i was raped

[exotic_angel]

We have known each other for over seven years, he is dating my best friend, who I have known my whole life. One crazy drunken weekend 2 years ago he pulled me into a room and tried to rape me, while we were at a vacation house with our friends. I screamed and fought.. he held me down tightly onto a bed and slipped his hand between my legs. I cried and squirmed.. I eventually got away. Later that night he tried again, I told him I didn’t want to sternly but it didn’t matter.

 

We never talked about until one night when we were all at a party and he told me that he never told anyone about that night and that he still wants me. I didn’t make a scene because our mutual friends were there. I told him that it affected me terribly but I have put it all behind me and hoped to forget about that night and all his intentions.

 

Now, three nights ago he came over with my best friend and two of his friends. My BFF had to step out for 2 hours and she told him she would meet us back at my place. When she left he pulled me into a bathroom and tried to kiss me. I screamed and kicked him. His friends were on the patio seemingly unaware of what was happening.

 

He lifted me up and placed me ontop of the bathroom counter. I started to reason with him about my love for my best friend and the discomfort and pain this would bring.

He wasn’t bothered or moved.

He used his hands .. until I bled.. I cried and screamed but he only pushed harder. The more I fought the stronger he got.

 

I am trying to push this out of my head.. I can’t tell anyone because my closest friends are also his mutual closest friends. Not to mention my BFF.. I am afraid of the awkwardness that it would bring. And I just want to forget about it and pray that it never happens again. I feel sick and sad and the hardest part of is being normal around him now.. when my BFF came back to my place I faked a smile and tried to avoid him… whenever I went inside he followed me in and tried to interfere with me as much as he could.

 

I never thought that someone I trust and consider would hurt me like this, I remember telling him it’s just another p**** that it isn’t worth the consequence and he just kept saying that he wanted me. The sick thing is that he wanted me to kiss him and he kissed me all over.. I just didn’t fight anymore.. I cried and waited for it to be over. And for this reason I blame myself, I think about if I fought harder or screamed louder.. I can’t tell anyone because it is painfully and embarrassing to tell the people we both know.

 

What should I do? How do I deal with this without affecting anyone around me?

[JaggedRoad]

You should contact the authorities.

[Lizzie60]

Press charges...

[boldjack]

Stop being the victim. This is rape, call the cops.

[HeavenOrHell]

I don't understand why you let him in your house after what he did to you 2 years ago! I would have reported him back then and not let him anywhere near me since then.

Don't let him get away with it!

[Thebob]

call the cops?

 

Thebob

[Art_Critic]

You should go to the police.

[exotic_angel]

he is dating my best friend.

and we have mutual friends.. we see each other all the time.

what about the consequences of that.

i cant go through going to court and having to face our friends and famillies.

i'm not asking for pitty.. i'm just looking for solace.

[JaggedRoad]

he is dating my best friend.

and we have mutual friends.. we see each other all the time.

what about the consequences of that.

i cant go through going to court and having to face our friends and famillies.

i'm not asking for pitty.. i'm just looking for solace.

 

You did nothing wrong. Go to the police.

[Art_Critic]

Exotic_Angel.. the only answer is to go to the police..

They will also have the ability to direct you to the proper counselors and group meetings to help you with dealing with what you have gone thru.

 

As hard as it may be to do so you must go and file a report. you are a victim of rape and need help..

[flc]

he is dating my best friend.

and we have mutual friends.. we see each other all the time.

what about the consequences of that.

i cant go through going to court and having to face our friends and famillies.

i'm not asking for pitty.. i'm just looking for solace.

 

So you are willing to let your friend date him knowing what he did to you? You are a victim do not feel guilty about this in any way.

[HeavenOrHell]

You really need to tell your best friend that her bf is a rapist. He will do this to other women, he may even attack your friend, maybe he already has.

[stace79]

he is dating my best friend.

and we have mutual friends.. we see each other all the time.

what about the consequences of that.

i cant go through going to court and having to face our friends and famillies.

i'm not asking for pitty.. i'm just looking for solace.

 

Do you really want your best friend dating a rapist? What if they break up and he does it to her? What if he just starts getting violent with her period?

 

Second, YOU aren't the one bringing the consequences on him or your friends... HE did it. If you can't go to the police on your own, you should try googling victim's services or victim advocates in your area. You can talk to them confidentially and they will go with you if you decide to report. Don't let yet another scumbag get away with rape or abuse. He may have done it to your other friends. If you don't speak up for yourself, speak up for other women/girls he might abuse.

[GrayClouds]

he is dating my best friend.

If this person is your best friend you would want to protect her from a scumbag of this nature.

 

and we have mutual friends.. we see each other all the time.

what about the consequences of that.

i cant go through going to court and having to face our friends and famillies.

 

Question...How many time does he get to do this before those consequences are no longer important? 2 more times, 5 more times...the answer is once.

 

i'm not asking for pitty.. i'm just looking for solace.

 

Solace will happen when you realize your well being and self respect is more important then any friends.

[jlr]

You have to go to the Police.

 

And you need to tell your friend.

 

First off, if he's dating your best friend - you don't want your best friend dating a rapist, do you? And you can't keep hanging out with your best friend if this guy comes along too. A) That's not comfortable for you and B) It could happen again.

 

It's already happened twice.

 

This needs to stop. You're not helping anyone by not saying anything. Your friends need to know this guy has a problem. He needs to be punished for this.

 

Do you really think your friends are going to be upset with you for telling the truth? I doubt it. And if, by some crazy chance they are, you don't need people like this as friends.

 

Please go to the police.

 

You didn't deserve this, you have nothing to hide. This guy could do this to someone else. You can stop that from happening.

[JL911]

You need to stop this bastard....

