shot, so I ignored him for about a week. He came on very strong, seemed very attentive, came to see me every other day (lives 30 miles away), met my family, told everyone I was special. As time went on, he told me he loved me, he wanted us to get married, and have a baby. I thought I met the one. I brought up the baby/marriage conversation early on, since being older than me, he may not have wanted those things. I just said if you never plan on doing those things with anyone, nevermind me, then it is better we know now. He assured me that was not the case, and we would do everything properly. I noticed after about 3 months time, he was not as attentive. I am very good at detecting subtle changes, so at this point I started to feel alone, although I was in a relationship. He seemed to work alot, and when we hung out (usually tuesdays and friday, saturday, bit of sunday), we never did anything. We went too sleep early. He saif he was saving up for a house, so he became very thrifty (he spoiled me in the first few months). I started to get frustrated and was outspoken on a few occasions about the fact that things had changed. He seemed to be ok with me driving through traffic on the NJ turnpike after a 10 hour work day to see him. When I rang his bell, he was in his pj's watching tv, fresh as a daisy. I was exhausted. Never asked about my day. Didn't like it when I worked out. Slowly, the future talks stopped all together. Mind you, throughout the relationship, he had no problem talking to me about how the world was goign to end in 2011 and trying to get me to read "We are almost there" by Harold C. I was very straightforward in saying while I respect his beliefs, I do not share them, and no matter when the world ends, I plan on enjoing the things that god meant us to have here on earth--kids, family, etc. On Oct 29, we had yet another conversation about him driving to see me friday. he said im working the next day so ill be tired. The conversation ended abruptly (by me) because i just felt he was lazy, middle aged man looking for his concubine. To service him, feed him, keep him company, but he offers nothing. Later that afternoon, we talked and one thing led to another--we broke up. After a couple of days of me crying, him saying I cant make you happy, we started talkign everyday like always. Thats when it came out that he loved me, wanted to be with me, but could not see himself briging a baby into this world and having that world end 2 years later. But would I be willing to wait?!! I know i cant, but its hard to let him go. He was the first supposedly marriage minded man i had met in probably 10 years. i keep holding on to the beginning. how perfect he was. Now, if I try to back away, he senses it, calls me, texts me, loves me, but when we talk its all about this doomsday prediction. You think its a front? He said, you have no idea how horrible this world will become. You will wish you were dead. So depressing! What man would say this to a woman unless he wanted to drive her away? I asked him if it has to do with someone new and he said no. If i wanted to leave you i would say im done. ive done it millions of time before. He keeps saying you dont get it, i want you to believe, but you are making it all about you and our relationship. Its so hard to let go. I know I must. But I know I will be in shambles because that beautiful dream i once had of my prince charming is over. Please help.
Lost&Found Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 He sounds like a looney. Leave him before he gets you involved in some kind of "End of the World" cult thing.
sally4sara Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Manic: "Everything is wonderful! You're wonderful; lets get married and have babies!" Depressive: "I'm so tired; whats the point? The world is going to $4!t and will end soon anyway."
Author kittenmittens23 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Thanks for responding. It feels almost like im stuck in a nightmare. It hurts to know that he is trying to hang on to me by saying the things i want to hear, and using religion as a basis to stop/delay the relationship from growing. so different from who i met
littlebittle Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Whatever happens, don't have a baby with this dude.
TaraMaiden Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Does the term MANipulative mean anything to you? This isn't love, this is control. he's bullying you by controlling your emotions...just like a fisherman plays a marlin...out....back in....out again......in.......until he lands the fish, exhausted, and clubs it to death. He'll "club you to death" by exhausting every emotional fibre in your body. Then, he'll have you right where he wants you.
NopeNah Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Whatever happens, don't have a baby with this dude. Don't drink the "kool aid" either
Author kittenmittens23 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 oh god...does anyone believe he is making this up? I must sound like i am incapable of seeing the writing on the wall, but I honestly feel confused. I've been having hot flashes everytime I speak to him and im only 30! He seems to still want to buy another house --to be closer to his kids he says. He still works, he acts like a normal guy. When i ask him if he tells other people what he tells me about the world ending, he says yes, (family, older son) and that they are looking into it. Could it be he just wants to torture me and this is all an act? If there is someone who has ever experienced this, please let me know. I cant believe it. and I will never read that stuff he tells me to read. He thinks he is going to heaven and he feels sorry for his family who will stay here and suffer. oh god.
JamesM Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I am very familiar with Brother Camping and his teachings. Some are very good, while others are taken from bad interpretation. Back in 1994 when Camping first predicted that the world would end (Yes, you read that right), I too thought he had some great insight. However, as is now obvious, he did not. He wrote a book then, too.... http://www.amazon.com/1994-Harold-Camping/dp/0533103681/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1257889658&sr=1-2 Camping began preaching that perhaps it was really in 1995, but alas, it was not so. So, he changed his interpretation to show that 1994 meant something else. And now the world will end in 2011. I cannot argue that one day the world WILL end. I remember well when I was 21 years of age having this discussion with a good friend, and we were cautioned by an older gentlemen who said that we were better off preparing for our own death than for the end of the world. And so he was right. My friend died in an accident just a few months later. So it is now. We should always live as if today is our last day, and not be worrying about when the world's last day is. While it is not wrong per se to study eschatology, it is wrong to act as if a certain day has been revealed...when in fact, the Bible is very clear that "no man knows the day or the hour" of God's Second Coming. Yes, Camping has an explanation for THAT verse, too. I highly doubt that anything you say will change his mind, but if he could at least live each day to its fullest and not do anything ridiculous like running up credit cards and bringing on big debts. I don't think the Bible says that Christians should not have children or plan for the future. But my guess is that until the day after, he will not be doing anything beyond about eighteen months from now. He said, you have no idea how horrible this world will become. You will wish you were dead. So depressing! What man would say this to a woman unless he wanted to drive her away? Oddly enough, the Bible is clear that if the world is ending in 2011, then the horrible times are upon us already. My guess is that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his conviction that Brother Camping is correct. My guess is that you have heard plenty of the Open Forum and Family Radio, yes? Again, I don't knock the idea that the world will end, but I do not think that Harold Camping's interpretation is correct. There is no way that you can convince Dave until the day after the world ended. This may be one time when you will simply have to move on.
Author kittenmittens23 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Thank you, I have read up on a few things about 1994, etc and can never understand why he did not show this side of himself in the beginning. I think we just exchanged our last phone call and i was left in tears. i told him i know its so he can be with someone else and he got livid saying thats not the case. at the same time, he has no problem letting me go becuase he says its obvious im not happy and never will be with him. i feel so weak, 30 year old crying over someone who doesnt give a crap. What hurts is to know that the only way to be with him is to say ok i dont want a family. and i believe the world will end. and if i did that, 2011 will pass, he will come up with another excuse or probably kill me in my sleep to 'save me'. i just wish i knew if it was just a lie so he can be free of commitment from me. im sorry im yammering on--i am just sick to my stomach...
Author kittenmittens23 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 OK, I changed my number and deleted him off my phone. I am starting to see it from another angle. I hope this feeling stays with me. Even if I cry, i would never consider him someone I want to be with again.
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