Have any of you found your young son looking at Porn? What did you do?

[tahoebuffy]

its fine if they discover this on their own but not by their parents which is incredibly disgusting and borderline incestuous

 

Incestuous?? OMG are you kidding me? Incest is engaging in sexual acts with a relative, not trying make sure your sons tastes are normal instead of letting him develop some weird desires by scouring the freakish internet sites on his own. Why do so many American parents seem so terrified of teacing their children about sex? Its crazy. You think its healthier for them to just "learn it on their own", and you know what I call that?? Irresponsible parenting. You have WAAAY too much fear in your heart, and way too much judgment on you mind. Dangerous combination for parenting.

[Angel1111]

Why do so many American parents seem so terrified of teacing their children about sex? Its crazy. You think its healthier for them to just "learn it on their own", and you know what I call that?? Irresponsible parenting. You have WAAAY too much fear in your heart, and way too much judgment on you mind. Dangerous combination for parenting.

 

I think a lot of them don't even want their kids to learn it on their own. I think they hope the whole subject just goes away. Yeah, right. Should we teach our children to be responsible about sex? Absolutely. But as I said before, sex is one of the most natural (and beautiful) things we can do. It's when people supress it and treat it like it's something bad that you get all the twisted attitudes about it. The Victorian age is a prime example of this.

[tahoebuffy]

 

I think a lot of them don't even want their kids to learn it on their own. I think they hope the whole subject just goes away. Yeah, right. Should we teach our children to be responsible about sex? Absolutely. But as I said before, sex is one of the most natural (and beautiful) things we can do. It's when people supress it and treat it like it's something bad that you get all the twisted attitudes about it. The Victorian age is a prime example of this.

 

I agree with you Angel. Teenage kids are curious about sex, thats the way it is, has always been, and will always be. There aint no gettin around it. People that expect abstinence will only get kids that are secretive and lie to you, or develop sexual issues. All you can do is accept the naturalness of it and do what you can to insure your children are as well adjusted as possilbe. There have been scientific studies that prove that societies with rampant sexual repression are the very ones that develop strange and bizarre fetishes and obsessions and people all messed up about sex. So sad. I wouldnt let my kids learn about sex on their own just like I wouldnt let them learn about driving on their own, or money managment, or how to cook for themselves, or washing their clothes, the list goes on and on.

[Norman Bates]

i don't care what stats say, the people supporting it are probably sick individuals themselves

 

Wow, thats one of the most ignorant things I have read on the internet.

[MissJoness]

 

I agree with you Angel. Teenage kids are curious about sex, thats the way it is, has always been, and will always be. There aint no gettin around it. People that expect abstinence will only get kids that are secretive and lie to you, or develop sexual issues. All you can do is accept the naturalness of it and do what you can to insure your children are as well adjusted as possilbe. There have been scientific studies that prove that societies with rampant sexual repression are the very ones that develop strange and bizarre fetishes and obsessions and people all messed up about sex. So sad. I wouldnt let my kids learn about sex on their own just like I wouldnt let them learn about driving on their own, or money managment, or how to cook for themselves, or washing their clothes, the list goes on and on.

 

There are millions and millions of people who learn about sex on their own and turn out just fine. so what do you have to say about that?

 

My mother never had the talk with me. And if she did it wouldn't even matter because I was so unattractive to boys at that age that I really didn't even need a sex talk because no one wanted to date me anyway

[Sharla]

I would probably prefer it if my husband talked to my son about it, I think for a boy, having the mother do it might make it awkward for them. I think there needs to be very defined roles in that regard. For instance, husband should be the disciplinary where mother should be the caregiver.

 

If you are a single mother, that's tough. I'd probably want to consult a professional first before discussing it with my son. If I had to make a judgment call, I would probably not make a big deal out of it and casually mention it to him and see what he says. Whatever you do, you don't want to make your son feel guilty over it or that its "wrong".

[Angel1111]

I would probably prefer it if my husband talked to my son about it, I think for a boy, having the mother do it might make it awkward for them. I think there needs to be very defined roles in that regard. For instance, husband should be the disciplinary where mother should be the caregiver.

 

If you are a single mother, that's tough. I'd probably want to consult a professional first before discussing it with my son. If I had to make a judgment call, I would probably not make a big deal out of it and casually mention it to him and see what he says. Whatever you do, you don't want to make your son feel guilty over it or that its "wrong".

 

Well, I think it's a little naive to think that the mother shouldn't discipline. I'm not sure how on earth she could avoid it. Besides, why do you want the dad looking like the bad guy? And do you want your kid to think he can walk all over you? I agree, though, that there should be a male figure to talk to a boy about sex. If the dad's not around, then an uncle should do it. My ex talked to our son about sex. I never did, except once when he brought something up.

[sally4sara]

Yes, because women being left out of their male childrens' sexual education has had such wonderful results in history.....

[Sharla]

Well, I think it's a little naive to think that the mother shouldn't discipline. I'm not sure how on earth she could avoid it. Besides, why do you want the dad looking like the bad guy? And do you want your kid to think he can walk all over you? I agree, though, that there should be a male figure to talk to a boy about sex. If the dad's not around, then an uncle should do it. My ex talked to our son about sex. I never did, except once when he brought something up.

