FeelingLonely98 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 (edited) ~Forgiveness~ To _ _ _ _ _ : Though I am still in pain, though I still ache in my heart, and though I will never forget what you did to me … know that I forgive you. You were insecure and in need of something and you ran. Your problems are following you. Your problems could have been eased if you had stayed - but you ran. When your A ends you will find your "problems" are still everywhere in your life. I was not the problem. Your running has hurt not just me but has deeply hurt many others, dozens perhaps. These people are also very worried about you, as am I. I miss you sometimes, not all the time anymore. And I hate that my feelings are changing like that. But I cannot control them. Every day that goes by my thoughts of you melt away a little more to help ease this pain. I’m learning new things (good things) about myself – I thought I knew everything about me! For this I thank you. Though I’m learning to exist without you, I still at times think I will see you in the kitchen or bedroom as I walk through our house. I cannot tell you how many times I reached for your hand in bed to hold your hand as we slept, like we had done 1000s of times. Is it a dream? You’re not there!!! My hand is empty… I stop trying to figure out how all this could have happened. Every piece of the puzzle I find makes me understand it all the less. All it does is assure me that your running has less to do with me than I initially thought. You + I = One. That’s how it used to be. You + I used to always equal US or WE. (or nosotros, like we say in South Florida!) …No more… Now You + I = You + I I love and forgive you _ _ _ _ _ , even if your love is gone, even if there is no longer a “we” or “us”, even though you are gone. I forgive you for everything. Goodbye With Love, FL98 ( _ _ _ _ ) ~Forgiveness~ Edited November 10, 2009 by FeelingLonely98
imagine Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Sorry pal too soppy. Why don't you thank her for the times that you had. You need to break away to regain your sanity. Inform her that you remember her kindly. Don't talk too much. Then stay away. Let the letter plant a seed.
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Sorry pal too soppy. Why don't you thank her for the times that you had. You need to break away to regain your sanity. Inform her that you remember her kindly. Don't talk too much. Then stay away. Let the letter plant a seed. I plan to have no more contact with her after this. The main point of this is to tell her I forgive her. I had a spiritual moment whereby I realized I needed to forgive her and then let her go. Not intended to "win her back". This letter will never be given to her. We have a final "business" meeting tonight to sign a few last D papers. Then I will tell her I forgive her, I wish her well, ... AND I will remember her kindly. (I like that, thanks!)
sumdude Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 (edited) I plan to have no more contact with her after this. The main point of this is to tell her I forgive her. I had a spiritual moment whereby I realized I needed to forgive her and then let her go. Not intended to "win her back". This letter will never be given to her. We have a final "business" meeting tonight to sign a few last D papers. Then I will tell her I forgive her, I wish her well, ... AND I will remember her kindly. (I like that, thanks!) Think twice about this.. i mean it. If you choose to forgive her you do it for yourself.. not for her. Ask yourself what your real motivation is by saying it to her look deep. You're still attached to her and part of you still hopes. Telling her this now almost gives her permission for what she's done and is doing. Believe me I know what you mean by what you're doing. My last meeting with my ex I did something similar, I didn't exactly forgive her but in a way I wished her well and let her last memory of me as a good one. Fact is though? She lied to my face that day too... Pearls before swine really.. http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cast_pearls_before_swine Edited November 10, 2009 by sumdude
TaraMaiden Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Looking at your thread history, you posted more than one a day, at one point - it strikes me thast she may find this highly patronising.... to tell someone you forgive them is actually only going to rile them even more..... I really wouldn't even go there. Just be professional, be dignified and rise above it. A closed mouth gathers no foot. Sure as eggs is eggs, you'll regret doing it, a whole lot more than you'll regret NOT doing it, in future.
floridapad Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 FL98 These people know of what they say. I know where you are coming from with the spiritual thing. I did the same exact thing when I came back and I realized it was way too early to let her know I forgave her even if I truly did inside. Don't tell her this. Perhaps down the road but certainly not now. Definately not while she continues to do what she does.
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Think twice about this.. Telling her this now almost gives her permission for what she's done and is doing. to tell someone you forgive them is actually only going to rile them even more..... I really wouldn't even go there. Just be professional, be dignified and rise above it. A closed mouth gathers no foot. Sure as eggs is eggs, you'll regret doing it, a whole lot more than you'll regret NOT doing it, in future. I hear you both. TY. Maybe I will just forgive her in my heart. I wanted to and needed to do this FOR ME. I can always tell her in person months from now if I still "need" to do this. Or mail her a card. I mostly posted this for the cathartic reasons. I was thinking it - wrote it up and instead of sending it to her, I posted it... make sense? probably not. I'm not REALLY sensible these days.
