leap83 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I thought I'd start a thread that would hopefully help some people out there. This is a thread for those who implemented NC and are trying to move on as well as those who are close to complete healing. So, what are YOU doing to make YOUR life around YOU (and not your ex)? (ie. activities) How are YOU improving YOURSELF? This is NOT a thread about your ex - they're an ex for a reason. But a thread about YOU. You can tell us about your resolutions, ideas, activities - as long as YOU stick by them and do them (so no laziness ). So, I'll start: Today I went for a run in the morning for half an hour. I'm going to make this my daily routine. I won't miss it even if it starts snowing. I also started a blog - I'm traveling for a year next year and want to blog about it. Take it one day at a time.
Author leap83 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Oh yes! And yesterday I joined the "Toronto Humane Society". I'm pondering of adopting a dog for Christmas or donating some money. I never knew there were so many cats up for adoption!!!! What is wrong with people these days?!
caramel c Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I started cooking & baking more. This week I am making a butternut squash bread (delicious) and I will make a cinnamon honey butter to accompany it. Also, I joined a charity group and have been attending various events with them. Soon, I will get a chance to help Iraqi refugees who have been moving into my area. They will need clothes, bedding, food, and rides to work & church & to the doctor. Some of them will need translators. I can't wait!!
Ilovecake Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Lets see. I quit smoking cigarettes, second time. It's been 6 weeks. I actually quit for a year and a half and then started up again when I was hit with a lot of stress. I of course gained weight from quitting so now I'm trying to work on my bod and health. I bought a sewing machine and am learning to sew. (I know, dorky, but I'm an old lady and need an old lady hobby) I made a bunch of new friends and reconnected with some old ones. I'm going out more and just enjoying being amongst people. Also the compliments I get from men I have not seen in a while are really helping the wounded ego. I'm reading a lot and just catching up on me time. None of the things I mentioned above have been done consciously to help me heal, they were just part of every day life but somehow worked wonders on my self esteem and getting over the ex. P.S. Good thread
jv032889 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I've done so much on the last 6 months. I'm going back to college. I've made new friends, reconnected with my family. I volunteer, read more. I sometimes feel as if I've been given a 2nd chance.
GrayClouds Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Lets see. I quit smoking cigarettes, second time. It's been 6 weeks. I actually quit for a year and a half and then started up again when I was hit with a lot of stress. I of course gained weight from quitting so now I'm trying to work on my bod and health. I bought a sewing machine and am learning to sew. (I know, dorky, but I'm an old lady and need an old lady hobby) I made a bunch of new friends and reconnected with some old ones. I'm going out more and just enjoying being amongst people. Also the compliments I get from men I have not seen in a while are really helping the wounded ego. I'm reading a lot and just catching up on me time. None of the things I mentioned above have been done consciously to help me heal, they were just part of every day life but somehow worked wonders on my self esteem and getting over the ex. P.S. Good thread We all can learn for you. Keeping busy is not just about preoccupying your time so you don't think about the EX. It does that but the real benefit is that it helps you find yourself, thank you ilovecake for illustrating that so well. For those who are new and or struggling this is why you need to focus on yourself, try new things, get exercise, eat well, journal,read, counseling, friends and family, ect. If you focus on the pain you will find more pain, if you push yourself to focus on yourself you will find a better you.
caramel c Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Gray Clouds you quoted me in your signature! lol, I love it.
Author leap83 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 We all can learn for you. Keeping busy is not just about preoccupying your time so you don't think about the EX. It does that but the real benefit is that it helps you find yourself, thank you ilovecake for illustrating that so well. For those who are new and or struggling this is why you need to focus on yourself, try new things, get exercise, eat well, journal,read, counseling, friends and family, ect. If you focus on the pain you will find more pain, if you push yourself to focus on yourself you will find a better you. What have you done to stop thinking/over-analyzing/focusing on pain?
WTRanger Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 What have you done to stop thinking/over-analyzing/focusing on pain? I've become more aware when I start to think about her, then I immediately shift my thoughts elsewhere. It takes some practice, but once you realize how much you are actually thinking about someone you can easily shift your thoughts to other things on your mental list. It also helps to just accept that things happened because that's the way they were supposed to happen. Nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome any different and if you could change it, what is it say the outcome wouldn't be 100 times as worse? We all tend to think that if we could have just done one thing different, things would have worked for the best. BS! We don't know that. But we want to feel that way, because our brain loves to put us in misery.
Author leap83 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 I've become more aware when I start to think about her, then I immediately shift my thoughts elsewhere. It takes some practice, but once you realize how much you are actually thinking about someone you can easily shift your thoughts to other things on your mental list. It also helps to just accept that things happened because that's the way they were supposed to happen. Nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome any different and if you could change it, what is it say the outcome wouldn't be 100 times as worse? We all tend to think that if we could have just done one thing different, things would have worked for the best. BS! We don't know that. But we want to feel that way, because our brain loves to put us in misery. There is actually a good book out there about keeping busy and focusing on other things - by Dale Carnegie "How to stop worrying and start living". It makes some good points and teaches some good lessons which can be applied to getting rid of "ex" thoughts. I already know how to do this, but I was just wondering what has GrayClouds done in terms of activities to help him cope. I think most people have the "feeling lonely" problem. The fear of being completely alone right now and not having anyone. Some people become so dependent on their significant others that once they're gone, they don't know what to do/how to resume living. Some of them get stuck in the past, others find productive ways to rise above the issues at hand. But getting out there and meeting new people, doing new activities is the most important part of healing in my opinion. You can't do everything alone.
