hopefullove Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Hey Guys, So for the last, mmmm year of my life, i've been obsessing over my ex, things of what is and what could have been, and what i've done and etc etc... i would cry everywhere, anytime, all the time, and i was so full of sadness, and being that we kept in touch via from time to time, well, when he wanted to, (everything was always on his terms), didn't really allow me to move on. I saw him for the last time 2 months ago, for what I thought was a rekindling, i still had so much hope, that we could spend our lives together. and when he just ignored me a few weeks after, after my emails and call, and i was so sad and sad then i was mad and mad... and now i am... ok. I got a hair cut, and colour, i'm starting to go to the gym, im taking time to cook, and to look on the bright side of things, like, im single, i can do and go wherever i want, i'm young, nothing is tying me down, i moved to a new city to get my mind off things, and i'm loving it, everything seems to be working out outside of our relationship. i can be happy, and i think allowing myself to be happy really helped. I read it on someone else's post, about how letting go of hope is kind of the big step in moving on... i've always held on to it, thinking that we were better, i really romanticized our relationship, and I think that was the problem, the whole "love conquers all"... but then you have to be realistic, it's not love when he's ignoring me, and i stopped making excuses like "oh, he's sensitive, he needs time to think, he's having a bad time"... I'm feeling better and better every day. I mean for now, yesterday I did a stupid thing and read some old emails he wrote when he loved me the most. and i cried a bit. but, it's in the past. we have to make the best of our future... I'm getting better everyday, i hope you guys are coping better too, it will get better, i held on and waited for over a year. i feel kinda, liberated.
GrayClouds Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I got a hair cut, and colour, i'm starting to go to the gym, im taking time to cook, and to look on the bright side of things, like, im single, i can do and go wherever i want, i'm young, nothing is tying me down, i moved to a new city to get my mind off things, and i'm loving it, everything seems to be working out outside of our relationship. i can be happy, and i think allowing myself to be happy really helped. Your the poster child of doing things the right way.
NightBirdSong Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Hey HopeFullLove, I am totally with you. I am happy to hear you are doing well and thank you for sharing how you are dealing with your issue. I love the change to your hair and the working out. I too have discovered that working out helps majorly with the change to your body, change in energy, how you feel and relieving stress while pushing away the thoughts of what we feel about the (love) matter trying to eat us alive. I am somewhat going through the same thing.... I wrote a tread on it called: "This could be a movie." Check it out when you have a chance, I think it will make you feel a lot better about your situation when you see how mine is! LOL! GrayClouds respond to me too and gave some great advise. Seeing your post has helped me too. Just delete those emails! Or if you are super sentimental like me, print them and put them away where they are hard to get. I cannot bring myself to destroy the old photos of me and my 1st love, I think part of it has to do with the innocent romatic aspect of it, keep in mind, I never got to even KISS this 1st love of mine, let alone sleep with him....but the photos are put away and hard to get to. I guess we have to just look to keeping ourselves happy and not dwell on the past or what could have been... which is the REALLY HARD PART for me, what could have been. But I find delight in keeping the happy memories of my 1st love and I in my heart like a special secret that no one can ever take from me and I have to find peace and contentment in that and that only when it comes to this issue. I wish you the best and thanks again for your post.
Author hopefullove Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 hey nightbird, i read your post. and. omg. that is insane. your once bff totally single-white-femaled your life eh. and, no offense but what kind of friend would do that, and you need to just never look back at that. cause, like... you have a life, and it's hard to keep thinking and looking back at the what ifs... like if he felt as strongly about you, then he would have done something about it, i think. i think if a man wants you, he'll always do something about it, albeit a new relationship, or from someone you've known for a long time... when he thinks, ok i want her, he would do something, and he never did. i mean except to say, ohh cant see you get married...he made his choices yo... it's so easy to get caught up in a fantasy of what you think could have happened, i mean, how could you have loved him??? i think its a different kind of love when you actually have a real relationship with them other than a fantasy relationship, fantasy's are always perfect... anyway, i really like your advice on printing out emails, and then deleting them, that's really smart. I dont think i'm at that stage yet... i havent even deleted my albums of us on facebook, i mean i took them off all the profile ones, but i still have some pictures of us up... it's sad, i loved our good times together... this was my first love too, my first serious relationship... i met him when i was 24, so i'm 26 now... i mean even at 24, it was innocent... all of the emotions were new and raw, and i didn't really know how to filter them, i used to blame myself, like... oh why couldnt i have controlled my emotions but no. no damn it, if he really loved me, he would have stood by me, and tried to understand me... like everything felt different when being in love for the first time... everything is so new... and yeah, i'm sad that it had to end on such.... bad terms. but, i think, it's not ending with the person i love... so i shoudn't be that sad... like the person you loved once, is he the same guy? i dont think so. nor is the guy i fell in love with, i guess we're all different people now, and if you can grow together and love each other, that's what i want... i mean you have a family, we gotta just let go of the fantasy... i think that's the problem... thinking that our life is like a movie, and waiting for a happy ending... like, oh what if he shows up at my house one night with flowers and a boom box and stands outside... like so many times i thought, oh what if he did this, some dramatic gesture... and it never happens. not real.
AliveAndKicking Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 It sounds like you are kicking a$$ and taking names. Go ON with your awesome self! Thanks for sharing your strength, courage, and healing with us! Keep doing what you're doing cuz you know what? You're doing GREAT!!!
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