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 FL98 These people know of what they say. I know where you are coming from with the spiritual thing. I did the same exact thing when I came back and I realized it was way too early to let her know I forgave her even if I truly did inside. Don't tell her this. Perhaps down the road but certainly not now. Definately not while she continues to do what she does. OK, I hear you ... I'll keep it in my heart. for now. Thanks fp.
sumdude Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I hear you both. TY. Maybe I will just forgive her in my heart. I wanted to and needed to do this FOR ME. I can always tell her in person months from now if I still "need" to do this. Or mail her a card. I mostly posted this for the cathartic reasons. I was thinking it - wrote it up and instead of sending it to her, I posted it... make sense? probably not. I'm not REALLY sensible these days. Makes total sense, better here than e mail or to her directly. There was a thread going in the Coping section where people would post letters to their exes rather than sending them. The danger of e-mail is that it's so damn quick and easy to hit send then regret it later. There's a couple I wish I had never sent.. Back in the day of postage you would have to write it, address it, stamp it and put it in the mailbox. Usually somewhere in the middle you realize you don't want it sent.
HarmonyHope Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 OK, I hear you ... I'll keep it in my heart. for now. Thanks fp. Is she even asking for your forgiveness? If not, it's probably not a gift she'll put much value on anyway. Her failure to react to it will likely just hurt you more. I'd keep those sentiments to yourself.
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Is she even asking for your forgiveness? If not, it's probably not a gift she'll put much value on anyway. Her failure to react to it will likely just hurt you more. I'd keep those sentiments to yourself. WOW - Excellent point. Maybe she wouldn't even give a sh*t? Huh? Even though I would have done it for ME, not her.
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 a thread going in the Coping section where people would post letters to their exes rather than sending them. Thanks sd - I don't know if I've ever even checked out the coping section. I'll check it now.
Beebie Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Forgiveness is one of life's greatest virtues. It also helps the healing process and prevents the bitterness from dragging you down for years. But I do agree with the other posters FL98. Forgive your W in your heart, but keep it for yourself for the time being. By all means, thank her for the happy times you shared together and wish her well. That's what I plan to do when my time comes. You've carried yourself with class and dignity throughout your heartbreak. That won't have passed her by, and even if it has, I feel sure one day she'll wake up and realise her loss. PS: Hope tonight goes OK for you.
D-Lish Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Look, my ex husband that I was with for almost a decade from first date to divorce cheated on me and got another woman pregnant. When the smoke cleared- I forgave him - and I forgave the OW too. The demise of our marriage wasn't just him, I contributed as well. He was a mess when I first left after finding out about his affair- he'd been my best friend for close to 10 years, and we just didn't know how to survive without one another. He had a baby coming, he needed to get his head in the game- yet he was stuck on "us" and the guilt he felt for hurting me. When I came to terms with what happened- I felt free to let him go, I felt free to forgive him. It wasn't a religious inspiration, it was simply an act of kindness in reponse to the reality that I really did forgive him, and at that time, I knew it was best for all of us for me to tell him so. If you're really feeling that forgiveness and it will help you to move on- there is nothing wrong with saying so. It may give you some much needed closure and peace of mind.
MizzBlue72 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 This letter - wow. This was hard to read ... I feel your pain. I would keep only the very first part of this though - don't send the rest. quote from you: ~Forgiveness~ To _ _ _ _ _ : Though I am still in pain, though I still ache in my heart, and though I will never forget what you did to me … know that I forgive you. Then sign it .... that's all. All she really needs to know is you forgive her, right?? I think the rest can be implied... I like the letter though ...
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 TY all - Last night was a mixed bag. I was able to get out some of my feelings to her in a dignified way. I did not get to the "I forgive you" part though. She is still not at a stage where she can just talk about stuff. Everything I say according to her is an attempt to hurt her and make myself feel better. I told her NO, everytime I talk to her I feel more like cr*p than before. And that I hoped she believed me when I told her that the reasons for my "talk" is because of the unanswered questions I have (Why did she never tell me anything AND why did she never try for one second to work on the M after her ILYBINILWY speech - it was a pretty damn good M already). Oh Well, I have no other reason to ever contact her again. (It's hard for me ALL - remember it has been just 10+ weeks since I found out anything. And damnit - I still love her as much as ever - I wish THAT feeling would leve my heart and soul!!!) I will do my damndest to have 100% NC from now on. PEACE!!!!!!!!
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