 

You need to stop this so it will never happen to anyone again...GO TO THE POLICE...Your best friend is dating a rapist...a criminal...she might hate you for a second but someday she will thank you...

[PinkToes]

I am trying to push this out of my head.. I can’t tell anyone because my closest friends are also his mutual closest friends. Not to mention my BFF.. I am afraid of the awkwardness that it would bring. And I just want to forget about it and pray that it never happens again.

 

How do I deal with this without affecting anyone around me?

 

Trying to put it out of your head for fear of how other people might react would be the worst thing you could do if you hope to move on from this. Trying to forget without professional support will only bury the pain deeper in your head and heart, and believe me, it will come back to bite you at another time.

 

The only thing that matters is that you heal from this in a healthy way, and do whatever you can to keep it from happening again - to you or to someone else. Whatever potential awkwardness other people might feel pales in comparison to what you went through.

 

Andf I hope you know that none of this is your fault. Call the cops. They will walk you through the process. You need to do this for you, and for your friend. Wouldn't you want to know?

[HeavenOrHell]

Well said!

 

 

You have to go to the Police.

 

And you need to tell your friend.

 

First off, if he's dating your best friend - you don't want your best friend dating a rapist, do you? And you can't keep hanging out with your best friend if this guy comes along too. A) That's not comfortable for you and B) It could happen again.

 

It's already happened twice.

 

This needs to stop. You're not helping anyone by not saying anything. Your friends need to know this guy has a problem. He needs to be punished for this.

 

Do you really think your friends are going to be upset with you for telling the truth? I doubt it. And if, by some crazy chance they are, you don't need people like this as friends.

 

Please go to the police.

 

You didn't deserve this, you have nothing to hide. This guy could do this to someone else. You can stop that from happening.

[exotic_angel]

yesterday i was going to meet my friends for some drinks after work, then i heard that he was there and i came up wit a ridiculous excuses and din't go.

i have no solid evidence. when the police ask details.. suppose they don't believe me.

i know my best friend will believe me and she will probably hate him for it.

i'm ashamed about wen my family find out.

going through wit this wud be a long and emotionally painful experience... can i tell myself this was not rape.. we didn't have sex.

[JaggedRoad]

Rape is the commission of unlawful sexual intercourse or unlawful sexual intrusion. Rape laws in the United States have been revised over the years, and they vary from state to state.

 

Do not lie to yourself. Doing so will only make things worse for you in the long run. Contact the authorities immediately!

[dimeified]

I also agree, you must let the police know. You will save many other women from going through this in the future.

[Ariadne]

I just want to forget about it and pray that it never happens again...the hardest part of is being normal around him

What should I do? How do I deal with this without affecting anyone around me?

 

That is what keeps the flame going, your pretending everything is alright.

 

If I were you I'd tell everything to the bff and stay clear of that guy.

 

If she ever marries him, he'll cheat on her and most likely molest children.

[BigTenInchRecord]

If you really care about your best friend your only option is to come clean. You owe it to her, yourself, and any other girls this sicko might force himself on. It's not something that's easy to do, but suppressing the incident will be much worse for you.

 

Your a victim and this guy deserves to be punished. What he did is very serious, and it needs to stop. Plus, getting the proper support and help will only benefit your recovery.

[dashing daisy]

I am sorry you are going through this.

 

First, you need to know it's not your fault. You might not believe it yet, but you at least need to hear it. He did this, not you. He is the one to blame.

 

That being said, you can't just bury this and cope with it on your own. Trust me, even if you think you have ignored it and you can just put it aside...it's a trauma and it will come back. You can't pretend it didn't happen, and you can't pretend it was something other than what it was. Have you been able to seek counseling? You can also call the RAINN hotline, or go to their website where you can talk to someone if calling seems too big. (I'm not sure if we are allowed to post numbers or anything, but if you search RAINN on the internet you'll find it.)

 

I think the police thing has been addressed already, so I won't go too far into it. I am most concerned with your safety, both emotionally and physically. I don't want him to be able to hurt you again, and it just seems like his behavior is escalating. I know you are scared but I think you need to tell your friend. If the situation were reversed, and your boyfriend had done something so awful to your best friend, what would you want her to do? It's going to be hard to tell her, and it's going to be hard for her to hear, but not telling her is hurting both of you far more than telling her would.

 

Okay, I have tried for this to make sense but I'm sorry if some of it came out wrong. Take care of yourself.

[kickintheaz]

yesterday i was going to meet my friends for some drinks after work, then i heard that he was there and i came up wit a ridiculous excuses and din't go.

i have no solid evidence. when the police ask details.. suppose they don't believe me.

i know my best friend will believe me and she will probably hate him for it.

i'm ashamed about wen my family find out.

going through wit this wud be a long and emotionally painful experience... can i tell myself this was not rape.. we didn't have sex.

 

 

 

the police will investigate, dates times etc.. they are not there to believe/disbelieve they are there to GATHER the facts and those facts will be what go against this guy, this behaviour may not be limited to you remember that and in the cases of most of these monsters there will be other victims thinking the exact same as you.

 

and no, this wasn't sex, he quite clearly physically hurt you and you had said 'no'. This was rape, plain and simple.

 

As everyother poster has said you need to seek the help you need to come to terms with this emotionally/mentally. You will not 'get over this'. plain and simple. this type of crime is far too serious to ignore and yes it wud be a long and emotionally painful experience... but if you do not talk to someone about this then your life is going to one long and emotionally painful experience and you will never ever close this chapter of your life.

 

you need to do this for you, not your friends, by all means tell the girl he is with and if she is a true friend she will goto the authorities with you.

 

And Do not feel ashamed, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.. Your family will support you, tell them. Tell them TODAY. Do not let this go on any longer for you.