GrayClouds Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 What have you done to stop thinking/over-analyzing/focusing on pain? exercise: Less 25 lbs learning to cook: only cut myself a few times! and new dog: unintentionally exercise program second job: meet some new people LS: making few new friends and piss a few others off Learn a new language: Cockney slang
GrayClouds Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Gray Clouds you quoted me in your signature! lol, I love it. Have not seen you in a while, how are u? I may not be steel yet but I am better then tin foil which beats gravy.
Confused728 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 im trying to learn how read shakespeare, i bought hamlet... sparks edition that on the oposite page shows what they are sayin in todays english... if anyone has tips on how to read shakespeare please let me know!
Author leap83 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 im trying to learn how read shakespeare, i bought hamlet... sparks edition that on the oposite page shows what they are sayin in todays english... if anyone has tips on how to read shakespeare please let me know! Funny thing is... I never had problems reading Shakespeare in old English. When I moved to Canada, I knew how to read and write English but I definitively didn't have such a high vocabulary as I have today. First book I've read was "Romeo and Juliet" in old English. I even remember analyzing it and presenting it and my teacher moved me to academic English because ESL was "not my fit." LOL I don't have any tips really, except that you have to read it as it is. Try to get into it. It's quite easy to sense what the characters are going through. Yeah - you might not understand all of the words but in context of a sentence it's easier to understand. Try using sparknotes to guide you through the book if it's too difficult.
Author leap83 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 So, for years, I had this fear of water and I never knew how to properly swim. I never put my head under water or even tried to, until I HAD to take a class this semester - a swimming class. Now, my professor, she is a tough cookie. I let her know ahead of time that unless she forces me somehow to get in the water, I won't get in. LOL. So, the first class, she worked me - I almost died (literally). Third class she threatened she was going to fail me if I don't put my head under water while swimming front crawl. LOL. I got scared. And she constantly followed me around from the deck and kept yelling "Leap, kick... kick... kick...kick.... breathe!!!!!!!!" LOL I'm happy to say that I have managed to learn how to properly swim a breaststroke, elementary swim, scissor swim and I got the technique down for front and back crowl (they're still my worst but I'm better at it now) AND that I'm able to put my head under water for a VERY long time and swim. And today for some odd reason the water seemed so great, so perfectly blue, so warm and suiting... I have never, EVER felt like that in water. I swam 45 lengths in 45 minutes (compare that to a bare of 6 when I started the class). Today she told me "Leap... You have improved A LOT! A LOT!" and smiled at me. Wow... I feel on cloud nine. Resolution: I'm taking scuba diving next semester and if I can fit in swimming into my schedule, I will go for a rec swim next semester at least once a week.
Author leap83 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 exercise: Less 25 lbs learning to cook: only cut myself a few times! and new dog: unintentionally exercise program second job: meet some new people LS: making few new friends and piss a few others off Learn a new language: Cockney slang You're learning how to cook? What are you cooking? I tend to burn the kitchen down . I know the basics but I'm no Rachel Ray. LOL. Have any easy recipes for me? New dog? What kind? And what is cockney slang? Never heard of it. I guess caramel could possibly give me some easy recipes too since she's started to cook and bake more.
caramel c Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Have not seen you in a while, how are u? I may not be steel yet but I am better then tin foil which beats gravy. I've been doing alright, just hangin in there. Thats good to hear. See now you are here giving good advice to others.
GrayClouds Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I've been doing alright, just hangin in there. Thats good to hear. See now you are here giving good advice to others. Those who can not do, teach! (no offense to any teachers out there:cool:)
mickleb Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 im trying to learn how read shakespeare, i bought hamlet... sparks edition that on the oposite page shows what they are sayin in todays english... if anyone has tips on how to read shakespeare please let me know! If you get stuck, watch the scene you've just read on a film-version. These animations are good for getting the gist of the plot (once you've got that, you sweat it a little less and enjoy it a little more!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XZ091CEgNU You're learning how to cook? What are you cooking? I tend to burn the kitchen down . I know the basics but I'm no Rachel Ray. LOL. Have any easy recipes for me? New dog? What kind? And what is cockney slang? Never heard of it. I guess caramel could possibly give me some easy recipes too since she's started to cook and bake more. caramel started a great baking thread about a month ago(?) I was hoping more people would shove their recipes on it. My curry's up there. (And it's a bloody good 'un.) Cockney is a language spoken in East Africa. There are concerns it may become an 'dead language', such as Old Tupi. Those who can not do, teach! (no offense to any teachers out there:cool:) Christ! I teach all subjects, does that make me sh*t at everything??? MY self-improvement has consisted solely of eating a lot of curry. x
caramel c Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 You're learning how to cook? What are you cooking? I tend to burn the kitchen down . I know the basics but I'm no Rachel Ray. LOL. Have any easy recipes for me? New dog? What kind? And what is cockney slang? Never heard of it. I guess caramel could possibly give me some easy recipes too since she's started to cook and bake more. Sure! Are you looking for anything in particular? I am going to make my most requested butternut squash bread & banana bread for this weekend. mmmm
Recommended Posts