 

Of course the mother will at times have to discipline the child, I realize it's unavoidable. However, I do think the main disciplinary should be the father. I think when parents start to cross over roles, it can confuse the child.

 

Daddy will only look like the bad guy, if he disciplines the child unfairly and/or is cruel. My brother-in-law is the main disciplinary, and his children adore him. And that's not to say, you can plan or anticipate how children will turn out to be, because one never knows.

[AkashaRose]

I haven't had children yet...but if I caught my son, I think I'd pull in my husband and son and we'd all look at it to embarrass the heck out of him.

 

Me to the husband: I remember doing that!!! Don't you hun???

[hurting_in_nw]

If you are telling your son it's normal and OK for him to explore this stuff and masturbate, why on earth are you subjecting him to religious teachings that are telling him otherwise? Are you intentionally trying to confuse the crap out of him and screw him up permanently?

[FryFish]

and i've seen playboy and seen photos of some of the women with their legs spread wide open

 

My opinion, if the kid has an uncle its his job to make dirty magazines accessible and the parents job to turn a blind eye. Then the parents arent actually "condoning" it but they aren't making him feel like a disgusting little pervert either.

 

ALL boys who have gone through puberty will look at porn and masturbate. Not all of them hate themselves for it. Just those with mothers like MissJones.

 

If you think broaching the subject with him is awkward then you need to give him more privacy... Because you cant imagine how awkward it will feel when you "catch him" in the act... And Akasha... that might embarrass him but its NOT going to stop him.

Edited January 27, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Green]

From a young age with the internet I had acess to pretty much any porn I was curious about. And I looked at some bad stuff. But in the end I grew up just fine.

 

I actualy don't know of a guy who hasn't looked at porn.

 

The advice I gave my little brother is have fun when your young and try not to think about sex. Porn could just end up making you perverted so try not to look at it.

 

I think the way society looks at women and non-pornographic shows on tv could do far greater dammage to a young man or boy.

[thegoodlife]

As a female, I first viewed and was extreeeemely interested in porn starting around age 13. Looking back, I'm sure my parents knew I was watching it, but they never said anything to me or seemed to have a problem with it. I wasn't allowed completely unsupervised or unmonitored internet/satellite tv time so it's not like they were giving me free reign to view whatever, I'm sure if they knew I was watching something too distasteful or viewing too often they would have put a stop to it, but it never came to that.

 

So I think when I have children it will be the same. Obviously up until a certain age I will make sure there are blocks to those types of channels and sites. But eventually when those teenage years hit I will let them look and explore, while still monitoring what is being viewed and so on.

[troggleputty]

1. Get the young lads plenty of tissues and hand lotion.

 

2. Get the young lads locks for their bedroom doors and tell them to use the locks when they want "privacy."

 

3. Never barge in on your son(s) without tromping around very loudly, making lots of noise, knocking first...and then waiting.

 

By the way MissJones if you deprive the lads of playboy and penthouse they will focus their masturbatory fantasies on whatever female happens to be most accessible, and unfortunately that means yourself.

 

Yes your son is probably wanking it to incestuous fantasies with his momma.

 

Fancy that.

 

By the way you might want to keep tabs on your dirty laundry, the young 'uns sometimes like to whack off into lady's dirty undies.

[sally4sara]

Order something from Victoria's Secret.

You will get two catalogs a week forever. Perfect beginner porn without giving them free reign on the intarwebs where they will find chicks with horses and folks weeing on each other.

 

And the sex talk.... It doesn't matter the gender; it is always an awkward talk. My son asked where babies come from in 1st grade. I told him the basic rundown. About age 9 he was all, yeah they come out of their mother but how did they get there to begin with?

 

The intarwebs were good for that too. Found some excellent diagrams and explained it as we looked at them. It wasn't so bad. But then, I don't implant my sexuality, or what I find taboo or titillating onto my kid. I went the pure science route because he likes science and he was 9 years old. Least awkward explanation I've ever heard of. Plus it allowed him to let the info soak in and he was able to bring other questions about it as they occurred to him rather than getting way too much at once.

He is 12 now.

 

It could be worse. I've known the what the act of sex was since age three, and found my uncle's girly mags at age 4. Read the Kama Sutra at age 8, but spent a handful of years there after not knowing that sex made babies. THAT could've been disastrous!

[MichelleZB]

The internet can actually be a great sex educations playground for teenagers. A site like Scarleteen.com can be good for the younger teenagers.

[ADF]

Tell him not to feel guilty about it, then never bring it up again. The fact is, all men look at porn. All men. What Kisney said about men who masturbate--90% do, and the other 10% are liars--is equally true of porn.

 

That said, he needs to understand looking at porn openly in the presence of (most) women is disrespectful. There is only one way to handle the dilemma. He needs to pretend not to look at porn out of respect for (most) women's feelings, and they in turn need to pretend they believe he doesn't look at porn out of respect for his.

[Els]

Omg, I can't believe some of the responses in this thread.

 

Yes, all men look at porn. So do most women. All men want sex as well, and so do most women.

 

But 12-year-old boys are not MEN. They're underage boys! To those of you saying its okay - if you caught your 12-year-old daughter making out with a boy and they had condoms... Would you tell them 'Oh, all men/women have sex, so as long as it's safe and consensual, have at it!', or would you drag them to their room and have a long talk with them?