Ultiman Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Day 4 of NC im laying down in bed falling asleep and she calls to check up on me see how i am doing. We chat for about 5 minutes asking a couple of questions, how have u been, what u been up to etc etc. Now im here its 530am ive awakened 3 other times this night i cant sleep. This problem was gone after the first week we broke up and now its back. I just want to tell her not to call me anymore that i need to heal but my instincts tell me thats to drastic and will ruin any chance of us getting back together
leap83 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Day 4 of NC im laying down in bed falling asleep and she calls to check up on me see how i am doing. We chat for about 5 minutes asking a couple of questions, how have u been, what u been up to etc etc. Now im here its 530am ive awakened 3 other times this night i cant sleep. This problem was gone after the first week we broke up and now its back. I just want to tell her not to call me anymore that i need to heal but my instincts tell me thats to drastic and will ruin any chance of us getting back together Um. NC will not ruin your chances. Talking with them will. The more you talk, the more they think you're always available, the more their interest levels drop. As soon as they DON'T know what you've been up to, how you are doing, etc. their interest levels increase. It's pure logic. So I would go NC for the sake of healing. Don't even tell her you're going NC - just do it. And also, why would you want her back? I know that initially you hope for that, but eventually you realize that there is always better out there.
Odyssey Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Ultiman, i was like that too, i go through a series of good and bad spells (it fluctuates). I didn't start getting a proper night's sleep until after a month or two. NC is tough, but you really don't have much choice if you want to heal quickly. Take good care of yourself, it's what she would of wanted anyway, with the drug issue and all. Focus on you.
Author Ultiman Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Um. NC will not ruin your chances. Talking with them will. The more you talk, the more they think you're always available, the more their interest levels drop. As soon as they DON'T know what you've been up to, how you are doing, etc. their interest levels increase. It's pure logic. So I would go NC for the sake of healing. Don't even tell her you're going NC - just do it. And also, why would you want her back? I know that initially you hope for that, but eventually you realize that there is always better out there. I was doing NC and it was becoming easier everyday, she called me and i picked up. You make absolute sense in what i should do with this situation and I have been thinking about what to do all day. Now should i call her to tell her: Look I think we really need time apart, I need to heal from this and you calling me isnt really helping. Im sorry it has to be this way but I have to think of myself now that your gone. Or should i text her? or email her? or write her a letter?
adamt Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 please remain in NC if you want to get on with your life. It does get easier if you are prepared to maintain it. 3 days of NC is nothing, 1 month of nc is nothing, i reached 5 months of NC and focused on myself and got my confidence back. bumped into my ex a few days ago and had a 20 minute chat jsut about how everyone is..etc i handled it fine because i had been in NC for so long. but the few days after i have been thinking about her again, wondering what she is doing and replaying the conversion and and relationship in my head. thinking what other things i could have said. please do not break NC, it will set you back. block them on social networks, delete their number, change you number if you have to. Doing complete NC is going cold turkey because your love for your ex is an addiction. See it as a recovering alcoholic. first 2 months is tough but it will get better. get through the pain, the sleepless nights, the depression, the lack of appetite. get busy and work on yourself
leap83 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I was doing NC and it was becoming easier everyday, she called me and i picked up. You make absolute sense in what i should do with this situation and I have been thinking about what to do all day. Now should i call her to tell her: Look I think we really need time apart, I need to heal from this and you calling me isnt really helping. Im sorry it has to be this way but I have to think of myself now that your gone. Or should i text her? or email her? or write her a letter? You shouldn't tell her you're going NC. You should just do it. It's none of her business really. Let her wonder. Just don't pick up the phone/answer her e-mails/texts etc. Completely cut her off. And why would you even consider saying "I'm sorry." What are you sorry about? That you're hurting? Pffft. You shouldn't BE sorry.
Author Ultiman Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 You shouldn't tell her you're going NC. You should just do it. It's none of her business really. Let her wonder. Just don't pick up the phone/answer her e-mails/texts etc. Completely cut her off. And why would you even consider saying "I'm sorry." What are you sorry about? That you're hurting? Pffft. You shouldn't BE sorry. I wish i could have done it that way... but i owe her some money and i still have her laptop... Anyways i texted her that i need to worry about myself now that your gone and it would be better if u didnt call me to check up. Ignoring her would be childish considering that she knows i always pick up my calls. I told her i was gonna bring the laptop and the money to her house when shes not home so i dont have to see her
leap83 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I wish i could have done it that way... but i owe her some money and i still have her laptop... Anyways i texted her that i need to worry about myself now that your gone and it would be better if u didnt call me to check up. Ignoring her would be childish considering that she knows i always pick up my calls. I told her i was gonna bring the laptop and the money to her house when shes not home so i dont have to see her I don't think that ignoring her IS childish. You really owe her nothing. You're not together anymore and thus, she doesn't need to know how you feel, what you're doing, etc. Yes, while you were together, communication is important. Right now, it's not anymore. It's not necessary really.
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